ALL A B C D E F G H I J K L M
N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z #


View Quote Carl: [imitating a fire siren] Bee-do! Bee-do! Bee-do!
View Quote Little Girl: [during Agnes' birthday party; to Gru dressed up as fairy princess] How come you're so fat?
View Quote Minions: [as they rush to get ice cream] Gelato!
View Quote Agnes: [blankly] She kisses my boo-boos, she braids my hair. My mother is beyond compare. We love you mothers everywhere. [smiles at Gru]
Gru: [surprised] Wow! That was... something else! I really like the way you smiled at the end. Let's try this one more time, but a teensy bit less like a zombie, okay?
Agnes: Okay. [blankly] She kisses my boo-boos, she braids my hair...
Gru: [cuts her off, throws the script and turns around walking away] Perfect. Time to go.
Agnes: I don't think I should do this.
Gru: [stopping] Well, what do you mean? Why not?
Agnes: I don't even have a mom.
Gru: Well, you don't need one to do the show. I mean, you did the Veteran's Day pageant and you haven't been in combat.
Agnes: This is different.
Gru: Okay, well, then... maybe you could just use your imagination.
Agnes: You mean I pretend that I have a mom?
Gru: Yes, right. You can do that, can't you?
Agnes: [delightedly] Yeah! I do that all the time! Thanks, Gru! [gives him a kiss and leaves; Gru is confused]
View Quote Agnes: [seeing Edith grabbing coins from the wishing fountain in the mall] Is that stealing?
Edith: [comes out of the water, wearing a diving mask and snorkel] Not if my wish was to get a lot of free coins!
View Quote Antonio: Cool glasses.
Margo: Uh... [chuckles nervously]
Antonio: I’m Antonio.
Margo: I’m...Margo.
Antonio: I was just going to get a cookie. Care to join me?
Margo: [nervous] Uh,... sure. I’m... Margo. [once seeing her going out with Antonio, Edith, still wearing her diving mask and snorkel, loudly clears her throat in suspicion; nervous] Um... I’ll catch up with you guys later. Bye! [leaves her sisters]
Edith: [in disgust] Can I be the first to say... Ewwww!
Agnes: [eagerly shaking Edith] We gotta go tell Gru!
[Meanwhile, Gru arrives at Eagle Hair Club]
Gru: [contacting Lucy] Alright, I’m going in.
Lucy: [informs him at Bake My Day by monitor as he activates a chem-tracking device shaped like a belt; through headphones] If it picks up any traces of the serum, the center of your belt buckle [aloud] will make a sound like this: Mee-Mo-Mee-Mo-Mee-Mo!
Gru: [cuts off Lucy; annoyed] Okay! I get it! I get it! [fumbles with the automatic door, then enters Eagle Hair Club]
Floyd: [chuckles] Welcome to Eagle Hair Club. [turns his eagle-like chair, revealing himself holding and stroking a toupee] It’s about time you showed up...Mr. Gru. [the bald eagle perched next to him squawks]
Gru: You...know my name?
Floyd: [chuckles] When someone moves into the mall who is follically challenged, I make it my business to know all about them. You are bald. And that is bad. [strokes the toupee he’s holding, kisses it, then puts it on a mannequin head] There you go, my sweet.
[at Bake My Day]
Lucy: [monitoring Gru’s chem-tracking device] I’m getting nothing so far. I think you need to look around.
[at Eagle Hair Club, after listening to Lucy in the headphones; Gru walks away, smiling nervously, and starts looking around the mall, but none of the mannequin heads give a signal]
Gru: [starts thrusting his hips once noticing a painting] Wow, this looks interesting. What is it?
Floyd: [suspiciously] I take it you’re an art lover?
Lucy: [in headphones] No serum.
Gru: Yeah, not so much. [walks over to a podium holding a trophy and starts thrusting his hips at it] Oh, how about this impressive trinket?
Floyd: [gasps] I hardly call it trinket, Mr. Gru.
Lucy: [in headphones] Nothing.
Floyd: The International—
Gru: Yeah, I don’t care. [moves over to a shelf filled with wig samples and starts straddling it]
Lucy: [in headphones, startling Gru] Mee-Mo-Mee-Mo-Mee-Mo!!! Hold on, I’m picking up something. Behind that wall!
Gru: Ahh... and what do we have here?
Floyd: [grabs a sample] These are my trial wigs. [hands Gru a bag with a wig in it] You should take one.
Gru: No, thanks. [sticks his head into the shelf] So what’s on the other side of the wall?
Floyd: There you are! Look at me! Focus!
Lucy: [in headphones] Gru?
Floyd: I promise, that this wig will transform you from ugly to irresistible.
[Gru is staring at the wig when Agnes and Edith hastily storm inside Eagle Hair Club, making him lose his focus]
Agnes: MARGO HAS A BOYFRIEND!
Edith: AND THEY’RE GOING ON A DATE!
Gru: [suddenly hysterical, to Edith] Date?! [to Agnes] Boyfriend?! [to Floyd] What?! [Floyd shrugs shoulders and shakes his head nervously; Gru stares at Agnes and Edith]
View Quote Eduardo: [chuckles] So glad that you could make it, mi compadré! [Noticing him, Gru looks up and hides Lucy's lipstick taser] Hey, what’s wrong?
Gru: Oh, nothing. Nothing is wrong. I’m just chilling with the guac from my chip hat. [takes a bite of his hat, smiling nervously]
Eduardo: Gru, please. I know that look all too well. [lightly touches Gru’s chest] It is the look of a broken heart.
Gru: How did you know?
Eduardo: Believe me, my friend. I too have spent many nights trying to drown my sorrows in guacamole.
Gru: You?
Eduardo: Yes. [grabs a chair and sits down] But we are survivors. There is much more to us than meets the eye, hmm? [gives Gru a mysterious smile] Enjoy the party.
View Quote Eduardo: [starts to hug Gru] So good to see you again, mi compadré!
Antonio: Oh, I see you’ve already met my father. [Margo lovingly stares at him]
Gru: [being hugged by Eduardo] What the... father?
Eduardo: [stops hugging him] Si! Look at this crazy little world we live in, eh? Come, sit! Let me get you something.
Gru: [sees Pollito squawking and glaring at him] Oh... look at you. [Eduardo scoops up the chicken; laughing nervously] He likes me! [attempts to pet Pollito, but he lunges at him]
Eduardo: Oh, oh, I’m sorry, Pollito is usually very friendly. [cradling his pet] He had a rough night. [Pollito stares at Gru relentlessly]
Gru: [chuckles nervously] Well, we should be going. Girls, come on. [attempts to leave]
Eduardo: [stops him and brings Margo and Antonio closer towards each other] That is a pity. Young love is beautiful, no?
Gru: No! [chuckles nervously] You know, they’re not in love. They hardly know each other!
Eduardo: You are right, Cabesa De Huevo! They must get to know each other better. Antonio, why don’t you invite your girlfriend and her family to our Cinco de Mayo party?
Gru: No, no, I am...
Edith and Agnes: [happily] Si!
View Quote Gru: Hello, Lucy. This is Gru. I know, up to this point, our relationship is been strictly professional, and that you’re leaving for Australia and all, but... [stammering] okay, here is the question. Would you like to... to go out on a date?
Minion: [dressed as Lucy] Ehh... no.
Gru: Okay, that's not helping. [hangs up the phone] Alright, here we go, for real this time. [checks Lucy's phone number, cracks his neck, then stretches and finally takes a deep breath; to himself] I can do this. [tries to pick up the phone, however, over time, becomes so frustrated that he stands up and takes his flamethrower; enraged] I HATE YOU! [uses his flamethrower to incinerate his telephone. In moments, the fire alarm starts blaring, and one of the Minions bursts through the wall with axes to put out the fire; followed by a Minion with a hose and a Minion imitating a siren. After putting out the fire, the Minion makes his Siren noises at Gru until he leaves angrily with the megaphone. The Minion dressed as Lucy then blasts the other one away with the fire extinguisher]
View Quote Gru: Hey, Tim! Nice haircut! Donny, hang in there, baby! It’s almost Friday. [high-fives Donny before as he approaches Dr. Nefario] So, how’s today batch, Doctor Nefario?
Dr. Nefario: I’ve developed a new formula which allowed me to get every known kind of berry into one flavor of jelly.
Gru': [sticks his finger in and tastes the goo; disgusted] That tastes good... [gags] Love the flavor of that...
Dr. Nefario: It’s horrible, isn’t it?
Gru: No! No! Oh, we’re making great progress! [to the Minions] Here, try some off this. [hands the jar to a Minion, who tastes it but gags, handing it over to another, who tastes it and scrapes the jelly off his tongue before smashing the jar and all Minions run away] Whoa... okay, just because everybody hates it doesn’t mean it’s not good.
Dr. Nefario: Listen, Gru. There’s something I’ve been meaning to talk to you about for some time now.
Gru: What? What’s wrong?
Dr. Nefario: [clears his throat] I miss being evil. Sinister plots, large-scale crimes...It’s what I live for! I mean, don’t you think, that there’s more to our future than jelly?
Gru: Well... [delighted] I’m also considering a line of jams...
Dr. Nefario: Um...the thing is, Gru... [takes a deep breath] I’ve had an offer of employment elsewhere.
Gru: [pauses; smug] Dr. Nefario! Come on, you’re kidding, right?
Dr. Nefario: [presses a button, folding his inventory into a suitcase] It’s a great opportunity for me, bigger lab, more evil, full dental...
Gru: [stares back at his old friend and sighs; calmly] Very well. Let us give you the proper send-off. [calls his henchmen off-screen] Minions! [seven Minions walk in, each carrying a fart gun; solemnly] The highest honor awarded to Dr. Nefario for your years of service – the twenty-one Fart Gun salute!
Minion: Buado! [seven fart guns are fired] Buado! [seven fart guns are fired] Buado! [seven fart guns are fired]
Dr. Nefario: [coughs as the fart blows past him] Uh, I counted twenty-two. [he and Gru look at Dave, who laughs embarrassedly]
View Quote Gru: [entering the girls' bedroom] All right, homework done, pyjamas on, teeth brushed, time for bed.
Margo: What's the big hurry?
Gru: I just... I have a lot of work to do.
Edith: Work, what kind of work?
Gru: Very important business. So hugs, kisses... [gives the girls a hug and kisses their foreheads, then puts them in bed] Good night, sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs blah-blah-blah-blah-blah... [suddenly sees Agnes standing at the doorway]
Agnes: But you said me you would help me practice my part for the Mother’s Day show.
Gru: [sighs; giving in] Fine, fine... [reluctantly] Let me hear it, quickly.
View Quote Gru: [lifting a floor tile; smiling maliciously] We’re stealth ninjas. We make no sound.
Lucy: Right. Gotcha. [kicks the door open, much to Gru’s astonishment] Ya!
Gru: [maliciously] Alright, El Macho. You're going down.
Lucy: [stops him] Wait! Wait.
Gru: What? [Lucy takes a spray can out of her purse and starts spraying the air; confused] What are you doing?
Lucy: I'm checking for laser beam alarm triggers.
Gru: It's a restaurant! [looks at her sternly]
Lucy: You never know what booby traps this guy could've set, huh? Come on!
Gru: There are no booby traps. [accidentally steps on a wire unseen, triggering and ringing a bell]
Lucy: Ha! [pointing to the bell] Booby! [The door leading to the kitchen suddenly opens, causing Lucy to become startled, quickly hiding behind Gru. The shadow reveals none other than a chicken] Huh, there's a chicken. [gasps] Are you lost, little guy? You must be lost!
Gru: [points to the chicken, referring to it; smug] Ha! Some guard dog. [the chicken suddenly leaps on him, continuously pecking his bald head] Aah! Get it off of me! Get it off of me! Get it off of me!
View Quote Gru: [on the phone] No, no, no! What do you mean, she’s not coming?! I have a backyard full of these little girls who are counting on a visit from a fairy princess! [a Minion accidentally hits his shin with a mace] Ah! Hurts! Ah! Stop it! [chases him off with his spatula; sighs before getting back on the phone] Listen! I don’t want a refund! I want a fairy princess... please! Please, I am begging you. [pauses] You know what? I hope that you can sleep at night, you crusher of little girls’ dreams! [hits the phone with his spatula and hangs up]
Agnes: [approaches him] Oo, oo, when is the fairy princess coming?
[Silence]
Gru: [in a happy singsong voice] Any minute now.
[pause]
Agnes: Yay! [run off]
Gru: [to the Minions; quietly] Stall them!
View Quote Lucy: Gru, call one of your munchkins!
Gru: [by communicator; to his minions] We've been spotted! Come get us!
Dave: Huh? [to Stuart] Hey! Loo-koo-meow-plah!
Stuart: Ah! Koom-kwat!
[Dave and Stuart break in to Paradise Mall using Lucy's car. They try to keep her car in control while driving, but accidentally push a cleaning cart blocking their way. From the balcony, Gru and Lucy see the car controlled by the Minions which causes wreckage while driving in circles around the fountain]
Lucy: Hm. Subtle.
[As the car keeps driving in circles in the main hall, Gru and Lucy run off the balcony from the inactive escalator]
Gru: [attempting to stop the car] Over here! Over here! Over... [the car passes by him and Lucy; flatly] ...here. [As the out of control car driven by the Minions goes up the escalator, Gru takes a pistol out of his jacket, then shoots out a grappling hook, connecting himself to the balcony railing; grabs Lucy] Hold tight!
[The two zip to the balcony again by Gru‘s grappling hook pistol, but Lucy’s car passes by them again; Gru groans in frustration while hanging on the handrail. Once seeing Eduardo, Lucy and Gru get off the handrail, then run as fast as they can. However, they are noticed until Gru accidentally hits a cactus unharmed]
Eduardo: [pulls out some knives; chuckles] I have you now! [gets tackled by Lucy’s car from behind, scattering his knives all over; Gru remains hidden, while Lucy approaches her car, then opens the car door, revealing Dave and Stuart staring at her]
Dave: [holding a toothpick like a cigarette] Rawr, rawr. [Stuart pushes the gas pedal twice. Not soon after, Lucy takes over the steering wheel and drives past the unconscious Eduardo, breaking out of the mall. Once they start plummeting to the ground, Gru screams hysterically until Lucy presses a button, transforming her car into a jet and they take off]
View Quote Lucy: [enters the Italian restaurant] Hi. Take-out for Lucy?
Hostess: Sure. Just a sec. [leaves off; After the hostess left, Lucy narrows her eyes, then hides behind a aquarium. She sees Gru and Shannon, who’s doing sit-ups, before she presses a button on her watch that turns into a eavesdropping device that she puts in her ears]
Shannon: [heard through Lucy’s high tech eavesdropping device] Your accent is so exotic.
Gru: Ah. Well, thank you very much. I was...
Shannon: I know someone who can fix that for you and you’ll be talking normal in no time.
Gru: [laughs awkwardly; sweating] Whew. Is it hot in here? How’s the food?
[pause]
Shannon: Wait a minute, wait a minute. Are you wearing a wig?!
Gru: What? [noticing his wig is in a wrong direction, quickly rotates it back; nervously] I don't think so!
Shannon: I knew it. You're a phony. I hate phonies!
Gru: Oh... what? No, these locks are all mine...
Shannon: No, they're not! You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna rip that thing off your head and show everyone [heard through eavesdropping device] what a bald-headed phony you are!
Lucy: I don't think so, Miss Lady. [calmly activates her watch, revealing a target sight along with a couple of darts. Meanwhile, Gru watches in horror as Shannon approaches him. Suddenly, Lucy shoots a tranquilizer dart at Shannon’s buttocks, rendering her unconscious before she can remove the wig off Gru’s head and landing with her face in the spaghetti]
Gru: [confused] Hello? Hello... Are you...
Lucy: [off-screen] Hey, Gru!
Gru: [removes his wig] Hello, Lucy! How you doin'?
Lucy: Wow, looks like your date's out for the count. It's like she's been shot with a mild moose tranquilizer. [Shannon moans unconsciously like a moose, then passes out again; Lucy winks at Gru, who suddenly smiles and stares at her awkwardly; whispering] Yeah, I'm winking 'cuz that's what actually happened.
Waiter: [hurries to the table, politely] 'Scusi, whassa happenin' here? She no like?
Lucy: Uh, she's just uh... Glurp glurp... [makes a sign to the waiter that Shannon drank too much]
Waiter: Oh, si, si! [laughs nervously and moves away]
Lucy: [to Gru; referring to Shannon] Shall we take her home?