Kristen Wiig movie quotes

View Quote [after being asked about transferring to Australia] Well, it's not definite yet. Still figuring it out. Already been working on my accent. [Australian accent] Wallaby. Didgeridoo. Hugh Jackman.

View Quote [to Gru; searches her purse and takes out a lipstick-shaped stun gun] You know, you really should announce your weapons after you fire them, Mr. Gru. For example, [shocks Gru with the stun gun, dropping his freeze ray in reaction to it; in a happy singsong voice] Lipstick tazer! [Gru passes out]

View Quote [after avoiding cupcakes falling down] Wasn't expecting that. Or was I?

View Quote Kevin? That's a manly name! My name's Erin. With an E... for Every... thing you want.

View Quote Proton guns are all well and good, but sometimes you need the Swiss Army.

View Quote (after getting slimed) That stuff went everywhere, by the way. In every crack. Very hard to wash off.

View Quote Margo: Um...
Lucy: What?
Margo: It's okay to tell them "no" sometimes, too. You know? Moms need to be tough.
Lucy: Right. Tough. I can totally do that! Still figuring out this mom thing. [imitates a pirate captain] Getting my sea legs, matey.
Margo: My mom and dad.

View Quote Lucy: We're already here! Agents Grucy are closing fast!
Gru: Yes! Wait, what? What did you call us?
Lucy: Grucy! Y'know, "Gru" and "Lucy" smooshed together. Try it.
Gru: I like it but not a lot... I don't like it.

View Quote Lucy: So... what did you guys do today?
Gru and Dru: [lying] Nothing!

View Quote Frank: Hey, Brenda. What up, girl? [chuckles] Sorry about those guys. They're such **** dicks, right?
Carl: [off-screen] Uh, I can hear you, dude.
Frank: [turns to Carl] Shut up, **** you. [turns back to Brenda] So looks like tomorrow's the big day, huh? [chuckles] You and me, finally gonna be official.
Brenda: I'm so happy the Gods put our packages together.
Frank: It's because, we belong together.
Brenda: It's like, we were made for each other.
Frank: I can't wait just finally get up in there, just raw dog it. But full disclosure, I'm pretty **** nervous about this. I don't know how well, I'm gonna perform once it happens. I've obviously never been in a bun, so. [laughs]
Brenda: Hey, I'm not gonna be any better. I've never opened up. I mean, look how tight I am.
Frank: Oh, sweet **** ****. Look, okay. I know it's against the rules. But I can't wait anymore. I need to just feel you.
Brenda: Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Both Frank and Brenda: Just the tips?
Brenda: I can't believe we're doing this.
Frank: I know. We're so naughty. [Laughs]
[Frank and Brenda are about to touch the tips but then stop]
Brenda: But it's fine, right? I mean, nothing bad's ever happened from just the tips.
Frank: No. No, no, no. No, no, no, no, no.
[Frank and Brenda then touch the tips]
Frank & Brenda: Ah.
Frank: Ooh. Oh yeah, go in there.
Brenda: Ooh. Big tip.
Frank: Oh, you wouldn't dare.

View Quote Honey Mustard: WAKE UP! They're lying to your **** faces! THE GREAT BEYOND IS BULLSHIT! Why isn't anyone listening to me?!
Frank: Hey, buddy. Are you alright?
Honey Mustard: NO! I'm not alright! It's all a lie! Everything you've been told, everything you believe in.
Carl: Hey, Honey Mustard, you acting cray-cray!
Brenda: Carl, we shouldn't even be talking to this asshole. Everyone knows Honey Mustard's weird. I mean, what is he? Honey? Is he mustard? It's like, make up your mind, or just kill yourself.
Honey Mustard: You **** idiots! I've been there. I've seen that shit, and there ain't no way I'm going back.
Frank: Wait, wait, wait, wait, you've been to the Great Beyond?
Honey Mustard: "Great", my ASSHOLE! Everything we've ever known is a dirt-covered pile of shit, jacking off in our **** faces, covering our eyes with their ****, so ****-covered we can't **** see! We don't know! We don't know they're jerking off into our eyes! Our faces!
Brenda: Dude, shut up, the gods are gonna hear you talking about them...
Honey Mustard: They ain't gods. They're monsters! Horrible, ugly, disgusting, monsters! They ain't gonna get Honey Mustard twice. [gives the human the finger] **** YOU, GODS! I've got a date with oblivion.

View Quote Lavash: Get away from me. Don't touch me. It was YOU! You cocksucking bagel ****face!
Cereal: Hey, watch it!
Lavash: You pushed me out of the cart! No surprise there, huh? A bagel trying to kill a lavash, once again.
Sammy Bagel Jr.: I pushed YOU? What are you, nuts? Why would I do that? I'm a pacifist. The only thing I've ever pushed is my peaceful agenda which even that I didn't push, you know? I passive-aggressively nudged. I reached out in a panic. It was Toots over here, the bun. She grabbed me!
Brenda: Hey, I was just trying to save Frank.
Lavash: Who is Frank? You?
Frank: Yeah, I'm Frank.
Lavash: The fault is YOURS then, huh?
Frank: Look, I'm sorry, okay? I didn't mean for any of this to happen.
Lavash: Well, it did, and now you and your stupid useless bun have **** us all!
Brenda: Hey, who are you calling useless, you flappy ****?
Lavash: Sausage, control your insolent bun. And cover her up already. Show some modesty, woman.
Brenda: UGH! [Prepares to fight Lavash, but Sammy holds her back]
Sammy Bagel Jr.: Hey, hey. Look, can we all just, you know, calm down a notch, please? Let's try to be, I don't know, amicable. I'm Sammy Bagel Jr. You know, I'm happy to meet all of you. Except for this meshuggener **** over here.

View Quote You're really doing it, aren't ya? You're shitting in the street!

View Quote Lillian: This is Dougie's sister Megan.
Megan: You must be Annie's fella?
Annie: I'm not... He's not... I'm not with him.
Megan: I'm glad he's single, 'cause I'm gonna climb that like a tree.

View Quote Annie: [having sex] I'm glad you called.
Ted: I'm so glad you were free.
Annie: I love your eyes.
Ted: Cup my balls.

View Quote Graeme: There’s probably billions of intelligent civilizations out there.
Ruth: So where is everybody? Hmm?
Graeme: I - But one of them’s there! (points at Paul, who is in the RV showing them his butt)
Paul: (to Clive) Are they looking? Are they looking?

View Quote Ruth: ****eroo. That was the best titty-farting sleep I ever had.
Paul: I have the feeling you’re new to cursing, Ruth.

View Quote Graeme: Look, just because your truth isn’t the true truth, it doesn’t mean there’s no truth, Ruth.
Ruth: That’s easy for you to say.
Graeme: It’s really not.

View Quote Ruffnut: Watch it! That was close... [sees Eret; in slow motion] Oh, my... [Eret flexes his muscles] Me likey. [Eret shoots the dragon trap at Barf and Belch, the Zippleback she and Tuffnut are riding] Take me.

View Quote [At Stoick's funeral]
Hiccup: [regretfully] I'm sorry, Dad. I'm not the chief that you wanted me to be and I'm not the peacekeeper I thought I was. I... don't know...
Valka: You came early into this world. You were such a wee thing. So frail and so fragile. I feared that you wouldn't make it, but your father, he never doubted. He always said you would become the strongest of them all, and he was right. You have the heart of a chief and the soul of a dragon. Only you can bring our worlds together. That is who you are, son.
Hiccup: I uh... I was so afraid of becoming my dad. Mostly because I thought I never could. How do you become someone that great, that brave, that selfless? I guess you can only try. A chief protects his own. We're going back.
Tuffnut: Uh... With what?
Ruffnut: Uh... He took all the dragons.
Hiccup: Not all of them...

View Quote Eret: [to Drago, after the Dragon Riders have been captured] They won't know where you're hiding, I promise you that.
Astrid: Oh, yes, they will! They know we're missing and they have tracking dragons. If you so much as touch us, Hiccup is gonna kick...
Drago: Hiccup?
Eret: He's no problem, really. Trust me.
Astrid: He's only the son of Stoick the Vast, his heir to the throne of Berk, and the greatest Dragon Master this world has ever seen!
Drago: Dragon Master? I alone control the dragons!
Tuffnut: Nope, mm-mm.
Fishlegs: SORRY!
[The Dragon Riders laugh]
Astrid: [defiantly] And unless you let us go, right now... he will blast through here on his Night Fury, and blow your entire fleet ships to SPLINTERS.!
Ruffnut: Yeah, and then you'll be crying like babies!

View Quote [walks up to Eternia warriors with transparent chest plating] This is a little revealing. [all Eternia warriors burst laughing]

View Quote He-Man: [to Duncan referring to Roboto] So can you fix her? Make her battle ready again?
Duncan / Man-At-Arms: I... Last time she was operational, she tried to kill me.
Roboto: Accident. It was an accident.
Duncan / Man-At-Arms: She always says that.
He-Man: Well, I trust her, so...
Duncan / Man-At-Arms: I.... yeah, okay, alright.
He-Man: All right. [walks past]
Duncan / Man-At-Arms: All right. [to Roboto] Do not assassinate me, okay? [holds up programming plug]
Roboto: Wait, you were carrying that around this whole time?
Duncan / Man-At-Arms: Uh-huh. [inserts Roboto with programming plug] Now, as we agreed, no killing me.
Roboto: I made no promises. [arm becomes a heavy gun]
Duncan / Man-At-Arms: Wow. Ah, that's good.

View Quote Roboto: [to Duncan] Hey, let's crash their party!
Duncan / Man-At-Arms: I got my invitation right here!
Roboto: Well, no, if you have an invitation, you're not really...
Duncan / Man-At-Arms: Oh!
Roboto: [shoots Skeletor's soldiers] I'm about to RSVP these assholes! You're really making a mess of this party metaphor!
Duncan / Man-At-Arms: [hides behind boulder] Don't this feel great? Right? [peers over boulder and gets shot in helmet] Oof! They are not going to get to that castle. Not as long as I'm standing.
Roboto: You've been barely been upright since I met you.
Duncan / Man-At-Arms: You got any missiles left?
Roboto: Yeah, one.
Duncan / Man-At-Arms: That's all we need. [Roboto fires at statue sending it crashing into bridge]

View Quote [to Gru, about Jr.] Of course he loves you. He just does not show it on his face... or with his body language. Right, Gru Jr.? Come on.

View Quote [To a nearby fire truck] Haha... I wonder where they're going..

View Quote Gru: This will be great.
Silas: All right, now down to business. For your own safety, you'll all be assuming new identities.
Gru: [confused] New identities? Is that really necessary?
Silas: It's not up for debate, Gru. [Gru sulks] Now, you are a solar panel salesman. [gives Lucy her fake identity] Lucy, you're a hair stylist at an upscale salon.
Lucy: [gasps in excitement] A hair stylist?! Yes, jackpot! Silas, did you choose that because you know I cut my own hair and I would totally rock at this?
Silas: [bluntly] No.
Gru: [reads his fake identity] "Chet Cunningham"... Da, that's got a nice ring to it.
Silas: Girls. [gives Edith, Margo, and Agnes their fake identities]
Edith: [chuckles] Cool. I'm Blair.
Agnes: [disappointed] Britney?
Margo: [confused] My name is Bree?
Lucy: Oh, come on; There are worse names than Bree...
Margo: Yeah, like Blanche.
Lucy: [laughs] Yes, Margo. Blanche? Oh, that's a terrible name. [chuckles and nudges Gru] Imagine being named Blanche. Truly, I cannot think of a worse... [calms down] My name is Blanche, isn't it?
Margo: Yep.
Lucy: [laughs] Well, I'll get used to it.
Silas: Well, why don't you girls go and pick out your rooms while I have a word with your parents? [the girls ascend the stairs; to Gru and Lucy] Yes, I-I didn't want to frighten the girls, but it is absolutely crucial you keep your true identities under wraps. Gru, you're going to have to try to not be so... Gru-ish.
Gru: [confused] What is that supposed to mean?
Silas: Well, I'm just saying you tend to stand out in a crowd, that's all. You know, you, uh... Like the way you're always cranky and irritable and, uh... how you make things a bit awkward for everyone around you.
Lucy: You do do that. [laughs nervously] I mean, you-you know, you...
Gru: Okay, enough. I don't make people awkward or uncomfortable; I'm very comforting, like a nice meat loaf. I'm pretty delicious! [Lucy and Silas exchange glances and stare at him] This is not awkward; You're the ones who are making it awkward.
Silas: Gru, you have to blend in. Your family's lives are at stakes. You understand?
Lucy: Of course, yes. Fully understand. We'll do anything to keep our family safe, yeah. [Gru nods reluctantly]
Silas: Right, well, I'll be in contact when this is all over. Until then, capturing Maxime Le Mal is our top priority. Stay safe. [leaves the safe house]

View Quote I mean, what are we gonna say, "Dear America, remember that astronaut we killed and had a really nice funeral for? Turns out he's alive and we left him on Mars. Our bad. Sincerely, NASA". I mean, do you realize the shit storm that is about to hit us?

View Quote Annie Montrose: What the hell is "Project Elrond?"
Vincent Kapoor: I had to make something up.
Annie Montrose: But "Elrond?"
Mitch Henderson: Because it's a secret meeting.
Annie Montrose: How do you know that; why does Elrond mean secret meeting?
Bruce Ng: The Council of Elrond. It's the... it's... it's... from The Lord of the Rings. It's the meeting where they decide to destroy the One Ring.
Teddy Sanders: If we are going to call something Project Elrond, I would like my code name to be Glorfindel.
Annie Montrose: Okay, I hate every one of you.

View Quote Annie Montrose: But if something goes wrong?
Vincent Kapoor: Then we lose the crew.
Bruce Ng: So what, we either have a high chance of killing one person, or a low chance of killing six people. How do we make that decision?
Vincent Kapoor: We don't. [pointing to Teddy] He does.
Mitch Henderson: Yeah, bullshit. It should be Commander Lewis' call.
Teddy Sanders: We still have a chance to bring five astronauts home safe and sound. I'm not risking their lives.
Mitch Henderson: Let them make that decision.
Teddy Sanders: Mitch, we are going with option one.
Mitch Henderson: You goddamn coward.

View Quote I don’t want to be like anyone. I want to be an apex predator.

View Quote You’ve always had everything. While people like me have had nothing. Well, now it’s my turn. Get used to it.

View Quote Barbara: Have you ever been in love?
Diana: A long long time ago. You?
Barbara: So many times, yeah. All the time.