[As Rumpelstiltskin angrily scrunches up a page from a library book about Shrek]
Uh– sir, you're gonna have to pay for that.
Uh– M-m-maybe we can make a deal for it, little boy?
[Looking devious]
Do you wanna be?
[Cut to Pinocchio kicking him out]
Nobody needs your deals anymore, Grumple Stinkypants!
[Coughs as he gets up, then picks up the ripped-out page]
I wish that ogre was never born!
You gave me a day from your past. A day you wouldn't even remember. A day when you were an innocent, mindless, little baby. [Starts humming Happy Birthday to You]
You took the day I was born.
No, Shrek, you gave it to me.
Come on, Donkey, ¡Vamonos!
Man, you are a cat-tastrophe!
And you, are ri-donkey-lous!
[Beat. Then both laugh]
Why don't you just tell her what you told me? You know, about how you're her true love and you came from an alternate universe.
Oh, and while I'm at it, why don't I tell her that you're married to a fire breathing dragon, and you have little mutant donkey-dragon babies?
You saw what happened, she's gonna think I'm crazy.
Donkey [Not listening] I'm a daddy?
You know what? If I got Fiona to kiss me once– [He blows into a frog's mouth, inflating it like a balloon] –then I can do it again.
Shrek [Enters Fiona's tent] Hello? Fiona?
[Green eyes are shown in the shadows of a cat condo]
You should not be here.....señor.
Puss? [Puss struggles to get out of his resting place, revealing himself as now overweight with a pink bow on wrapped around the back of his neck.] You've gotta be kiddin' me.
[He lowers down on the scratching post, the lands on his back on a pillow. He then struggles to get up, followed by facing Shrek.]
Feed me, if you dare.
Puss, what happened to you?! You got so fa– [Puss gives him a look] Fa-ancy!
Well, where's your hat? Where's your belt? [He gasps softly] Your wee little boots?
Boots, for a cat? Ha! [He laughs]
But you're Puss in Boots.
Maybe once, [He opens a bottle of milk] but that is a name I have outgrown.
[under his breath]
That's not the only thing you've outgrown.
Hey! I may have let myself go a little since retirement, but hanging up my sword was the best decision of my life! I have all the cream I can drink and all the mice I can chase. [A mouse runs up to his bowl and starts drinking out of it] Eh, I'll get him later. [He starts drinking out of the bowl himself]
Oh, Puss, what have I done to you? You've gone soft.
Well, I do get brushed twice a day.
You witches are making a big mistake! I know my rights!
PW Pumpkin Witch
You have the right to shut your mouth! [She drops a pumpkin which explodes with smoke in Shrek's face]
So... you're not gonna eat me?
No, thanks. I already had a big bowl of curly-toed weirdo for breakfast.
Stop! Where are you going?
How, by getting yourself killed?
So that's how you knew so much about me!
Fiona, wait! [jumping in front of her] Kiss me!
It's the only way to save your friends!
Get out of my way! [walks past him]
You used to believe that a single kiss could solve everything!
[Fiona turns around and reluctantly kisses him. However, when they're done kissing, nothing happens, to Shrek's confusion. Fiona, indifferent, wipes at her mouth]
I don't understand. [frustrated] This doesn't make any sense! True love's kiss was supposed to fix everything!
[sarcastically]
Yeah, well, you know what? That's what they told me too. True love didn't get me out of that tower. I did! I saved myself! Don't you get it? It's all just a big fairy tale!
[pleading]
Fiona, don't say that! It does exist!
And how would you know? Did you grow up locked away in a dragon's keep? [voice cracking] Did you live all alone in a miserable tower?! Did you cry yourself to sleep every night waiting for a true love that never came?!
But... but I'm your true love.
Then where were you when I needed you?
[Shrek, stunned and full of guilt, can't bring himself to answer. Fiona turns around and leaves]
Maybe you kissed her... wrong?
No. The kiss didn't work... because Fiona doesn't love me.
It seems that we are safe.
Yeah, it looks a lot less pitchforky and torchy out there. Let's go.
Oh, what's the point? The kiss didn't work. It's over.
Look, Shrek, I know things might seem a little bleak right now, but things always work themselves out in the end. You'll see. Well, I'll bet by this time tomorrow–
Hey, don't you understand? There is no tomorrow, there's no day after that, and there's no day after that day after that! My life was perfect and I'm never gonna get it back!
Well, if your life was so perfect, then why did you sign it all the way to Rumpelstiltskin in the first place?
Because I didn't know what I had until it was gone! Alright? [He sighs, deeply remorseful now] I didn't know what I had.
That was a really brave thing you did, Shrek. Thank you.
[sullenly]
No. You were right. I wasn't there for you. And not just at the dragon's keep, but...everyday since.
[smiles softly]
Well, you're here now.
[about ogres using their noses as a horn]
I didn't know we could do that.
B Butterpants
Do the roar!
B Butterpants
I don't like it.
[During the main event–]
♪ Winter, Spring, Summer or Fall.All you've got to do is call. [Rumpelstiltskin and the witches hear and spot him on top of the new hanging chandelier ball] ♪ And I'll be there. Yeah, yeah, yeah– ♪
And Puss– [Puss descends down the chandelier ball's rope, now wearing his boots, belt, hat and cape.]
[Last lines]
You know, I always thought I rescued you from the Dragon's Keep.
[smiles slightly, confused]
You did.
No. It was you that rescued me.
[Fiona beams, before the two share a kiss]
Butter Pants' father: Hey! I believe you promised my son a roar.
BP Butter Pants
Do the roar.
BP Butter Pants
[unimpressed]
I don't like it.
Pigs, we need another cake.
H Heimlich
But we ate ze other cakes.
[The babies cried some more, and Shrek tried calming them down by bouncing them.] Butter Pants' father: Come on, man. One roar!
Hey, everybody. Shrek's gonna do his famous ogre roar! [The Dronkeys gathered around their dad, excited for uncle Shrek's roar.]
Not now, Donkey. Pigs, are there any cupcakes?
D Dieter
We ate them, too.
H Heimlich
Zhey have lollipops.
D Dieter
What, you didn't share?
H Horst
[frowns]
Well, you didn't share the croissants!
[The babies cried some more.]
Everything's gonna be okay.
[came and took her kids, holding them.]
Shrek, what's going on?
[Butterpants was hugging Donkey.]
Come on, Shrek! Your fans are waitin'.
B Butterpants
Do the roar.
C Crowd
[Pinocchio ran around Shrek, singing and shouting indistinctly. Wolf blew another balloon up until it popped. Then everyone spoke or made noises at once. All of this pressure and tension going on today was taking a toll on Shrek enough; he was losing his patience, trying his best to fight it.]
Do the roar! Do the roar!
We need the cake! Cake! Cake! Cake!
[Shrek couldn't hold it in anymore, so he let out an enormous, furious ogre roar at the top of his lungs that nearly blew everyone away, even ButterPants' hat was blown off.]
RRRROOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR!!!
B Butterpants
[Once he was done, he panted and everyone else was left stunned and silent for a moment until they all cheered.] [chuckles as he hugs his dad]
I love you, daddy.
[Wolf then slapped a party hat onto Shrek's head, to his annoyance.]
Everybody, I have found... [lifted his cape to reveal another cake decorated like the last one.] Another cake!
[Everyone started chanting Shrek's name as Shrek stared angrily at the cake, fuming. The concerned Fiona just noticed the look on her husband's face as he handed Felicia to her mother.]
Shrek, are you okay?
E Everyone
[Shrek continued glaring at the adorable ogre picture on the cake, feeling it mocked him.] [chanting]
Shrek! Shrek! Shrek! Shrek! Shrek! Shrek!
[Enraged, Shrek then slams his big fist into the cake's center after furiously ogre roars, making everyone gasp in shock. He gave a miserable stare at everybody, and even Fiona, who was more stunned than anyone else. Then he stormed out of the diner in anger. Everyone else just stood, stunned. Even Gingy was stunned as his frosting chaps fell off.]
[last lines; The world went back to where Shrek was giving his big, loud ogre roars from before] [resume words]
RRRROOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR!!! [Once he was done, he panted and saw where he was. He was back in his own original world and at his kids' birthday party, as if he never left it. It was as if the magic of true love's kiss reversed everything to the event where he roared. He saw that everyone else in the Candy Apple was left stunned and silent for a bit until they all cheered.]
B Butterpants
[chuckles as he hugs his dad]
I love you, daddy.
E Everyone
[chanting]
Shrek! Shrek! Shrek! Shrek! Shrek! [Gingy saw one of the Three Blind Mice facing the other way, so he turned the mouse around correctly. Wolf then slapped a party hat onto Shrek's head.]
Everybody, I have found... [lifts his cape to reveal another cake decorated like the last one.] another cake!
[turned to see Fiona, the way she was before signing his life away. This time, he removed the party hat and went up to hug his wife.]
Oh, Fiona. I've never been better.
[Fiona smiled warmly, and the parents then heard their kids playfully roaring.]
Happy Birthday, Farkle. Fergus, my little man! And, Felicia, sweetheart... I believe this is yours.
F Felicia
Thank you, Daddy.
Hey, Uncle Shrek, how about giving my babies an encore!
Please, señor, let us have it! [The others insist eagerly. However, instead of a roar, Shrek holds his nose and blows a toot through his ears. Then, all three of his babies held their noses and blew smaller toots through their ears. As their friends applaud and Puss waves a little yellow flag, Fiona is astounded.]
I didn't know we can do that!
You know, I always thought that I rescued you from the Dragon's Keep.
No. It was you that rescued me.
[Fiona beams, before the two share a kiss with their babies hugging them, while everyone cheers. Then, the scene changed to a picture of the still scene on the final page of a book Shrek had out. "The End" We see Shrek's hand closing the book to his own story "Shrek Forever After", before placing the book up on a shelf, but the story is not quite over just yet. Shrek then went outside of his house in the swamp as another party was going on, with a new cover of the song "I'm a Believer" by Weezer from his first film's ending playing. Also, the ogres from the resistance came as guests. Shrek held out a tray of mugs with swamp drinks for them, and each took a glass before two ogres took Shrek and tossed him up in the air. Shrek lay on his back in the air happily. Fiona then caught him in her arms before the two smooched and chuckled. Donkey then slid down Dragon's spine before she used her tail to flick him into her mouth. She closed it before opening it back up, with Donkey's fur all fuzzy as it was in the alternate dimension, but he shook it off. The other ogres tossed a big ball made of their shields in the air, and the Wolf and pigs used the reflection of light off the Magic Mirror to shine on the ball, and Fiona was on top of the outhouse, spinning the ball with her finger like a basketball and also like a disco ball. Puss then flipped in the air and slid across a deck, sliding his sword across it, causing sparks to appear and lighting the villagers' sparklers, making them laugh and cheer. Puss then stopped near a shield Cookie held and saw that it made Puss look bloated (like it did in the alternate dimension), making Puss concerned. Queen Lillian then danced with one of the resistance ogres, passing a memorial with a portrait of King Harold and all the frogs who attended his funeral, each with a drink in their flipper and bobbing along to the song. The portrait of Harold's face was moving by itself, because most likely his ghost was taking its form, and gave a short smile. Even Fifi was there, seeing a small bluebird, snapping at it, trying to eat it, but the bluebird landed on Shrek's finger, and Fiona sang a high note, making not only the bluebird puff up, but Fifi puff up as well. Then Rumpelstiltskin, in a round cage, turned away from this, as there was an explosion of white feathers. When he looked, he saw that both birds had exploded, and all that was left of Fifi was her webbed feet. Everyone was stunned at first before they burst out laughing, while the horrified Rumpelstiltskin couldn't help but grieve for the loss of his pet, but before he could, he began to dance unwillingly, due to the Pied Piper using his flute power on the captured villain while outside the cage. Everyone then cheered for the small concert being given to them by Brogan, Cookie and Gretched. Brogan and Gretched were on guitars, while Cookie was on the drums. Then the three held their noses and blew through their ears. Some of the witches, who were also there and not on Rumpelstiltskin's side in this world, began taking off on their broomsticks for a joyride, cheering and whooping. However, the fifth witch couldn't take off because her broom turned out to be Pinocchio's nose grown long. She looked at the puppet behind her and shook her head. The other four witches flew through the sky and created a rainbow pattern with magic dust. Three of the Dronkeys flew up, each one carrying one of Shrek's kids in the air, going for a joyride themselves. Even Butter Pants was riding a Dronkey himself. At a stump, Gingy was riding an animal cracker horse, with the other animal crackers gathered around him. The Three Pigs appeared, not helping but finding the animal crackers tasty.]
D Dieter
Yummy!
[The pigs chowed down on all the animal crackers, leaving nothing but Gingy and his horse. Shrek and Fiona danced with each other before falling backwards in the mud. Now the ogre couple, and pretty much everyone else, except Rumpelstiltskin, the Dronkeys and Dragon, were all making mud angels in the mud, laughing and enjoying themselves, as the Dronkeys flew up in the air.]
