Bridesmaids 2011 quotes

You're weird.

Annie

I'm not weird, okay?

Yes, you are.

Annie

No, I'm not! And you started it.

No, you started it! Did you forget to take your Xanax this morning?

Annie

Oh, I feel bad for your parents.

I feel bad for your face.

Annie

Okay. Well, call me when your boobs come in.

You call me when yours come in.

Annie

What do you have, four boyfriends?

Exactly.

Annie

Okay. Yeah, have fun having a baby at your prom.

You look like an old mop.

Annie

You know, you're not as popular as you think you are.

I am very popular.

Annie

Oh, I'm sure you are...very...popular.

Well, you're an old, single loser who's never going to have any friends.

Annie

You're a little ****!

Annie

I'm glad you called.

Ted

I'm so glad you were free.

Annie

I love your eyes.

Ted

Cup my balls.

Annie

Are you **** kidding me?
Annie's Mom: Annie?

Annie

No, mom. Mother**** Paris? I told you about Paris, Helen! I told you about this whole idea!

Lillian

Annie, calm down...

Annie

No, Lillian! What are you gonna go, you're gonna go to Paris with Helen now? What are you gonna, you guys gonna ride around on bikes with berets and **** baguettes in the basket on the front of your bikes? Oh, how romantic! What woman gives another woman a trip to Paris? Am I right? Lesbian! We're all thinking it, aren't we?

I'm not.

Megan

I was.

Annie

Okay! Yes, we're all thinking it, right?
Annie's Mom: Annie...

Annie

Lillian, this is not the you that I know! The you that I know would have walked in here and rolled your eyes and would have thought that this was completely over the top, ridiculous and stupid! Look at this shower! Look at that **** cookie! Did you really think that this group of women was gonna finish that cookie? Really, and you know that reminds me actually; I never got a chance to try that **** cookie! [storms off]

Annie

You read my diary?

At first I did not know it was your diary. I thought it was a very sad handwritten book.

You have 3 seconds to get back to your seat.

Annie

No one can get anywhere in 3 seconds. You're setting me up for a loss already.
...

Annie

Whatever you say, Stove.

It's Steve.

Annie

Stove? What kind of a name is that?

That's not a name. My name is Steve.

Annie

Are you an appliance?

No, I am a man, and my name is Steve.

Annie

You're a flight attendant.

That is absolutely accurate. You can close that.

Miss?!

Annie

Um, no...it's not me.

Yes, it is you. Please go back to your seat.

Annie

Yes, I'm with him. I'm, uh...I'm Mrs. Igles...I'm Mrs. Iglesias.

Uh, no you're not. You were just out here and you put sunglasses on. Out.

Annie

But I don't want to...

Helen

Sir, she can have my seat, okay? Everyone should experience first class at least once in their lives, and Annie shouldn't miss out just because she can't afford it.

No, ma'am. I'm afraid that's not allowed.

Annie

Help me, I'm poor.

Helen

Oh, Annie, these are my kids.

Step kids. Step.

Helen

They are so hilarious! Excuse me, my husband's kids. What are you guys up to?

Going to the snack bar.

Helen

Awesome. You need a ride home later?

**** off, Helen. [walks off]

Helen

Okay. Put a quarter in the swear jar. Good to see ya. [turns to Annie] So cute.

Annie

Sweet kids.

Lillian

This is Dougie's sister Megan.

Megan

You must be Annie's fella?

Annie

I'm not... He's not... I'm not with him.

Megan

I'm glad he's single, 'cause I'm gonna climb that like a tree.

Lillian

You know what? This is supposed to be about my time. You have managed to ruin every event in my wedding, thank you very much.

Annie

Okay, well, thank YOU very much. It's all her fault! It is not mine! And you would know that if you got your beautiful haired head out of your asshole. In fact, out of HER asshole. Which I'm sure is perfectly bleached!

Lillian

You know what? IT IS! And you know how I know? Because I went to the **** salon with her! And I got MY asshole bleached too!! And I LOVE my new asshole!

Lillian

You remember my cousin, Rita.

Annie

Rita!

Annie, I haven't seen you since you graduated high school.

Lillian

She has three kids now.

Three boys.

Lillian

They're so cute.

They are cute, but when they reach that age, ugh. Disgusting. They smell, they're sticky, they say things that are horrible, and there is semen all over everything. Disgusting. I cracked a BLANKET in half. Do you get where I'm going with this?

Annie

I do, yeah.

I cracked it in HALF.

What are we doing for the bachelorette party?

What about like, a princess theme?

Helen

Versace meets the Gold Rush.

I'm thinking tanned gentlemen that swallow fire and wear sarongs.

Megan

Female fight club. We grease up - surprise! Beat the crap out of her.

I don't hate it--

Helen

Vegas it is.

Ted

This is so awkward. I really want you to leave, but I don't know how to say it without sounding like a dick.

Officer Rhodes

Do you want to tell a cop about it? We're just like priests except we would tell everybody afterwards.

Megan Price

I don't associate with people who blame the world for their problems. You are your problem. You are also your solution.

Megan Price

It's coming out of me like lava!