Ahkmenrah [gesturing to his Tablet]
My parents gave me this tablet some 3,000 years ago. Entrusting me with one of my people's most prized possessions.
Girl 1 Does it do anything?
Ahkmenrah Do anything?
Girl 2 Yeah, what's the point if it doesn't do anything?
Ahkmenrah Actually, it has a magical power to bring all of the exhibits to life!
Girl 2 No, really, what's it do?
Ahkmenrah [stares at them]
Nothing, it's just for decoration...
Girl 1 I knew it.
Girl 2 Mmm-hmm.
[wearing Muhammad Ali's warmup robe]
Ooh, you know, I... I do sort of feel like... like a floating butterfly.
You are crazier than a road lizard.
Ivan the Terrible Mr. Egypt. These two here heard that we're taking over the world and they want in. I don't know who they are, but they're on exhibit here, too, apparently.
I don't even know what they are. [walks up to Oscar the Grouch and Darth Vader] Um, I'm sorry, but we're all full up in our access of evil today. Sorry.
Oscar the Grouch Ah, c'mon! But I'm bad! I'm bad! Hey, I can show you how bad I am! [roars weakly] Fear me! Yeah!
I'm sorry. I'm just not buying it. You don't seem very bad. You just seem sort of... vaguely grouchy to me.
Oscar Oh, boy...
[Darth Vader tries to use his Force Chokehold on Kahmunrah] [confused]
What are you doing? [mimics the hand motion] What is that? What is this? What does it mean? I don't... You've lost me. Is that you breathing? Because I can't hear myself think. Can I make one simple suggestion to you, my friend? Just simplify. There's just too much going on here. You're evil, you're asthmatic, you're a robot. And what is... What is the cape for? Are we going to the opera? I don't think so. [Darth Vader slams the lid of Oscar's trashcan on him as they leave] Sorry. Bye.
RR Roger Rabbit
[Roger Rabbit sees this, then turns around to the audience] [to the audience about Oscar and Darth Vader]
I like them. They're screwy.
Capone Yeah, I got one. How come you're wearin' a dress?
This is not a dress. This is a tunic. It was the height of fashion 3,000 years ago, I assure you. Are there any other questions?
Ivan the Terrible Da. This-a dress you're wearing, do we have to wear one of these, too?
Were you not listening? I just told Mr. Capone here that this not a dress. It is, in fact, a tunic. Very big difference. Are there any other questions?
[Napoleon raises his hand] [getting annoyed]
Are there any questions not about the dress? [catching himself] Tunic?
[Napoleon lowers his hand]
Good.
I am Kahmunrah, the great king of the great kings, and from the darkest depths of ancient history. I have come BACK to life!
Perhaps you did not hear what I just said. I am a centuries-old Egyptian Pharaoh. I was dead, but now I have come BACK to life!
Yeah, no. I heard that. I got that. Welcome back.
[baffled and stammering]
Who are you?
I'm Larry. Larry Daley. I own Daley Devices. It's up in New York. It's funny, I actually know your brother, Ahkmenrah.
Oh, he knows baby brother. The favorite son.
Oh, isn't he just. You know, mother and father always gave him the best of everything, and I do mean everything. They even gave him the throne. The throne which was rightfully MINE!
Oh, he never mentioned that...
No, I bet he didn't. Well, now begins the era of Kahmunrah, because I have come BACK to... Never mind, just hand me the Tablet.
Tell me the combination and give me the tablet right now or I shall KILL all of your friends starting with this little shaggy-headed little cowman here!
I ain't shaggy-headed! Gigantor, let me take this guy!
Don't worry, I got this handled. [to Kahmunrah] You don't wanna give me my friends, then you're not gonna get your combination or your Tablet.
Alright, I'll tell you what, alright. They didn't call me Kahmunrah the Trustworthy for nothing, alright? [starts to hand him the hourglass] Here you go.. [jerks it back] They DIDN'T call me Kahmunrah the trustworthy! They called me Kahmunrah the BLOODTHIRSTY, who kills whoever doesn't give Kahmunrah exactly what he wants in the moment that he wants it, which is RIGHT NOW, when I had also better get the combination and the Tablet!
That's what they called you?
It was shorter in Egyptian.
Great, well, I'll give you the combination after you give him back! [reaches for the tablet]
How dare you! If you touch that again I shall kill you right now. Do not touch this. [makes a line in front of the hourglass with his hand] This is a 'No-Touching' zone!
Good, well, then... [reaches for it]
Oh my GOD! I can't believe you reached across like that again! I can't even believe it! Oh, God! I want to kill you right now! If you didn't know this combination, you would be so dead right now, it would be unbelievable!
Great, well, I do know the combination...
[making a line with his arm]
DON'T CROSS THIS LINE with your hand!
[Larry starts to say something]
How dare you! If you speak again, if you SPEAK AGAIN, I'm going to kill you! Do you understand this? Don't say it! Oh, God I see you getting ready! Oh, my GOD! Don't say anything! Now, give me that Tablet and tell me the combination.
Alright, after you give me Jed and release my friends. [reaches for the hourglass]
[he freaks out]
You did all three! You spoke and you reached your hand across!
Look, I can talk to you about this all night!
How about this? How about I DON'T kill you, like I really, really want to, and I give you precisely five seconds to hand over that Tablet and tell me the combination?
Al Capone [coming in carrying Einstein]
We already got the combination! It's pi. 3.14159265! This little guy sang. Oh did he sing? Like a canary!
EB Einstein Bobblehead
Sorry, Larry.
Capone How come you're wearing a dress?
It's not a dress. It's called a tunic. It was the latest fashion 3,000 years ago. Are there any other questions?
Ivan About this dress, do we have to wear one too?
No. I've already explained to Mr. Al Capone. It's not not a dress; it's called a tunic. There's quite a difference.
You know how you were telling me that the key to happiness was something, but then the sun came up? I think I figured it out. It's doing what you love, with the people you love, isn't it?
Well, I was going to say physical exercise, but the love thing's good, too.
