Tied for 7th most-quoted character in Despicable Me 2 (2013): in 8 of its 90 quotes
Most scenes with: Gru (5), Lucy Wilde (3)
Somebody's going to die tonight...
Gru, please. I know that look all too well. It is the look of a broken heart. I, too, have spent many nights, trying to drown my sorrows in guacamole. But we are survivors. There's much more to us than meets the eye, hm?
I have admired your work for years, amigo. Stealing the moon? Are you kidding?! We would be unstoppable! Men like you, men like me; we should be ruling the world!
So, what do we got? Who’s on the list? Fire 'em at me.
First suspect, Hedda Blumentoft, owner of the Mum’s the Word Floral Shop.
No, not her.
Okay, moving on... Chuck Kinney, "owner of Stuff-a-Bear". [a boy receives a balloon from Chuck, but pops, making the boy wail] Ooh.
I don’t think so.
Hello? [Gru and Lucy force themselves to act natural] Buenos dias, my friends! I am Eduardo Perez, owner of Salsa y Salsa restaurant, across the mall. Now open for breakfast. And you are...?
This is just gonna take un momento. I am throwing a big Cinco de Mayo party, and I am going to need two hundred of your best cupcakes decorated with the Mexican flag. It looks something like this. [rips his shirt open, revealing a giant tattoo of the Mexican flag on his chest] What do you think? [flexes and makes his chest wave]
Anyway, I have to go. It’s all settled! I pick ‘em up next week! Have a good day. Come by if you get a chance, okay? [leaves the store; Gru groans in relief; suddenly pops back in] And welcome to the mall family! [Gru studies his face and gasps, seeing Eduardo in a red luchador mask surrounded by flames as he leaves the mall]
Wha... What? What couldn't be?
That guy looks exactly like a villain named El Macho. From about twenty years ago. [a flashback reveals El Macho, twenty years ago;voice-over] He was ruthless,... [El Macho empties a bottle of tequila into a glass and smashes it over his head] he was dangerous... [El Macho squeezes a rattlesnake's venom out of his fangs, filling his glass] and as the name implies [El Macho simply eats his glass] very macho! [El Macho pins his money to the bar with the rattlesnake's fangs and leaves through the wall] He had the reputation of committing heists using only his bare hands! [El Macho stops a cargo truck with his head, then punches the driver out] But sadly, like all the greats, El Macho was gone too soon. He died in the most macho way possible: riding a shark with 250 pounds of dynamite strapped to his chest into the mouth of an active volcano! It was glorious!
They never found the body. Oh no. All that was ever retrieved was a pile of singed chest hair. [pause] But that face! It has got to be El Macho!
Yes, that’s good, because I’m telling you, if anyone in this place holds the PX-41 serum, [points to Eduardo] it’s him.
Gru, call one of your munchkins!
Huh? [to Stuart] Hey! Loo-koo-meow-plah!
Ah! Koom-kwat!
Hm. Subtle.
Over here! Over here! Over... [the car passes by him and Lucy; flatly] ...here. [As the out of control car driven by the Minions goes up the escalator, Gru takes a pistol out of his jacket, then shoots out a grappling hook, connecting himself to the balcony railing; grabs Lucy] Hold tight!
I have you now! [gets tackled by Lucy’s car from behind, scattering his knives all over; Gru remains hidden, while Lucy approaches her car, then opens the car door, revealing Dave and Stuart staring at her]
Rawr, rawr. [Stuart pushes the gas pedal twice. Not soon after, Lucy takes over the steering wheel and drives past the unconscious Eduardo, breaking out of the mall. Once they start plummeting to the ground, Gru screams hysterically until Lucy presses a button, transforming her car into a jet and they take off]
So good to see you again, mi compadré!
Oh, I see you’ve already met my father. [Margo lovingly stares at him]
Si! Look at this crazy little world we live in, eh? Come, sit! Let me get you something.
Oh... look at you. [Eduardo scoops up the chicken; laughing nervously] He likes me! [attempts to pet Pollito, but he lunges at him]
Oh, oh, I’m sorry, Pollito is usually very friendly. [cradling his pet] He had a rough night. [Pollito stares at Gru relentlessly]
That is a pity. Young love is beautiful, no?
No! [chuckles nervously] You know, they’re not in love. They hardly know each other!
You are right, Cabesa De Huevo! They must get to know each other better. Antonio, why don’t you invite your girlfriend and her family to our Cinco de Mayo party?
No, no, I am...
Si!
So glad that you could make it, mi compadré! [Noticing him, Gru looks up and hides Lucy's lipstick taser] Hey, what’s wrong?
Oh, nothing. Nothing is wrong. I’m just chilling with the guac from my chip hat. [takes a bite of his hat, smiling nervously]
Gru, please. I know that look all too well. [lightly touches Gru’s chest] It is the look of a broken heart.
How did you know?
Believe me, my friend. I too have spent many nights trying to drown my sorrows in guacamole.
You?
Yes. [grabs a chair and sits down] But we are survivors. There is much more to us than meets the eye, hmm? [gives Gru a mysterious smile] Enjoy the party.
Pollito! What’s the matter? [appears and picks up Pollito, petting him]
Oh, hey! Eduardo!
Lucia! I apologize. Pollito, he’s not usually like this. The same thing happened the other day with... with Gru and...
Oh, speaking of Gru...uh, have you seen him? I really need to talk to him.
Yes, I think he’s around here somewhere. You two are close, no?
Oh, I don’t know. I mean close... I wouldn’t say we were “close”. Why, did he say we were close? Did he say that?
It’s more than what he didn’t say. For instance, he never mentioned... [turns Pollito around, who’s holding Lucy’s AVL credentials in his beak] that you were both working for the Anti-Villain League! [Lucy gasps in horror; grabs Lucy tightly] You’re coming with me. [yanks her away]
Hey!
So Eduardo's actually El Macho? Cool!
No, it is not cool. [closes the curtains] Plus, I pretty much knew it was him all along, so if anyone's cool, it's me.
Well, Dr. Nefario.
El Macho's on to you. He knows you're working for the AVL. And he's got your partner!
Nefario?
Sorry, gotta go!
Not for long. [to Dave and Stuart playing a video game] Come on. We're getting her out of there.
