Silas Ramsbottom quotes from Despicable Me 2 (2013)

I am the League director, Silas Ramsbottom.

Hilarious.

Thank you for everything. And by everything, of course, I mean nothing. Toodle pip and cheerio, Mr. Gru.

Three weeks, and we are still no closer to cracking this? [pause] Right! [referring to Gru; to Lucy] Bring him in.

Lucy

Yes, sir.

Good afternoon, Mr. Gru.

Gru

Yeah...

I apologize for our methods of getting you there.

Lucy

I don't! I'd do it again in a heartbeat! And I am not gonna lie, I enjoyed that. Every second of it. Gave me a bit of a buzz, actually...

That's enough, Agent Wilde.

Lucy

Sorry, sir.

Gru

Okay, this is bogus! [peels the starfish off his head and drops it onto Stuart's, who is made fun by Dave a second later] I don't know who you people think you are, but...

We are the Anti-Villain League. An ultra-secret organization dedicated to fighting crime on a global scale. Rob a bank? We're not interested. Kill someone? Not our deal. But if you want to melt the polar ice caps? Or Vaporize Mount Fuji? Or even [points his golden tea spoon at Gru] steal the moon? Then we notice.

Gru

First of all, you got no proof that I did that. Second, after I did do that, I put it back!

We're well aware of that, Mr. Gru. That's why we brought you here. I am the league's director, Silas Ramsbottom.

Bottom. [starts laughing along with Dave]

Hilarious. [sighs; to Lucy] Agent Wilde...

Lucy

Oh, me now? [turns to the screen, which reveals the crime being commited earlier at the beginning] Um, recently an entire top secret lab disappeared from the Artic Circle. Yeah, the entire lab. Just whoosh. Voom. Gone. Where did it go?

Gru

I don't care.

Lucy

Hmm, the lab was devoted to experiments involving PX-41. A transmutation serum. What is PX-41, you ask? Mmm, It's pretty bad... Look.
[One of the scientists on the monitor injects a bunny with PX-41 serum. Once he does, Gru, Dave and Stuart lightly wince with disgust, but become interested once they see the injected bunny mutate into a purple monster. But when the mutated bunny attacks the scientist, threatening to kill him, Dave and Stuart pass out in shock once seeing this while Gru covers his eyes with his arms until the mutant attacks the camera and the video ends.]

Gru

Huh, you usually don't see that in bunnies.

As you can see, in the wrong hands, the PX-41 serum, could be the most devastating weapon on Earth. [struggles to get through a table opening] Fortunately, it has a very distinct chemical footprint. And, using our latest chem tracking technology, we have found traces of it in Paradise Mall.

Gru

A mall?

Precisely. And we believe one of these shop owners is a master criminal. And that's where you come in. As an ex-villain, you know how a villain thinks, how a villain acts.

Lucy

The plan is to set you up undercover at a shop in the mall where hopefully...

Gru

Okay! I see where this is going, with all the Mission Impossible stuff, but no. No! [calmly] I'm a father now. And a legitimate business man. I am developing a line of delicious jams and jellies.

"Jams and jellies"?

Gru

Oh, attitude! That's right! So thanks, but no thanks. [pauses] And here's a tip: Instead of tazing people and kidnapping them, [angrily] maybe you should just give them a call! Good day, Mr. Sheepsbutt!

Ramsbottom.

Gru

Yeah, like that's any better.

I'm sorry. El Macho? Haven't we eliminated him as a suspect, after the whole "Salsa" incident?

Gru

Yes, but there has been a new development and I'm telling you: This is the guy. You need to arrest him immediately. And his deviously charming son! I'm pretty sure the son is involved in too. The son also. You got to get the son! [referring to Antonio; whispering] I think that the son is the mastermind. There is a look. There is a devilish look in his eyes and I don't like it! [gets back in his chair]

Yes, but I don't really see any evidence for-

Gru

Evidence, schmevidence! I go with my gut and my gut tells me this guy is El Macho! Lock him up! Lock up the son. Don't forget about the son. The kid GIVES ME THE CREEPS!

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear...

Lucy

Uh, but on the less [whistles] crazy side of things, uh, Gru discovered traces of the serum at Eagle Hair Club.

Hmm, interesting.

Lucy

Yeah! And you know who made that happen? Huh? [referring to Gru and pointing at him] This guy. Nailed it! Amazing, right?

Gru

No, I mean... Sure, but it's not him. It is... [whispering while glaring in Lucy's eyes] ...El Macho!

Mr. Gru, please...

Gru

No. It is him! And I will prove it!

Lucy

Gru, c'mon. [turns to Silas; referring to Gru; chuckles nervously] He really thinks it's El Macho. [pause] Can you tell? [Silas gives her a bland glare]

Gru

Mr. Ramsbottom?

Oh, hello.

Gru

What are you doing here?

We got him.

Gru

Got who?

Floyd Eaglesan! Our agents located a secret room in the shop last night, [snaps his fingers, signaling a female AVL agent holding a Ziploc bag containing a canister. He then shows it to Gru] and uh, discovered this! It’s empty, but we found traces of the PX-41 serum in it. He’s our man. So, somehow, in spite of your incompetence, we solved this one.

I was framed! You won’t get away with this! Get your mitts off of me! I am a legitimate businessman!

Gru

Ah. Alright. So... what now?

Well, you’re now free to go back to your “business”. Mmm. Jams and jellies. And it looks like Agent Wilde will be transferring to our Australian branch.

Gru

Australia...?

Yes. But thank you...for everything. And by everything of course I mean... nothing. [pause] Toodle pip and cheerio, Mr. Gru. [walks away to the AVL agents. Gru stares sadly from a distance, until Lucy gives him a few pats on his shoulder]

Lucy

Hey there.

Gru

Hey.

Lucy

So we got him?

Gru

Yay. That’s great. [pause] And now you’re going to Australia?

Lucy

Well, it’s not definite yet. Still figuring it out. Already been working on my accent. [imitating an Australian accent] Wallaby. Didgeree-doo. Hugh Jackman. [chuckles] So...um. Pretty excited...

Gru

Great. [shyly] Well... good luck.

Lucy

Thanks. You too. [pulls her lipstick taser out of her purse] Oh, here, I want to give you this.

Gru

Your lipstick taser?

Lucy

Yeah, it’s just a memento. Just, you know, from the first time we met.

Gru

Oh, thank you, Lucy. [accepts her lipstick taser]

Agent Wilde?

Gru

Well... it looks like that they need you, so...

Lucy

Yeah, I uh, I better go. Bye, Gru.