[Donkey started sniffing the ground in the forest like a bloodhound, and to his surprise and happiness, he saw an unguarded plate of stacked waffles coated in syrup sitting on a stump.]
Yeah! Waffles! And I thought the Waffle Fairy was just a bedtime story. [rushes up to plate] Sticky stacks of golden, syrupy deliciousness!
Donkey! [Points Donkey] Don't eat that! [Donkey stopped and frowned.] There’s a stack of freshly made waffles in the middle of the forest. Don’t you find that a wee bit suspicious? [Donkey trying to take a little nibble of the waffles, but Shrek kept protesting against it.] I’m just... What are you...? Bad Donkey! Mustn't--I said, don’t! Don't! No! Get away from it! [Donkey extended his tongue out and licked the dripping syrup of the waffles.] You did.
[Then, without warning, the plate flung the waffles onto a tree. Donkey quickly realized it was a trap.]
Uh-oh.
[The stump flipped open like a lid and looked at the hole, rather confused because it didn't seem like an effective trap to him. However, that was not the full trap. Shrek glanced around, seeing hidden pulleys and counterweights turning, and then a log came swinging out in the direction of the two.] [ducks]
Look out!
[But Donkey didn't duck in time, as he got hit in the end by the log, sending him into the hole. The ogre ran up to the hole, lifted the lid, seeing Donkey lying there.]
Donkey! Are you OK?
I'm fine. [But then his hooves got snagged by a rope trap and he was yanked away, screaming.]
Donkey. [leaped into the hole and saw it led to a tunnel, and because it was small to walk through, he had to army crawl through it.]
Help! Help me! Help, Shrek! Help!
[Then he came out through the other end, pushing the roots, and when getting up, he was awestruck at where he was. He was in some hidden camp with ogres like him roaming about, carrying stuff and doing chores. He wandered around in amazement, looking at the sights, making him grin a bit. A blacksmith ogre was sharpening a tool, and a female ogre was carrying an anvil of some sort. As Shrek kept wandering, two ogres carrying a log were coming from behind him.]
O1 Ogre #1
Watch your head.
O2 Ogre #2
[He then ducked, letting the two ogres lift the log over him. Then three ogres, including a female one named Gretched, came around him.]
Hey, it's a new guy!
O3 Ogre #3
Look at him, all dressed up in his Sunday vest.
Gretched He's really tiny, isn’t he?
[Then, a slender ogre taller than Shrek, Brogan, came behind our main ogre, putting his arm around him.]
Fate has delivered us a comrade-in-arms and for that, we are thankful. Suit him up!
O3 Ogre #3
[The other ogres then took Shrek to get suited up.]
Let's go, greenie.
Now, wait a minute! [He was placed in an armored vest, along with some wrist bands, and a helmet. One ogre smacked him in the rear to get him going.] Hey!
[An axe was tossed into Shrek's arms, which Shrek luckily caught. Three ogres each threw an axe at three different dummies wearing witches' clothes. One ogre even tackled a witch dummy and brawled with it. Shrek]
Welcome to the resistance.
[puts arm around Shrek]
We fight for freedom and ogres everywhere! [He then held his nose and started blowing a horn-like sound through his ears, and then all the other ogres held their noses and blew through their ears. When the blowing was done, the resistance ogres hooted and laughed while Shrek was even more stunned than already.]
[about soldiers using their horn]
I didn't know we could do that.
Help! You can't eat me! I got the mange! I'm poisonous! I'm all poi...
I'll take him! This order's to go.
Hey! I haven't removed his giblets yet.
Trust me, you don't wanna eat this one.
I go down smooth, but come out fighting!
Your dinner is my friend!
I got to get the giblets out!
O Ogres
She's back. [Shrek turned and saw a figure arriving on the hill, who was clad in a helmet and armor, and holding an axe in her hand. She removed her helmet and revealed herself to be none other than Fiona (in ogre form). She stood there, with the wind blowing her hair, giving it a dramatic flair. When Shrek saw her, he grinned with such relief.]
[happily]
Fiona! [hands axe to one of the ogres, begins running up to her, Fiona spots him] I'm so happy I found you!
[Fiona kicks him in the jaw and sends him flying, yelling in slow motion, before crashing to the ground. The ogres winced, while some couldn't help but chuckle a bit. The groaning Shrek got up.] [walked up to him, handing her axe to Gretched.]
Maybe you missed orientation, [her helmet to Brogan.] but for future reference, personal space is very important to me.
[Shrek looked very worried at her] [confused]
You don't know who I am, do you?
No. [to Brogan] Brogan, I have news from Far Far Away. Gather the others and meet me in the war room. [Brogan agreed]
[to Gretched]
Gretched, make sure everyone is prepared to move out tonight.
[turns on Shrek, annoyed]
What is it?!
[calmly]
OK, I know you don’t remember me, but... we’re married. [Needless to say, Fiona gave a confused look as he recapped the incident at the birthday party.] Hear me out. And at the birthday party with some pigs and a puppet, the villagers wanted me to sign their pitchforks, [As he explained and tried making it sound as believable as he could, Brogan and Gretched were equally as confused as Fiona.] and this boy kept saying, [as Butterpants] "Do the roar. Do the roar." Then I punched the cakes that the pigs ate, and the next thing I knew, my donkey fell in your waffle hole. [Needless to say as well, pretty much all ogres were completely dumbstruck, and so was Donkey.] Right? Who’s with me?
Wow, [chuckles a bit] I guess I must have kicked him harder than I thought.
[The ogres in the resistance laughed a bit.] [pleading]
Fiona, I need to...
[But Fiona held his hand up, as a lookout ogre was perched on a lookout, making "caw" sounds.]
Witches! All right, everyone, you know the drill! [She and the other ogres [except Shrek] went to their battle stations.]
Witches! Oh, no! Witches! Witches!
[grabbed Donkey and the sticks he was still attached to.]
Come on, now.
[Some ogres quickly cut ropes to seal the large hiding holes and dropped sandbags to extinguish the fires. They secured weapons in a net and a few concealed themselves in a hole underground. Others, wearing rocks and plants on their heads, submerged in the swamp water, while Fiona, Brogan, and the remaining ogres, disguised with bushes, crouched around Shrek’s hiding spot. Shrek covered the whimpering Donkey’s mouth as three witches flew overhead on broomsticks. The lead witch glanced down but saw no ogres or camp, then sneered and flew off to Rumpelstiltskin's castle. Once they left, the ogres emerged from hiding and murmured as they returned to their posts.]
Fiona, that's the third patrol today. We can’t hide forever.
Trust me, Brogan. After tonight, we won’t have to.
[Shrek and Donkey just sat where they were.] [to Shrek]
That's your wife?
Well, I see who wears the chainmail in your family! [Shrek gave a weird look at him.]
[Inside the castle, the citizens came with their prisoners, and none of them was Shrek, as the dictator pointed out while pacing and inspecting each one. One citizen even brought in a bag of flour with a scary green face painted on it.]
Not Shrek! That is not Shrek! Also not Shrek! [saw Butter Pants and his father with a big green creature they captured.] That's not even an ogre; it is a troll! Nice try. [sees that Wolf was wearing a Shrek head over his own, claiming to be captured by the pigs.] And that...
...is just sad. [spotted Pinocchio with his father, dressed in Shrek's clothes and fake ogre ears, with his face painted green and hands tied by a rope that the puppet was holding.] And what is that supposed to be?
G Geppetto
I'm just a frightened old man.
Don't listen to him! These ogres are crafty!
That is your father painted green.
No, it's Shrek! Honest! [his nose grew and hit Rumpelstiltskin in the face, making Rumpelstiltskin shout in pain as he swatted it out of his face.]
Oh! Aye! Ow! [to a witch] Take them away! [Witch takes Pinocchio and Geppetto away. Rumpelstiltskin went to his table, frustrated] Can no one bring me Shrek?! Where is he? How hard can it be?! [angrily pounded on the table in frustration] I WANT HIM! I WANT HIM! I WANT HIM! [Then the door of the throne room slammed open]
[offscreen]
Stiltskin! [Rumpelstiltskin jumped up and looked back, seeing Shrek wander through the aisle] I hear you're looking for me.
All right! Finally! [calls out and looks around] Who turned him in? Who gets the deal of a lifetime?
[took the 'deal of a lifetime' contract out of Rumpelstiltskin's hand]
I do.
If I'm turning myself in, I get the deal of a lifetime. [He plucked a feather from Fifi and dipped it in the magic ink jar] That means you have to give me anything I want.
[leaped onto the table, stopped Shrek signing it]
No, no, no! Only true love's kiss can break your contract! So if you thought you were just gonna [mimics walking] doot-doot-doot in here and get your life back--
I'm not here to get my life back.
[with a glare]
Then what do you want?
[Outside the castle, Donkey and Puss waited when all the ogres of the resistance magically appeared, one by one, and dropped from the sky. Donkey saw Gretched falling towards where Puss was, so he used his teeth to pull the cat out of the way.]
The ogres, they're all free.
[They all went up to the gates, knowed Shrek was still inside.] [Long pause]
This is not good.
[Back in the throne room, the villagers have left, and Rumpelstiltskin was leading Shrek, who had his hands shackled, to a dungeon room, with four witches encircling the prisoner and pointing their brooms at him.]
I don't know. Not much of a storybook ending. [mockingly] The noble Shrek turns himself in to save a bunch of filthy ogres. [The witches trying to shackles Shrek with chains]
All that matters is that they're free, and Fiona is safe.
Awww, I bet Fiona would be really touched to hear that, but, hey, I guess you can tell her yourself. [He and the cackling witches turned to reveal Fiona, shackled as well, struggling to get out]
[Shrek and Fiona rushed to each other, but the weight of the shackles and chains held them back. They tried breaking free from them to no avail, and Rumpelstiltskin only cackled maniacally as he watched the two ogres struggle to reach each other in failed attempts to his pure wicked amusement]
Stiltstkin, we have a deal! You agreed to free all ogres!
[uncaring tone]
Oh, yeah. But Fiona isn't all ogre, [slyly] is she? [He gave a smug, evil smirk. Shrek's face faltered as he looked over at Fiona worryingly.] By day, one way; by night, another. Blardy, blardy, blar. Ha-ha! [He skipped merrily out of the room in triumph and more triumphantly] Nobody's smart but me! [He and the laughing witches left the room, closing the doors and leaving the two prisoners alone. Shrek gave a solemn, sad look]
That was a really brave thing you did, Shrek. Thank you.
[sullenly]
No, you were right. I wasn't there for you, and I'm not just at the dragon's keep, but... every day since.
[smiles softly]
Well, you're here now. [Long pause; Shrek grins at Princess Fiona]
[Outside the castle]
Let go of me; I have to save Shrek!
Gretched [angry]
DON'T BE A FOOL, MULE!
She's right. Rumpel's palace is locked up tighter than Old Mother Hubbard's Cupboard.
And that cupboard wasn't guarded by a whole bunch of mean, ugly, nasty witches.
PW Palace Witch #1
Hey! [The ogres, Donkey and Puss looks up at the two witches.] We can hear you!
Sorry! [Then the ogres, Donkey and Puss huddled.]
We must get into the palace.
Man, Shrek and I just busted out of that place!
[looks at a shield's reflection, confidently.]
The same way we're gonna bust in.
