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Alpa Chino: As for why I'm in this movie, maybe I just knew I had to represent. Cause they one good part in this movie for a black man and they gave it to Crocodile Dundee.
Kirk Lazarus: Pump your brakes, kid. That man's a national treasure.
Chino: I just wanted to throw another shrimp on your Barbie.
Lazarus: That shit ain't funny.
Chino: I'm just ****ing with you, Kangaroo Jack. I'm sorry if a dingo ate yo baby.
Lazarus: You know that's a true story? Lady lost her kid. You about to cross a ****ing line.
Kevin Sandusky: Hey guys could we just cool it...
Chino: You know what, **** that, I'm sick of this koala-hunting ****- [Kirk slaps Alpa. Alpa tries to punch Kirk but Kirk grabs his fist and pulls him in and embraces him.]
Lazarus: For 400 years, that word has kept us down.
Chino: [confused]...what the ****!?
Lazarus: Took a whole lot of tryin, just to get up that hill, but now we up in the big leagues...
Chino: [Breaks away from Kirk] That's the theme songs from The Jeffersons. You really need help!
Lazarus: Just cause it's a theme song doesn't mean it's not true.
Kirk Lazarus: Pump your brakes, kid. That man's a national treasure.
Chino: I just wanted to throw another shrimp on your Barbie.
Lazarus: That shit ain't funny.
Chino: I'm just ****ing with you, Kangaroo Jack. I'm sorry if a dingo ate yo baby.
Lazarus: You know that's a true story? Lady lost her kid. You about to cross a ****ing line.
Kevin Sandusky: Hey guys could we just cool it...
Chino: You know what, **** that, I'm sick of this koala-hunting ****- [Kirk slaps Alpa. Alpa tries to punch Kirk but Kirk grabs his fist and pulls him in and embraces him.]
Lazarus: For 400 years, that word has kept us down.
Chino: [confused]...what the ****!?
Lazarus: Took a whole lot of tryin, just to get up that hill, but now we up in the big leagues...
Chino: [Breaks away from Kirk] That's the theme songs from The Jeffersons. You really need help!
Lazarus: Just cause it's a theme song doesn't mean it's not true.
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Damien: Crisis meeting? What does that mean, exactly? I mean, you know, are we in a crisis?
Rob: He's the head of the studio. He's reaching out. We're 10,000 miles away. He just wants a little face-time.
Damien: I know. It's just you said he called it a crisis meeting. So, you know...
Rob: It's Les Grossman. He throws these words around. "Crisis," "explosion," "not rolling," "fired." These are just words.
Rob: He's the head of the studio. He's reaching out. We're 10,000 miles away. He just wants a little face-time.
Damien: I know. It's just you said he called it a crisis meeting. So, you know...
Rob: It's Les Grossman. He throws these words around. "Crisis," "explosion," "not rolling," "fired." These are just words.
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Les Grossman: The universe is talking to us right now. You just gotta listen.
[Grossman plays "Low" by Flo Rida in his music player, and he and Slolom begin dancing. Pecker is confused.]
Grossman: See, this is the good part, Pecker. This is when the job gets fun.
Rob Slolom: Mmm, yeah.
Grossman: Ask, and you shall receive.
Slolom: All right!
Grossman: You play ball, we play ball. [Slolom nods. Grossman begins dancing like he's slapping ass.] I know you want the goodies. Mmm!
Slolom: Welcome to the goodie room.
Grossman: You payin' attention? 'Cuz I'm talkin' G5, Pecker. That's how you're gonna roll. No more frequent flyer bitch miles for my boi. Oh yeah. Playa. Playa. Big dick playa.
Slolom: Swingin' past your knees.
Grossman: Big dick, baby.
Slolom: Yup.
[Grossman stops the music.]
Grossman: Or, you can grow a conscience in the next five minutes and see where that takes you.
[Pecker stands up and faces Grossman.]
Rick "Pecker" Peck: Let me get this straight. You want me to let my client of fifteen years, one of my best friends, die in the jungle alone for some money and a G5.
Grossman: Yes.
Pecker: A G5 airplane.
Grossman: Yes. And lots of money. Playa.... [Grossman starts the music again, and he and Slolom start dancing again.]
Slolom: Yeah! Smack it up, flip up, rub it down, hoo!!
[Grossman plays "Low" by Flo Rida in his music player, and he and Slolom begin dancing. Pecker is confused.]
Grossman: See, this is the good part, Pecker. This is when the job gets fun.
Rob Slolom: Mmm, yeah.
Grossman: Ask, and you shall receive.
Slolom: All right!
Grossman: You play ball, we play ball. [Slolom nods. Grossman begins dancing like he's slapping ass.] I know you want the goodies. Mmm!
Slolom: Welcome to the goodie room.
Grossman: You payin' attention? 'Cuz I'm talkin' G5, Pecker. That's how you're gonna roll. No more frequent flyer bitch miles for my boi. Oh yeah. Playa. Playa. Big dick playa.
Slolom: Swingin' past your knees.
Grossman: Big dick, baby.
Slolom: Yup.
[Grossman stops the music.]
Grossman: Or, you can grow a conscience in the next five minutes and see where that takes you.
[Pecker stands up and faces Grossman.]
Rick "Pecker" Peck: Let me get this straight. You want me to let my client of fifteen years, one of my best friends, die in the jungle alone for some money and a G5.
Grossman: Yes.
Pecker: A G5 airplane.
Grossman: Yes. And lots of money. Playa.... [Grossman starts the music again, and he and Slolom start dancing again.]
Slolom: Yeah! Smack it up, flip up, rub it down, hoo!!
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Speedman: I don’t believe you people!
Lazarus: Huh! What do you mean, “you people”?
[silence]
Chino: What do YOU mean, “you people”!?
Lazarus: HUH?
Sandusky: I... I think what, uh, Tugg means is, “you people”, “you actors”.
[Kirk, Alpa, Kevin, and Jeff start yelling due to the frustration of being lost in the jungle, until Tugg fires his prop gun to calm everyone down]
Speedman: Chill! Alright? Just chill it! Now, let’s go get those Vietcongs.
Chino: Vietcong!
Speedman: What?
Chino: It’s “Vietcong”, there’s no ‘s’, it’s already plural. You wouldn’t say “Chineses”.
Lazarus: Huh! What do you mean, “you people”?
[silence]
Chino: What do YOU mean, “you people”!?
Lazarus: HUH?
Sandusky: I... I think what, uh, Tugg means is, “you people”, “you actors”.
[Kirk, Alpa, Kevin, and Jeff start yelling due to the frustration of being lost in the jungle, until Tugg fires his prop gun to calm everyone down]
Speedman: Chill! Alright? Just chill it! Now, let’s go get those Vietcongs.
Chino: Vietcong!
Speedman: What?
Chino: It’s “Vietcong”, there’s no ‘s’, it’s already plural. You wouldn’t say “Chineses”.
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Studio Executive Rob Slolom: Wow. Eight Oscars, 400 million dollars at the box office, and you saved Tugg Speedman's career.
Les Grossman: I couldn't have done it without you.
Slolom: Really?
Grossman: No, dickhead. Of course I could. A nutless monkey could do your job. Now, go get drunk and take credit at all the parties.
Slolom: I wouldn't do that.
Grossman: Ah... joking.
Slolom: Ah, there he is! Funny. You're a funny guy.
Grossman: Yeah. But seriously, a nutless monkey could do your job.
Les Grossman: I couldn't have done it without you.
Slolom: Really?
Grossman: No, dickhead. Of course I could. A nutless monkey could do your job. Now, go get drunk and take credit at all the parties.
Slolom: I wouldn't do that.
Grossman: Ah... joking.
Slolom: Ah, there he is! Funny. You're a funny guy.
Grossman: Yeah. But seriously, a nutless monkey could do your job.
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[Cody and Tayback are tied to a post in the Flaming Dragon compound]
Cody: Dude, dude, what the hell is going on here? Where are we?
Four-Leaf Tayback: I have no idea, I've never been outside the States.
Cody: Wait what?! Are you ****ing kidding me?! Did you make this whole goddamn thing up?! Dude you weren't even in the ****ing service?!
Tayback: Yes! Of course! Coast Guard!
Cody: Coast Guard.
Tayback: Sanitation Department.
Cody: Oh my God! You're a ****ing garbage man! Dammit! F.L. Tayback lies to me and the whole goddamn U.S. of A.
Tayback: I wrote the book as a tribute! I'm a patriot.
Cody: Yeah, you're the Milli Vanilli of patriots okay? You lied about fighting in the Vietnam War. It's like - It's like punching the American flag in the face goddammit! God, to think I believed you!
Tayback: Writers lie all the time!
Cody: [a guard bursts in] Can I be tied to another post please?
Cody: Dude, dude, what the hell is going on here? Where are we?
Four-Leaf Tayback: I have no idea, I've never been outside the States.
Cody: Wait what?! Are you ****ing kidding me?! Did you make this whole goddamn thing up?! Dude you weren't even in the ****ing service?!
Tayback: Yes! Of course! Coast Guard!
Cody: Coast Guard.
Tayback: Sanitation Department.
Cody: Oh my God! You're a ****ing garbage man! Dammit! F.L. Tayback lies to me and the whole goddamn U.S. of A.
Tayback: I wrote the book as a tribute! I'm a patriot.
Cody: Yeah, you're the Milli Vanilli of patriots okay? You lied about fighting in the Vietnam War. It's like - It's like punching the American flag in the face goddammit! God, to think I believed you!
Tayback: Writers lie all the time!
Cody: [a guard bursts in] Can I be tied to another post please?
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[Lazarus and the gang are preparing their options for infiltrating the Flaming Dragon camp]
Jeff Portnoy: So, what's the plan, man? You gonna talk Vietnamese to those dudes?
Kirk Lazarus: No, no. Mandarin Chinese. What I can tell, it's what they're speaking down there.
Portnoy: How the hell do you know Chinese?
Lazarus: Land of Silk and Money with Gong Li. Second Globe, third Oscar. I prepped for that one by working in a Beijing textile factory for eight months.
Jeff Portnoy: So, what's the plan, man? You gonna talk Vietnamese to those dudes?
Kirk Lazarus: No, no. Mandarin Chinese. What I can tell, it's what they're speaking down there.
Portnoy: How the hell do you know Chinese?
Lazarus: Land of Silk and Money with Gong Li. Second Globe, third Oscar. I prepped for that one by working in a Beijing textile factory for eight months.
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[The Tropic Thunder production crew have a video conference with studio exec Les Grossman]
Les Grossman: I see you. I see you. I see you. Which one of you ****faces is Damien ****burn?
Damien ****burn: Uh, that's me, sir. It's an honor to finally meet you. Get some face time.
Grossman: And who here is the key grip? [the key grip raises his hand] You? You! Hit that director in the face, really ****ing hard!
Key Grip: [reluctantly walks over to Damien] Sorry, man. [punches him in the face]
Grossman: This is all your fault, you Limey ****! You shit the money-bed, my friend.
Les Grossman: I see you. I see you. I see you. Which one of you ****faces is Damien ****burn?
Damien ****burn: Uh, that's me, sir. It's an honor to finally meet you. Get some face time.
Grossman: And who here is the key grip? [the key grip raises his hand] You? You! Hit that director in the face, really ****ing hard!
Key Grip: [reluctantly walks over to Damien] Sorry, man. [punches him in the face]
Grossman: This is all your fault, you Limey ****! You shit the money-bed, my friend.
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[incensed at Flaming Dragon's demands] Okay, Flaming Dragon. ****face. First, take a big step back... and literally **** YOUR OWN FACE! Now, I don't know what kind of pan-Pacific bullshit power play you're trying to pull here, but Asia, Jack, is my territory. So whatever you're thinking, you'd better think again. Otherwise I'm gonna have to head down there and I will rain down an ungodly ****ing firestorm upon you! You're gonna have to call the ****ing United Nations and get a ****ing binding resolution to keep me from ****ing destroying you. I am talking scorched earth, mother****er! I will massacre you! I WILL **** YOU UP! [hangs up; to assistant] Find out who that was.
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I know who I am! I'm a dude playing a dude, disguised as another dude! You a dude who don't know what dude he is.