Stephen Root movie quotes

View Quote Y-- Excuse me. You-- I believe you have my stapler?

View Quote I could set the building on fire... [said several times in the film, usually after he feels slighted]

View Quote Well, Ok. But... that's the last straw.

View Quote "Don't think of me as Gary Murray, administrator. Think of me as Gary Murray — party guy."

View Quote [dead vampires, with stakes sticking out of their hearts, litter the gym] "Detention, detention, detention...detention, detention, detention. I think that's all of them; no, wait, detention, detention, detention." [drops detention slips on the bodies]

View Quote "I have detention slips here, and I'm not afraid to use them!" [to horde of vampires attacking the school gym]

View Quote [deleted scene and confronting his faithless mail-order wife] I want a divorce!

View Quote [alarmed by the redneck owner of the truck.] Um Guys, guys. Not to be a naysayer or anything, but the only customer we've had is that weird guy who keeps paying Justin to wash his truck.

View Quote [Average Joe's is overwhelmed by their opponent, leaving only Gordon to fight them off in the remaining half of the match]
Patches: You ain't gonna be able to beat em. They're too good and you suck something awful.
Gordon: Yes sir, I sure do.

View Quote Bubbles: Bubbles! My bubbles!

View Quote Nemo: I wanna go home. Do you know where my dad is?
Peach: Honey, your dad's probably back at the pet store.
Bloat: Yes, I'm from Bob's Fish Mart.
Gurgle: Pet Palace.
Bubbles: Fish-O-Rama.
Deb: Mail order.
Peach: eBay.
Gurgle: So, kid, what is it?
Nemo: I'm from... the ocean.
Gurgle: Ahh, the ocean... THE OCEAN?! AAARGH! He hasn't been decontaminated yet! JACQUES!
Jacques: Oui?
Gurgle: CLEAN HIM!
Jacques: Oui.

View Quote [Nigel, Marlin and Dory both smile and flew straight to the dentist's office; clanging]
Gurgle and Deb: Ahhhhh!
Bubbles: Too loud! Too loud for me!
Darla Sherman: [first words] Twinkle, twinkle, little star.
Peach: Find a happy place. Find a happy place, find a happy place!
Barbara: Darla, your uncle will see you now.
[Psycho theme plays]
Philip Sherman: All right, let's see those pearly whites.
Darla Sherman: Rah! I'm a piranha. They're in the Amazon.
Philip Sherman: And a piranha is a fish, just like your present.
Darla Sherman: [giggling] I get a fishy. Fishy, fishy, fishy.
Philip Sherman: [As soon as he picks up the plastic bag, he sees Nemo belly up.] Oh, no. Poor little guy.
[Deb gasps]
Bloat: He's dead.
Gill: Sharkbait!
Darla: Yay! Fishy, fishy, fishy.
Philip Sherman: Um... Must have left your present in the car, sweetie. [laughs]
[Darla moans]
Philip Sherman: I'll go and get it.
[Nemo opens one eye and winks at the Fish Gang. Everyone is surprised.]
Gill: [overjoyed] He's still alive.
Peach: He's not dead.
Bloat: What's happening? Why is he playing dead?
Gill: He's gonna get flushed down the toilet. He's gonna get out of here!
Deb: Yay.
Bloat: He's gonna get flushed.
Gurgle: What a smart little guy!
Gill: [gasps] Oh, no, not the trash can!
Bubbles: Nemo, no!
[Nigel arrives with Marlin and Dory in his mouth]
Nigel: Hey, hey. I found his dad!
Marlin: Where's Nemo? Where is he?
Bloat: Dentist! Dentist!
Gill: He's over there!
Marlin: What's a dentist? What is that?
[Sherman opens the trash can]
Marlin: [gasps] Nigel, get in here!
Nigel: I can't go in there.
Marlin: Oh, yes you can. [grabs his tongue and pulls it forward, barging right into the dentist's office] CHARRRRRRRRRGEE!!!!!
Philip Sherman: [Darla starts screaming in horror] What the...?! [shouts; while Nigel is attacking him inside] Darla, sweetie, look out! Steady, steady, steady. Hold still. Hold still! Easy, easy! Hold still! Nobody's going to hurt you!
Marlin: [gasps looks and sees Nemo floating upside down. He thinks that his son was dead.] Nemo.
Dory: Oh, my goodness.
Philip Sherman: [slight pauses; grabs Nigel; Darla continues screaming] Gotcha! [Nigel flapping his wings] Keep down! [tried to Nigel push out the window]
Marlin: Nemo!
Nemo: [stops pretending to be dead] Daddy?
Philip Sherman: OUT WITH YA! [slams the window] AND STAY OUT!
Nemo: Daddy?!
Darla Sherman: [picks up Nemo, upside down] Fishy? [starts shaking it] Fishy! Wake up! Wake up!!!
Deb: Oh, no!
Gill: Quick! To the top of Mount Wannahockaloogie!
Darla Sherman: Why are you sleeping?!
Peach: Hurry!
Gill: Bloat! [Bloat inflates, Deb, Bubbles and Gurgle pushes a little bit right] Ring of Fire!
[Jacques turns the Mount Wannahockaloogie on blast mode, it launches Gill out of the tank, flying. He lands flopping on Darla's head.]
Darla Sherman: Fishy! [screams, drops a bag with Nemo in it, which it hits the tray and splats water everywhere] Get it out!
Philip Sherman: Crikey! All the animals have gone mad! [hits himself into the x-ray machine and gets knocked out]
Darla Sherman: [screams] Get it out! [screams]
Gurgle: Smack her in the head, would you?!
Bloat: Go, Gill, go!
Darla Sherman: There's a fish in my hair!
[Gill lands on the tray next to Nemo.]
Nemo: [awakens and gasps] Gill.
Gill: Shark Bait... Tell your dad... I said... hi. [flops on the spoon]
[Nemo gets launched into the spit sink. He goes down the drain.]
Gill: Go get 'em.
[Philip Sherman groans, then gasps and puts Gill back in the tank]
Bloat: He did it! [laughs and cheering]
Deb: Yay!
Bubbles: I'm so happy!
Gurgle: Is he gonna be okay, Gill?
Gill: Don't worry. All drains lead to the ocean.
Darla Sherman: [last words] FISHY!!! [gets sprayed in the face with water]

View Quote Believe me, the irony of being a blind art dealer isn't lost on me.

View Quote Please don't lump me in with that [the fetishization of blackness]. You know, I could give a shit what color you are. No, what I want is deeper. I want your eye, man. I want those things you see through.

View Quote Chris Washington: Why us? Why black people?
Jim Hudson: Who knows? People want to change. Some people want to be stronger...faster...cooler. Black is in fashion.

View Quote Carson Wells: You know, I, uh, counted the floors of this building from the street.
Man Who Hires Wells: And?
Wells: Well, there's one missing.
Man Who Hires Wells: We'll look into it.

View Quote Man Who Hires Wells: You know Anton Chigurh by sight. Is that correct?
Carson Wells: Yes, sir. I know him every which way.
Man Who Hires Wells: When did you last see him?
Wells: Uh, November 28th of last year.
[Wells moves to sit down in a nearby chair]
Man Who Hires Wells: You seem pretty sure of the date. Did I ask you to sit?
Wells: [sitting down] No sir, but you struck me as a man who wouldn't want to waste a chair.

View Quote Man Who Hires Wells: How well do you know Chigurh?
Carson Wells: Well enough.
Man Who Hires Wells: That's not an answer.
Wells: What do you want to know?
Man Who Hires Wells: I'd just like to know your opinion of him in general. Just how dangerous is he?
Wells: Compared to what, bubonic plague? He's bad enough you called me. He's a psychopathic killer, but so what? There's plenty of 'em around.
Man Who Hires Wells: He killed three men in a motel in Del Rio yesterday, and two others at that colossal goat**** out in the desert.
Wells: We can stop that.
Man Who Hires Wells: You seem pretty sure of yourself. You've led something of a charmed life, haven't you, Mr. Wells?
Wells: In all honesty, I can't say that charm has had a whole lot to do with it.

View Quote Beans: Excuse me, Sheriff Rango. I wanna talk to you...
Rango: Hey, Beans! What do you think of the new duds? I got a ten-gallon hat marked down for fifteen!
Beans: Erm, that's nice...
Rango: Have you met Angelique?
Angelique: Hello, Beans.
Beans: Hello, Angelique.
Angelique: Tart.
Beans: Floozie.
Angelique: Trollop.
Kid: Excuse me, Mr. Rango.
Rango: [aims his gun at kid's face] I WILL BLOW THAT UGLY RIGHT OFF YOUR FACE!
Kid: I was just thinking that... [shows his notepad]
Rango: Oh. [chuckles nervously] You want the old John Hancock, do ya? Here, hold this. [hands his gun to the kid]
Beans: Sheriff Rango, this isn't a social call.
Kid: [looks into the barrel of Rango's gun] There's a bullet in there!
Mother: Put that down!
Rango: [as he signs the kid's notepad] Oh, I know. I know all about the old shindig this afternoon. I ordered myself some right fancy duds.
Beans: Sheriff, I'd like to file...
Mother: Mr. Rango!
Rango: Oh, you too? No problem. [takes the mother's bible and signs it] Here, let me just...
Beans: I need ya to investigate...
Rango: Y'know, Beans, I betcha clean real nice if ya put a little effort into it.
Beans: What?
Rango: [to the kid] Now, remember, son, stay in school, eat your veggies, burn everything but Shakespeare. [takes his gun]
Beans: Sheriff!
Kid: Who's Shakespeare?
Beans: SHERIFF RANGO! If that is your real name. I am trying to save my daddy's ranch, which is on the verge of an agricultural meltdown, while you're playing pattycake with this here trollop-! [freezes in trance]
Angelique: [places a bowl of fruit on Beans' head] Sad, really. Such a drab little thing.
Rango: Why does she do that?
Fergus: It's a survival reflex.
Doc: Her switch is just broken.
Rango: Well, that's an inconvenience.
Beans: [suddenly comes out of her trance] -It is not a rash! It is a birthmark! [sees the bowl of fruit on her head] I did it again, didn't I?
Rango: Did what?
Beans: Let me ask you somethin', did anybody here mentioned what happened to our last sheriff?
[Rango hears a hammer pounding and sees a spider building a coffin; the spider smiles at Rango, causing him to gulp in fear]

View Quote Rango: [notices Wounded Bird shedding his feathers, then walks over to him] I see you're consulting with the spirits.
Wounded Bird: No, I'm molting. Means I'm ready to mate.
Rango: [nervously] Heh. I'll keep that in mind.
Wounded Bird: [picks up a cactus fruit with his staff] Cactus fruit.
Rango: Ah, yes, the ancient cactus fruit. I heard you people use it as seasoning when preparing your native dishes. [starts to eat the cactus]
Wounded Bird: Also, natural laxative. [Rango spits the cactus fruit out.] Shh, pick up trail! 3 men, heading west. 1 blind, 1 with... [sniffs the air] ...Enlarged prostate, riding sidesaddle.
Waffles: What'd he say?
Fergus: They're ridin' sidesaddle!
Buford: What?
Beans: Shh, we're whispering!
Spoons: What'd he say?
Sergeant Turley: Someone's got a bad valve!
Doc: Alright, which one of you fellas needs a checkup?
Wounded Bird: Awkward.
Waffles: Uh, what exactly are we gonna do now?
Rango: Now... we ride. [turns to the 4 owls] That means we're riding now! This moment.

View Quote Waffles: Marshmallows remind of going campin' with my daddy. I could eat 'em all night long! [Waffles' marshmallow gets caught on fire] Of course, he didn't make me cough 'em back up again for breakfast.
Buford: [eats Waffles' marshmallow and belches] This one time, I coughed up an entire Dalmatian.
Elgin: That ain't nothin'. I coughed up a whole tribe of pygmies. They started looking at me weird.
Fergus: I remember them; they were quite friendly.
Spoons: I found a human spinal column in my fecal matter once. [everyone looks at Spoons in concern]
Sergeant Turley: You... might wanna get that looked at.
Doc: [chuckles nervously] Uh, pass the beans, Beans.
Beans: Sheriff?
Rango: Uh, no, thank you.
Spoons: So, Mr. Rango. Could you tell us about the Spirit of the West?
Doc: Oh, yeah. Tell us about that.
Waffles: Is it true what they say?
Rango: Oh, yeah. The Spirit of the West! The eternally unattainable ideal! [draws pictures in the sky with a lit stick] They say he rides in an alabaster carriage with golden guardians to protect him! But he only appears to those who have undertaken an epic quest, and have made it... to the other side. [everyone looks at Rango in astonishment]
Sergeant Turley: Uh, the other side of what?
Rango: It's a metaphor. [leans on the stick which then flings onto Waffles]
Waffles: Ow! My eye!
Rango: Uh, that's gonna heal right up.
Ambrose: Sheriff, what are you going to do about... [whispers] Rattlesnake Jake?
Rango: [rattling can be heard] What, where?!
Spoons: [rattles his spoons] Sorry 'bout that. Word is you come against him once or twice.
Rango: Oh, yeah. Jake. You mean my brother.
Sergeant Turley: Your brother?
Rango: THAT'S WHAT I SAID!
Buford: But he's a snake, and you're a lizard.
Rango: Well, Mama had an active social life.
Fergus: Did he ever bite you?
Rango: Sure enough did! [shows everyone his belly button] Look at that baby! Go ahead, you can touch it!
Doc: Well, that's interestin'. [pokes his finger into Rango's belly button] That there's a belly button.
Rango: Luckily, I'm immune to his venom. I put some in my coffee just to give it a little tang.
Waffles: Is it true he's only scared of them hawks?
Rango: Them's what we call his natural predator.
[a lonely coyote can be heard howling]
Sergeant Turley: All this talk of that serpentine devil's puttin' my quills on edge!
Buford: I ain't sleepin' tonight. No, sir!
Rango: Don't you all worry 'bout a thing. Come tomorrow, we'll locate that water and return to a hero's welcome.
Spoons: Friends, before we bunk down, I'd like us all to join hands for a moment, say a few words to the Spirit of the West. [everyone hold each other's hands] Ain't always spoken rightly to ya, Spirit of the West, but tonight I wanna thank you for bringing Sheriff Rango into our lives. It's a hard life we got. Sometimes, I dunno how we're gonna make it. But somehow, Sheriff Rango makes me think we will. We needed a brave man, and you sent us one. It's nice to have someone to believe in again. Thank you, Spirit of the West. Amen. [everyone else says "Amen"]