Jon Hamm movie quotes

View Quote (the Quintesson commander threatens Sentinel due to the Energon he and his forces brought not being enough) I know what I promised you! But our mines, they’re running out! There’s barely enough Energon for us! (the Quintesson commander growls) I swear, I'll get you the rest!

View Quote (seeing Orion Pax and D-16 in the Iacon-5000 race) I'm sorry, are those... miners in the race?

View Quote (Zeta Prime: "Sentinel... why?!") For all the power on Cybertron.

View Quote This is gonna be so FUN!

View Quote Come on, come on. Life on two! One, two! One, two-

View Quote Hypno-Hat! [gives Stuart the hat]

View Quote Brogan: Where's Fiona's signal?
Gretched: What she waiting for?
Cookie: He's going to get away!
Brogan: No, He's not.

View Quote [Donkey started sniffing the ground in the forest like a bloodhound, and to his surprise and happiness, he saw an unguarded plate of stacked waffles coated in syrup sitting on a stump.]
Donkey: Yeah! Waffles! And I thought the Waffle Fairy was just a bedtime story. [rushes up to plate] Sticky stacks of golden, syrupy deliciousness!
Shrek: Donkey! [Points Donkey] Don't eat that! [Donkey stopped and frowned.] There’s a stack of freshly made waffles in the middle of the forest. Don’t you find that a wee bit suspicious? [Donkey trying to take a little nibble of the waffles, but Shrek kept protesting against it.] I’m just... What are you...? Bad Donkey! Mustn't--I said, don’t! Don't! No! Get away from it! [Donkey extended his tongue out and licked the dripping syrup of the waffles.] You did.
[Then, without warning, the plate flung the waffles onto a tree. Donkey quickly realized it was a trap.]
Donkey: Uh-oh.
[The stump flipped open like a lid and looked at the hole, rather confused because it didn't seem like an effective trap to him. However, that was not the full trap. Shrek glanced around, seeing hidden pulleys and counterweights turning, and then a log came swinging out in the direction of the two.]
Shrek: [ducks] Look out!
[But Donkey didn't duck in time, as he got hit in the end by the log, sending him into the hole. The ogre ran up to the hole, lifted the lid, seeing Donkey lying there.]
Shrek: Donkey! Are you OK?
Donkey: I'm fine. [But then his hooves got snagged by a rope trap and he was yanked away, screaming.]
Shrek: Donkey. [leaped into the hole and saw it led to a tunnel, and because it was small to walk through, he had to army crawl through it.]
Donkey: Help! Help me! Help, Shrek! Help!
[Then he came out through the other end, pushing the roots, and when getting up, he was awestruck at where he was. He was in some hidden camp with ogres like him roaming about, carrying stuff and doing chores. He wandered around in amazement, looking at the sights, making him grin a bit. A blacksmith ogre was sharpening a tool, and a female ogre was carrying an anvil of some sort. As Shrek kept wandering, two ogres carrying a log were coming from behind him.]
Ogre #1: Watch your head.
[He then ducked, letting the two ogres lift the log over him. Then three ogres, including a female one named Gretched, came around him.]
Ogre #2: Hey, it's a new guy!
Ogre #3: Look at him, all dressed up in his Sunday vest.
Gretched: He's really tiny, isn’t he?
Ogre #2: Yeah.
[Then, a slender ogre taller than Shrek, Brogan, came behind our main ogre, putting his arm around him.]
Brogan: Fate has delivered us a comrade-in-arms and for that, we are thankful. Suit him up!
[The other ogres then took Shrek to get suited up.]
Ogre #3: Let's go, greenie.
Shrek: Now, wait a minute! [He was placed in an armored vest, along with some wrist bands, and a helmet. One ogre smacked him in the rear to get him going.] Hey!
Brogan: Here you go.
[An axe was tossed into Shrek's arms, which Shrek luckily caught. Three ogres each threw an axe at three different dummies wearing witches' clothes. One ogre even tackled a witch dummy and brawled with it. Shrek]
Brogan: Welcome to the resistance.
Shrek: [confused] Resistance?
Brogan: [puts arm around Shrek] We fight for freedom and ogres everywhere! [He then held his nose and started blowing a horn-like sound through his ears, and then all the other ogres held their noses and blew through their ears. When the blowing was done, the resistance ogres hooted and laughed while Shrek was even more stunned than already.]
Shrek: [about soldiers using their horn] I didn't know we could do that.
Donkey: Help! You can't eat me! I got the mange! I'm poisonous! I'm all poi...
Shrek: I'll take him! This order's to go.
Cookie: Hey! I haven't removed his giblets yet.
Shrek: Trust me, you don't wanna eat this one.
Donkey: I go down smooth, but come out fighting!
Shrek: Let go!
Cookie: Don't make Papa mad.
Shrek: Your dinner is my friend!
Brogan: Come on, guys!
Cookie: I got to get the giblets out!
Ogres: She's back. [Shrek turned and saw a figure arriving on the hill, who was clad in a helmet and armor, and holding an axe in her hand. She removed her helmet and revealed herself to be none other than Fiona (in ogre form). She stood there, with the wind blowing her hair, giving it a dramatic flair. When Shrek saw her, he grinned with such relief.]
Shrek: [happily] Fiona! [hands axe to one of the ogres, begins running up to her, Fiona spots him] I'm so happy I found you!
[Fiona kicks him in the jaw and sends him flying, yelling in slow motion, before crashing to the ground. The ogres winced, while some couldn't help but chuckle a bit. The groaning Shrek got up.]
Princess Fiona: [walked up to him, handing her axe to Gretched.] Maybe you missed orientation, [her helmet to Brogan.] but for future reference, personal space is very important to me.
[Shrek looked very worried at her]
Shrek: [confused] You don't know who I am, do you?
Princess Fiona: No. [to Brogan] Brogan, I have news from Far Far Away. Gather the others and meet me in the war room. [Brogan agreed]
Shrek: [pleaded] Fiona.
Princess Fiona: [to Gretched] Gretched, make sure everyone is prepared to move out tonight.
Shrek: I need to talk to you.
Princess Fiona: [turns on Shrek, annoyed] What is it?!
Shrek: [calmly] OK, I know you don’t remember me, but... we’re married. [Needless to say, Fiona gave a confused look as he recapped the incident at the birthday party.] Hear me out. And at the birthday party with some pigs and a puppet, the villagers wanted me to sign their pitchforks, [As he explained and tried making it sound as believable as he could, Brogan and Gretched were equally as confused as Fiona.] and this boy kept saying, [as Butterpants] "Do the roar. Do the roar." Then I punched the cakes that the pigs ate, and the next thing I knew, my donkey fell in your waffle hole. [Needless to say as well, pretty much all ogres were completely dumbstruck, and so was Donkey.] Right? Who’s with me?
Princess Fiona: Wow, [chuckles a bit] I guess I must have kicked him harder than I thought.
[The ogres in the resistance laughed a bit.]
Shrek: [pleading] Fiona, I need to...
[But Fiona held his hand up, as a lookout ogre was perched on a lookout, making "caw" sounds.]
Princess Fiona: Witches! All right, everyone, you know the drill! [She and the other ogres [except Shrek] went to their battle stations.]
Shrek: Fiona!
Donkey: Witches! Oh, no! Witches! Witches!
Shrek: [grabbed Donkey and the sticks he was still attached to.] Come on, now.
[Some ogres quickly cut ropes to seal the large hiding holes and dropped sandbags to extinguish the fires. They secured weapons in a net and a few concealed themselves in a hole underground. Others, wearing rocks and plants on their heads, submerged in the swamp water, while Fiona, Brogan, and the remaining ogres, disguised with bushes, crouched around Shrek’s hiding spot. Shrek covered the whimpering Donkey’s mouth as three witches flew overhead on broomsticks. The lead witch glanced down but saw no ogres or camp, then sneered and flew off to Rumpelstiltskin's castle. Once they left, the ogres emerged from hiding and murmured as they returned to their posts.]
Brogan: Fiona, that's the third patrol today. We can’t hide forever.
Princess Fiona: Trust me, Brogan. After tonight, we won’t have to.
[Shrek and Donkey just sat where they were.]
Donkey: [to Shrek] That's your wife?
Shrek: That’s my wife.
Donkey: Well, I see who wears the chainmail in your family! [Shrek gave a weird look at him.]

View Quote [Back at the resistance camp, a meeting was being held inside a tree, with Shrek and Donkey, who were untied, looking from the outside through some holes in the tree. Fiona has gathered Brogan, Gretched, Cookie, and some other ogres to discuss a battle plan, which was set out on a rock table, with little model figures and everything.]
Princess Fiona: Listen up, everyone. Word has come from Far Far Away. Stiltskin is leading tonight’s ogre hunt himself.
Ogres: He’s never done that before. What? Why?
Donkey: I bet that’s because of us.
Shrek: Shhh!
Brogan: If that cupcake-eating clown finally leaves the safety of his filthy witch nest, he’ll be vulnerable.
Princess Fiona: The plan’s simple. If they follow the usual patrol route, they’ll reach the river by midnight. We’ll be concealed along this road, waiting for his caravan. Once they reach the clearing, I’ll give the signal. And then we attack!
[She raised her actual dagger and used it to slide the ogre models toward the witch models, knocking the latter down and off the table.]
Princess Fiona: And when the smoke clears... [noticed a model of Cookie with some sort of wagon.] Wait, what’s this?
Cookie: That’s my chimichanga stand.
Princess Fiona: No, Cookie. We won’t be needing that.
Cookie: Trust me, Fiona. Y’all gonna be really hungry after this ambush, okay? Go ahead and finish your little speech.
Princess Fiona: All right, as I was saying, when the smoke clears, Rumpelstiltskin is gone, and the chimichangas have been eaten. Far Far Away will finally be free.
Brogan: And so will we.
Princess Fiona: Spread the word. We move out as soon as Rumpel leaves the palace.
[The other ogres chattered in agreement, while outside, Shrek and Donkey looked concerned.]
Donkey: Man, this is serious!
Shrek: [slumps back] Tell me about it. How am I ever gonna get her to kiss me before sunrise?
Donkey: Actually, I was talking about the revolution.
Shrek: Revolution? [scoff]
Donkey: Why don't you just tell her what you told me? You know, about how you are her true love and you came from an alternate universe.
Shrek: [sarcastically] Oh, and while I'm at it, why don't I tell her that you're married to a fire-breathing dragon, and you have little mutant donkey-dragon babies?
Donkey: I do?!
Shrek: You saw what happened; she's gonna think I'm crazy.
Donkey [not listening] I'm a daddy?!
Shrek: [spots the frog] You know what? If I got Fiona to kiss me once... [blows into a frog's mouth, inflating it like a balloon] Then I can do it again.

View Quote This is the not **** around crew so get me something that looks like a print because this not **** around thing is about to go both ways.

View Quote [to Doug] You and your boys didn't just roll a Star Market over in Malden for a box of quarters. No, you decided to bang it out in the North End at nine o'clock in the morning with assault rifles. You **** dummies shot a guard! Now you're like a half off sale at a Big & Tall - every cop is in line. Fortunately though, for you, this guard, who is two-thirds to a ****, has miraculously clung to life. Now, if it were up to me, and they gave me two minutes and a wet towel, I would personally asphyxiate this half-wit so we could string you up on a federal M1 and end this story with a bag on your head and a paralyzing agent running through your veins. This isn't **** Tommy Hopscotch anymore, Doug. But I did wanna say one thing: You're here today so I can personally tell you that you are going to die in federal prison. And so are all your friends. No deal. No compromise. And when that day comes when you start trying to be my hero collaborator so hard that I have to slap you to shut up, and it will come, despite your pitiable, misguided, Irish Omertà. When your code of silence finally gives way to fear of trafficking in cigarettes to prevent sexual enslavement, I just want you to know that it's gonna be me who tells you to go **** yourself.

View Quote Adam Frawley: You used to hang around with Doug MacRay a little bit, huh?
Krista Coughlin: How do you know Dougy?
Adam Frawley: We sorta worked together.
Krista Coughlin: Sand and Gravel?
Adam Frawley: No. No. [pulls out a $20 bill] You a pretty decent judge of size?
Krista Coughlin: [smiles] Depends. Size of what?
Adam Frawley: [pulls out a $20 bill] What do you think? 6 inches? Under or over?
Krista Coughlin: Under.
Adam Frawley: Wrong. 6.1 inches. See I know everything there is to know about money. Thickness, 0.0014 inches. Weighs about 1 gram.
[Krista stays silent]
Adam Frawley: You know what that means? That means this $20 bill isn't even worth it's own weight in value for Oxycodone.
[Krista realizes he really is an FBI agent]
Adam Frawley: You thinking of running out on me? Not gonna work. Because once I start waving this, [flashes FBI badge] it's trouble for you.
Krista Coughlin: I want a lawyer.
Adam Frawley: Good, get one. Because it's all about protecting yourself. Not even yourself... you have to protect your daughter.
Krista Coughlin: Don't talk about my daughter.

View Quote Cyclone: Captain Pete "Maverick" Mitchell. Your reputation precedes you.
Maverick: Thank you, sir.
Cyclone: Wasn't a compliment.
Maverick: I have to admit I wasn't expecting an invitation back.
Warlock: They're called "orders," Maverick.
Cyclone: I'm Vice-Admiral Beau Simpson, I'm the Air Boss. I believe you know Rear Admiral Bates.
Maverick: Warlock, sir.
Warlock: You two have something in common. Cyclone was first in his class back in '88.
Maverick: Actually, sir, I finished second. Just wanted to manage expectations.
Warlock: The target - an underground uranium enrichment plant built in violation of a multilateral NATO treaty. This plant poses a direct threat to our allies in the region. The Pentagon has tasked us with assembling a strike team and taking it out, before it becomes fully operational. The plant sits in an underground bunker at the end of this valley. Said valley is GPS-jammed and protected by a surface-to-air missile array, serving a limited number of fifth-generation fighters, which in turn backed up by a plentiful array of surplus aircraft - even a few old F-14's.
Cyclone: Seems like we're not the only ones holding on to old relics.
Warlock: What's your read, Captain?
Maverick: Well, sir, normally this would be a cakewalk for the F-35 stealth, but the GPS jamming negates that. The surface-to-air threat necessitates a low-level, laser-guided strike, tailor-made for the F-18. I figure four precision bombs, minimum. That makes it four F-18s, flying in pairs. That is one hell of a steep climb outta there, exposing you to all the SAMs. You survive that, it's a dogfight all the way home.
Warlock: All scenarios for which you have real-world experience.
Maverick: Not the same mission, sir. [looks back at the screen displaying the enrichment plant] No, someone's not coming back from this.
Cyclone: Can it be done or not?
Maverick: How soon before the plant becomes operational?
Warlock: Three weeks, maybe less.
Maverick: Well, it's been a while since I've flown an F-18, and I don't know who I'd trust to fly the other three, but, I'll find a way to make it work.
Warlock: I think you misunderstand, Captain.
Cyclone: We don't want you to fly it. We want you to teach it.
Warlock: [activates a screen listing of pilots] We recalled 12 Top Gun graduates from their squadrons. We want you to narrow that pool down to six. They'll fly the mission.
Cyclone: Is there a problem, Captain?
Maverick: You know there is, sir.
Cyclone: Yeah. Bradley Bradshaw, AKA "Rooster." Understand you used to fly with his old man. Tragic what happened.
Warlock: Captain Mitchell was cleared of any wrongdoing; Goose's death was an accident.
Cyclone: Is that how you see it, Captain? Is that how Goose's son sees it?
Maverick: With all due respect, sir, I'm not a teacher.
Cyclone: You were a Top Gun instructor before.
Maverick: That was over 30 years ago, sir; I lasted two months. It's not where I belong.
Cyclone: Well, then let me be perfectly blunt: you were not my first choice. In fact, you weren't even on a list. You are here at the request of Admiral Kazansky. Now, Iceman happens to be a man I deeply admire. And he feels you still have something left to offer the Navy. What that is I can't imagine. You don't have to take this job. But let me be clear: this will be your last post, Captain. You fly for Top Gun, or you don't fly for the Navy ever again.

View Quote [after Maverick demonstrates that the mission he's trying to teach can be accomplished]
Cyclone: You have put me in a difficult position, Captain. On the one hand, you have demonstrated that this mission can be flown, perhaps the only way it can be survived. On the other hand, you did it by stealing a multi-million dollar military aircraft and flying it in such a manner that it may never be airworthy again. Iceman is no longer here to protect you. I have everything I need to have you court-martialed and dishonorably discharged. So what do I do? Risk the lives of my pilots and perhaps the success of this mission? Or, risk my career by appointing you team leader?
Maverick: [tries to approach Cyclone] Sir...
Warlock: [holds him back] I think the Admiral is asking a rhetorical question, Captain.

View Quote [After an air dispute between Maverick and Rooster amidst their exercise almost crashes their planes]
Cyclone: The hard deck is 5,000 feet above ground level, a parameter set not just for the safety of our pilots, but for the safety of their aircraft. 5,000 feet is not just a rule- it is a law, as immutable as gravity!
Maverick: The hard deck will be much lower for the mission, sir.
Cyclone: And it will not change without my approval! Especially not in the middle of an exercise! And that Cobra maneuver of yours, that could've got all 3 of you killed! I never wanna see that shit again!
Warlock: What exactly do you suppose you were teaching, Captain?
Maverick: That as good as they are, sir, they still have something to learn.
Cyclone: You're talking about the best fighter pilots on the planet, Captain.
Maverick: And they’ve been told that their entire career, while they’ve been dropping bombs from a high altitude with little to no dog-fighting. The parameters of this mission call for something they have never encountered, something-
Cyclone: Okay, you have less than three weeks, to teach them how to fight as a team... and how to strike the target.
Maverick: And how to come home. [Cyclone stares, surprised] And how to... come home, sir.
Cyclone: Every mission has its risks. These pilots accept that.
Maverick: I don't, sir.
Cyclone: [pauses] Every morning, from this day forward, you will brief us on your instructional plans in writing. And nothing will change, without my express approval.
Maverick: Including the hard deck, sir?
Cyclone: Especially the hard deck, Captain!
Maverick: [sets a folder on Cyclone's desk] Sir.
Cyclone: What is this?
Maverick: It's a request to lower the hard deck, sir, to practice a low level bombing run, per the mission parameters.
[Cut to soon after, with Warlock and Maverick heading through a hallway]
Warlock: You could learn a thing or two about timing, Captain.

View Quote Do me a favor. Next time Doc calls... Don't pick up.

View Quote Song is over, Baby. But I'm afraid you still have to face the music.

View Quote [to Annie, after sex] This is so awkward. I really want you to leave, but I don't know how to say it without sounding like a dick.

View Quote Annie: [having sex] I'm glad you called.
Ted: I'm so glad you were free.
Annie: I love your eyes.
Ted: Cup my balls.