Alex Rose I could have sworn we had more stuff.
Played by Ben Stiller 
Duplex (2003) · 41 quotes
Duplex (2003) · 41 quotes
3rd most-quoted character in Duplex (2003): in 14 of its 41 quotes
Most scenes with: Nancy Kendricks (7), Mrs. Connelly (2)
Blow me down!
More lines from Alex Rose
5 quotes Alex Rose Alex Rose [Reading a dictionary entry]
'Macaw: any long tailed, brightly-colored parrot.' A macaw is a parrot, I knew it!
Alex Rose It's horrible. My parents read this magazine. Now they know my penis is called Mr. Peabody!
Alex Rose She just manipulated me somehow. She's very crafty. She's a crafty old... lady.
Alex Rose Besides, how can I have time to rewrite my novel and still do my faithful servant duty to her as her little indentured servant person. Her little butt boy. I mean, I got a lot of duties, honey. She might need me to go out and count grapes with her, or help her fix her heater, or go take her to the laundry, or I got to go help her clean her banana skins, or I got to go clean out her garbage, and I got to go help her fill her monthlies out, or go and wipe her ass! God forbid she have any shit hanging off her ass! Because then I have to run up there double time like a little bunny, and I have to go up there with my little tissue and I have to go wipe her little ass and then I have to say "Oh, good for you, Mrs. Connelly. Good for you for having such a nice little poopie. What's that? You've got some poopie on your diapey? Well let me clean it off -- with my tongue!"
Scenes with Alex Rose
8 scenes
Besides, do you realize how much the duplex is going to be worth once we get both floors?
Alex Rose I know how much it costs.
Well it's going to be worth like a bazillion times that.
Alex Rose Really? A bazillion? That's an incredible return.
Alex Rose We brought you this little housewarming gift. [Gives Mrs. Connelly a bottle of wine]
Oh, that's very kind of you, thank you. I'll open it for you. I don't drink myself, it's a sin.
Alex Rose [To Nancy]
Irish Catholics don't drink?
Sit down, dears, sit down! I brought ya a little something to nibble on as well.
Alex Rose Oh, Bugles. Wow, I didn't realize they even still made Bugles.
[Offering Alex a Bugle dipped in French onion dip]
Come along, dear, it's French onion.
Alex Rose [Alex nibbles it while looking at the box of Bugles. The expiary date reads 'October 1997']
Magnificent parrot.
It's not a parrot, dear. He's a macaw. He's named after my late husband, Richard. I've had Little Dick for forty years.
Alex Rose [Correcting her]
Alex.
Alex is a writer.
Oh, a writer. I always thought of that as more of a hobby than a real job. I suppose I'm forgettin' about Joyce.
Alex Rose Joyce, James Joyce, of course. Wonderful writer.
He died drunk and penniless.
Well, Alex's first novel was published in hardback, and he's just about to finish his second one.
Oh, what's it about?
Alex Rose Well, I like to call it an urban epic. It's about three generations of this family in New York that own a printing press, and I tell a story mainly about...
[Bored, cutting him off]
Oh, that's nice. Let me give you a refill. Big Dick had the taste, too. He was a seaman. The drink took him from me in 1963. We'd been married for 58 years.
[Nancy counts silently]
Alex Rose I wonder how old she is.
My guess is that she's somewhere between 95 and 105.
Alex Rose I'm sorry, I don't hear anything.
'Mrs. Connelly: It was very distinctive. The pipes went 'bang bang, bangety bang bang... bang, bang.
Were you napping?
Alex Rose No! I was... I was just rearranging my book collection.
In the dark?
Alex Rose And then I just shut my eyes, for a second...
Look! I got a peacock!
Alex Rose What does it do?
It's there to be decorative and look pretty and be aesthetically pleasing.
You were choking on a chocolate.
Alex Rose [Connelly looks at Alex, who has lipstick on his lips from when he was reviving her]
You choked on a chocolate.
Awww!
Officer Dan [Cut to the police station]
Go on, Mrs. Connelly.
The last thing I remember, I ate one of their chocolates. When I woke up, he was havin' his way, and she was holdin' me down!
Alex Rose No, no, I was trying to save her life!
He stole my drawers once. For sniffin'!
Alex Rose That's ridiculous! She was choking on a chocolate so I gave--
Officer Dan DO... shut up.
Come on, come on. We don't have much time.
Alex Rose I know, she's running errands. That only gives us twelve hours.
Poor Mr. Peabody!
Alex Rose He took one for the team.
Other characters in Duplex
More Ben Stiller characters
Derek Zoolander
White Goodman
Alex the Lion
David Starsky
Mr. Furious
Gaylord 'Greg' Focker
Larry Daley
Tony Perkis Jr