Steve Carell movie quotes

View Quote [referring to Pollito; smug] Ha! Some guard dog.

View Quote Freeze ray!

View Quote [from TV spot; quietly] Let's get this party started.

View Quote [opposing women in the newsroom] I read somewhere that their periods attract bears. The bears can smell the menstruation.

View Quote I'm Brick Tamland. People seem to like me because I am polite and I am rarely late. I like to eat ice cream and I really enjoy a nice pair of slacks. Years later, a doctor will tell me that I have an I.Q. of 48 and I am what some people call mentally ****.

View Quote (after drinking coffee) Mmm, I just burnt my tongue.

View Quote Dan: Look, you're a fine driver, but the other hundred million--

Jane: If you never let me, I'll never learn.

Dan: But if I let you, you may not live.

View Quote Dan: My kids can't stand me.

Dad: Just means you're doing something right!

View Quote Marie: You. Are. Smooth.

Dan: Actually, I'm not smooth. I'm, uh, Dan.

View Quote [To his minions] What did we do? Well, we stole the Times Square JumboTron! Nice. [all cheering] That's how I roll. Yeah, you all like watching football on that, huh?! But that's not all! We stole the Statue of Liberty! [Minions cheer] The small one from Las Vegas. [Minions groan with disappointment] And I won't even mention the Eiffel Tower. Also Vegas.

View Quote You've got to be pulling on my leg.

View Quote [after Vector steals the shrink ray from Gru and shrinks Gru's ship] Ugh... I hate that guy.

View Quote What, twin brother?

View Quote [about Bratt] Time to blast him back to the 80's!

View Quote There's always a blind choad

View Quote Face it, Gru. Villainy is in your blood!

View Quote ["hugging" Gru while jumping up and down] Oh, I love this guy! Look at him! But hair would make you better. [lightly punches Gru all over as Gru tries to stop him] Look at his face! Oh, he's so mad! [does an impression of Gru's face]

View Quote Hehe, I’m okay. [Gru: Ugh, I miss the minions.]

View Quote [looking up at Vincent, shaking in fear] Scary clown.

View Quote [repeated line] But I like the cookie.

View Quote [running along the hedge] IT NEVER ENDS!!! [runs the opposite way and runs back to the group] It never ends that way too!

View Quote [signing off for the last time] I feel like that old Indian in front of all the garbage. So, for the last time, this is Evan Baxter for Eyewitness News. Goodnight.

View Quote [after the Ark crashes into Congress) We can walk from here.

View Quote (to Long after the Ark crashes into Congress] Hello Congressman. Mind if I park my boat here?

View Quote Distinguished villains, my name is Gru, I feel like i'm talking too loud, even though our proximity doesn't require this kind of volume.

View Quote [last lines] "Big Boss"! I like that.

View Quote When you guys tracked me down after responding to my ad, my first thought was "Where did all these little tater-tots come from, and where did they find so much denim?"

View Quote [Regarding Vennett] I can't hate him. He's so transparent in his self-interest, that I kind of respect him. Would I buy a car from him? No.

View Quote They knew. They knew the taxpayers would bail them out. They weren't being stupid, they just didn't care.

View Quote We're going to wait and we're going to wait and we're going to wait until they feel the pain until they start to bleed.

View Quote Horton is a giant elephant in the sky! [everyone looks up] Don't bother looking. He's invisible. And he's the one risking his life to get Whoville, which by the way is a speck on a clover, TO SAFETY!

View Quote [Speaking to JoJo in the Featured Photos Gallery] You know what's awesome? This is awesome. Just look at the men and women hanging on these walls. You, my boy, are part of a family legacy that spans centuries. You know what? Your grandfather was Mayor of Whoville, mm-hmm. And your great-grandmother, that's right, all the way down to your... [cut to featured photos of his ancestors, including one at Lewis Ginter Botanical Garden Buffalo, which he calls "not-so-great", with the last one depicting a cave Who] ...Great-great-great-great...not-so-great...great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-greeeaat...grandfather. Someday, I hope to join them, and be one of the greats.

View Quote [after being called a "boob" by the Chairman] He has the nerve to call somebody a boob? I would never call somebody a boob. He's a boob. Look at you. Yuck! Look at your face...and I bet you don't look so good with a stapler in your head! [throws a stapler at a painting of the Chairman, which bounces off and hits him in the face, leaving a staple implanted on his forehead, causing him to scream in pain]

View Quote I'm glad you're talking again, Dwayne. You're not nearly as stupid as you look.

View Quote Is that Nietzsche? You don't speak because of Friedrich Nietzsche? Far out.

View Quote No one gets left behind! No one gets left behind! Outstanding soldier! [salutes Dwayne]: Outstanding!

View Quote I do not share my mother's affection for horseflesh, I'll have you know.

View Quote Horses are stupid. Horses eat and shit. That's all they do. It's very silly. It's all very silly.

View Quote Coach is the father. Coach is a mentor. Coach has great power on athlete's life.

View Quote I have loved her even when I hated her... only married couples'll understand that one...

View Quote I will never stop trying. Because when you find the one... you never give up.

View Quote Cal: How about we say what we want on three? One, two, three.
Emily: I want a divorce.
Cal: [at the same time] Creme brulee.

View Quote Barry: In the words of John Lennon; you may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not...
Tim: The only one...
Barry: What?
Tim: You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one... that's the lyric...
Barry: Yeah. Okay, Tim...

View Quote Barry: Vincent Van Gogh. Everyone said to him, "You can't be a great painter, you only have one ear." And you know what he said? "I can't hear you."

View Quote Barry: I know everything! I have laid eggs... *inside of your brain*!
Therman: Get them out of my head!
Barry: You are no longer in control of me! I control you, and you are under my power!
Barry: I know everything. And I release you!

View Quote Brick Tamland: My stomach's itchy.

View Quote Brick Tamland: It wasn't cotton candy like that guy said.

View Quote [At a morning meeting the day after the pool party] Brick Tamland: I ate a whole bunch of fiberglass insulation.

View Quote I still have me arms!

View Quote Anthony: Mom, do you mind?... Please.
Kelly: What? Because of this morning? It's not the first time I've seen your penis, Anthony!
Emily: Mom saw your penis?
Kelly: Yep! I've seen yours too, Alexander. I've seen every penis in this car!
Ben: Every penis.

View Quote Ms. Suggs: Tell me something, Anthony. Are you a senior citizen?
Anthony: No, ma'am.
Ms. Suggs: Good. Then why're you driving 15 miles an hour in a 25-mile zone? C'mon, speed it up. [Anthony speeds up the minivan] That's right. That is right. Boy. Change lanes. [Anthony does so] Now, I want you to take a right up here. [Anthony turns right. Just then, his cell phone vibrates] Celia's calling.
Anthony: It's my girlfriend. Probably wants to talk prom plans. Tonight's the prom. Well, I'll just ignore that.
Ms. Suggs: Seems like she's very anxious to talk to you.
Anthony: No, no, no, I'm driving. I would never answer the phone when I'm driving. No, no matter what circumstance.
Ms. Suggs: But, y'know, proms don't happen every day.
Anthony: That's true. You sure? It'll just be like super quick. It's not...
Ms. Suggs: What's important to you is important to me.
Anthony: [answers his phone] Hey, Celia. I can't really talk right now, but...
Ms. Suggs: Put! The phone! Down!
Anthony: [turns to Miss Suggs] What?
Ms. Suggs: [in a demanding tone] Put that mobile device down, NOW! HEY, EYES ON THE ROAD!
Anthony: [nearly hits another car and swerves off the road] AAAH!! NO, NO!!! [hits several parking meters while screaming]
Ms. Suggs: YOU'RE GONNA KILL US!! AAAAH!! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?! [Anthony pulls back into the DMV and stops] WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! WHAT ARE YOU-- WHAT ARE YOU DOING, YOU FOOL?!
Anthony: [angrily] You tricked me!
Ms. Suggs: Get outta this car. [stamps "FAIL" on the clipboard] You get out of this car!
Anthony: You're EVIL!
Ms. Suggs: You prom creep!
Ben: I don't think he passed.
Ms. Suggs: Get out! GET OUT!
[Anthony swings open the door, only to get a literal door prize from a passing Impala. The door slides right to the Coopers]

View Quote Evan: (spouts angry gibberish) Doo-doo ca-ca poo-poo! (more angry gibberish) PEE-PEE! (laughs embarrased)

View Quote Evan: In other news, the Prime Minister of Sweden visited Washington today, and my tiny little nipples went to France.
Director: What did he just say? Check the prompter.
Technician: The prompter's fine.
Director: Evan, read the copy. Please, the copy's good, just... read it.
Evan: The White House Reception Committee greeted the Prime rib roast Minister, and I do the cha-cha like a sissy girl. I "lika"... do... da cha-cha. I'm sorry, we seem to be having some "tactical" difficulties...

View Quote Evan: (in high-pitched voice) A potential scandal with the Buffalo P.D. surfaced today when the mayor demanded that... When the mayor demanded that the chief... When the mayor demanded that the chief... As a response to allegations... I'm sorry. I seem to have something stuck in my...
Director: Somebody get him some water, please.
Susan: Looks like my new co-anchor might need a glass of water. (Evan laughs in high-pitched voice)

View Quote Hammy: [throws the boomerang again and it hits him again] You stop that!
RJ: [presses his finger on Quillo's nose, keeping the triplets from laughing] Hey! Easy, giggles! Hold it down from there.
Quillo: Okay, RJ.
RJ: And now, back to our program.

View Quote Hammy: Ha, ha! [The boomerang hits him] Ow. [picks up a boomerang and throws it away] Ha, ha! [jumps over the boomerang over and over again. He hums and catches the boomerang. Then he throws it away over and over again until he throw a cookie, a cupcake and an ice cream cone] What the...? Huh? [the boomerang hits him again] Oww!
[Hammy climbs up a tree]
Bucky: Shh! You guys, quiet.
[Hammy sighs and the boomerang is behind him]
Hammy: BEGONE! I don't believe in you. [the boomerang disappears and Hammy sighs. But suddenly, The boomerang keeps spinning behind the tree] NO! All right, I believe in you! [grabs the boomerang] I'll go crazy!
[Hammy digs a hole and drops the boomerang into the hole. He covers the hole and the boomerang hits him again]
Hammy: Oww! This stupid...
[Hammy chops the boomerang into pieces with an axe and puts it in a trunk, devilishly burns it with a cigarette lighter then stomps on the hot ashes]
Hammy: Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot!
[Then steps off before he is continuously hit by the boomerang again]
Hammy: Aww c'mon!
RJ: What do you guys think? Should we tell him?
Spike: [giggles] Oh, come on. We got three more left in the box.

View Quote Hammy: Ha, ha! [The boomerang hits him] Ow. [picks up a boomerang and throws it away] Ha, ha! [jumps over the boomerang over and over again. He hums and catches the boomerang. Then he throws it away over and over again until he throws a cookie, a cupcake and an ice cream cone] What the...? Huh? [the boomerang hits him again] Oww!
[Hammy climbs up a tree]
Bucky: Shh! You guys, quiet.
[Hammy sighs and the boomerang is behind him]
Hammy: BEGONE! I don't believe in you. [the boomerang disappears and he sighs; But suddenly, The boomerang keeps spinning behind the tree] NO! All right, I believe in you! [grabs the boomerang] I'll go crazy! [digs a hole and drops the boomerang into the hole; covers the hole and the boomerang hits him again] Oww! This stupid… [chops the boomerang into pieces with an axe and puts it in a trunk, devilishly burns it with a cigarette lighter then stomps on the hot ashes] Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot! [then steps off before he is continuously hit by the boomerang again] Aww, c'mon!
RJ: What do you guys think? Should we tell him?
Spike: [giggles] Oh, come on. We got three more left in the box.
Verne: [appearing] Hey. RJ? Kids?
Triplets: Here's Uncle Verne.
Verne: What is going on? You're teasing him and you're filming it? Is that what you're doing? [takes the camera out of RJ's hands and throws it out of the hedge] Just give it to me.
RJ: No, Verne. Take it easy. We're just trying to have a little fun.
Verne: Oh, we're having fun?
RJ: That's not what it looks like.
Verne: You had a box of boomerangs, and then he throws them, and they come back and hit him in the head, and you film it? [chuckles sarcastically] Congratulations. So you've turned into human beings.

View Quote I can always guess how many jelly beans are in a jelly bean jar, even if I'm wrong.

View Quote [Ron and Jack Lime's news teams prepare to fight] BBC Anchor: Wait! Here's a headline for you: "Moronic Yank Wank-orman Gets a Bloody Good Hiding From Newsreader From a Superior Country." For we are the BBC News Service! [BBC news team shouts]
Ron Burgundy: Oh, not now!
Jack Lime: [To his news team] Fall back, fall back.
[MTV news team rappels down]
Wesley Jackson: If y'all gonna get down, then Wesley Jackson and the MTV news crew want in!
Brian Fantana: What's "MTV"?
Ron Burgundy: I think it's a venereal disease.
Wesley Jackson: The most requested video of the day: A new band called "Burgundy sucking chest wound"! [MTV news team shouts]
[Entertainment News team arrives on a dune buggy]
Jill Jansen: It wouldn't be a battle without Jill Jansen...
Wendy Van Peel: And Wendy Van Peel, from Entertainment News.
BBC Anchor: Entertainment News is an abomination!
Wendy Van Peel: Who are you wearing today? Oh, look, it's your own blood!
Jill Jansen: Today's celebrity birthdays: None. Today's celebrity deaths: All you dick-licks!
Brian Fantana: I like how they're put together.
Champ Kind: I like fighting girls.
Jill Jansen: I like to ****-punt cowboys.
Wendy Van Peel: You eat pussy?
Jill Jansen: You're gonna.
Scott Riles: HEEEEYYY! There's not gonna be any fight without Scott Riles and the incredibly polite Canadian News Team. [Canada News Team shouts]
Quebec News Anchor: What about the French-speaking Quebec News? The real voice of Canada!
Scott Riles: Give it a rest, eh?
Champ Kind: Give me a break! They can't have news. Nothing happens in Canada!
Scott Riles: We're gonna mop the floor with ya! We're gonna put the boots to ya! Sorry.
Quebec News Anchor: Sorry. We're gonna gouge yer eyes out, and kick yer head in!
Scott Riles and Quebec News Anchor: Sorry!
Brick Tamland:...I like your ginger ale!
[ SportsCenter theme plays]
Jeff Bullington: Jeff Bullington, ESPN, all sports. Tonight's Play of the Day is me, extracting your spine from your dead body!
Brian Fantana: Holy shit, there's a lot of news!
Ron Burgundy: It's true, the market has become saturated.
History Network Host: Hey! The History Network wants in on this. We're news too! Only news told much, much later! [History Network team shouts]
Ron Burgundy: Wait a minute, is that the ghost of Stonewall Jackson with you?
History Network Host: Yes, it is. And the mighty minotaur!
Jack Lime: Eh, I don't know about this, man. The minotaur isn't even history. It's mythology!
Ron Burgundy: Hey, let's not downplay the fact that that's the ghost of Stonewall Jackson!
Ghost of Stonewall Jackson: May the Lord anoint this hallowed field of battle.
Mack Tannen: You guys got room in this battle for an old war horse?
Ron Burgundy: Mack Tannen? What are you doing here, you're too old for this!
Mack Tannen: Well, you see, there's the thing: When there's an early moon, I almost feel like a stallion again!
Champ Kind: He's on our side, right Ron?
[Tannen transforms into a werewolf]
Ron Burgundy: He's a were-hyena!
Wesley Jackson: I'm gonna call Michael Jackson, I got a video idea!
Ron Burgundy: Alright, everyone, listen up! By virtue of being on this battlefield, there is no return! People will die!
Jill Jansen: [Quietly] I'm so horny right now.
Ron Burgundy: Some will be disfigured! In some cases, lasting friendships will be made! And as usual: No touching of the hair and face!
Scott Riles: C'mon! What do we look like, rookies?
Scott Riles and Quebec News anchor: Sorry.
Ron Burgundy: When El Trousias, Maiden of the Clouds, blows the battle horn, let the battle begin!
El Trousias: I am El Trousias! Hear my sirens song! [Blows her horn]
Jeff Bullington: El Trousias...the juiciest, hmm!
El Trousias: [Finishes blowing her horn]...That means you can start.
Ron Burgundy: Brick, what the hell is that?
Brick Tamland: It's a gun...from the future.
Wesley Jackson: No fair, he has a gun from the future!
Ron Burgundy: Where did you get it from?
[Brick giggles]