Steve Coogan movie quotes

View Quote [At a gig at the Hacienda] And tonight something equally epoch-making is taking place. See? They're applauding the DJ. Not the music, not the musician, not the creator, but the medium. This is it. The birth of rave culture. The beatification of the beat. The dance age. This is the moment when even the white man starts dancing. Welcome to Manchester.

View Quote I'm being postmodern, before it was fashionable.

View Quote Most of all, I love Manchester. The crumbling warehouses, the railway arches, the cheap abundant drugs. That's what did it in the end. Not the money, not the music, not even the guns. That is my heroic flaw: my excess of civic pride.

View Quote I travelled the world for inspiration, and found it in a man who lives what he dreams.

View Quote [upon seeing General Fang's knife shoe embedded in his red book of rules] Yes, well... rules are made to be broken. Or... stabbed by a... spikey shoe.

View Quote I am a British citizen, I have nothing to fear! [Gunshot goes off in background] Except bullets.

View Quote I don't believe in God, and I think He knows.

View Quote Martin: Philomena, how are you?
Philomena: I had a hip replacement last year, Martin, titanium, so it won't rust.
Martin: Otherwise I'd have to oil you like the tin man
Philomena: Is that right?
Martin: Oh no!
Jane: He's just joking, mom.

View Quote Mary: And that's him with Pete Olsson. Mike and Pete were…
Philomena: That's all right, Mary. I know Anthony was a gay homosexual and we met Marcia who I believe was his beard. Is that right, Martin?
Martin: Yes, that's about right.
Philomena: Must have been terrible, having to keep it a secret his whole life.

View Quote [to Gru] We are the Anti Villain League, an ultra secret organization dedicated to fighting crime on a global scale. Rob a bank? We're not interested. Kill someone? Not our deal. But you want to melt the polar ice caps? Or vaporize Mount Fuji? Or even [points his tea spoon at Gru] steal the moon? Then we notice.

View Quote [after having Floyd Eaglesan arrested, to Gru] Thank you for everything. And by everything, of course, I mean nothing. Toodle pip and cheerio, Mr. Gru.

View Quote [introducing himself] I am the League director, Silas Ramsbottom.

View Quote It's a slippery slope... beer, liquor, dope, coke, meth, chicks with dicks, then jail!

View Quote I feel like I've been raped....IN THE FACE!

View Quote Chuy, you're going to have a magical life. Because no matter where you go, it's always going to be better than Tucson.

View Quote (with a gun pointed at him) Wait! Computers. What if - one day... they were in charge?

View Quote This was a very clever idea.

View Quote Gentlemen, I can get you obstructed-view tickets for Rock of Ages. Even I admit that's not very temping, but I'm not made of tickets goddammit!

View Quote (To Larry, who's just called him "Octavus") It's Octavius, *Mary*.

View Quote The Roman empire knows no boundaries!

View Quote We may be small, but our hearts are large... metaphorically speaking.

View Quote Silas: Thank you for coming in such short notice. It is with great sadness that I must inform that as of today, I am retiring as head of the AVL.
[all the agents gasp in shock]
Lucy: Oh, no!
Silas: Your new leader is coming directly from head office, effective immediately. She is the very gifted… [under his breath] ...The very ambitious, Miss Valerie Da Vinci. As I look out over all your faces, I am fluttered with so many memories.
Valerie Da Vinci: Oh, boy, this is a snooze fest! Blah, blah, blah, we understand, you're old, look, you're fat, you're done.
Silas: Ooh! [grunts] Let me breathe in! [gets shoved into the ejection hole]
Valerie Da Vinci: Whew, broke a little sweat there. [chuckles] First order of business. [clears throat] Which one of you losers is Agent Gru?!

View Quote AVL Tech: Sir, the ship has been boarded by some kind of... monster!
Silas: Wait, that’s not a monster. [zooms in on the boat, revealing Bratt] That’s a man wearing shoulder pads! There’s only one supervillain whose fashion sense is quite that dated, Balthazar Bratt. Blast it, the Dupont Diamond is on that ship! I want every agent in the area on the scene immediately!

View Quote Silas: Thank you for coming in such short notice. It is with great sadness that I must inform that as of today, I am retiring as head of the AVL.
[All the agents gasp in shock]
Lucy: Oh, no!
Silas: Your new leader is coming directly from head office, effective immediately. She is the very gifted. [under his breath] The very ambitious, Miss Valerie da Vinci. As I look out over all your faces, I am fluttered with so many memories.
Valerie da Vinci: Oh, boy, this is a snooze fest! Blah, blah, blah, we understand, you're old, look, you're fat, you're done.
Silas: Ooh! [grunts] Let me breathe in! [gets shoved into the ejection hole]
Valerie: Whew, broke a little sweat there. [chuckles] First order of business. [clears her throat] WHICH ONE OF YOU LOSERS IS AGENT GRU?!
Gru: Oh, that would be me. Although, I don't know if I'd say "loser," per se. Kind of is... [gasps and hears his phone ringing, he pulls it out, looking at Agenes, Margo and Edith] Oh, it's the girls. Not a good time.
Valerie: Hey!
Gru: [screams] Yes, sir! [gasping] Uh, ma'am? You're making me nervous.
Valerie: How could you let Balthazar Bratt, the AVL's most wanted villain, just get away? That is the opposite of what we do here!
Gru: Okay, okay. Yes, maybe he got away. Again. But he didn't get the diamond. And I am this close to bringing him in. This close.
Valerie: Huh. Interesting. YOU'RE FIRED!
Gru: [gasps] What?
Lucy: That's totally not fair. Gru is a great agent! You know what? If you fire him, you're gonna have to fire me, sister-sister. And do you really want to do that? Do ya?
[the men throw Gru and Lucy]
Gru: No, no, no, no, no, hey!
[they both fall down, screaming, putting parachutes on]
Lucy: Well, I guess she did.