Cal quotes from Crazy, Stupid, Love. (2011)
Played by Steve Carell
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I have loved her even when I hated her... only married couples'll understand that one...
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I will never stop trying. Because when you find the one... you never give up.
Scenes with Cal
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Cal: How about we say what we want on three? One, two, three.
Emily: I want a divorce.
Cal: [at the same time] Creme brulee.
Emily: I want a divorce.
Cal: [at the same time] Creme brulee.
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Jacob: Permission to speak candidly, sir.
Cal: Uh, think you've already gone - there.
Jacob: You're sitting there with a Supercuts haircut, you're gettin' drunk on watered-down vodka cranberries like a 14-year-old girl, and you're wearing a 44 when you should be wearing a 42 regular. Honestly, I don't know if I should help you or I should euthanize you.
Cal: Uh, think you've already gone - there.
Jacob: You're sitting there with a Supercuts haircut, you're gettin' drunk on watered-down vodka cranberries like a 14-year-old girl, and you're wearing a 44 when you should be wearing a 42 regular. Honestly, I don't know if I should help you or I should euthanize you.
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Jacob: The skin under your eyes is starting to look like Hugh Hefner's ball sack.
Cal: [carefully looks at himself in the mirror and sighs] Yes, it is.
Cal: [carefully looks at himself in the mirror and sighs] Yes, it is.
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Jacob: [looking at Cal's shoes] Are you Steve Jobs?
Cal: What?
Jacob: Are you the billionaire owner of Apple Computers?
Cal: No.
Jacob: Oh, OK. In that case, you've got no right to wear New Balance sneakers, ever.
Cal: What?
Jacob: Are you the billionaire owner of Apple Computers?
Cal: No.
Jacob: Oh, OK. In that case, you've got no right to wear New Balance sneakers, ever.
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Jacob: Let's talk about how many women you've been with.
Cal: Sexually?
Jacob: Yeah, no, I mean break-dance fighting.
Cal: Sexually?
Jacob: Yeah, no, I mean break-dance fighting.
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Cal: I have children--plural. And my wife was cheating on me with David Lindhagen, which I wasn't supposed to tell you about either, but I did. Nice to meet you.
Kate: What were you supposed to tell me?
Cal: I don't know. I don't know. I was supposed to say that you are the perfect combination of sexy and cute, which is actually something that I used to say to my wife. But now it's become corrupted. And I have 18 layers of clothes on. I'm wearing a shirt and a tie, and a sweater, and a suede jacket that just seals in all the heat. Seals in all the juices. I'm just--it's all sweat under here. This is just sweat from here down. I'm--this--this sweater, this is called "slim cut", but it feels like a scuba suit. And I'm looking at your breasts. What's that about?
Kate: You think I'm the perfect combination of sexy and cute?
Cal: That's what you picked up from what I just said?
Kate: What were you supposed to tell me?
Cal: I don't know. I don't know. I was supposed to say that you are the perfect combination of sexy and cute, which is actually something that I used to say to my wife. But now it's become corrupted. And I have 18 layers of clothes on. I'm wearing a shirt and a tie, and a sweater, and a suede jacket that just seals in all the heat. Seals in all the juices. I'm just--it's all sweat under here. This is just sweat from here down. I'm--this--this sweater, this is called "slim cut", but it feels like a scuba suit. And I'm looking at your breasts. What's that about?
Kate: You think I'm the perfect combination of sexy and cute?
Cal: That's what you picked up from what I just said?
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Cal: I'm so mad at you. I'm really mad at you for what you did. But I'm mad at myself too. Because I should not have jumped out of that car - I should have fought for you. Because you fight for your soul mates. At least, that's what my 13-year-old son tells me.
Emily: He's a really strange kid.
Cal: He scares the shit out of me.
Emily: I miss you too.
Emily: He's a really strange kid.
Cal: He scares the shit out of me.
Emily: I miss you too.