[As Rumpelstiltskin angrily scrunches up a page from a library book about Shrek]
Uh– sir, you're gonna have to pay for that.
Rumpelstiltskin Uh– M-m-maybe we can make a deal for it, little boy?
Rumpelstiltskin [Looking devious]
Do you wanna be?
[Cut to Pinocchio kicking him out]
Nobody needs your deals anymore, Grumple Stinkypants!
Rumpelstiltskin [Coughs as he gets up, then picks up the ripped-out page]
I wish that ogre was never born!
Rumpelstiltskin You gave me a day from your past. A day you wouldn't even remember. A day when you were an innocent, mindless, little baby. [Starts humming Happy Birthday to You]
You took the day I was born.
Rumpelstiltskin No, Shrek, you gave it to me.
Come on, Donkey, ¡Vamonos!
Man, you are a cat-tastrophe!
And you, are ri-donkey-lous!
[Beat. Then both laugh]
Why don't you just tell her what you told me? You know, about how you're her true love and you came from an alternate universe.
Oh, and while I'm at it, why don't I tell her that you're married to a fire breathing dragon, and you have little mutant donkey-dragon babies?
You saw what happened, she's gonna think I'm crazy.
Donkey [Not listening] I'm a daddy?
You know what? If I got Fiona to kiss me once– [He blows into a frog's mouth, inflating it like a balloon] –then I can do it again.
Shrek [Enters Fiona's tent] Hello? Fiona?
[Green eyes are shown in the shadows of a cat condo]
You should not be here.....señor.
Puss? [Puss struggles to get out of his resting place, revealing himself as now overweight with a pink bow on wrapped around the back of his neck.] You've gotta be kiddin' me.
[He lowers down on the scratching post, the lands on his back on a pillow. He then struggles to get up, followed by facing Shrek.]
Feed me, if you dare.
Puss, what happened to you?! You got so fa– [Puss gives him a look] Fa-ancy!
Well, where's your hat? Where's your belt? [He gasps softly] Your wee little boots?
Boots, for a cat? Ha! [He laughs]
But you're Puss in Boots.
Maybe once, [He opens a bottle of milk] but that is a name I have outgrown.
[under his breath]
That's not the only thing you've outgrown.
Hey! I may have let myself go a little since retirement, but hanging up my sword was the best decision of my life! I have all the cream I can drink and all the mice I can chase. [A mouse runs up to his bowl and starts drinking out of it] Eh, I'll get him later. [He starts drinking out of the bowl himself]
Oh, Puss, what have I done to you? You've gone soft.
Well, I do get brushed twice a day.
You witches are making a big mistake! I know my rights!
PW Pumpkin Witch
You have the right to shut your mouth! [She drops a pumpkin which explodes with smoke in Shrek's face]
Rumpelstiltskin So... you're not gonna eat me?
No, thanks. I already had a big bowl of curly-toed weirdo for breakfast.
Stop! Where are you going?
How, by getting yourself killed?
So that's how you knew so much about me!
Fiona, wait! [jumping in front of her] Kiss me!
It's the only way to save your friends!
Get out of my way! [walks past him]
You used to believe that a single kiss could solve everything!
[Fiona turns around and reluctantly kisses him. However, when they're done kissing, nothing happens, to Shrek's confusion. Fiona, indifferent, wipes at her mouth]
I don't understand. [frustrated] This doesn't make any sense! True love's kiss was supposed to fix everything!
[sarcastically]
Yeah, well, you know what? That's what they told me too. True love didn't get me out of that tower. I did! I saved myself! Don't you get it? It's all just a big fairy tale!
[pleading]
Fiona, don't say that! It does exist!
And how would you know? Did you grow up locked away in a dragon's keep? [voice cracking] Did you live all alone in a miserable tower?! Did you cry yourself to sleep every night waiting for a true love that never came?!
But... but I'm your true love.
Then where were you when I needed you?
[Shrek, stunned and full of guilt, can't bring himself to answer. Fiona turns around and leaves]
Maybe you kissed her... wrong?
No. The kiss didn't work... because Fiona doesn't love me.
It seems that we are safe.
Yeah, it looks a lot less pitchforky and torchy out there. Let's go.
Oh, what's the point? The kiss didn't work. It's over.
Look, Shrek, I know things might seem a little bleak right now, but things always work themselves out in the end. You'll see. Well, I'll bet by this time tomorrow–
Hey, don't you understand? There is no tomorrow, there's no day after that, and there's no day after that day after that! My life was perfect and I'm never gonna get it back!
Well, if your life was so perfect, then why did you sign it all the way to Rumpelstiltskin in the first place?
Because I didn't know what I had until it was gone! Alright? [He sighs, deeply remorseful now] I didn't know what I had.
That was a really brave thing you did, Shrek. Thank you.
[sullenly]
No. You were right. I wasn't there for you. And not just at the dragon's keep, but...everyday since.
[smiles softly]
Well, you're here now.
[about ogres using their noses as a horn]
I didn't know we could do that.
[During the main event–]
♪ Winter, Spring, Summer or Fall.All you've got to do is call. [Rumpelstiltskin and the witches hear and spot him on top of the new hanging chandelier ball] ♪ And I'll be there. Yeah, yeah, yeah– ♪
And Puss– [Puss descends down the chandelier ball's rope, now wearing his boots, belt, hat and cape.]
[Last lines]
You know, I always thought I rescued you from the Dragon's Keep.
[smiles slightly, confused]
You did.
No. It was you that rescued me.
[Fiona beams, before the two share a kiss]
Rumpelstiltskin [Opening scene starts the movie the book title Shrek Forever After the book opening the pages] [first lines; first words as narrating]
Once upon a time, a long time ago, a king and a queen had a beautiful daughter named Fiona. But she was possessed by a terrible curse. By day, a lovely princess; by night, a hideous ogre. Only true love's kiss could lift her curse. So Fiona waited in a tower, guarded by a dragon, until the day when her true love would arrive. But as the days turned into years, the King and Queen were forced to resort to more desperate measures.
KH King Harold
[King Harold and Queen Lillian drive to a shady carrage park.]
I don't know about this, Lillian. Fairy Godmother said only true love's kiss could break Fiona's curse.
QL Queen Lillian
I don't trust that woman, Harold. This may be our last hope. Besides, he does come highly recommended by King Midas.
KH King Harold
But to put our daughter's life in the hands of this... person? He's devious. He's deceitful. He's... he's...
R Rumpel
[Inside the carriage, the royal couple watches as Rumpelstiltskin dramatically spins his chair around to introduce himself.]
Rumpelstiltskin!
R Rumpel
[Thunder cracks while Fifi, Rumpel's monsterous goose honks.] [after kissing Lillian's hand]
Mrs Highness.
QL Queen Lillian
[slightly repulsed]
Ugh... How... how do you do?
R Rumpel
[Fifi hisses at Harold]
Down, Fifi. Get down! [she does so, very slowly. He gets out the contract.] As you can see, everything's in order.
KH King Harold
So you'll put an end... To our daughter's curse?
R Rumpel
And, in return, you sign the kingdom of Far Far Away, over to me. [More thunder is heard as close ups of Harold and Fifi are shown]
KH King Harold
[To Queen Lillian]
Lillian, this is madness!
QL Queen Lillian
What choice do we have, Harold? Fiona has been locked away in that tower far too long.
R Rumpel
It's not like she's getting any younger.
KH King Harold
But to sign over our entire kingdom?
R Rumpel
Well, if your kingdom's worth more to you than your daughter...
KH King Harold
[firmly]
Nothing is worth more to us than our daughter.
R Rumpel
[Rumplestilskin closes the windows, gets out a container of yellow ink and places it onto the table] [beckoning]
Jump, Fifi, jump! [Fifi leaps onto his lap, where he plucks a feather from her and dips it in the ink before handing it to Harold.] Just sign it, and all your problems disappear. [he pushes the contract to them. However, before Harold can sign it, a royal messenger bursts in through the door.]
M Messenger
Your Highnessǃ The Princessǃ She's been savedǃ
R Rumpel
[Both Harold and Lillian gasped in relief as Harold goes to rip up the contract.] [Confused]
Oh... Who saved her?
MM Muffin Man
[As Donkey pulled the cage through the village, Shrek looked on in disgust at how different Far, Far Away was in this alternate universe. The villagers were all scrounging for something or living miserably.]
It’s time to crumble! Place your bets! Place your bets!
MM Muffin Man
[Shrek turned, seeing a small crowd gathered around a small makeshift arena, placing bets, with the Muffin Man holding a spatula with a certain gingerbread man.]
We start tout de suite!
G Gingy
Yeah! [He gave a battle cry, leaping down onto the small arena while breaking his lollipop to give it sharp edges.]
D Dwarf
[The spectators laughed, enjoying this sport. One of the dwarfs, who was one of the spectators, saw the cage pulling Shrek.] [points at Shrek]
There’s one! Disgusting, filthy ogre! [All the nasty villagers gathered around with scowls, shouting and jeering at Shrek]
V Villagers
Hideous monster! Filthy, filthy creature! Disgusting creature!
[One villager threw an overripe tomato at Shrek's face, and he wiped it off with irritation. The villagers continued to shout nasty remarks at Shrek as the cage moved onward. One villager even threw a glass bottle at the cage. Eventually, Shrek, Donkey, and the witches arrived at the castle, which was now guarded by witches in every nook and cranny. There was a shield with an "R" on the front gates, which opened as they approached. Inside, Shrek was horrified to see how different the castle grounds looked. He passed by something he had never seen before: two ogres struggling to turn the gears that controlled the gates. The two ogres looked miserable because they were being forced to work by a witch wielding a whip.]
SW Slavery Witch
Move it! [whipped one of the ogres as she cackled evilly.]
[The gate then closed as the carriage headed to the main hall and stopped right at the door. Once there, the cage's door was opened. Shrek was let out but placed in handcuffs and shackles around his neck, which were connected to sticks held by four more witches, as they led the prisoner to the doors.] [quietly]
Don’t worry, Donkey. I’ll get us our lives back.
Yeah, right. Put a little mustard on mine, Captain Crazy!
[The witches laughed cruelly as they pushed the doors open, revealing a large room where a rave party was in full swing. The room was packed with witches dancing and celebrating, with loud rave music blasting. They watched as some witches led an imprisoned ogre through the crowd, which parted to make way for them. Shrek glanced around and spotted the Three Little Pigs, dressed in servant clothes, feeding Fifi some ham. She picked at it for a moment before gobbling it all down. In another corner, he noticed a witch band playing rave music, featuring a pumpkin drum, a broomstick bass, a skull xylophone that produced synthesizer sounds, and a massive brewing cauldron. As the rest of the witches continued to dance and shout with glee, those holding Shrek captive guided him across the ballroom. In a small area marked by red VIP ropes at the front, a certain dealmaker lounged on a throne-like couch, dressed in fancy white clothes. He was laughing and enjoying drinks with four other witches when another witch called out to him.]
W Witch
Mr. Stiltskin? [Rumpelstiltskin took a sip from a cocktail drink, glancing at the customer with a wide smirk. spots at Pinocchio] You got another customer.
Rumpelstiltskin [turned to Wolf, now dressed as a maid, next to a cart full of different wigs]
Wolfie!
W Wolf
[dryly]
Yes, Mr. Stiltskin.
Rumpelstiltskin Bring me my business wig.
[pleading]
Mr. Stiltskin, oh, please!
Rumpelstiltskin [cutting him off]
Abupupup! [The miserable wolf placed a Victorian-style white powdered wig over him] Okay, go.
Oh, please make me a real boy!
Rumpelstiltskin [got out a rolled up contract and smacked the wolf away]
Go away! [to Pinocchio] Terms are in the details, balsa boy. [rolled out the contract, and pushed it, a quill and an ink jar towards the puppet, who was eagerly ready to sign.]
Sayonara, termites! Hello, acne!
[Rumpelstiltskin laughed as Pinocchio started signing when...] [angrily]
Stiltskin!
Rumpelstiltskin [Then all the music, dancing and talking stopped as all the witches turned towards Shrek.]
Oh, Shrek! [Witches gasp and the music stops; laughs stood up on his desk] There he is! [walked across the desk, he unknowingly knocked over the ink jar, spilling ink over the spot where Pinocchio signed half his name in cursive.]
Oh! So close! [his arm was grabbed by one of the witches and dragged away from the table, without Rumpelstiltskin caring to notice.]
Rumpelstiltskin Have I been waitin' for you! [hopped from the table and announced to all the witches.] Ladies, this is the guy that made all of this possible! [They all cheered wildly. Then he climbed up towards Shrek] So, tell me, [pulling on Shrek's ear, whispers] how are you enjoying your day?
Alright, Rumpel, what’s going on?! What have you done?
Rumpelstiltskin [hopped off]
No, Shrek, it’s not what I’ve done. It’s what you’ve done. [skips to his table and sits on it] Thanks to you, the King and Queen signed their kingdom over to me.
[roll his eyes]
They would never do that.
Rumpelstiltskin They would[Flashback to King Harold and Queen Lillian] if I promised them all their problems would disappear. [King Harold writing the contract] And then they disappeared! [King Harold and Queen Lillian then began screaming as they disappeared, dropping their crowns to the floor. The flashback ends as he holds the King's crown, sighs happily] They would have done anything if they thought it would end their daughter’s curse.
Rumpelstiltskin How could you? When you never existed?
You better start making sense, you dirty little man!
Rumpelstiltskin [pulls out "Ogre for a day" contract]
Here, let me spell out for ya: You gave me a day from your past, a day you wouldn't even remember, a day when you were an innocent, mindless, little baby. [starts scatting "Happy Birthday"]
[shocked]
You took the day I was born.
Rumpelstiltskin No, Shrek. You gave it to me.
Enjoy this while you can, Stiltskin, because when this day is up--
Rumpelstiltskin But you haven’t heard the best part. Since you were never born, once this day comes to an end, so will you!
[The witches all laughed as Shrek saw the hourglass with the sand running, which meant the time he had left was running.]
Where's Fiona? [demanding] WHERE'S MY FAMILY?!
Rumpelstiltskin Silly little ogre. You don’t get it, do you? You see, you were never born. You never met Fiona. Your kids don’t exist. [Then the witches all laughed at Shrek's misery, making him more enraged. Rumpelstiltskin even taunted him some more] How’s that for a metaphysical paradox?! Looks like you got exactly what you wanted! [mockingly] HAPPY OGRE-DAY!
[livid]
RUMPEL!! [He lunged at Rumpelstiltskin, who yelped in alarm as he jumped back.] AAAAAHHHH!
Rumpelstiltskin GET HIM! GET HIM, WITCHES!
[A witch fired another skull chain at Shrek, but he sensed it was coming this time, so he turned and blocked himself with the chains of his cuffs, just in time for the skull to reach him. The skull chomped the chains, breaking them. The witches screamed in alarm and panic as Shrek then ripped the shackles off his neck, growling. Another witch flying on a broomstick was twirling a skull chain and firing it at Shrek, but he quickly grabbed it and gave it a yank, pulling the witch down to his level. Shrek and the witch were face-to-face. Outside in the halls, Donkey was speaking to two witches, though it was hard to tell if they were paying attention or ignoring.]
You know what'd help morale around here? Flip-flop Fridays. Feet would be comfortable with the breeze on your toes.
[Then, without warning, the doors burst open and Shrek came flying through on the broomstick he took, rather clumsily. He knocked the two witches and Donkey down in the process, and at this time, "Click Click" by Light FM started playing. Shrek yelped a bit as he rode a loop-de-loop. Donkey looked over the edge of the bridge he was on and saw Shrek spiralling downward before trying to ride the broom on the bottom story, though not doing very well.]
Rumpelstiltskin [Five of the witches leapt off the bridge and onto their broomsticks, cackling madly as they pursued the ogre throughout the floor. Through the halls, Shrek still tried to get the hang of flying a broom as the pumpkin witch chucked pumpkin bombs at him, but he luckily dodged each one. Back on the top story, Rumpelstiltskin came out, angrily shoving one of the witches.]
Lock all the doors, you worthless witches! [kicks a witch] Do it!
[The short man then saw Shrek flying up towards him with a stern look, making him yelp. As the ogre on the broom zoomed upward, Rumpelstiltskin's wig briefly flew off his head from the impact.] [calls back]
I'll be right back, Donkey! [zoomed off, trying to figure out how to shake the witches.]
I don't know you. [to Rumpelstiltskin] I don’t know him. [The witches pursued Shrek through a higher story, and when he came to the edge and saw a pole, he smirked, getting an idea. Once he came to the pole, he swung around it and flew back, though rather lop-sided. When the witches saw him swerving towards them, they all flew out of the way to avoid getting hit. Shrek then managed to get a decent hold of the broom as he zoomed back to the bottom floor, dodging more incoming pumpkin bombs. He came back to the floor where Rumpelstiltskin and Donkey were, stopped the broom and glared at the foe.]
I’m glad I’m not you. [Rumpelstiltskin ran off as Shrek then swooped in, but instead of going after the deal maker who stole his birth, he scooped up Donkey in one swipe and flew into another room, with Donkey screaming for help.]
[Shrek saw the skylight up above, and he smirked, getting an escape idea.]
OH, NO! HELP!
[With the witches still on the ogre's tail, he swung around the golden chain of a huge shiny ball hung as the castle's centrepiece. He grabbed the chain and began to swing around the room while holding the chain, using the ball to smash everything in its path, with the witches (the ones who weren't chasing Shrek) all screaming as they ran to avoid getting crushed by the ball or the debris. While this happened, Rumpelstiltskin could only watch helplessly and in despair.]
Rumpelstiltskin No, not my pretty ball!
[The witches continued pursuing Shrek, with the ogre and donkey getting closer to the skylight, with Donkey screaming and Shrek yelling.] [covers Donkey's eyes]
Watch out!
[The two then smashed straight through the skylight, with the ball getting jammed in the hole, and the flying witches' brooms getting pinned to the ball itself, and some fell off, screaming, and landed on the floor. Outside, Shrek and Donkey zoomed off and away from the castle, with Donkey still screaming. Back in the castle, the ball didn't have anything to latch itself to, so it didn't take long for the ball itself to creak loudly before falling back and crashing into the ground with a very loud thump.]
Rumpelstiltskin [turns on Wolf]
Wolfe... my angry wig.
[The witch maids walked away in worry while Wolf removed the business wig and replaced it with a new one, which was a tall, red, fiery wig. Wolf walked away as well before Rumpelstiltskin breathed in anger.]
Rumpelstiltskin [Back at Rumpelstiltskin's palace, the dictator, not wearing any wigs, was staring at the hour glass with the sands of Shrek's time running, and he gave a sigh.]
Some people like to look at the goblet as--as half empty. [turned to a table where some of his witches was sitting, and each had her own cupcake.] Me, I like to look at it as half full. We’ve gone from the bottom to the top, ladies, but we’re not just an empire; we’re a family. Everyone has got their cupcake? Cupcake? Cupcake? Good. Yes? [to one of the witches] Baba? [Baba nodded] Good. [walked around the table as he continued.] Yeah, you know, we have put away a lot of ogres. And so one got away. Who cares? It’s not a big deal. It doesn’t matter to me. [One of the witches who was eating her cupcake, nodded in agreement.] It’s not like it’s the end of the world. [Then he came to the edge of the table, with the tone of his voice becoming a bit more sharp.] Except, funny thing... [He motioned the witch he was near to help him upon top of the table and that's what she did, and the villain began to rant.] Now that I think about it, the ogre who got away is Shrek! [with frustration raising in his voice] And if he shares a kiss with Fiona by sunrise, it IS the end of the world! OUR world! MY EMPIRE!!
Rumpelstiltskin [Fifi, resting nearby, honked loudly. Then Rumpelstiltskin exhaled, calming down a bit, as he continued speaking more calmly, though his voice still had a hint of danger to it.]
But, as I was saying, [takes pitcher of water and pours it into glass] I like to look at the goblet as half full. [The witches gasped and whimpered in fear, knowing that he might use it to melt any one of them.] Yelling makes me so parched. Would anyone care for some water? [He began to walk across the table and shove the glass of water in one of the panicked witches' faces.] Wet your whistle? [She shook her head 'no' in fear as he slyly walked over to another panicked witch.] A clear, crisp, delicious glass...of aqua purificada? [She nervously declined as well.] Anybody’s thirsty? Nobody’s thirsty? No? [puts pitcher down] Well, then does anyone care to tell me what it’s going to take to get this ogre?! [narrowed his eyes and pointed to Broomsy Witch] You.
BW Broomsy Witch
Faster brooms?
Rumpelstiltskin No!
HW Hat Witch
[scared]
Pointier hats?
Rumpelstiltskin No! [to another witch] You!
W Witch
Maybe we could hire a professional bounty hunter? [He shouts and stomps his feet in frustration before splashing the water onto the witch, melting her like a certain other witch, as she melts] What a world, what a world!? [Soon, as the steam cleared, there was nothing left of that witch but a soggy pile of her clothes. Then, Rumpelstiltskin pondered the suggestion.]
Rumpelstiltskin You know, actually not a bad idea. [points to Baba] Baba! [Baba jumped out of her chair in fear.] I need a bounty hunter. And if music doth soothe the savage beast… (chortles evilly a bit; proudly) then I think I might know just the person! [He dipped his finger in the frosting of the cupcake and licked the frosting right off, giving a malicious grin.]
[Back at the palace, the three pigs were busy taking care of Fifi, and they were disgusted with doing so. Heimlich was in charge of scrubbing the goose's teeth (yes, geese don't normally have teeth, but this one does apparently), Horst was in charge of trimming her toenails, and Dieter was in charge of scrubbing her with a big soap brush, and he plunged the brush into the suds bowl in annoyance. Rumpelstiltskin came over to his giant pet and cuddled her by the head.]
Rumpelstiltskin Daddy thinks you look real nice, Fifi. Honk. [to the Three Pigs] All right, Piggies, be gone! Don’t forget to take her little potty box with you. [Dieter and Heimlich then carried the potty box away in disgust, with Horst following and spraying some perfume to drown any odours. Fifi then snipped Horst in the curly tail, making him yelp.]
H Horst
[whines]
This little piggy wants to go home! [pigs gone]
G Griselda
[came running in]
Mr. Stiltskin! He’s here.
Rumpelstiltskin [sat back on his throne with a couple of other witches at his side.] Nice. [The bounty hunter then came in through the doors, playing a flute, and he was approaching the throne, but not using his arms and legs to do so. Instead, he used a magic flute to make a small pack of mice carry him all the way on their backs. Once the bounty hunter was revealed in front of the dictator and witches, the mice scampered off. He was, in fact, the Pied Piper.]
Rumpelstiltskin Pied Piper. How was your commute? [Instead of speaking, the piper communicated by playing a few notes.]
Rumpelstiltskin Good.
G Griselda
[scoffs]
You call this guy a bounty hunter? What’s he gonna do, [motions flute playing] flute those ogres a lullaby? [She and the other three witches chortled, while Rumpelstiltskin gave a nod to the piper, who nodded back, and then he turned the setting on the end of his flute from mouse to duck to witch. He then started playing a new song on the flute while beatboxing, and to the surprise of the witches, Griselda's arms began moving by themselves. Then she yelped as she started involuntarily breakdancing to the song, which is "Sure Shot" by the Beastie Boys, and the other two witches involuntarily got up and started dancing against their will as well, yelling in alarm.] OK, got it! Make it stop! [Rumpelstiltskin just laughed at this, enjoying it. The dancing and song lasted for a bit before the dictator got up, waving his arms.]
Rumpelstiltskin All right, that’s enough. [With that, the witches' dancing halted, ending with involuntary dancer poses as the three panted, and the piper ended his tune. he gave an evil look.] Looks like it’s time to pay the piper. [The witches still stood where they were.] Griselda, seriously, it’s time to pay the piper. Now go get my chequebook! [The two witches left and Griselda got up to get the checkbook, but the impatient he kicked her rear.] Go! Move! Get out! Things are getting real sloppy around here! [The piper then switched the setting from witch to unicorn to his commissioned setting: ogre. Cut into the ???]
Rumpelstiltskin [Inside the castle, the citizens came with their prisoners, and none of them was Shrek, as the dictator pointed out while pacing and inspecting each one. One citizen even brought in a bag of flour with a scary green face painted on it.]
Not Shrek! That is not Shrek! Also not Shrek! [saw Butter Pants and his father with a big green creature they captured.] That's not even an ogre; it is a troll! Nice try. [sees that Wolf was wearing a Shrek head over his own, claiming to be captured by the pigs.] And that...
Rumpelstiltskin ...is just sad. [spotted Pinocchio with his father, dressed in Shrek's clothes and fake ogre ears, with his face painted green and hands tied by a rope that the puppet was holding.] And what is that supposed to be?
G Geppetto
I'm just a frightened old man.
Don't listen to him! These ogres are crafty!
Rumpelstiltskin That is your father painted green.
No, it's Shrek! Honest! [his nose grew and hit Rumpelstiltskin in the face, making Rumpelstiltskin shout in pain as he swatted it out of his face.]
Rumpelstiltskin Oh! Aye! Ow! [to a witch] Take them away! [Witch takes Pinocchio and Geppetto away. Rumpelstiltskin went to his table, frustrated] Can no one bring me Shrek?! Where is he? How hard can it be?! [angrily pounded on the table in frustration] I WANT HIM! I WANT HIM! I WANT HIM! [Then the door of the throne room slammed open]
[offscreen]
Stiltskin! [Rumpelstiltskin jumped up and looked back, seeing Shrek wander through the aisle] I hear you're looking for me.
Rumpelstiltskin All right! Finally! [calls out and looks around] Who turned him in? Who gets the deal of a lifetime?
[took the 'deal of a lifetime' contract out of Rumpelstiltskin's hand]
I do.
Rumpelstiltskin What?! But--
If I'm turning myself in, I get the deal of a lifetime. [He plucked a feather from Fifi and dipped it in the magic ink jar] That means you have to give me anything I want.
Rumpelstiltskin [leaped onto the table, stopped Shrek signing it]
No, no, no! Only true love's kiss can break your contract! So if you thought you were just gonna [mimics walking] doot-doot-doot in here and get your life back--
I'm not here to get my life back.
Rumpelstiltskin [with a glare]
Then what do you want?
[Outside the castle, Donkey and Puss waited when all the ogres of the resistance magically appeared, one by one, and dropped from the sky. Donkey saw Gretched falling towards where Puss was, so he used his teeth to pull the cat out of the way.]
The ogres, they're all free.
[They all went up to the gates, knowed Shrek was still inside.] [Long pause]
This is not good.
Rumpelstiltskin [Back in the throne room, the villagers have left, and Rumpelstiltskin was leading Shrek, who had his hands shackled, to a dungeon room, with four witches encircling the prisoner and pointing their brooms at him.]
I don't know. Not much of a storybook ending. [mockingly] The noble Shrek turns himself in to save a bunch of filthy ogres. [The witches trying to shackles Shrek with chains]
All that matters is that they're free, and Fiona is safe.
Rumpelstiltskin Awww, I bet Fiona would be really touched to hear that, but, hey, I guess you can tell her yourself. [He and the cackling witches turned to reveal Fiona, shackled as well, struggling to get out]
[Shrek and Fiona rushed to each other, but the weight of the shackles and chains held them back. They tried breaking free from them to no avail, and Rumpelstiltskin only cackled maniacally as he watched the two ogres struggle to reach each other in failed attempts to his pure wicked amusement]
Stiltstkin, we have a deal! You agreed to free all ogres!
Rumpelstiltskin [uncaring tone]
Oh, yeah. But Fiona isn't all ogre, [slyly] is she? [He gave a smug, evil smirk. Shrek's face faltered as he looked over at Fiona worryingly.] By day, one way; by night, another. Blardy, blardy, blar. Ha-ha! [He skipped merrily out of the room in triumph and more triumphantly] Nobody's smart but me! [He and the laughing witches left the room, closing the doors and leaving the two prisoners alone. Shrek gave a solemn, sad look]
That was a really brave thing you did, Shrek. Thank you.
[sullenly]
No, you were right. I wasn't there for you, and I'm not just at the dragon's keep, but... every day since.
[smiles softly]
Well, you're here now. [Long pause; Shrek grins at Princess Fiona]
[Outside the castle]
Let go of me; I have to save Shrek!
[angry]
DON'T BE A FOOL, MULE!
She's right. Rumpel's palace is locked up tighter than Old Mother Hubbard's Cupboard.
And that cupboard wasn't guarded by a whole bunch of mean, ugly, nasty witches.
PW Palace Witch #1
Hey! [The ogres, Donkey and Puss looks up at the two witches.] We can hear you!
Sorry! [Then the ogres, Donkey and Puss huddled.]
We must get into the palace.
Man, Shrek and I just busted out of that place!
[looks at a shield's reflection, confidently.]
The same way we're gonna bust in.
[All the ogres shouted and cheered in triumph, while raising their weapons. Donkey then started tapping his hooves with Puss doing a little victory tap dance, until at the end, when the tops of his boots began to split, to the fat cat's embarrassment. Cookie then carried off the worried and defeated villain in his arms, as he and Brogan gave smirks towards him.]
Looks like we're having curly-toed weirdo for breakfast.
[When all was settled, Fiona and Shrek looked to each other.]
Hey, we make a pretty good team.
[The two then looked at each other, staying silent for a moment, but then Shrek noticed something serious. His hand started to give a bright yellow glow, making him gasp. He saw that morning was starting to happen, so that meant he was beginning to fade away. His legs also started glowing as he fell.]
Shrek?
Rumpelstiltskin [She held him up. They saw the magic hourglass of Shrek's life was almost out of sand] [?]
His day is up! His day is... [Cookie restrains Rumpel]
It's all right. [Donkey, Puss, and the other ogres watch sadly]
There has to be something I can do.
You've already done everything for me, Fiona. You gave me a home and a family.
We have kids. Fergus, Farkle, and a little girl named Felicia.
Felicia. I've always wanted to have a daughter named Felicia.
[last words]
And someday... [The fading ogre then dug in his pocket and pulled out the squeaky toy belonging to their daughter.] You will. [He handed it to her, and she looked at it sadly, before looking back towards him.] You know what the best part of today was? I got the chance to fall in love with you all over again. [Tears began to form in Fiona's eyes as she leaned her head towards Shrek's face. The hourglass emptied, and the light began to glow brightly all around Shrek's body as Fiona kissed him deeply, and then Shrek began to fade away into nothing but sparkles of golden dust that soon dispersed. As Fiona held him, it seemed Shrek was no more. Then the sun rising behind Fiona began to shine brightly, illuminating the whole room as she sat there on her knees with tears running down her face, which was still green, to Puss's notice.]
Fiona.. The sunrise. You're still... an ogre.
[sees Puss in Boots is right]
True love's form.
Rumpelstiltskin [anger shocked]
Impossible!
Rumpelstiltskin [Suddenly, the wind began blasting and brushing by everyone, also knocking Puss's hat off his head. Everyone looked up and saw the magic golden light that brought Shrek here begin to eat away at Rumpelstiltskin's castle. All bricks, shingles and other materials of the castle were sucked away in a magical tornado.] [shocked]
What?!
Rumpelstiltskin [Then, one by one, each witch and ogre began to puff away into puffs of yellow smoke. Cookie and Brogan quickly vanished, dropping Rumpelstiltskin, and he then saw Fifi vanish in a puff of smoke as well.]
Fifi!
[Then Donkey and Puss were the next to vanish.]
Puss!
[Then Fiona vanished next. The horrified Rumpelstiltskin, the only one remaining, twisted in circles in place while shouting in alarm as his whole world around him was tearing away and disintegrating.] [lastly words in the golden tornadoes]
No! No, no, no, no, no! No, not yet! No, I'm not ready! No! Wait! [Then the floor under him, the only thing remaining, crackled away and he began falling down into an abyss of pure golden light while screaming out loud in horror, before everything went black for him.]
