Rango (2011) quotes

View Quote Bad Bill: [he and his gang fire their guns at a citizen] DANCE FOR ME, SOD BUSTER!!
Kinski: DANCE LIKE A CHICKEN!!
Chorizo: THAT'S RIGHT, DANCE!!
Bad Bill: YOU GOT CORN IN YOUR EARS, MATE?! YOU DON'T PAY THE MORTGAGE, YOU DON'T OWN THE LAND!
Kinski: That's basic real estate law, my friend!
Chorizo: Quid pro quo!
Bad Bill: [points a dagger at Sod Buster] If I see your face in this town again, I'm gonna slice it off and use it to wipe my unmentionables.
Stump: Mind the beak.
Bad Bill: [kicks Sod Buster out of the saloon] AND DON'T COME BACK! [turns to see everyone looking] What are you all gawping at?
[Everyone backs up nervously, Bad Bill sniffs walks to the bar.]
Waffles: Hey, Bad Bill, there's something I want to tell--!
[Bad Bill muffles Waffles' mouth and stops at the bar, where he sees Rango next to him.]
Bad Bill: Oy. What is this?
Spoons: You know who that is, Bill? That there's Rango.
Waffles: Yeah, he ain't afraid of you. He ain't afraid of none of you.
Lenny: Killed them Jenkins brothers.
Melonee: Done it with one bullet, Bill.
Hitch: All seven of them.
Bad Bill: Is that right?
[Bad Bill takes a cigar from Buford's mouth and takes a drag, blowing smoke in Buford's face. Rango coughs as a result, and Bad Bill then shoves a cigar in front of Rango's face. Acting quickly, Rango snatches the cigar from Bad Bill's mouth, examines it for a moment, and then swallows it. Everyone gasps in surprise. Rango taps his finger on the bar counter, prompting Buford to pour him a shot, which he drinks in one gulp. Then, he unexpectedly belches fire directly into Bad Bill's face, leaving everyone in shock. Bad Bill exclaims in anger and glares at Rango, his face still smouldering. He grabs a towel to try to put out the flames.]
Rango: Um... let me get that... yeah... Oh, I know. Here. [splashes some cactus juice on his face to put out much of the fire, sees one tiny remaining flame] Oh, here, let me get that for you. [wipes the tiny flame out with the towel] There, all better.
[Bad Bill gets the gun out and pushes it to him on the counter. Rango looks at Bad Bill with his idea.]

View Quote Beans: Excuse me, Sheriff Rango. I wanna talk to you...
Rango: Hey, Beans! What do you think of the new duds? I got a ten-gallon hat marked down for fifteen!
Beans: Erm, that's nice...
Rango: Have you met Angelique?
Angelique: Hello, Beans.
Beans: Hello, Angelique.
Angelique: Tart.
Beans: Floozie.
Angelique: Trollop.
Kid: Excuse me, Mr. Rango.
Rango: [aims his gun at kid's face] I WILL BLOW THAT UGLY RIGHT OFF YOUR FACE!
Kid: I was just thinking that... [shows his notepad]
Rango: Oh. [chuckles nervously] You want the old John Hancock, do ya? Here, hold this. [hands his gun to the kid]
Beans: Sheriff Rango, this isn't a social call.
Kid: [looks into the barrel of Rango's gun] There's a bullet in there!
Mother: Put that down!
Rango: [as he signs the kid's notepad] Oh, I know. I know all about the old shindig this afternoon. I ordered myself some right fancy duds.
Beans: Sheriff, I'd like to file...
Mother: Mr. Rango!
Rango: Oh, you too? No problem. [takes the mother's bible and signs it] Here, let me just...
Beans: I need ya to investigate...
Rango: Y'know, Beans, I betcha clean real nice if ya put a little effort into it.
Beans: What?
Rango: [to the kid] Now, remember, son, stay in school, eat your veggies, burn everything but Shakespeare. [takes his gun]
Beans: Sheriff!
Kid: Who's Shakespeare?
Beans: SHERIFF RANGO! If that is your real name. I am trying to save my daddy's ranch, which is on the verge of an agricultural meltdown, while you're playing pattycake with this here trollop-! [freezes in trance]
Angelique: [places a bowl of fruit on Beans' head] Sad, really. Such a drab little thing.
Rango: Why does she do that?
Fergus: It's a survival reflex.
Doc: Her switch is just broken.
Rango: Well, that's an inconvenience.
Beans: [suddenly comes out of her trance] -It is not a rash! It is a birthmark! [sees the bowl of fruit on her head] I did it again, didn't I?
Rango: Did what?
Beans: Let me ask you somethin', did anybody here mentioned what happened to our last sheriff?
[Rango hears a hammer pounding and sees a spider building a coffin; the spider smiles at Rango, causing him to gulp in fear]

View Quote Buford: Someone or something is messing with our hydration, and that pipe has something to do with it!
Elgin: I thought we was following bank robbers!
Sergeant Turley: We're experiencing a paradigm shift!
Elgin: I'm gonna shift the features on your face if you don't SHUT UP!
Turley: Well, go ahead and try!!
[the gang get into a fight]
Rango: Quiet, you savages! Stop your rattling, your affecting my cogitation! [the fight stops, he gets an idea] Whoa! I got it. Snuff out them torches. [they all put out their torches]
[a bright light can be seen from the ceiling]
Elgin: Sure enough.
Spoons: Smart thinkin' there, feller.
Waffles: Start climbin'. [the gang begins to climb]
Fergus: Hey, get your foot outta my face!
Rango: Not bad, huh, Beans?
Beans: You keep thinkin' like that, your hat's gonna catch on fire.
Rango: Well, you know, you get on a roll, you just... [puts his hat on, then notices it's on fire and tries to put it out] AAH! Hot, hot! Burn! Ah, ooh, ow!

View Quote Jake: [After the water bursts into Dirt] I'm gonna blow so many holes in you, your guts'll be leakin' lead!
Rango: Then it's a good thing I bought some backup.
[a hawk flies overhead. Jake sees it and hides, then notices something amiss.]
Jake: What? [sees that the "hawk" was really a flock of bats flying in formation] Ain't no hawk! Ain't nothing but bats! [goes out in the open and shoots at them]
Maybelle: Stick to the plan, boys! Let's bleed the devil dry!
[the flock spreads out. Jake shoots and laughs madly until he runs out of ammo. He turns to see Rango aiming his gun at him]
Rango: It only takes one bullet.
Jake: You ain't got the nerve...
Rango: [**** the gun] Try me.
[Jake looks in his eyes and is stunned, realizing Rango is dead serious]
Mayor: Oh, Mr. Rango. Aren't you forgetting something?
[they take Beans into the Bank of Dirt]
Mayor: Hand me your gun, Sheriff! [He pauses as he looks at his gun] Now, Mr. Rango!
[Rango slowly walks to Mayor]

View Quote Jedidiah: He got it! Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
Balthazar: Hallelujah!
Jedidiah: Ya found the water!
Balthazar: You did it, son!
Ezekiel: Well, actually...
Balthazar: [hits Jedidiah with his staff] WHY CAN'T YOU BE ALL BRAINY LIKE YOUR BROTHER?!
Ezekiel: Pappy, about that water, there's something I gotta tell you.
Balthazar: Hush! Hush up, now. Somebody's comin'.
Rango: [disguising his voice as a woman wearing Beans' dress, while all the other prepare do to a skit] YOO-HOO! HA HA! Good sirs! Gracious good afternoon to thee and thee and thee! May I present, Madame Lupone's Terpsichorean Group of Traveling Thespians!
Balthazar: What's that?
Ezekiel: [while reading a book] I think they's thespians!
Balthazar: Thespians? That's illegal in seven states!
Rango: [still using his disguise voice] The stage is set! The princess prepares to take her own life!
Beans: [wearing the Wounded Bird's blanket and seen with a bored expression on her face] I yearn for love.
Rango: Meanwhile, the lone sentry stands watch at the castle gate! (extended version only: [Elgin does nothing] Stands watch at the castle gate.)
Elgin: Hark, who goes there?
Balthazar: This plot's highly predictable.
Ezekiel: Quiet! This is my favorite part!
Rango: Arriving to great fanfare, 'twas her aging father… [the band of Elf Owls, also disguised in Medieval costumes, fanfare and Sergeant Turley enters kneeling with a wooden sword. Awkward silence. Then Rango remembers about the arrow in Turley's eye.] ...Strucketh by Cupid.
Sergeant Turley: [as he says his lines, Rango mouths them, unnoticed by Balthazar and his sons, to make sure Turley gets them right.] Uh, prithee, unhand my fair daughter and reach for the... Uh, uh... Line?
Ezekiel: "REACH FOR THE SKY!" [everyone suddenly pulls out loaded guns on the small family]
Balthazar: W-w-w-w-what was that?
Jedidiah: Oh, must be very immersive theater.
Rango: We got ya surrounded! You and your entire family get your hands up where I can see 'em!
Balthazar: [chuckles] My entire family?
[at that moment, millions of gophers crawl out of the ground, chanting]
Gophers: ♪ Grit and spit and collared greens ♪
♪ Waffle chitons, monkey brains ♪
♪ Refried bones and booger blood ♪
♪ Pickled eggs and flaps of mud ♪
Rango: [silently] It's a full house.
Balthazar: Looks like we're gonna have a good, old-fashioned standoff.
Rango: I'll have you know, you're not lookin' at our entire contingent.
Spoons: Caw-caw, caw-caw, caw, caw, caw-caw, caw!
Gopher: What's that? What's that supposed to be?!
Elgin: That's the signal.
Waffles: Yeah, that's the signal! Something must've gone wrong!
[Spoons starts doing flag signals and then runs to a campfire and makes smoke signals]
Balthazar: So, uh... somethin' supposed to happen?
Rango: I am... open to suggestions. [Spoons fakes a heart attack and fires a gun, frightening the boar that was carrying the stolen water and causing it to run off] RUUUUUUUUUUN!
[the boar runs rampant across the scene]
Beans: GET ON THE WAGON!
[the Dirtonians climb aboard]
Balthazar: Should we have ourselves some sport, chillens?
Jedidiah: Ooh, I-I likes it when they run.
Balthazar: Maybelle, give the holler!
Maybelle: Yee-haw, biddy-haw-biddy-haw-biddy-haw!
Gophers: Yee-haw, biddy-haw-biddy-haw, biddy-haw-biddy-hoo! [they burrow underground]

View Quote Mayor: [After Rango and Beans are freed from the bank vault by a single bullet] Now, Sheriff. I'm sure if we work together, we can reach a mutually beneficial solution to our current situation…
Rango: You better take it up with him.
Jake: One bullet. [Turns to Rango and tips his hat at him] I tip my hat to you. One legend to another. [Rango tips his hat as well. Mayor whimpers helplessly as Jake turns to him.] What was that you said? "Pretty soon, no one will believe you even existed..." [lunges]
Mayor: No, Jake! No! NOOO!!!
[Jake grabs the screaming Mayor in his coils and drags him away into the desert]

View Quote Mayor: I appreciate how difficult this is for you, Beans, but you're making a practical decision.
Jake: Decisions, decisions.
Mayor: There's no need for any more suffering. [drinks from his glass of water] Your family's ranch is nothing but a wasteland now. Sign the deed, and relieve yourself of your father's burden.
Beans: [Looks ready to drink from her glass, but then becomes angry] My daddy was not a burden! [throws the water in the Mayor's face] Keep your blood money and I'll keep my land!
[the Mayor's face twitches; on cue, Rattlesnake Jake darts forward and traps Beans in his coils]
Jake: Do what he says, or by all the fires of the black pit, I'll squeeze them pretty brown eyes outta your skull!
Mayor: Now, hold on, Jake, there's no need to–
Jake: [interrupts the Mayor by bringing his head down to the Mayor's desk] LET ME DO MY JOB! You brought me in, now we're gonna play this thing out to the end! [Turns back to Beans] Sign the damn paper, woman!
Beans: Go to hell…
Jake: Where do you think I come from? Look into my eyes. I wanna see you die. [Brings his fangs closer to Beans, until he hears Rango shouting from outside]
Rango: JAKE! I'M CALLIN' YOU OUT! JAKE!
Jake: [moving to the window and seeing Rango] This day just got a little more interestin'...

View Quote Mayor: My friends, we all know what we have to do now.
Rango: That's right, we all know what we have to do now… and that would be…?
Mayor: [very quietly] Form a posse.
Rango: Form a possum! [the people stare at him in disbelief]
Mayor: [still very quietly] A posse.

View Quote Priscilla: Rango! [runs up and hugs him] You brought the water back, just like you promised. You really are a hero.
Rango: Well, the thing about heroes is, whenever you-
Pricilla: [holds her hand up to stop him] Don't spoil it.
Rango: Right... Well, I don't know about you all, but I could sure go for a dip. [Rango and Beans dancing, and everyone celebrating]

View Quote Rango: ”4 score and 7 years ago, our fathers...”
Rock-Eye: Don't move.
Rango: Huh? What? [looks up at the Desert Cactus then continues to move after a brief pause]
Rock-Eye: Don't move!
Rango: [suddenly alert] Not moving!
Rock-Eye: Shhh!
Rango: [whispers] Not moving.
Rock-Eye: Try to blend in.
Rango: Huh? Blend in? What do you mean? [notices Rock-Eye, who is in camouflage to look like a rock]
Rock-Eye: [opens his eye] Blend in! [closes his eye]
Rango: Huh? What are you saying? [a huge hawk soars overhead] Ahh!
Rock-Eye: Too late.
Rango: No, no, no, it's not too late! I'm blending. [throws sand on himself] I'm a blender! [runs around in panic, searching for a place to hide]
Rock-Eye: Hey, calm down! What are you doing?! Tranquillo! [Rango hides behind a cactus, but then runs and yowls in pain when the thorns dig into his skin] STOP MOVING! Try not to look conspicuous. [Rango poses like the cactus behind him, and then ducks next to Rock-Eye and changes color] Hey, psst. What are you doing?
Rango: I'm blending.
Rock-Eye: Go blend somewhere else.
Rango: Don't distract me.
Rock-Eye: No room in the inn.
Rango: It's an art, not a science.
Rock-Eye: Find your own hiding place.
Rango: No, this is good! [the hawk flies by again, before turning to attack]
Rock-Eye: OH! Here she comes! You better run, mojito!
Rango: Wait, what? I thought you said, "Don't move"!
Rock-Eye: That was before. Now, you run. [Rango runs as the hawk starts to chase him, while Rock-Eye laughs] Adios, amigo!

View Quote Rango: [at the funeral in the desert for Mr. Merrimack, the bank keeper] Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to honor this man. Mr. Merrimack, you have the right to remain silent. Speak now or forever hold your peace. Amen.

View Quote Rango: [clears throat] This is a heck of a hoedown you got going. Still workin' out those steps. So is this considered normal civic behavior.
Priscilla: Mm-hmm. Every Wednesday. Just like clockwork.
Wounded Bird: You kill bird.
Rango: Yeah. Matter of fact, I did.
Wounded Bird: Bird dead; snake come.
Rango: Snake?
Priscilla: He means Rattlesnake Jake, Mr. Rango. He never comes to town because he's scared of that hawk. But he might come now. Can I have your boots when you're dead?
Rango: No! I ain't got no problem with this Rattlesnake Jake.
Priscilla: That's just what Amos said.
Rango: Amos?
[camera zooms to the graveyard, where one the tombstones reads "Sheriff Amos"]
Priscilla: You got any gold fillings?

View Quote Rango: [gives a torch to Spoons] Now, I'm dependin' on you, Spoons. [Spoons spits on his beard] Ooh, you got a little tobacky in the beard there. [Spoons jumps into the hole, Rango gives a torch to Doc] Always good to have a medical man along, Doc. [Doc jumps into the hole, Rango gives a torch to Buford] Reptiles gotta stick together, right, my brother?
Buford: I'm an amphibian.
Rango: Ain't no shame in that. [Buford jumps into the hole, Rango is about to give a torch to Sergeant Turley, but then sees the arrow through his right eye] Oh! Ya sure you're fit for duty there, soldier?
Sergeant Turley: What?
Rango: Well, you got something in your eye there.
Sergeant Turley: Oh, that! That there's conjunctivitis, sir. It's hereditary.
Rango: Oh, well, (I meant your other one, but) I'm glad to hear it's not contagious. [gives the torch to Sergeant Turley, who jumps into the hole; Rango is about to give a torch to Beans, but then stops] Now, just wait a cotton-pickin' minute! A posse ain't no place for a– [Beans swipes the torch away and then jumps into the hole] Never mind. [looks at Priscilla] Whoa, hold on, little sister. Someone's gonna hafta look after the town while I'm gone. [Priscilla takes out 2 guns]
Priscilla: Can I gut-shoot someone?
Rango: [nervously] Uh, let's put a pin in that.
Priscilla: Sheriff, you're gonna bring that water back, aren't you?
Rango: Count on it, little sister.

View Quote Rango: [notices Wounded Bird shedding his feathers, then walks over to him] I see you're consulting with the spirits.
Wounded Bird: No, I'm molting. Means I'm ready to mate.
Rango: [nervously] Heh. I'll keep that in mind.
Wounded Bird: [picks up a cactus fruit with his staff] Cactus fruit.
Rango: Ah, yes, the ancient cactus fruit. I heard you people use it as seasoning when preparing your native dishes. [starts to eat the cactus]
Wounded Bird: Also, natural laxative. [Rango spits the cactus fruit out.] Shh, pick up trail! 3 men, heading west. 1 blind, 1 with... [sniffs the air] ...Enlarged prostate, riding sidesaddle.
Waffles: What'd he say?
Fergus: They're ridin' sidesaddle!
Buford: What?
Beans: Shh, we're whispering!
Spoons: What'd he say?
Sergeant Turley: Someone's got a bad valve!
Doc: Alright, which one of you fellas needs a checkup?
Wounded Bird: Awkward.
Waffles: Uh, what exactly are we gonna do now?
Rango: Now... we ride. [turns to the 4 owls] That means we're riding now! This moment.

View Quote Rango: [wakes up in the middle of the desert and finds a golf cart with Oscars in the back] Golden guardians. The alabaster carriage. [sees the Spirit of the West] The Spirit of the West. Um, excuse me, Mr. Spirit, sir?
Spirit of the West: [picks up a fishing hook] Ah, there's a beaut. Sometimes, you gotta dig deep to find what you're looking for. [to Rango] So, you made it.
Rango: Is this heaven?
Spirit of the West: If it were, wouldn't we be eating Pop-Tarts with Kim Novak.
Rango: Yeah, no kiddin'. What are you doing out here?
Spirit of the West: Searching, same as you.
Rango: Yeah, I don't know what I'm looking for. I don't even know who I am. Hey, they used to call you "The Man with No Name".
Spirit of the West: These days, they got a name for just about everything. It doesn't matter what they call you; it's the deeds that make the man.
Rango: But my deeds just made things worse. I'm a fraud. I'm a phoney! My friends believed in me, but they need some kind of hero...
Spirit of the West: Then be a hero.
Rango: No, no, no, you don't understand. I'm not even supposed to be here.
Spirit of the West: That's right. You came a long way to find something that isn't out here. Don't you see? It's not about you. It's about them.
Rango: But I can't go back...
Spirit of the West: You don't know that you got a choice, son. [draws a rectangle on the dirty window] No man can walk out on his own story. [The spirit then drives off into the fog]