Steve the Pirate Bollocks!
Tied for 3rd most-quoted character in Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004): in 21 of its 124 quotes
Most scenes with: Peter La Fleur (8), White Goodman (3), Patches O'Houlihan (3)
An' I'll be splitting my buried treasure with ya... when I find it, that be..
More lines from Steve the Pirate
5 quotes Steve the Pirate Steve the Pirate Gar, this sucks!
Steve the Pirate Steve's gotta go drain the sea monster.
Steve the Pirate I'm gonna send you to hell!
Steve the Pirate Arr, Steve the Pirate be in no man's debt! I'll make a barter with you, true as the north star!
Scenes with Steve the Pirate
15 scenes
[Patches has everyone lined up to explain the strategies of dodgeball]
If you're gonna learn to be true dodgeballers you gotta learn the five D's of dodgeball: dodge, duck, dip, dive and dodge! If you master the five D's, no amount of balls on earth can hit you. [Justin raises his hand] Queerbait, go ahead.
Shouldn't we learn by dodging balls that are thrown at us?
That's what this sack of wrenches is for. [empties the sack] If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball.
What?!
OH MY GOD!!! [still writhing in agony on the floor]
Cotton It appears that Average Joe's is forfeiting the final match.
That's a bold strategy, Cotton. Let's see if it pays off.
[after watching Gordon throw a ball that missed a slowly moving target]
You couldn't hit water if you fell out of a boat! Where's your killer instinct? You gotta get angry! You gotta get MEAN! That's the only way you can win!
Well, I guess I'm not really an angry person.
Cotton It appears that Peter La Fleur has blindfolded himself.
Yeah, he will not be able to see very well, Cotton.
You want to join the cheerleaders to prove to a girl that you're not a loser?
Yeah, why?
Nothing. It's just... I guess high school's changed a lot since my day.
Alliteration aside, I think I'll take my chances on the court.
Yeah, you will take your chances.
I know. I just said that.
I know you just said that.
I'm not sure where you're going with this.
I'm not sure where you are going with this.
That's what I said.
That's what I'm saying to you.
Okay.
Touch?.
[Average Joe's is overwhelmed by their opponent, leaving only Gordon to fight them off in the remaining half of the match]
You ain't gonna be able to beat em. They're too good and you suck something awful.
Yes sir, I sure do.
Don't worry about him, Justin, he's a jerk.
Yeah, he'll probably fall off the rollercoaster and break every bone in his body.
Nice, Dwight.
I'm just saying, it happens. My cousin Ray-Ray? Dead.
[Peter is the only player in his team left to fight off the girl scouts in the regional qualifying match. Tired of the brats, he hurls the ball, knocking a scout to the ground]
I'm so sorry, are you okay?
Why would you hit a girl? Why?
I'm so sorry, really.
You're adopted. Your parents don't even love you.
I think the lady asked you to leave.
This doesn't concern you, La Fleur.
Not nearly as much as your hair does.
This is it, La Fleur. See you around, La Loser!
Just don't go crying to your mama when I spank you in front of all these people.
And you don't go crying to your papa, after I mop it up with your face!
Joyce? How'd you make it?
Joyce I wouldn't miss this for the world!
You are so sweet... (kisses Joyce passionately)
I told you she was a lesbian.
Wow, good call.
Hey! I'm not a lesbian.
You're not?
No. I'm bisexual. (kisses Peter)
Oh, snap!
Announcer
During the ADAA-approved random drug screening, one of your players tested positive for three different anabolic steroids, and a low-grade beaver tranquilizer. Therefore, Troop 417 is disqualified. Average Joe's wins.
God damn you, Bernice! [throws her cap at a large, well-built girl scout with a moustache and hairy arms]
Bernice
[begins crying in a deep voice]
Thank you Chuck Norris!
Chuck Norris Thank you Peter.
Steve [Steve shows up having cleaned himself up and faces Peter in the middle of the celebration.]
I just want to say I thought about what you said and you were right I'm not really a pirate.
I don't know, Steve. If you're not really a pirate, who will I share this buried treasure with?
Steve [The Casino Host opens up the treasure chest to reveal the $5 million Peter won off a long shot bet he made on Average Joe's to win.] (Reverting back to the lovable pirate he is)
Gar! Peter?
Gar, Steve.
