Alvin
That's insulting. We are very mature.
A line from Alvin
Hey, guys! Look what I won! [pulls out a plush toy replica of himself] Isn't he cute? Look at that face!
More lines from Alvin
7 quotes Alvin
Alvin
Operation: Ring-retrieval is a go. No ring, no proposal. No proposal, no Miles.
Alvin
[annoyed to Agent Suggs for making everyone on the plane panic into believing they're going to crash]
Great speech, Churchill.
Alvin
Beard peanuts?
Alvin
Miles, we are so sorry. We have not been fair to you from day one. And the truth is… you'd make a great brother.
Alvin
Earlier this evening, we accidentally ruined a very special evening for a very special woman, and we'd like to make it up to her. Alice? Barry has something he'd like to ask you… Again.
Alvin
[trailer]
Whoa. Buzzkill.
Scenes with Alvin
20 scenes Alvin
[first lines; Theodore turns on the camera]
Are we rolling?
Theodore
Okay, we're rolling. [Theodore move the camera to Alvin and Simon] Dave's birthday message, take 1.
Alvin and Simon
Happy birthday, Dave!
Alvin
We know how hard you've been working on Ashley's album... so we thought it would be fun to surprise you with a little party.
Brittany
Hey! I thought you said this was a going-away party for us.
Alvin
Uh...
Theodore
Take 2.
Alvin
[claps his hands]
To celebrate your birthday... and The Chipettes leaving to guest-judge American Idol... [The Chipettes wave] ...We thought we'd throw you a small get... [The cellphone is ringing] Hold on, that's the DJ!
Simon
Wait, "DJ"?
Alvin
Okay, fine, so it might be a medium-sized get-together.
Simon
Alvin, did you hire someone to build a half-pipe in the backyard?! [takes off his glasses angrily]
Alvin
Of course not! The party planner did.
Simon
You hired a party planner?!
Party planner
No, he did not hire a "party planner."
Simon
Oh, thank goodness. [He puts his glasses back on] For a minute there, I...
Party planner
I am an event planner. Marco, I'm done giving you instructions.
Simon
Oh, boy.
Alvin
[That night in the backyard]
Dave, it's all good. It's just us. [chuckles nervously] Nothing too cra... [Theodore presses the flip button on the cellphone] Theodore, you hit the flip button!
Theodore
Oops! Um, hi.
Jeanette
Is that safe?
Simon
No, it is absolutely not.
Alvin
When I say "party", you say "Alvin". Party!
Party People
Alvin!
Alvin
Party!
Dave and the Party People
Alvin!
Alvin
Party!
Dave
ALVIN!
Simon
[Dave returns with Samantha]
Oh, Dave, thank goodness.
Alvin
Hey, Dave.
Dave
Hey, guys. This is Samantha. Sam, these are my boys.
Samantha
Hi.
Theodore
Hi.
Dave
[Dave and Samantha look up]
That's Theodore. He might be the smallest, but he's got the biggest heart.
Samantha
Hi.
Alvin
Ooh, we've heard a lot about you. [Samantha comes close to Alvin] Enchant. [kisses Samantha's finger]
Samantha
I can tell that you're trouble.
Alvin
If by "trouble", you mean "irresistible", then guilty as charged.
Dave
Alvin, of course, and there's Simon.
Simon
So, you're a doctor?
Samantha
I am. Did Dave mention that?
Simon
No, you're wearing a stethoscope.
Samantha
[looks at her stethoscope]
Yes, I am. [takes off her Stethoscope] That's embarrassing.
Simon
Would it be okay if I tried it?
Samantha
Yeah, knock yourself out.
Simon
[She gives Simon the stethoscope]
Oh, thank you. [uses a Stethoscope to listen to his heart] Heart rate is smooth and steady, 400 BPM.
Theodore
So, it's beating?
Dave
Of course it's beating.
Samantha
It's so nice to finally meet you guys.
Miles
[Alvin and Miles look at the squirrels]
I can't believe that worked.
Alvin
It wasn't so much me as it was the peanuts dipped in cough syrup.
Miles
[3 squirrels sleeping]
That's really messed up. Respect.
Alvin
[They both do a fist bump]
Thank you!
Simon
Alvin, these aren't even chipmunks. They're squirrels.
Alvin
Beggars can't be choosers. Besides, once we put them in the shirts from the Alvin, Simon and Theodore dolls... Miss Price won't be able to tell the difference.
Miles
Yeah, let's do it.
Theodore
Ooh, oh... I get to change me!
Alvin
Hello, New Orleans! Direct from our Austin to Miami Combat Tour, we're The Chipmunks! [people of New Orleans cheering]
Theodore
Is everybody ready to get their funk on?
Alvin
Did you guys hear that?
Miles
Hear what?
Alvin
Huh. Never mind.
Miles
Guys, last night was one of the best nights of my life.
Alvin
It was pretty crazy.
Theodore
Even that Suggs guy hung out with us.
Alvin
Yeah, he's not that bad after all.
Simon
Hey! We missed a call from Dave. And a text. 27 of them.
Theodore
Uh-oh!
Miles
Oh-no.
Alvin
This where they told us to meet them, right?
Theodore
Well, yelled at us to meet them.
Miles
Hopefully they had time to cool off on the plane.
Dave
There you are.
Simon
Dave!
Alvin
Dave!
Miles
Mom!
Dave
Don't "Dave, Mom" us.
Samantha
You know what, Dave? You're an artist, and you're emotional... and you follow your heart, but maybe I should take the lead one this one. You know, we keep a level head. Throw them a little Good Cop. Okay.
Dave
Okay.
Samantha
[to Miles and the Chipmunks]
Don't you "Dave, Mom" us. Do you have any idea how terrifying it is... to find out that your children are 2,000 miles away from where they're supposed to be? You are lucky that there are witnesses, [Everyone heard everything] because I am so mad right now... that I could just spit! Right here, on this floor!
Dave
Okay, okay, okay, okay. Nice Good Cop.
Alvin
Dave, I swear, it wasn't as crazy as it looked on TV.
Dave
Oh, really? Well, let me just pull up some of Theodore's tweets from last night. "Only one word to describe this night, "Crazy, crazy, crazy,crazy." Or, "if you wanna get crazy, "go to New Orleans. It's the craziest." Or, "In a New Orleans Jazz Parade, "so crazy."
Simon
We're really sorry, Dave.
Dave
Sorry's not gonna cut it this time, guys. If were up to me, we'd be going home, but I gotta get back to Miami. Do not smile. You guys are grounded in Miami and also when we get back to LA.
Alvin
[scoffs]
When are we not grounded?
Dave
You'll be so old, your fur will be gray.
Samantha
Yeah, that goes for your fur too, Miles.
Miles
I don't have fur.
Samantha
Well, whatever you have is grounded... for a long time. Let's go.
Alvin
Huh. They didn't kill us after all
Miles
Feels like a win.
Alvin
[The Chipmunks enters the elevator]
Hurry, hurry!
Theodore
He's coming!
Theodore
[The Chipmunks climb up the elevator's bar]
Hurry, Alvin. Hit the button!
Simon
Come on, Alvin! Hurry, hurry!
Theodore
[Alvin pushes the button on the elevator, and the elevator's door is closing] [sighs]
Simon
Whew!
Agent James Suggs
Ha!
Agent James Suggs
[Agent James Suggs stops the elevator door, and opens it]
Here's Suggsy! [he does an evil laugh]
Simon
He's like the Terminator!
Theodore
Yeah!
Alvin
[Agent James Suggs enter the elevator]
Oh, no.
Agent James Suggs
This is ironic. We're gonna be going up... but I'm taking you boys down. [he snickers] Now, here's what's gonna happen... I'm gonna turn you over to Homeland Security... and they're gonna put you in a zoo prison for dangerous animals.
Simon
[gasps]
Oh, no.
Agent James Suggs
And then, if you ever get out of there... I'm gonna pay someone to have you stuffed.
Alvin
Right.
Agent James Suggs
And I'm gonna give you as a gift to Anna, who will hopefully take me back.
Alvin
[Simon and Theodore look at each other]
Dude, I'm sorry, but it's over.
Agent James Suggs
You don't know that.
Simon
Theo, let's go.
Agent James Suggs
I just think there's something wrong with her phone and she's not getting my texts... or the flowers, or my candy grams. [Simon and Theodore opens the emergency hatch] And I, personally, don't think it's uncommon... for someone to move five times a year and change their number. [he laughs] Okay? It's normal.
Alvin
Oh, yeah. Totally normal.
Simon
Alvin!
Agent James Suggs
[Agent James Suggs looks up]
What? What's going on?
Alvin
And that's our cue to leave.
Alvin
[Alvin pushes the red button, The elevator begins to shake]
It has been a treat.
Agent James Suggs
[Alvin runs to his brothers]
No... What are you doing?
Simon
And elevator power off.
Agent James Suggs
[yells]
No! No!
[Agent James Suggs tries to reach for the emergency hatch, But the Chipmunks closes the hatch, Agent James Suggs is now stuck in an elevator]
Dave
The only reason we're not headed back to LA right now is because... I have to be here. As soon as the show is over, we're all going home. I don't think I've ever been more disappointed in you guys than I am right now.
Simon
If Dave didn't wanna get rid of us before, he definitely does now.
Alvin
All because we only cared about if we were happy. Maybe it's a chipmunk thing, like hoarding, you know? Maybe we're emotional hoarders.
Simon
Actually, chipmunks are traditionally very caring creatures.
Alvin
Oh, nuts. Well, that means it's us.
Theodore
I'd do anything to fix this.
Redfoo
[At American Idol] [sings]
Once upon a time I was fallin' in love.
Brittany
Oh, boy.
Redfoo
Now it's only fallin' apart.
Eleanor
Oh, okay.
Redfoo
Nothin' I can say A total eclipse of the heart!
Jeanette
Ooh!
Brittany
[Redfoo stops singing]
Um, well...
Alvin
You're going to Hollywood!
Brittany
[Redfoo looks excited]
Alvin!
Redfoo
I'm going to Hollywood! I'm going to Hollywood!
Alvin
[Redfoo runs away]
Sorry, girls, I've always wanted to say that.
Eleanor
What are you doing here?
Jeanette
Yeah. We're kind of in the middle of auditions.
Alvin
I need your help. We really screwed up with Dave and we gotta fix it.
Brittany
[The Chipettes look at each other]
Because it's for Dave, we're in.
Alvin
Girls, thank you. We owe you one.
Brittany
You owe us way more than one, but, you're welcome.
Jeanette
Guys, we have to get back to auditions. Ryan's been texting me like crazy.
Brittany
Come on, girls. Let's roll.
Eleanor
Bye, Theodore-able.
[Eleanor giggles, she runs after Brittany and Jeanette, Simon takes off his glasses as he looks at Theodore, who shrugs]
Alvin
[Dave and the chipmunks arrive home]
Hey, official and legal dad?
Dave
Yes, official and legal son?
Alvin
Thanks for being the best official and legal dad, Dad.
Dave
Well, you three are the best official and legal sons an official and legal father could ask for.
Simon
Aw. That's sweet of you to say, Dad.
Theodore
Yeah.
Dave
But seriously, guys, this is the happiest day of my life. Literally nothing could ruin it for me.
Theodore
[They all enter the house, Dave finds out that the squirrels made a huge mess]
Oh, boy.
Simon
[gasps]
Alvin.
Alvin
Totally forgot about this.
Dave
[One squirrel eats the table, The other rips the curtain]
ALVIN!
Samantha
[sees something wrong with Dave]
Oh, no.
Alvin
Party!
Dave
[angrily; offscreen, we cut to outside the saloon in Miami that he and Samantha are dating]
ALVIN!!!!! [echoes, it fades back to New Orleans, where we see the party has already finished, and we see Miles carrying the boys on his back and walking down the street]
Simon
Well, there's no way to sugarcoat it, Dave. The cops are here!
Alvin
And they're having a blast!
Police Officers
Happy birthday, Dave!
Alvin
When I say "party", you say "Alvin". Party!
Party People
Alvin!
Alvin
Party!
Dave and the Party People
Alvin!
Alvin
Party!
Dave
[unplugs the music]
ALVIN!
Alvin
Um... Surprise?
Theodore
Whoo-hoo! [freezes] Uh-oh!
Simon
Oh, boy... [sinks back into the pool]
Brittany
Uh, if anyone needs us, we'll just be... [whispers] across the country.
Simon
Okay, where was I? Shoulders up, shoulders down.
Alvin
[annoyed]
Oh, brother. [yelling in his face] HIT THE BALL, ALREADY!
Simon
Okay!
Theodore
[The Chipmunks enter Dave's bedroom and watch him locking a safe in his nightstand and he goes into the bathroom, without noticing]
I've always wanted a mom.
Alvin
Guys, if Samantha is our mom, that makes Miles…
Simon
[puts his hand on his chest; horrified]
Our brother!
Theodore
[They picture Miles torturing them like washing Dave's car, blowing them with a leaf blower, and hanging them on a Christmas tree as ornaments]
NO!!! [uses a paper bag to breathe out his hyperventilating]
Simon
Deep breaths, Theodore. In and out. It's going to be okay.
Theodore
What are we gonna do?
Dave
Okay, guys, Miss Price from next door, she's gonna peek in on you, make sure you're all right.
Alvin
What?! She's nuts! We should be the ones checking in on her.
Dave
Well, after that big party you guys threw, I don't feel very comfortable with you guys staying here unsupervised. You got it? [doorbell rings] Oh, that must be Samantha and Miles.
Alvin
[Theodore coughs from hearing the name]
Miles?!
Dave
Yeah, he's gonna stay with you guys for a few days.
Simon
So, you don't feel comfortable leaving us alone, but you're okay leaving us with that psychopath?
Dave
No, he's a great kid. It'll be fun. You know, it'll be, uh, a good bonding experience for you guys.
Simon
Uh, I'm pretty sure Miles would interpret "bonding experience" as super-gluing us together.
Airport Security Woman
[to Dave]
Sir?
Dave
Is there a problem?
Simon
Problem? What problem?
Airport Security Woman
There sure is.
Simon
[The airport security woman rotates her computer screen towards Dave and the Chipmunks. The computer screen shows the Chipmunks on the No Fly List.]
Oh, man!
Alvin
Oh, right...
Theodore
Whoopsie!
Alvin
...that...
Dave
Guys...
Alvin
...awwww, nuts!
[The camera focuses on the computer screen, which still shows the Chipmunks on the No Fly List.]
Alvin
Before we perform, my brothers and I have a few things to set things straight. Earlier this evening, we accidentally ruined a very special evening for a very special woman and we'd like to make it up to her.
Theodore
Yeah.
Alvin
[The chipmunks turn their attention to Alice]
Alice? Barry has something he'd like to ask you... Again.
Barry
[takes out the ring from his lining pocket and kneels down before Alice]
Will you marry me this time?
Alice
[as Barry puts the ring on her finger; on the verge of tears]
Yes.
Barry
[Everyone cheers and applaud for them as they hug]
Thanks, Chipmunks.
Alvin
And we just have one more quick thing to say. Dave... [in unison] We're really sorry.
Simon and Theodore
[in unison]
We're sorry.
Theodore
So we wrote this last song for you.
Miles
I can't believe I'm saying this, but I had fun getting in trouble with you guys.
Simon
The trip might be over, but as long as Alvin is around, we'll always get into trouble.
Alvin
Thanks, Si.
Simon
Not a compliment.
