Gru [from trailer, when the balloon boy points at him]
You fool! How could you let them get away!
Voiced by Steve Carell 
Despicable Me (2010) · 75 quotes
Despicable Me (2010) · 75 quotes
Most-quoted character in Despicable Me (2010): in 32 of its 75 quotes
Most scenes with: Agnes (7), Margo (7), Edith (6)
We have located a shrink ray in a secret lab, and once we take this shrink ray, we will have the capability to pull off the true crime of the century! We... are going... to steal... [all the minions pull out weapons] Wait, wait! I haven't told you what it is yet! [Dave the minion fires a missile that scatters another group of minions] Hey! Dave, listen up, please! [one of the singed minions punches Dave] Next, we are going to steal... Pause for effect. [opens skylight] ...the moon!
More lines from Gru
13 quotes Gru Gru You've got to be pulling on my leg.
Gru [To his minions]
What did we do? Well, we stole the Times Square JumboTron! Nice. [all cheering] That's how I roll. Yeah, you all like watching football on that, huh?! But that's not all! We stole the Statue of Liberty! [Minions cheer] The small one from Las Vegas. [Minions groan with disappointment] And I won't even mention the Eiffel Tower. Also Vegas.
Gru [after Vector steals the shrink ray from Gru and shrinks Gru's ship]
Ugh... I hate that guy.
Gru [repeated line, whenever he has an idea]
Light bulb...
Gru Yes, yes. I went to kindergarten, I know how the alphabet goes.
Gru [to his minions]
Now, I know there have been some rumors going around that the bank is no longer funding us. Well, I am here to put those rumors to rest... They are true. [the minions are shocked; the girls come in behind Gru] In terms of money... we have no money. So how will we get to the moon? The answer is clear... [sits hopelessly on a chair] we won't. [some of his Minions start to cry] We are doomed. Now it would probably be a good time to look for other employment options. I know I have fired up my resume, as I suggest that all of you do as well. [Agnes tugs lightly on his sweater; to the girls] What is it? Can't you see that I am in the middle of a pep talk?
Gru Kyle, these are not treats. These are guests. Girls, this is Kyle, my dog.
Gru [referring to the bedtime story "Sleepy Kittens"]
Wow! This is garbage. You actually like this?
Gru [reading to the girls]
Three little kittens loved to play, they had fun in the sun all day.
Then their mother came out and said, "Time for kittens to go to bed."
Three little kittens started to bawl, "Mommy, we're not tired at all."
Their mother smiled and said with a purr, "Fine, but at least you should brush you fur."
Three little kittens with fur all brushed said, "We can't sleep, we feel too rushed!"
Their mother replied, with a voice like silk, "Fine, but at least you should drink your milk."
Three little kittens, with milk all gone, rubbed their eyes and started to yawn.
"We can't sleep, we can't even try." Then their mother sang a lullaby.
"Good night kittens, close your eyes. Sleep in peace until you rise.
Though while you sleep, we are apart, your mommy loves you with all her heart."
Gru [referring to the unicorn toy]
Fix it? Look, it has been disintergrated. By definition it cannon be fixed.
Gru (to Dr. Nefario)
Cookie robots! I said cookie robots! Ah, why... why are you so old?
Gru Ok, my turn.
Scenes with Gru
18 scenes
Fred McDade (Gru's neighbor)
Morning, Gru! How you doing?
Felonious Gru Hello, Fred. FYI, your dog has been leaving little bombs all over my yard and I don't appreciate it.
Fred
Sorry. You know dogs, they go wherever they wanna go.
Gru Unless they're dead. [laughs] I'm joking! Although it is true. Anyway, have a good one.
Fred
[confused]
Oh, okay. Uh... yeah!
[Gru approaches his door, holding a mace in one of his hands. He peeks through the key hole, seeing three little girls]
Hello! Cookies for sale!
All right then.
Gru Go away, I'm not home.
Uh, yes you are. I heard you.
Gru [Edith jumps in front of the peephole and sticks her tongue out at Gru.] [gasps, dropping his club]
No, you didn't. This... [monotone] is a recording.
Gru Yes, it is. Watch this. [monotone] Leave a message. Beep. [Edith kicks the door] Ow!
[Margo leads Edith off the porch.] [still standing in front of Gru's door]
Goodbye, recorded message.
Gru Ah, Dr. Nefario.
I know how you must be feeling. I too have encountered great disappointment, but, in my eyes, you'll always be one of the greats.
Gru What? What happened?
It's all over the news! Some fella just stole a pyramid! He said it makes all other villains look... lame.
Gru [responds angrily]
Assemble the Minions!
Gru [takes phone call]
Hello, Mom. Sorry. I meant to call, but...
I just wanted to congratulate you on stealing the pyramid. [Gru sighs in disgust] That was you, wasn't it? Or was it a villain who was actually successful? [laughs]
Gru Listen, I'm in the middle of something that's very very big, very important! When you hear about it, you're going to be very proud!
Ha! Good luck with that! Okay, I'm outta here! [ends the call and kicks a punching bag in her dojo, knocking another man across the room] Ha!
Young Gru Mom, someday I'm going to go to the moon!
Oh, I'm afraid you're too late, son. NASA isn't sending the monkeys anymore.
Gru Hmm... I think I can live with that.
Are these beds made out of bombs?
Gru Yes, but they are very old and highly unlikely to blow up... but try not to toss and turn.
[Gru is pressured into stopping at the amusement park; they pass by one stall] [seeing something off-screen]
Aah! Oh my gosh! Look at that fluffy unicorn! He's so fluffy, I'm gonna die!
Follow me!
Gru No, no, no. No-no-no-no.
C'mon!
Gru [in a dull and bored tone]
How much for the fluffy unicorn?
Carnival Barker
Well, it's not for sale. But all you gotta do, to win it, is knock down that little spaceship there. Ha! It's easy! [points to a small plastic spaceship, which has a scary face on it; Gru sighs and hands him a dollar. The girls play, but lose]
Again!
Ah, come on. One more time.
Just one more! I accidentally closed my eyes.
Gru [Gru gives in and hands over another dollar. The girls play, and this time, Agnes shoots a ball that hits the ship, but doesn't knock it over. The girls cheer until the sign overhead blinks the words "STOP", then "YOU LOSE!"; Edith grieves in disappointment, and Margo looks confused]
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! What was that? She hit that! I saw that with my own eyes!
Carnival Barker
Hey buddy, let me explain something to you. You see that little tin spaceship? Ya see how it's not knocked over? Do you know what that means, professor? It means you don't get the unicorn! [Gru frowns] Oooh! Uh-oh, someone's got a frowny face! [to Agnes] Boo, better luck next time!
Gru [Agnes, her lip trembling and her eyes welling up with tears, looks at Gru. Gru's blood begins to boil.]
Okay... my turn.
Gru [He gives the Carnival Barker another dollar and the girls step aside. Gru whips out a blaster gun, aims, and fires; the Carnival Barker ducks; there is an explosion, the spaceship turns to ash and the Carnival Barker spins dizzily.]
Knocked over!
That...was awesome.
You blew up the whole thing!
Let's go, let's try another game!
[Gru and his daughters have just come back from Super Silly Fun Land, laughing together, with their faces painted and laden with sweets.]
Gru, do you mind if I have a quick word?
Gru Okay, girls, go play. [the girls run off; Gru approaches Dr. Nefario; in a sing-song voice] I got the shrink ray!
Gru [Dr. Nefario doesn't respond]
Cotton candy?
We have twelve days until the moon is in optimum position. We can't afford any distractions!
Gru [Pause] [normal voice]
Get me Perkins.
Gru [Gru turns on the TV which shows Mr. Perkins]
Sorry to bother you Mr. Perkins, but I figured that you would want to see this! [shows the shrink ray] Huh? [Jerry manages to get off the couch, but Kevin, who is still sitting on it, is shrunk]
Well done, Gru. Rather impressive.
Gru Now, the rest of the plan is simple. [shows a picture] I fly to the moon... [shows another picture] ...I shrink the moon... [shows another picture] ...I grab the moon... [shows a poorly drawn picture, signed by Edith] I sit on the toilet... Wait, what?! [the girls laugh; nervous] Sorry. Sorry! Could you, uh... excuse me for just one second? [to the girls; whisper-yells] I told you not to touch my things, I told you, I told you, I told you a thousand times!
All right then.
Gru [picks up Agnes and puts her back]
Pizza? You just had lunch!
Not now, for dinner.
Gru Dinner?! Just fine, fine, fine, whatever! Just get back in there.
Oh, uh, can we get stuffed crust?
Edith, Agnes, Stuart and Jerry
[Gru suddenly stops with an irate look on his face]
Ooh, stuffed crust!
Gru I'll stuff you all in the crust!
Gru Just don't come out of that room again! [closes the door; to Mr. Perkins] Alright. Sorry about that. Where were we?
You were sitting on the toilet.
Gru No, no, no. I'm sorry. That was a little attempt to humor. I know how much you like to laugh... [Mr. Perkins looks at him angrily] ...inside. Now I was saying... [notices the door was open]
You don't seem terribly focused, Gru.
Gru Believe me, I am completely focused. I-
Hello? Whoa! That guy is huge!
Are we on TV?
What are those? Children?!
Gru [furious]
What are you doing?! I told you to stay out of here! [chases the girls out of the room, then backpedals when Edith and Agnes aim the freeze ray at him] No, no, no!
Freeze ray!
Mr. Gru?
Gru [makes karate sounds, but arrives with a frozen body, with the exception of his head, arms, and buttocks]
As I was saying...
No need to continue, I've seen quite enough.
Gru But my plan--
Is a great plan, I love everything about your plan, except for one thing: you.
Young Gru [Gru remembers some of his memories]
Look, Mom! I drew a picture of me landing on the moon!
Young Gru Look, Mom! I made a prototype of the rocket out of macaroni!
Young Gru [excitedly]
Look, Mom! I made the real rocket, based on the macaroni prototype! [presses a button and sends the rocket into space]
Gru [Reality hits him; he falls down and breaks the ice encasing him; confused]
I... don't understand.
Let's face reality, Gru. You've been at this for far too long, with far too little success. We're gonna put our faith, our money, into a...well, a younger villain.
Gru But I--
It's over. Goodbye, Gru. [crushes his apple and the TV turns off]
Gru [trying to put the girls in bed]
Come on now. It's bed time. [to Agnes] Did you brush your teeth? [Agnes nods] Let me smell, Let me smell... [Agnes opens her mouth; sniffs, but nearly gags] You did not! [Edith suddenly lands on him] Put on your PJs. Hold still. Okay, seriously! Seriously! This is beddie-bye time, right now. I'm not kidding around. I mean it!
But we're not tired!
Gru Well, I am tired!
Gru [silence] [in a deep voice]
No. [attempts to leave the room]
Pretty please?
Gru The physical appearance of the please makes no difference. It is still no, so go to sleep.
But we can't! We're all hyper!
And without a bedtime story, we'll just keep getting up and bugging you... All night long.
Gru [pause] [sighs; giving in]
Fine.
Gru [approaches Vector's base and starts pounding on the front gate]
Vector! Open up!
[A huge TV monitor appears in front of Gru, revealing Vector's face]
First give me the moon, then we'll talk.
[Gru realizes there's nothing left to do and pulls out the shrunken moon out of one of his pocket. A small tube appears out next to the main gate. Gru puts the moon in the tube which then closes automatically. The girls are trapped in a giant glass ball, Agnes calls out]
Mr. Gru!
Zip it, happy meal!
Gru Now, the girls.
Actually, I think I'll hold onto them a little while longer.
Gru No!
Oh, yeah! Unpredictable! [the monitor retracts]
Gru [leans into the camera lens]
Listen close, you little punk! When I get in there, you are in for a world of pain!
[Gru punches the camera screen, making Vector jump and fumble not to drop the moon.] [smugly]
He is gonna kick your butt.
Gru Okay, girls, time for bed.
Ah, come on, we want a story.
Gru Oh no, sorry, that book was accidentally destroyed maliciously.
Gru [Kyle snorts]
Tonight, we are going to read a new book. [shows his homemade book to the girls] This one is called, "One Big Unicorn" by... Who wrote it? Oh, me! I wrote it! [opens the book] Oh, look, it's a puppet book. Hey, watch this. [sticks his nose through a small hole] That's the horn.
Gru Not to pat myself on the back, but yes, it probably will be. [opens the book] Here we go. "One big unicorn, strong and free, thought he was happy as he could be. Until 3 little kittens came around and turned his whole life upside down."
Gru [pulls back the book]
No, what are you talking about? These are kittens. Any relation to persons living or dead is completely coincidental. [continues reading] "They made him laugh... [laughs] ...They made him cry." [sighs] "He never should have said goodbye. And now he knows he could never part, from those 3 little kittens that changed his heart." [beats] The End. [closes the book] Okay, alright, good night.
[Gru starts to leave the girls' bedroom, but comes back and kisses Agnes and then Edith on the forehead; he bends over to kiss Margo, but she jumps up and throws her arms around his neck]
I love you.
Gru [hugging her back; whispering]
I love you too.
Gru [watching the girls' dance recital]
They're very good.
Marlena
Ah, I'm so proud of you, son. You turned out to be a great parent. Just like me. [Gru rolls his eyes] Maybe even better. [Gru smiles]
[A minion drinks a flash of purple liquid and starts floating upwards as Gru and Dr. Nefario watch on.]
We've been working on this one for a while. It's an Anti-Gravity Serum.
[The minion suddenly drifts towards a conveniently open hatch, screaming as he floats up and out of sight.]
I meant to close that. He'll be all right, I'm sure.
Gru Do the effects wear off?
[Dr Nefario looks up at a bunch of minions floating under one of the walkways overhead.]
Err, so far, no. No, they don't.
[The minions wave to them and Gru hesitantly waves back at them.]
And here, of course, is the new weapon you ordered. [fires cloud of foul-smelling gas at minion, making a flatulent noise and knocking the minion out]
Gru No, no, no. I said dart gun, not fart gun!
Oh, yes. 'Cause I was wondering under what circumstances would we use this.
Gru No.
[Gru is gathering the girls' toys in the hallway, when Dr. Nefario enters.]
Only 48 hours til the launch and all systems are go.
Gru About that, I was thinking that maybe we could move the date of the heist.
Please tell me that this not as a result of the girls' dance recital?
Gru No, no, no! The recital? Don't... That's stupid! I just think it's kind of weird to do it on a Saturday. I was thinking, maybe a heist is a Tuesday thing, right?
Gru! You and I have been working on this for years! It's everything we've dreamed of! Your chance to make history: become “The Man Who Stole the Moon.” But these girls are becoming a major distraction! They need to go! If you don’t do something about it, I will.
Gru I understand. [leaves]
Good.
[After the girls leave Gru's house]
I did it for your own good. Come on, let’s go get that Moon.
Gru Right.
Gru [to Vector]
No!
Let me go!
[Vector evil laughs as he tries to shoot Gru. But gets hurt by the moon]
