Gru There's always a blind choad
Most-quoted character in Despicable Me 3 (2017): in 23 of its 43 quotes
Most scenes with: Bratt (8), Lucy (7), Balthazar Bratt (6)
What, twin brother?
More lines from Gru
5 quotes Gru Gru [about Bratt]
Time to blast him back to the 80's!
Gru There is always a blind guy.
Gru Get ready, Bratt! You are about to be blasted back to the 80s!
Gru Quick, jump!
Scenes with Gru
17 scenes
We're already here! Agents Grucy are closing fast!
Gru Yes! Wait, what? What did you call us?
Grucy! Y'know, "Gru" and "Lucy" smooshed together. Try it.
Gru I like it but not a lot... I don't like it.
Hello, Gru! How's your transition coming? Y'know, from world's worst villain to world's worst agent? [aims a gun at Gru]
Gru Oh, that's hilarious! You should be on TV! [smacks the gun off Bratt's hand] Oh, that's right! You were! [pulls out his freeze ray] But then you got cancelled!
Gru [smacks the gun away and then pulls out a small water pistol]
Oh-ho! What about that? Wha? Oh! Girls! [throws the water pistol at Bratt's head]
Gru! Did you actually think I was unconscious?
Gru What?
It's called acting, hoser. And clearly, I've still got it! [plays the intro to Van Halen's "Jump" on his sonic keytar, blowing Gru off of the ship] I've been a bad boy! Ha, ha, ha, ha, haaa!
Gru [the Minions are cheering because they want to go back to villainy]
Guys! Shh, shh, shh, shh! I don't think you heard me right! No, no, no, no, no, no, no! This does not mean that we're going back to being villains!
Minions
Awww...
Stuart
Pinyoof la komiko!
Gru Okay, alright, I get it. Look, I know it's been a little tough lately, especially with Dr. Nefario accidentally freezing himself in carbonite. [we see Dr. Nefario completely frozen while three Minions try to break him out] But our life of crime is over! Ugh. Mel! Mel, you're with me on this, right?
Mel
Ugh! Looka! [starts a slideshow] Bueno!
Minions
[the slide is Gru riding a tank while carrying enormous sacks of money with a happy face]
YEEEAAAAAHHH!
Mel
Pinyoof!
Minions
[the slide changes to Gru riding a lawnmower with a bored face]
BOOOOOOOOO!
Mel
Bueno!
Minions
[the slide changes to Gru avoiding infrared lights while stealing a golden artifact]
YEEEAAAAAHHH!
Mel
Pinyoof!
Minions
[the slide changes to Gru picking up Kyle's poop with a disgusted look on his face]
OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHH!
Mel
Bueno!
Minions
[the slide changes to Gru about to detonate a load of dynamite with a gleeful look on his face]
YEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!
Mel
Pinyoof!
Minions
[the slide changes to Gru unclogging a toilet with a plunger and a disgusted face]
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Mel
MINIONS, NO LE PINYOOF! [the Minions all rouse up] Pinyoof, pinyoof, pinyoof!
Gru Guys, listen to me! Read my lips! Leso me lipo! Pomo doro la comquit! [the Minions laugh] What? What did I say? [pulls out a Minions language book] It's not "comquit"? Ah, okay. Pomo doro la kumquat!
Mel
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Pulisso kumquit parado. Lury para yo.
Gru Don't take that tone with me! We're not going back to villainy!
Mel
Uh? No pirany?
Gru Yes! And I don't want to hear another word about it! [the Minions all blow raspberries at Gru] Look! If you guys don't stop right now, there will be consequences!
Mel
Eh? Poro es me moro!
Gru Hey, don't say anything you're going to regret!
Mel
Ooh, no re paros! El es quita! Choperu! [he and the other Minions leave]
Gru What, you quit? You're serious? Come on! [Bob angrily stomps on Mel's Gru hat and leaves with all the Minions... except for Dave and Jerry, who just walked into the room, unaware of what just happened] Dave, Jerry! Good news, guys! You've just been promoted! You're in charge now! Huh? Not bad!
Dave and Jerry
[whoop excitingly as they tear off their Hawaiian costumes and begin rubbing their butts together]
ROOBA, ROOBA, ROOBA, ROOBA!
Gru Oh.. GEESH!
Gru [runs over to Agnes after she sells the fluffy unicorn]
Agnes, what are you doing? You... you sold your unicorn?
Well, I just wanted to help since you don't have a job. I got 2 whole dollars for it!
Dave and Jerry
Aww...
Gru Wait, what? It's true? You never told me I had a brother, and you told me that Dad died of disappointment when I was born!
Marlena
Yeah. That was the agreement.
Gru "Agreement"? What are you talking about? (Mom, what really happened?)
Marlena
[sighs] (Well, okay, I tell you the truth.)
Shortly after you and your brother were born, your father and I divorced. We each took 1 son to raise on our own and promised never to see each other again. Obviously, I got second pick.
Gru [to himself]
I have a brother…
So, brother, how are things going for you career-wise?
Gru [laughs nervously]
Great. So, so great... crushing it...
[After returning to the lair from stealing the Dupont Diamond from Bratt, Dru learns of Gru's true motives for said heist, and he is not happy]
I'll get the girls and start packing and tell them the good news! ♪ Oh, getting out jobs back! Yeah! ♪ [leaves]
Gru Yes, yes, go tell the girls. [turns to Dru, who is still scowling and sulking] Dru.
No, no way! We can't give the diamond back! [tries to yank it out of Gru's hands]
Gru I have to!
No, you don't!
Gru Yes, I do!
Give it!
Gru No!
Give it!
Gru [swipes the diamond out of Dru's grasp]
No!
GIVE IT! [kicks Gru in the shin]
Gru Ow! What is wrong with you?
What is wrong with you?
Gru You kicked me!
You-you lied to me!
Gru Hey, I would've told you the truth, but you're too much of a wimp to handle it! That's it, I'm outta here.
You have no right to take that! We stole it together!
Gru Together? [scoffs] You gotta be kidding me! You did nothing but screw up the whole time! I got this in spite of you!
Oh, yeah?! Well, at least I didn't get fired from my job like a total loser!
Gru At least I had a job! What have you accomplished that was so great? I'll tell you what - NOTHING! No wonder Dad thought you were such a failure. [Dru gasps as Gru begins to leave]
WE ARE NO LONGER BROTHERS!
Gru THAT'S FINE WITH ME! [leaves]
[Dru growls in anger, and then feels hurt and heartbreak]
"Lucy": Whoo-hoo! [scatting] Whoo! I will take this. [takes the diamond on Gru’s hand] You've been a bad boy, Gru. [slaps on Gru’s face] Can you get the rest of the suitcases? Come on! Girls. Let's go! [singing] Let's get physical, physical… [The girls are packing the suitcases to going home and Gru leaves; outside "Lucy" and the girls are going inside the plane; continues singing insistinctly] Change of plans, girls. [straining] Instead of going home… Eyebrows! Ow! [grunts; Lucy pulls of her face, revealing to actually be... Bratt in disguise!]
...We're going to Hollywood! [laughs evilly; the girls gasp in horror] Now, that's what I call acting. [chuckling] Let's go, Clive! We've got a giant robot waiting! [Clive laughs]
Gru [At the mansion, Gru is about to leave out the door when suddenly he hears banging from the closet]
Huh? [opens the closet door and gasps] Lucy? [finds the real Lucy bound and gagged in the closet, removes her gag] But...
Bratt! He took the girls!
Gru What? No! [watches in horror as the jet flies off; he and Lucy rush into Dru's room where Dru is drowning his misery in ice cream after his argument] Dru! Dru!
Gru (We need your help.)
Bratt has the girls! [Dru gasps in shock. Cut to Gru, Dru, and Lucy flying on their hovercraft] Listen, brother, about-about what I said, I–
No, I'm the one.
Gru I shouldn't have... I'm... I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry, Gru.
Celebrity
Thank you. Thank you so... Oh! [All shrieking] No! No! No, you can’t leave me here! I’m famous!
Edith [All shrieking] [Pants and Shrieks] [Shrieks]
Hey, mullet head! Let us out!
Oh, do not worry, girls. I’ve prepare a front row seat for you.
Once again, I win and Gru loses! Enjoy the show, girls.
Gru [All gasp]
What in the heck?
Oh! I hope the girls are okay.
Bratt! Bratt at 9:00... No! 3:00! He's on the left! [gasps] No! I’ve seen this episode! He’s going to bubblegum the whole city and send it up into space!
[after Dru disabled the robot, Gru, regaining consciousness, searches for Dru, only to be confronted by a furious Bratt]
You've ruined everything! And now it's time to die! Any last words, Gru?
Gru You know what? I got two words for you. Dance fight! [starts dancing]
Oh, it is on like Donkey Kong! I'm gonna enjoy this! [he and Gru dance fight]
Game over! [laughs evilly as he searches for his keytar only to find it missing] Huh?
Gru [holding Bratt's keytar]
Is this what you're looking for?
No! [gets blasted away by Gru into the bubble gum, similar to Bratt blasting away Gru in the beginning, this time playing Dire Straits' Money for Nothing] No! Curse you, Gru! Ow! Curse you!
A.V.L. Tech
Sir, the ship has been boarded by some kinda of... monster!
Wait, that’s not a monster. [zooms in on the boat, revealing Bratt] That's a man wearing shoulder pads! There's only one supervillain whose fashion sense is quite that dated, Balthazar Bratt. Blast it, the Dumont Diamond is on that ship! I want every agent in the area on the scene immediately!
We're already here! Agents Grucy are closing fast!
Gru Yeah! Wait. What? What did you call us?
Grucy! You know, Gru and Lucy mushed together. Try it.
Gru Oh, I like it, but not a lot. I don't like it.
Gru! Did you actually think I was unconscious?
Gru Huh?
It's called acting, hoser. And clearly, I've still got it!
Gru Agh! Whoa! AGHHH! Ooh-aaah! Whoa! Aaaaah! Woahhhh! Whoa! Ah-ho-ho-ho! Whoa! Aaaah! Oh! Ah! Ow!
Gru [Bratt music plays the intro to Jump by Van Halen on his sonic keytar, blowing Gru off of the ship] [cries out]
Brat
I've been a ba-a-ad boy! Ha-ha-ha-ha!
Alpha Team Leader
Freeze! Don't move!
Son of a Beta-max!
Thank you for coming in such short notice. It is with great sadness that I must inform that as of today, I am retiring as head of the AVL.
Your new leader is coming directly from head office, effective immediately. She is the very gifted. [under his breath] The very ambitious, Miss Valerie da Vinci. As I look out over all your faces, I am fluttered with so many memories.
Valerie da Vinci
Oh, boy, this is a snooze fest! Blah, blah, blah, we understand, you're old, look, you're fat, you're done.
Ooh! [grunts] Let me breathe in! [gets shoved into the ejection hole]
Valerie
Whew, broke a little sweat there. [chuckles] First order of business. [clears her throat] WHICH ONE OF YOU LOSERS IS AGENT GRU?!
Gru Oh, that would be me. Although, I don't know if I'd say "loser," per se. Kind of is... [gasps and hears his phone ringing, he pulls it out, looking at Agenes, Margo and Edith] Oh, it's the girls. Not a good time.
Valerie
Hey!
Gru [screams]
Yes, sir! [gasping] Uh, ma'am? You're making me nervous.
Valerie
How could you let Balthazar Bratt, the AVL's most wanted villain, just get away? That is the opposite of what we do here!
Gru Okay, okay. Yes, maybe he got away. Again. But he didn't get the diamond. And I am this close to bringing him in. This close.
Valerie
Huh. Interesting. YOU'RE FIRED!
Gru [gasps]
What?
That's totally not fair. Gru is a great agent! You know what? If you fire him, you're gonna have to fire me, sister-sister. And do you really want to do that? Do ya?
Gru [the men throw Gru and Lucy]
No, no, no, no, no, hey!
Fritz
Please, come in.
Gru [screaming]
Oh, this is so amazing. It's like the Sistine Chappell! But with pigs.
Both
[He comes the stairs and Gru is amazed]
My brother!
Gru!
Gru Dru!
[he is laughing and he takes off his hat and shown his blonde hair that Gru is uncomfortable]
Eh… [notices Lucy and dances with her] You must be the beautiful wife!
Beautiful? Oh! [Dru twirls her around and catches her; laughs] Stop it! [tugs Dru's scarf] Sweet talker.
[wraps his arm around Gru, with the other still holding Lucy]
How is my brother finding a wife like you when he is so bald? [rubs Gru's head] I'm joking!
Game over! [laughs evilly as he tries to reach for his keytar, but realizes that it's gone]
Gru [to Bratt, who has got Bratt's keytar]
Is this what you're looking for?
[last words]
NO!!! [Gru blasts energy at him by music playing with Money for Nothing by Dire Straits.] No! Ow! No! Whoa! Aaaah! [The blast blows off Bratt's clothes] Waaaah! [and he tumbles backwards.] Ah! Oh! Whoa! No! [Dangling upside down from a bubble of gum, he floats away] NO...! [Gru drops the keytar, then walks off.] Curse you, Gru! [Due to him being upside down, he bumps his head into an Onions billboard as Anti-Villain League helicopters fly over to him] D'oh! Curse you!
