Planet 51 (2009) · 82 quotes
Most-quoted character in Planet 51 (2009): in 43 of its 82 quotes
Most scenes with: Charles "Chuck" T. Baker (12), Skiff (5), Neera (4)
Okay, everyone, everyone, please, listen up. We're not getting eaten, or harvested, or having our brains barbecued. The universe isn't scary. It's really amazing. [Crowd stares] And don't forget to pick up your planetary yo-yos! [picks out a yo-yo and does a trick] We've got one for each of you. [crowd cheers]
Lem Space... a universe of mystery. Well, today, the mystery will be unveiled. Thanks to science, we know the universe is nearly 500 miles long, and it contains—you're not going to believe this—over 1,000 stars.
Lem You are looking at the new Junior Assistant Curator! High four! [Lem and Skiff does a "high four"]
Lem Hey, I can see my whole life! A house, a car, two kids, they'll grow up and have kids. They'll come home to visit on holidays.
Lem "Oooh, the cause, man!" [Normal voice] I'd like to cause him some PAIN! [Hits the telescope, which hits his face; To his three fish] I don't want to hear a single bubble. [The fish hold it in and one of them farts] Especially you, Bubbles.
Lem Mom, Dad!! There is a ship in the-- [looks at his parents direction and surprisingly sees Chuck]
Lem Neera, you have to choose. It's either me or Glar. [Mimicking Neera] Oh, Lem, There is no question. It's you, of course.
Lem Look, I said I will take you to your flying saucer, okay? Well, there it is! Now leave! [looks out the window; sighs] I'll get you a blanket and a pillow for the night.
Lem Oh, great. let's just have a party!
Lem Oh, great. This day just keeps getting better and better.
Lem SKIIIIIIIIIIIIIIFFFFFFFFF!!!!!!!
Lem We got to get out of here, now!
Lem Oh, great! Just great! Fired! Say, why don't you harvest my organs, and GET IT OVER WITH!! [Slams door]
Lem No! You're making a mistake he's friendly
Lem No.
Lem Space isn't 500 miles. It's not. It's so much bigger than we could imagine. There is billions of galaxies, and each galaxy has billions of stars! Next to that, our planet is just -- [Pause] Excuse me. [Leaves the Planetarium]
Lem I know what you are afraid of... and it is not Chuck. It's not monsters or, or aliens. it's the unknown. I spent my whole life running from it. And I think, maybe, you have, too. But, I'm telling you. The unknown isn't something to be afraid of. It can be your best friend. And just when you think that it means the end of everything you know, it's really... just the beginning.
Lem Wh-Wh-What are you looking at?! RUUUUUUN!!
Lem SKIFF!!!!!!!
Wow. Humaniacs III: The Final Battle for Our World.
Victory or extinction!
Lem If you guys go in costume, I'm pretending we've never met. [walks away]
Did you just say what I think you just said?
Lem I'm a planetarium professional now. I don't have time for kids movies, anymore.
Lem Duh!
Ha! Just as I thought. You're not Lem. You're an alien zombie from Humaniacs II.
Lem Skiff, I'm not a zombie.
That's what you zombies are programmed to say. Tell us something the REAL Lem would know.
Lem Well, I know Skiff is the only nutcase, who thinks the government is hiding all alien evidence in Base 9. And, you give candy to your puupy so he'll poop jelly beans.
Bleggh!
It was just an experiment.
Lem So um... Eckle, do you think your sister's home?
Why?
Lem I thought, maybe... I thought I might tell her I got the job.
Why?
Lem Forget it. You tell her for me. Okay?
Okay, but every time you tell me to tell her something, she asks why don't you tell her yourself?
Lem What?
And then my mom says because you like her, and she says that "oh, that is so cute!" Why don't you ask her out already? She's been waiting for you to ask her out ever since we moved next door to you.
Lem She-- She has? The girl of my dreams likes me? This is the best day of my life.
Yeah, we've got to see that kid throw up.
Lem Hey, Neera.
Hey, Lem.
Lem I came to tell you... I've got the job.
Oh, Lem! That's great!
Lem Umm... maybe it's time for you and me--
Yes?
Lem A cork?
It's your best defense against the aliens favorite form of research: the probe. You put it in your... [points at his butt]
Lem Yeah, yeah, yeah! I think I get it.
Oh, wait This one's yours. [Points at the cork Lem's holding] I already used that one.
[Lem exclaims in disgust]
Hello, this is the Alien Hotline.
Lem Yes, hi. I've found the alien!
They're here, and no weapon can stop them.
Lem You've gotta be kidding.
Lem You speak my language.
That's amazing! You speak my language!
Lem Yeah, that's what I just said.
You just said, "that's what I just said". [Excited] Say something else!
Lem Like what?
"Like what?". They're gonna freak back at Kennedy. I am Captain Charles T. Baker, astronaut. AS-TRO-NAUT.
Lem ASSSSSSSS–
Lem Lem. LEEEMMM.
Either you name's Lem, or you want to mate with me? Houston, we have a little problem.
Lem What do you want?
Thanks for asking. Coffee, light, two sugars. Got any Frappuchino up here? Any puff pastry, too. Thanks.
Lem No, I mean... are you here to take over our world and, like, eat our brains?
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on! What kind of sick planet is this? First of all, it's supposed to be uninhabited, okay? Not full of sea-monkeys dancing to the oldies. My mission was to plant Old Glory, whack a few golf balls and head back to the Kids' Choice Awards. I'm getting SLIMED! [Lem stares at him] What?
Lem You were just talking alien.
Hey! I'm not the alien here. You are.
Lem ME? YOU are.
No, YOU are.
Lem YOU are! You-- You came to MY planet.
Lem Hello.
Not, "hello", "HELLOOOOOO!"
Lem Hello-- What?
What?
Lem Huh?
Huh?
Lem HUH?
Let's start over. Look, there's a command module in orbit, right now. It's running out of fuel, and has to leave in... [checks his timer] 74 hours (which is 3 days), and if I'm not on it, it goes back to Earth without me, capisce? [Lem stares at him; Baker sighs] I have to get to my ship and go back up in space! Can you help me?
Lem You want me to take you to your flying saucer? No! If they catch me helping you, who knows what they'll do to me? I'll lose everything. My life's just getting perfect!
Kid, I-- You are a kid, right? You're not like an 1,000 year old Yoda, or anything? Never mind. Look, kid, you're my only hope! [Thinking of a lie to convince Lem to help] But I suppose you could leave me stranded. My wife will have to support the kids. 11. We have eleven kids, always hungry. Yeah, yeah, but hey, they'll get by without a father. The important thing here is for you to avoid a little trouble.
Lem There's your flying saucer. Now what?
Okay, here's the plan. You knock out that cop, then you overpower those 2, you neutralize that one and handcuff the big guy to the steering wheel.
Lem That's your plan!? What if they start shooting?!
You're one of their own. They'll probably just aim for your legs.
Lem My legs!?
Don't your legs grow back?
Lem No!! We're not like your kind, okay?
Here, I'll tell you what: [Holds out a Twix Bar] Eat this. You'll become invincible.
Lem Oh, good. Then you do it.
I can't be seen breaking the law; I've got the "right stuff."
Lem The what?
The "right stuff". It means, I have a lot of courage.
Lem Jail? [Chuckling] This is great! Yesterday, my life was perfect. And now, I'm the most wanted super-criminal in the world.
At least you have a world. I'll probably never see mine again.
Lem Rover?
He's a probe we sent to take pictures of your world.
Your personal chef, reporting for duty, sir. May I give you some tasty suggestions for tonight? I've got a list of the fattest teachers in my school, in case your looking for a light snack.
Lem Skiff, stop! He's not here to eat us or anything. He's harmless, to everyone but me.
Better let me do the talking. I think he's eyeing you for dessert.
Hey, maybe, they can get me on my ship.
Lem I'm leaning towards "probably not." [Rover turns on the TV, showing a reporter] But I think I know who can.
Lem Neera.
What is that, an alien hernia?
Lem Well, sort of. She's the girl of my dreams, and now, she hates me.
Whoa, hate's a strong word. You mean to say, she just... dislikes you.
Lem Plus, there's another guy - Glar!
Okay, you know your problem? It's not Glar, or Neera. It's Lem. Look at you. You're so "left-brain", or is it "right-brain"? Whatever. You're the chief of control. You gotta loosen up. [checks his timer] We got a little time. You, my friend, are in luck. [cracking his knuckles] The doctor is in.
Before we begin, I have a technical question. Are you considered very... ugly on this planet?
Lem What?
Because I can't tell.
Lem No. I mean... I'm... okay.
Oh, g-- Good, good.
Lem I think so.
Lem The only plan here is to get Chuck on TV. I'll be right back with the reporter. I'm leaving you in charge. [exits]
In charge? [He smiles; then walks to the others] You heard him! Things are going to be different around here. [To Chuck] My wish is your command! [Chuck slams the door on him]
Oh, look. That is great. Perfect. [Checks his timer, which has less than 20 hours left] Oh, JUST GREAT! PERFECT! John Glenn goes around the world, he's a senator for life! I went across the FRICKIN' UNIVERSE! I should be governor! Minimum, but no… I'm marooned here on this STUPID ROCK!! [Bursts into the Planetarium]
Lem Uh, this stupid rock is my home, or it was until you came along and ruined everything! I WANT MY LIFE BACK!! Unless, I don't know, maybe, there's something else you want to ruin!
Lem My boss.
Lem So... nothing I knew was right?
Come on! You knew about Neera. [Holds out Lem's picture of her] I mean look at her! Lose the antenna, get some plastic surgery, she's a hottie.
Lem I don't have the "right stuff", like you.
Kid… I never had the "right stuff". I'm a buttom-pusher; a spam-in-a-can. I don't even fly the ship; it's all automatic. I only got this far on my charm and rugged good looks. You risked everything to help a stranger from another world. You're the one with the "right stuff." [Rubs Lem's head]
No way! Let's go fight the Army!
Your call, Captain Baker. What's it gonna be? Fight or hide?
Lem Neither. [Everybody looks at him]
I think Lem's saying he wants the closet.
Lem I'll tell you what this is gonna be. We're going to get Chuck back to his ship. Skiff, you were right about Base 9. That's where they have his ship.
But... we don't know where it is.
Yes, we do. Rover found me, he's also programmed to find my ship. Wait, where is Rover?
Lem Well, then, we're going to go get him.
Hold on. The whole Army's looking for you two. You can't just stroll through town.
Lem Wait, wait. That new movie… Doesn't that open tonight?
Yeah! Why?
[Lem picks up a helmet like part of technology and looks at the group with a grin on his face]
Lem What are we supposed to do?
Give them their daily minimum dose of "Chuck." [Walks forward to the crowd] HELLO, HUMANIACS!!
Lem No! You're making a mistake! He's friendly!
Ohhh! This poor boy's obviously a zombie. I'll remove his brain, too.
Lem Huh? WHAT?!
Hmmm. Difficult to tell. [To Lem] Do you still believe the alien is friendly?
Lem No.
This boy is free!
Lem? [Lem doesn't respond; sighs] I know I was kind of harsh. I'm really sorry.
Lem OUCH! [Sees Neera] Oh, hi, Neera.
What are you doing?
Lem It's called hot-wiring. It's how they start cars on Earth.
Lem... um, I was thinking. Well, you know, now that this is all over--
Lem Yeah, Neera?
Maybe... we could--
[Car ignites ruining the moment]
Lem You're going with me?
Uh-huh.
Lem All right!
Lem Hey, Neera? Umm... Now that this is all over... would you... want to–?
Lem But... you didn't hear what I was going to--
[Neera cuts him off by kissing him on the lips]
