Lucy
We're already here! Agents Grucy are closing fast!
Gru
Yes! Wait, what? What did you call us?
Lucy
Grucy! Y'know, "Gru" and "Lucy" smooshed together. Try it.
Gru
I like it but not a lot... I don't like it.
Scenes with Lucy
15 scenes Lucy
Gru
Lucy
Gru
Silas
Thank you for coming in such short notice. It is with great sadness that I must inform that as of today, I am retiring as head of the AVL.
Lucy
[all the agents gasp in shock]
Oh, no!
Silas
Your new leader is coming directly from head office, effective immediately. She is the very gifted… [under his breath] ...The very ambitious, Miss Valerie Da Vinci. As I look out over all your faces, I am fluttered with so many memories.
Valerie Da Vinci
Oh, boy, this is a snooze fest! Blah, blah, blah, we understand, you're old, look, you're fat, you're done.
Silas
Ooh! [grunts] Let me breathe in! [gets shoved into the ejection hole]
Valerie Da Vinci
Whew, broke a little sweat there. [chuckles] First order of business. [clears throat] Which one of you losers is Agent Gru?!
Dru
[notices Lucy and dances with her]
You must be the beautiful wife.
Lucy
Beautiful? Oh! [Dru twirls her around and catches her] [laughs] Stop it! [tugs Dru's scarf] Sweet talker.
Dru
[then wraps his arm around Gru, with the other still holding Lucy]
How is my brother finding a wife like you when he is so bald? [rubs Gru's head] I'm joking!
Lucy
So... what did you guys do today?
Gru and Dru
[lying]
Nothing!
Margo
Um...
Lucy
What?
Margo
It's okay to tell them "no" sometimes, too. You know? Moms need to be tough.
Lucy
Right. Tough. I can totally do that! Still figuring out this mom thing. [imitates a pirate captain] Getting my sea legs, matey.
Margo
My mom and dad.
Lucy
[Dru's doorbell rings. Lucy answers it]
Hello? [sees Niko] Oh, hi.
Niko
Hello, mother of Margo. I am Niko. I present you with pig to confirm my engagement to your daughter.
Lucy
[The pig squeals] [laughs]
Hey, what now?
Margo
What's going on? Go on.
Lucy
Uh, remember Little Boots?
Niko
Hello, my schmoopsie-poo. [tries to kiss Margo]
Margo
Whoa! Hey!
Lucy
He seems to think you're engaged. [laughs]
Margo
What? [as Niko kisses her hand] We're not engaged.
Lucy
[Lucy hears a knock at the door]
Ugh, here we go. Niko... [gasps]
Niko's mother
[Niko is standing next to an angry woman carrying a baby. It is his mother]
You... refuse my son's engagement pig?
Lucy
What?
Niko's mother
May you and your daughter die a slow death and be buried with onions!
Lucy
[She spits at Margo. The baby also spits. Margo gasps in fright and hides behind Lucy, holding her hand. Lucy gets angry]
All right, lady, that's it! Nobody... nobody curses my daughter! You got that? [Margo is surprised by how Lucy is defending her] Because if you mess with Margo, you mess with me and I promise you do not want to mess with me! Do you understand me?
Margo
It's okay.
Niko's mother
Yes, yes.
Lucy
[calmly]
Good. Now... [angrily] Get! [Niko's mother takes her son's hand and they hurry off. Lucy then turns to Margo, thinking she's still upset with her] Look, Margo, I think we just need to–
[Margo hugs her tightly. Lucy is startled at first, but hugs her too]
Lucy
[After returning to the lair from stealing the Dupont Diamond from Bratt, Dru learns of Gru's true motives for said heist, and he is not happy]
I'll get the girls and start packing and tell them the good news! ♪ Oh, getting out jobs back! Yeah! ♪ [leaves]
Gru
Yes, yes, go tell the girls. [turns to Dru, who is still scowling and sulking] Dru.
Dru
No, no way! We can't give the diamond back! [tries to yank it out of Gru's hands]
Gru
I have to!
Dru
No, you don't!
Gru
Yes, I do!
Dru
Give it!
Gru
No!
Dru
Give it!
Gru
[swipes the diamond out of Dru's grasp]
No!
Dru
GIVE IT! [kicks Gru in the shin]
Gru
Ow! What is wrong with you?
Dru
What is wrong with you?
Gru
You kicked me!
Dru
You-you lied to me!
Gru
Hey, I would've told you the truth, but you're too much of a wimp to handle it! That's it, I'm outta here.
Dru
You have no right to take that! We stole it together!
Gru
Together? [scoffs] You gotta be kidding me! You did nothing but screw up the whole time! I got this in spite of you!
Dru
Oh, yeah?! Well, at least I didn't get fired from my job like a total loser!
Gru
At least I had a job! What have you accomplished that was so great? I'll tell you what - NOTHING! No wonder Dad thought you were such a failure. [Dru gasps as Gru begins to leave]
Dru
WE ARE NO LONGER BROTHERS!
Gru
THAT'S FINE WITH ME! [leaves]
[Dru growls in anger, and then feels hurt and heartbreak]
"Lucy": Whoo-hoo! [scatting] Whoo! I will take this. [takes the diamond on Gru’s hand] You've been a bad boy, Gru. [slaps on Gru’s face] Can you get the rest of the suitcases? Come on! Girls. Let's go! [singing] Let's get physical, physical… [The girls are packing the suitcases to going home and Gru leaves; outside "Lucy" and the girls are going inside the plane; continues singing insistinctly] Change of plans, girls. [straining] Instead of going home… Eyebrows! Ow! [grunts; Lucy pulls of her face, revealing to actually be... Bratt in disguise!]
Bratt
...We're going to Hollywood! [laughs evilly; the girls gasp in horror] Now, that's what I call acting. [chuckling] Let's go, Clive! We've got a giant robot waiting! [Clive laughs]
Gru
[At the mansion, Gru is about to leave out the door when suddenly he hears banging from the closet]
Huh? [opens the closet door and gasps] Lucy? [finds the real Lucy bound and gagged in the closet, removes her gag] But...
Lucy
Bratt! He took the girls!
Gru
What? No! [watches in horror as the jet flies off; he and Lucy rush into Dru's room where Dru is drowning his misery in ice cream after his argument] Dru! Dru!
Dru
[turns his back on Gru]
Go away! I don't wanna talk to you.
Gru
(We need your help.)
Bratt has the girls! [Dru gasps in shock. Cut to Gru, Dru, and Lucy flying on their hovercraft] Listen, brother, about-about what I said, I–
Dru
No, I'm the one.
Gru
I shouldn't have... I'm... I'm sorry.
Dru
I'm so sorry, Gru.
Bratt
[chortling]
Hello, Hollywood! [on speaker] I am back and bigger than ever.
Agnes
[shrieking]
I'm scared! Oh my.
Celebrity
Thank you. Thank you so... Oh! [All shrieking] No! No! No, you can’t leave me here! I’m famous!
Bratt
[chortles]
Clive, arm the cannons. Chew on this! [shrieking; chortling]
Edith
[All shrieking] [Pants and Shrieks] [Shrieks]
Hey, mullet head! Let us out!
Bratt
Oh, do not worry, girls. I’ve prepare a front row seat for you.
Margo
[All gasping and shrieking] [Agnes shrieks]
Agnes!
Bratt
Once again, I win and Gru loses! Enjoy the show, girls.
Gru
[All gasp]
What in the heck?
Lucy
Oh! I hope the girls are okay.
Dru
Bratt! Bratt at 9:00... No! 3:00! He's on the left! [gasps] No! I’ve seen this episode! He’s going to bubblegum the whole city and send it up into space!
Lucy
[gasps]
Hurry!
[Dru [gasps]
A.V.L. Tech
Sir, the ship has been boarded by some kinda of... monster!
Silas Ramsbottom
Wait, that’s not a monster. [zooms in on the boat, revealing Bratt] That's a man wearing shoulder pads! There's only one supervillain whose fashion sense is quite that dated, Balthazar Bratt. Blast it, the Dumont Diamond is on that ship! I want every agent in the area on the scene immediately!
Lucy
We're already here! Agents Grucy are closing fast!
Gru
Yeah! Wait. What? What did you call us?
Lucy
Grucy! You know, Gru and Lucy mushed together. Try it.
Gru
Oh, I like it, but not a lot. I don't like it.
Silas
Thank you for coming in such short notice. It is with great sadness that I must inform that as of today, I am retiring as head of the AVL.
Lucy
[All the agents gasp in shock]
Oh, no!
Silas
Your new leader is coming directly from head office, effective immediately. She is the very gifted. [under his breath] The very ambitious, Miss Valerie da Vinci. As I look out over all your faces, I am fluttered with so many memories.
Valerie da Vinci
Oh, boy, this is a snooze fest! Blah, blah, blah, we understand, you're old, look, you're fat, you're done.
Silas
Ooh! [grunts] Let me breathe in! [gets shoved into the ejection hole]
Valerie
Whew, broke a little sweat there. [chuckles] First order of business. [clears her throat] WHICH ONE OF YOU LOSERS IS AGENT GRU?!
Gru
Oh, that would be me. Although, I don't know if I'd say "loser," per se. Kind of is... [gasps and hears his phone ringing, he pulls it out, looking at Agenes, Margo and Edith] Oh, it's the girls. Not a good time.
Valerie
Hey!
Gru
[screams]
Yes, sir! [gasping] Uh, ma'am? You're making me nervous.
Valerie
How could you let Balthazar Bratt, the AVL's most wanted villain, just get away? That is the opposite of what we do here!
Gru
Okay, okay. Yes, maybe he got away. Again. But he didn't get the diamond. And I am this close to bringing him in. This close.
Valerie
Huh. Interesting. YOU'RE FIRED!
Gru
[gasps]
What?
Lucy
That's totally not fair. Gru is a great agent! You know what? If you fire him, you're gonna have to fire me, sister-sister. And do you really want to do that? Do ya?
Gru
[the men throw Gru and Lucy]
No, no, no, no, no, hey!
Lucy
[they both fall down, screaming, putting parachutes on]
Well, I guess she did.
Fritz
Please, come in.
Gru
[screaming]
Lucy
Oh, this is so amazing. It's like the Sistine Chappell! But with pigs.
Dru
[laughing]
My brother!
Both
[He comes the stairs and Gru is amazed]
My brother!
Dru
Gru!
Gru
Dru!
Dru
[he is laughing and he takes off his hat and shown his blonde hair that Gru is uncomfortable]
Eh… [notices Lucy and dances with her] You must be the beautiful wife!
Lucy
Beautiful? Oh! [Dru twirls her around and catches her; laughs] Stop it! [tugs Dru's scarf] Sweet talker.
Dru
[wraps his arm around Gru, with the other still holding Lucy]
How is my brother finding a wife like you when he is so bald? [rubs Gru's head] I'm joking!
Scar-Faced Man
[Edith and Agnes are at the Tipsy Unicorn tavern. Agnes discovers a real unicorn's horn.]
I'm telling you I saw one once. With my own eye! [On 'eye', he bends down toward Agnes' face]
Agnes
[waving her arms to halt the man]
Wait, wait, wait. You saw a for-real live UNICORN?! What did it look like? What do you think?[gasps] Did you pet it? Did it smell like candy? [shocks and rages] Was it FLUFYYYYYY?!
Scar-Faced Man
It was so fluffy; I thought I was gonna die!
Agnes
Do you think maybe I could find one, too?
Scar-Faced Man
Oh. They say if a maiden pure of heart goes into the Crooked Forest, the unicorn will come and be hers, forever.
Lucy
[Agnes holds her breath and starts screaming, causing breaking the window. Lucy heard Agnes screaming]
AGNES! [kicks the man, grabbing the man, kicking the man, grabbing the table, kicking the man] Goal! Excuse me. [takes a dart off, putting another on the nose] Girls, don't worry, I'm here. Are you okay?
Edith
Yeah, we're fine. Are you?
Agnes
Unicorns are really real! And I'm gonna find one!
Lucy
Aw. Sorry. Went a little Mama Bear on you. You know, I heard a scream and... Yeah, okay. Have a good one.
Lucy
[After Agnes called Lucy "mom"]
I'm a mom. I'm a mom!
[Lucy gets excited as she runs off]
