Barbarian 2022 quotes

AJ

Robert, hey. You see the article? Oh, it's out. Yeah, insane. Feel like I'm sittin' on the sideline, just watching this thing spiral out of control. Robert, hang on. Wait, wait, wait. I'm just gonna put you on speaker. Getting in a rental. Hold on. You hear me?

I hear you.

AJ

Uh, I was just saying, if I could just have, like, a conversation with her, I could probably nip this whole thing in the bud.

Absolutely not. Under no circumstances are you to contact her.

AJ

If I just call her and just be like...

Listen to me. There's zero chance, at this point, that you calling her is gonna bring about anything but more problems for you. Do you hear me?

AJ

Mmmhmmm.

Any communication goes through us from now on... Wait, I'm sorry. What do you mean you're getting into the rental? What rental?

AJ

Uh, I'm in Detroit. I rented a car.

You're in Detroit, Michigan?

AJ

Yeah. What?

AJ, you aren't supposed to leave the state.

AJ

Why not? I'm not under arrest. I'm allowed to travel.

This is not advisable. You really need to be here in case there are developments.

AJ

Developments? You think they're gonna arrest me?

I think that is a very distinct possibility. I think that flying off to another state is not a good look right now.

AJ

Well, Robert, I don't know how to say this, but, um, unless you plan on taking me on pro bono, uh, I'm gonna have to scrape up some money. You know, I'm not here on the lam. I'm not here on vacation. I'm here to do some **** liquidating.

AJ

This is my fault.

Andre

It don't matter whose fault it is.

AJ

It does! I hurt somebody! That matters. I don't know if I'm a bad person. But I might be. I might be a bad person. Or maybe I'm a good person who just did a bad thing. I can't change what I've done. I can just try and fix it. And that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to fix it.

Andre

You make a Copy of a Copy of a Copy, you get that.

We're moving, Frank. Yeah. I hate to do it. You know? But the wife thinks if we don't do it now we may not be able to get out this time next year, because, you know, neighborhood's going to hell, Frank. You plan on staying?

I'm not going anywhere.

Could we just, like real talk for a moment, though? Could we real talk?

AJ

****, yeah, dude.

Okay, like, just, what the **** actually did happen with you guys? No, dude. I'm saying, like, you're my boy, obviously. I'm gonna believe whatever you tell me.

AJ

Right, right.

I gotta hear you say it.

AJ

No, I know, I know. I feel you.

'Cause I read the website. I know what the ****in' internet says, but, like, man-to-man, real-talk, what the **** actually happened?

AJ

Dude, I'll be real with you, okay?

That's all I'm asking for.

AJ

Yo, yo, let me be...

That's the only thing I'm asking.

AJ

Let me be real with you. We ****. We did ****. Okay?

Right.

AJ

She just took some convincing, is all. That's it.

Okay, but what the **** does that mean, though? Like, I mean what she like... Did she say no? Was she like, "No, stop?"

AJ

I mean, at first. But, like, I wasn't like... "Come here, bitch. I'm gonna rape you."

Right.

AJ

It was like, in the beginning, she was like, "No..." Whatever. But, like... Then we started foolin' around more, and then she was down. Like ****in' really down.

Right.

AJ

I'm a persistent dude, right? I'm like ****in' Eye of the Tiger.

Yeah. Right.

AJ

You know? And she came around, and that's it. That's what happened, straight up.

The income we have for the year is what we're gonna have at the year's end. No new money coming in.

AJ

I think that's pretty safe to say.

What do you anticipate your legal expenses to be?

AJ

So, I talked it over with my lawyer, and we're looking at two separate cases here. There's the defense against the charge, which is 100% not true, by the way. So, there's that, and then there's the countersuit for defamation, which I'm 100% gonna win. I'm gonna ruin this ****in' bitch.

How much?

AJ

They said it's probably gonna be, like, around 70,000 in each.

So, 140,000.

AJ

What does that do to me?

Well, with your current rate of spending, that's gonna put you at zero in... Three months.

AJ

Oh, **** me. [laughs] Oh, my God.

You've got some small income from your Michigan properties... But it's your mortgage here that's killing you.

AJ

Are you saying I have to sell my house?

I'm saying you're gonna have to make some tough choices.

AJ

I could sell the Michigan properties. Some of those make money, right?

Yeah, but some don't. You could sell those. Buy yourself some time. But no more than a couple of months. Those aren't exactly hot properties.

AJ

I can't ****in' believe this. This is nuts.

Listen, AJ, I gotta tell ya.

AJ

What?

At the end of this week, I'm gonna give you your files back.

AJ

Cool. What's that mean?

I'm going to suggest that you find alternate wealth management.

AJ

Oh, my God. You're dropping me too?

Look, are you gonna stay locked into some ****-up toxic dynamic that somebody else picked for you, or are you gonna move on? Maybe find someone else. Even if that means that you may get your heart ripped outta your chest all over again.

Tess

Why is it always the girls who get their hearts ripped out in these things?

Girls can rip. Trust me.

Tess

How do you know she can't get in here?

Andre

Shit, I've been living in this place for fifteen years, and she ain't never came in this mother****er.
[the Mother bursts in and attacks Andre]

Tess

It's such a cliche. The guy who thinks love and control are the same thing. And the girl who lets herself become, I don't know, some kind of pet or something? Oh, my god. It's so cliche, and it's so boring, and I can't believe it's happening to me.

Look, there's always going to be people that project some kind of dynamic onto us that serves them. It's up to us if we want to play ball or not.

Tess

Is that my lesson?

I don't know.

AJ

Yello!
AJ's Agent: Hey, A.J. I have David Stern and Melissa Herberts for you.

AJ

Love it.
AJ's Agent: Guys, you're on with AJ.

AJ

Yo, what's up?

Hi, AJ.

Hey, AJ. Uh, we need to discuss something that's just come through.

AJ

Cool. What's up?

So this is a bit of an awkward conversation, but there's been a troubling development.

AJ

Okay, what?

Apparently, Megan Maddox has contacted the network through her lawyer and she's made a very serious accusation against you.

AJ

Really? What'd she say?

She's claimed that you were sexually aggressive during the filming of the pilot, and she no longer wants to move forward if you're involved.

AJ

She..What?

The network is taking this very seriously.

AJ

What does that mean?

That means that at this time, they're gonna start an investigation.

AJ

Wait, wait, wait. What about the pilot? Hold on. Wait a minute. This is crazy. So, are we not picked up anymore?

Well, like I said, they're going to conduct an investigation, and then decide how to proceed.

AJ

An investigation?

AJ, I think, honestly, the most likely outcome of all of this that even if the show does go forward... It's very unlikely that you will be involved.

No.

AJ

I'm fired?

I think, essentially, that's the most likely outcome.

AJ

That ****in' bitch. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Wait a minute, you guys. Wait, wait, wait. This is totally blown out of proportion.

Okay, I think it's important to say that it's not in your best interest to go into details on this call.

AJ

The **** does that mean, Melissa?

Okay, AJ, I think you just need to calm down, honestly, buddy. You can just relax.

AJ

This can't be real. Just like that, I'm out? Are you **** kidding? I was the first to be attached to that! She came on after me! Okay, I... I recommended her.

AJ, I think, honestly, you just need to calm down.

David, I think we should tell him the other thing.

No, I think right now he just needs to cool down...

AJ

What other? What other?

It's not important, AJ. You just have to relax.

AJ

What? No, no, no, **** that. What other? What else?

There's gonna be a story tomorrow on the Hollywood Reporter about this.

AJ

About what? About me? Are you kidding?

The allegations are very serious.

AJ

Yo... What's she saying I did? Is she saying I raped her or something?

AJ, why don't you just calm down, okay?

AJ

No. What the **** is she saying?

Yes. She saying that you raped her.

AJ, are you there?

AJ

I gotta call you back.
[He hangs up]

Tess

You cannot get it upset.

AJ

What is wrong with you? The **** is wrong with you? Hey! Hey, I'm talking to you, you ****! [Frank pulls a gun out of his drawer] Hey, hey, hey, whoa. [Frank points the gun at his own head] No, no, no, wait! [Bang!]

Tess

Look, I'm not a Crackhead! I'm someone who's escaped being captured! What do you want me to say?

AJ

I can get away, but you're gonna have to slow her down. [to The Mother] Hey, come get your baby! [throws Tess off the side of the water tower. The Mother dives off the water tower after Tess, and lands underneath her on the ground]

AJ

Hi, Megan. This is AJ. Uh... I'm guessing you probably don't wanna talk to me, but I, um... I just wanna say I'm really, really sorry if I did anything that night that might've like... Offended you or... 'Cause you know, people can have different versions of the same thing. And... I'm actually not even mad at you about it. And I hope you're not mad at me 'cause I really... I really am sorry. And if you call me back, I'll apologize to you again. So... Please call me back, and I'll apologize to you again. Okay.