[During the morning after one of Gru’s minions were abducted]
Are you sure we should be doing this?
Yes, it’s for his own good. [searching through Gru’s online pictures] Okay, we need to choose a picture. [clicks on one of Gru’s photos]
No. [Margo shows another picture] Scary.
[as Margo shows another photo]
Weird.
[The girls scream in horror when Margo shows a picture of Gru in his swimming trunks] [with her eyes covered]
What is that?!
[enters the family room]
Good morning, girls, I have an announcement to make!
Hey, what celebrity do you look like?
[The girls stare at Gru blankly]
Mmm... No.
[The girls start laughing while Gru gives a "I don't get it" expression]
Okay, what are you doing?
We're signing you up for online dating!
Oh, okay... WHAT?! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. [grabs the laptop from Margo]
And it's time for you to get out there.
No! Stop! no one is ever getting out there! Ever! [quickly passes the laptop to a Minion next to him, accidentally hitting him in the face; solemnly] Okay, now for the announcement: I have accepted a new job!
Yes, I have been recruited by a top secret agency to go undercover and save the world!
That's right, baby! Gru's back in the game with gadgets and weapons and cool cars! The whole deal!
Are you really gonna save the world?
[coolly]
Yes, [puts on a pair of sunglasses] yes, I am.
D Dave
[copies him]
Mocha!
T Tim
[with male pattern baldness and an old dutch beard, wearing a shirt and tie]
Cacao!
[dressed as Pippi Longstocking]
Papadum? Eh. [chuckles]
[to herself; out of breath]
Oof, wasn’t expecting that. [strikes a martial arts pose] Or was I? [turns to Gru] Ooh, you got... you got a little of... [a purple frosting-covered Gru gives her a deadpan glare. A second later, a cupcake slowly falls off his head, leaving a long smear on it] Here, I’ll...I’ll get it... [tries to remove the icing off a dumbstruck Gru’s face] Oh, that’s just spreading... um...
All right, all right. I got it, I got it! [irritated] Stop it!
[backs off]
Oh. [takes a deep breath] I'll let you get it. [Gru sighs and rubs the icing off his face, then uses his scarf like a towel to clean it] Yeah, what you just saw there was a little something new I have been working on. It’s a combination of Jujitsu, Krav Maga, Aztec warfare and [singing] krumpin'!
[annoyed]
Okay, that’s weird. Why are you here?
[suddenly appears in front of Gru]
On assignment from Silas. [grabs Gru by his jacket's lapels; excited] I’m your new partner! Yay! [starts dancing]
What?! No, no [mocking] yay! [normal voice] Ramsbottom didn’t say anything about a partner.
Well, it seems that because of your checkered past, everyone else refused to work with you. But not me! I stepped up. And I’m new, so I kind of have to do what they tell me anyway.
D Dave
[comes out of the kitchen, then shows them a Minion-shaped cupcake]
Voila!
[However, Lucy, thinking Dave is an enemy, sweeps the cupcake from his hands, smashing it into pieces. She then grabs Dave, puts and pins him on the counter; Dave starts screaming, feared of getting attacked] [referring to Dave; to Gru]
You know this guy?
[calmly]
Yes, he's one of my Minions.
[groans in disappointment and smiles embarrassingly]
Oh, I’m sorry. I should have known. [to Dave, releasing him] You’re free to go.
[Dave jumps off the counter, but as he leaves for the kitchen, Lucy smiles at him. This causes Dave to daydream about her, from walking with Lucy, following both having a toast to finally attempting to kiss each other until...] [v.o.]
Dave... [cut on a love struck Dave air kissing; whistles] Earth to Dave!
D Dave
[snaps out and sees Gru and Lucy looking at him]
Huh?
D Dave
Oh, uh... [gibberish, then enters the kitchen]
Gru, call one of your munchkins!
[by communicator; to his minions]
We've been spotted! Come get us!
D Dave
Huh? [to Stuart] Hey! Loo-koo-meow-plah!
[Dave and Stuart break in to Paradise Mall using Lucy's car. They try to keep her car in control while driving, but accidentally push a cleaning cart blocking their way. From the balcony, Gru and Lucy see the car controlled by the Minions which causes wreckage while driving in circles around the fountain]
Hm. Subtle.
[As the car keeps driving in circles in the main hall, Gru and Lucy run off the balcony from the inactive escalator] [attempting to stop the car]
Over here! Over here! Over... [the car passes by him and Lucy; flatly] ...here. [As the out of control car driven by the Minions goes up the escalator, Gru takes a pistol out of his jacket, then shoots out a grappling hook, connecting himself to the balcony railing; grabs Lucy] Hold tight!
[The two zip to the balcony again by Gru‘s grappling hook pistol, but Lucy’s car passes by them again; Gru groans in frustration while hanging on the handrail. Once seeing Eduardo, Lucy and Gru get off the handrail, then run as fast as they can. However, they are noticed until Gru accidentally hits a cactus unharmed] [pulls out some knives; chuckles]
I have you now! [gets tackled by Lucy’s car from behind, scattering his knives all over; Gru remains hidden, while Lucy approaches her car, then opens the car door, revealing Dave and Stuart staring at her]
D Dave
[holding a toothpick like a cigarette]
Rawr, rawr. [Stuart pushes the gas pedal twice. Not soon after, Lucy takes over the steering wheel and drives past the unconscious Eduardo, breaking out of the mall. Once they start plummeting to the ground, Gru screams hysterically until Lucy presses a button, transforming her car into a jet and they take off]
[after Gru is saved from the evil minions]
Hello, Gru!
Hey, hey! Nice work, Dr. Nefario! [leaps onto the ship]
I put the antidote in the jelly. [pause] I mean, I’m happy to create an evil army and destroy the world. But nobody messes with my family.
Thank you, doctor. [determined] Now let’s go get the-! [suddenly sees his daughters holding jelly guns]
[excited]
Yes! [pauses briefly] Oh, was that wrong?
[As soon as the ship flies toward El Macho, the Grus start curing the minions inside his rockets] [firing a large jelly Gatling gun]
Woooo! Yeeeaaahhh!
[astonished]
What is happening to my Minions? [pauses] Gru?
You guys take care of the rest of the Minions. I’m going to find Lucy. [jumps out of the ship, armed with two big jelly guns. The ship lands near the entrance, then the girls and Minions jump out of it, holding and firing their jelly guns at the evil minions.]
Eat jelly, you purple freaks! [fires her jelly gun, but goes out of control, yet still capable of neutralizing a dozen minions. Meanwhile, Gru, on the other hand, shoots two evil minions off the roof support at once, then steps on one of the minions’ goggles, shooting the others in a slo-mo Matrix-style. El Macho kicks Evil Tom at Gru, who dodges, then shoots him back to normal with a grim look on his face]
It's over, El Macho. [aims one of his jelly guns] Now where is Lucy?
[chuckles]
Let me show you. [presses one of the buttons on his control panel, stopping the fountain at the center and revealing Lucy strapped to a rocket, along with a shark and 250 pounds of dynamite. Once seeing her, Gru gasps in horror]
Oh, hey, Gru! Turns out you were right about the whole El Macho thing, huh? [mildly] Yay!
One push of this button, and I send that rocket straight in the same volcano where I faked my death, only this time... It's for real.
D Dave
[swings on a vine like Tarzan and snatches the remote from El Macho's hands]
Tally ho! [hits the roof support and drops the remote which hits three minions on their heads and on the ground]
We could have ruled the world together, Gru! But now... You're gonna die. [drinks the last of the PX-41 serum. Once he does this, Gru gasps before El Macho suddenly grows into a giant furry purple yeti and roars at him. Gru fires the jelly gun, but it is out of ammo. He then pulls out his freeze ray and encases each of El Macho’s fists in ice, but the latter slams his fists into the ground, shattering the ice and knocking Gru off the platform, forcing him to grab hold onto a scaffolding. Unfortunately, the scaffolding tips over and Gru falls on the ground. El Macho jumps off the platform, grabs the scaffolding, attempting to crush Gru, but the latter dodges by rolling before pulling out Lucy’s lipstick taser, hitting the former with it and causing El Macho to electrocute before collapsing on the ground]
[singing; pointing the weapon to El Macho]
Lipstick tazer!
[smiling]
Awwww... He copied me.
[Gru runs off the save Lucy; El Macho sees Gru's minions aiming their jelly guns at him] [dazed]
I am not afraid of your jelly guns.
Oh, this ain't a jelly gun, sunshine. [shoots the Fart Gun at El Macho’s face, rendering him unconscious. Not soon after, the Minions fire their jelly guns in the air, while one of them stands on El Macho, and takes a picture of Dr. Nefario. Meanwhile, Gru runs towards the rocket Lucy is strapped to and starts climbing on it']
[as Gru is climbing to her; calmly]
Don't worry about me, Gru, I'll be fine. I've survived lots worse than this... Okay, that is not entirely true. [switches from calmly to frantically] I'm actually kind of freaking out up here!
[attempting to free her]
Don't worry. I will get you out of this. [Once they see Pollito near the remote, both Gru and Lucy gasp; Pollito looks at them before pecking the red button on the rocket’s launch remote; grumbling, about Pollito] I really hate that chicken.
[The rocket’s engine ignite, causing the spies to take off into the sky; on land, the Minions and girls see Gru and Lucy take off in horror; as the rocket flies to the volcano, Gru holds himself tightly to the rocket, cutting Lucy free of the ropes using a knife, but once he cuts down the last rope, the dynamite and shark fall off the rocket, but before Lucy falls off, Gru grabs her before he slips off; the shark falls on a table of a sushi bar where the customers and sushi chef cheer. Meanwhile, on the rocket, Lucy holds on to the missile fin while Gru rips one of the panels of the rocket open with his knife, revealing a mess of wires in it]
Is there a red one? It’s usually the red one! [Gru puts his knife between his teeth and madly starts pulling the red wire left and right. But even so, the rocket keeps moving; noticing they are approaching the volcano, nervous] Gru, anytime now!
[gasps the instant he sees the volcano and drops the knife]
Listen, Lucy, we may not get out of this alive. So, I need to ask you a question.
Uh, better make it quick.
If I had asked you out on a date, what would you have said?
[eager]
Are you kidding me?! Yes!
[smiles, then gasps and grabs Lucy]
JUMP!!! [leaps off the rocket, just seconds before it plunges in the volcano which explodes on impact. Despite their attempts to keep close to each other while falling, the debris and impact of the explosion hits Gru and Lucy, who lose each other's grasp and fall into the water. Gru swims back up, gasping for air; desperately] Lucy! [frantically swims around] Lucy, where are you?! [a moment later, Lucy swims up behind him, gasping for air; relieved] Oh... Lucy! [swims towards her]
[eagerly]
Gru! [hugs him, sending both into the water, then swim back out, gasping for air; trying to keep Gru at a distance; embarrassed] Sorry! I guess you kind of need your arms to tread water, huh?
[Without saying anything to Lucy, realizing his feelings for her, Gru firmly grabs her hand, then gently pulls her closer to him while she puts her free hand on the other shoulder. The two stare at each other, in love. A second later, a rowboat, being rowed by a Minion, encouraged by another sitting on top, shouting “Echo! Echo!” in a bullhorn, passes by to pick up Gru and Lucy, who look at the kayak for a few seconds, but ignore it soon after and stare at eachother again]
[referring to the Minions; calmly]
They’ll be back.
