Despicable Me 2 2013 quotes

Bee-do! Bee-do! Bee-do!

How come you're so fat?

Gelato!

Uh… [blows raspberries says: "Pfft!" then chuckles: "Ha-ha!"] No?

BLAAAAAAAAAAURGH!!!!!!

Gru

RUN!!!

Gru

Up that tree! Hurry! Hurry! [climbs as his minion friends follow him up a tree, the evil minions are biting a tree causing it to fall] Run!

Gru

All right, homework done, pajamas on, teeth brushed, time for bed.

Margo

What's the big hurry?

Gru

I just... I have a lot of work to do.

Edith

Work, what kind of work?

Gru

Very important business. So hugs, kisses... [gives the girls a hug and kisses their foreheads, then puts them in bed, while throwing Edith] Good night, sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs blah-blah-blah-blah-blah... [suddenly sees Agnes standing at the doorway]

Agnes

But you said me you would help me practice my part for the Mother’s Day show.

Gru

Fine, fine... [reluctantly] Let me hear it, quickly.

Agnes

She kisses my boo-boos, she braids my hair. My mother is beyond compare. We love you mothers everywhere. [smiles at Gru]

Gru

Wow! That was... something else! I really like the way you smiled at the end. Let's try this one more time, but a teensy bit less like a zombie, okay?

Agnes

Okay. [blankly] She kisses my boo-boos, she braids my hair...

Gru

Perfect. Time to go.

Agnes

I don't think I should do this.

Gru

Well, what do you mean? How come?

Agnes

I don't even have a mom.

Gru

Well, you don't need one to do the show. I mean, you did the Veteran's Day pageant, and you haven't been in combat.

Agnes

This is different.

Gru

Okay, well, then... maybe you could just use your imagination.

Agnes

You mean I pretend that I have a mom?

Gru

Yes, right. [kneels down] You can do that, can't you?

Agnes

Yeah! I do that all the time! Thanks, Gru! [gives him a kiss and leaves; Gru is confused]

Margo

Whoa! Whoa! Okay, okay, all right. That's enough of the magic show!

Awwww.

Margo

Wait, did you hear that? It sounded like the twinkling sounds of magical fairy dust.

Agnes

It's the fairy princess! She’s coming!

Margo

Look!

AAAAAAAIIIEEEAAAIIIEEEAAAAAHHHH!!!!!

Agnes

She kisses my boo-boos, she braids my hair. My mother is beyond compare. We love you mothers everywhere. [smiles at Gru]

Gru

Wow! That was... something else! I really like the way you smiled at the end. Let's try this one more time, but a teensy bit less like a zombie, okay?

Agnes

Okay. [blankly] She kisses my boo-boos, she braids my hair...

Gru

Perfect. Time to go.

Agnes

I don't think I should do this.

Gru

Well, what do you mean? Why not?

Agnes

I don't even have a mom.

Gru

Well, you don't need one to do the show. I mean, you did the Veteran's Day pageant and you haven't been in combat.

Agnes

This is different.

Gru

Okay, well, then... maybe you could just use your imagination.

Agnes

You mean I pretend that I have a mom?

Gru

Yes, right. You can do that, can't you?

Agnes

Yeah! I do that all the time! Thanks, Gru! [gives him a kiss and leaves; Gru is confused]

Agnes

Is that stealing?

Edith

Not if my wish was to get a lot of free coins!

Cool glasses.

Margo

Uh... [chuckles nervously]

I’m Antonio.

Margo

I’m...Margo.

I was just going to get a cookie. Care to join me?

Margo

Uh,... sure. I’m... Margo. [once seeing her going out with Antonio, Edith, still wearing her diving mask and snorkel, loudly clears her throat in suspicion; nervous] Um... I’ll catch up with you guys later. Bye! [leaves her sisters]

Edith

Can I be the first to say... Ewwww!

Agnes

We gotta go tell Gru!

Gru

Alright, I’m going in.

Lucy

If it picks up any traces of the serum, the center of your belt buckle [aloud] will make a sound like this: Mee-Mo-Mee-Mo-Mee-Mo!

Gru

Okay! I get it! I get it! [fumbles with the automatic door, then enters Eagle Hair Club]

Welcome to Eagle Hair Club. [turns his eagle-like chair, revealing himself holding and stroking a toupee] It’s about time you showed up...Mr. Gru. [the bald eagle perched next to him squawks]

Gru

You...know my name?

When someone moves into the mall who is follically challenged, I make it my business to know all about them. You are bald. And that is bad. [strokes the toupee he’s holding, kisses it, then puts it on a mannequin head] There you go, my sweet.

Lucy

I’m getting nothing so far. I think you need to look around.

Gru

Wow, this looks interesting. What is it?

I take it you’re an art lover?

Lucy

No serum.

Gru

Yeah, not so much. [walks over to a podium holding a trophy and starts thrusting his hips at it] Oh, how about this impressive trinket?

I hardly call it trinket, Mr. Gru.

Lucy

Nothing.

The International—

Gru

Yeah, I don’t care. [moves over to a shelf filled with wig samples and starts straddling it]

Lucy

Mee-Mo-Mee-Mo-Mee-Mo!!! Hold on, I’m picking up something. Behind that wall!

Gru

Ahh... and what do we have here?

These are my trial wigs. [hands Gru a bag with a wig in it] You should take one.

Gru

No, thanks. [sticks his head into the shelf] So what’s on the other side of the wall?

There you are! Look at me! Focus!

Lucy

Gru?

I promise, that this wig will transform you from ugly to irresistible.

Agnes

MARGO HAS A BOYFRIEND!

Edith

AND THEY’RE GOING ON A DATE!

Gru

Date?! [to Agnes] Boyfriend?! [to Floyd] What?! [Floyd shrugs shoulders and shakes his head nervously; Gru stares at Agnes and Edith]

So glad that you could make it, mi compadré! [Noticing him, Gru looks up and hides Lucy's lipstick taser] Hey, what’s wrong?

Gru

Oh, nothing. Nothing is wrong. I’m just chilling with the guac from my chip hat. [takes a bite of his hat, smiling nervously]

Gru, please. I know that look all too well. [lightly touches Gru’s chest] It is the look of a broken heart.

Gru

How did you know?

Believe me, my friend. I too have spent many nights trying to drown my sorrows in guacamole.

Gru

You?

Yes. [grabs a chair and sits down] But we are survivors. There is much more to us than meets the eye, hmm? [gives Gru a mysterious smile] Enjoy the party.

So good to see you again, mi compadré!

Oh, I see you’ve already met my father. [Margo lovingly stares at him]

Gru

What the... father?

Si! Look at this crazy little world we live in, eh? Come, sit! Let me get you something.

Gru

Oh... look at you. [Eduardo scoops up the chicken; laughing nervously] He likes me! [attempts to pet Pollito, but he lunges at him]

Oh, oh, I’m sorry, Pollito is usually very friendly. [cradling his pet] He had a rough night. [Pollito stares at Gru relentlessly]

Gru

Well, we should be going. Girls, come on. [attempts to leave]

That is a pity. Young love is beautiful, no?

Gru

No! [chuckles nervously] You know, they’re not in love. They hardly know each other!

You are right, Cabesa De Huevo! They must get to know each other better. Antonio, why don’t you invite your girlfriend and her family to our Cinco de Mayo party?

Gru

No, no, I am...

Si!

Gru

Hello, Lucy. This is Gru. I know, up to this point, our relationship is been strictly professional, and that you’re leaving for Australia and all, but... [stammering] okay, here is the question. Would you like to... to go out on a date?

Ehh... no.

Gru

Okay, that's not helping. [hangs up the phone] Alright, here we go, for real this time. [checks Lucy's phone number, cracks his neck, then stretches and finally takes a deep breath; to himself] I can do this. [tries to pick up the phone, however, over time, becomes so frustrated that he stands up and takes his flamethrower; enraged] I HATE YOU! [uses his flamethrower to incinerate his telephone. In moments, the fire alarm starts blaring, and one of the Minions bursts through the wall with axes to put out the fire; followed by a Minion with a hose and a Minion imitating a siren. After putting out the fire, the Minion makes his Siren noises at Gru until he leaves angrily with the megaphone. The Minion dressed as Lucy then blasts the other one away with the fire extinguisher]

Gru

Hey, Tim! Nice haircut! Donny, hang in there, baby! It’s almost Friday. [high-fives Donny before as he approaches Dr. Nefario] So, how’s today batch, Doctor Nefario?

I’ve developed a new formula which allowed me to get every known kind of berry into one flavor of jelly.

Gru'

That tastes good... [gags] Love the flavor of that...

It’s horrible, isn’t it?

Gru

No! No! Oh, we’re making great progress! [to the Minions] Here, try some off this. [hands the jar to a Minion, who tastes it but gags, handing it over to another, who tastes it and scrapes the jelly off his tongue before smashing the jar and all Minions run away] Whoa... okay, just because everybody hates it doesn’t mean it’s not good.

Listen, Gru. There’s something I’ve been meaning to talk to you about for some time now.

Gru

What? What’s wrong?

I miss being evil. Sinister plots, large-scale crimes...It’s what I live for! I mean, don’t you think, that there’s more to our future than jelly?

Gru

Well... [delighted] I’m also considering a line of jams...

Um...the thing is, Gru... [takes a deep breath] I’ve had an offer of employment elsewhere.

Gru

Dr. Nefario! Come on, you’re kidding, right?

It’s a great opportunity for me, bigger lab, more evil, full dental...

Gru

Very well. Let us give you the proper send-off. [calls his henchmen off-screen] Minions! [seven Minions walk in, each carrying a fart gun; solemnly] The highest honor awarded to Dr. Nefario for your years of service – the twenty-one Fart Gun salute!

Buado! [seven fart guns are fired] Buado! [seven fart guns are fired] Buado! [seven fart guns are fired]

Uh, I counted twenty-two. [he and Gru look at Dave, who laughs embarrassedly]

Gru

All right, homework done, pyjamas on, teeth brushed, time for bed.

Margo

What's the big hurry?

Gru

I just... I have a lot of work to do.

Edith

Work, what kind of work?

Gru

Very important business. So hugs, kisses... [gives the girls a hug and kisses their foreheads, then puts them in bed] Good night, sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs blah-blah-blah-blah-blah... [suddenly sees Agnes standing at the doorway]

Agnes

But you said me you would help me practice my part for the Mother’s Day show.

Gru

Fine, fine... [reluctantly] Let me hear it, quickly.