"And Caesar wept, for there were no more worlds to conquer."
Mark Baum
Steve Carell · 22 quotes
Jared Vennett
Ryan Gosling · 13 quotes
Ben Rickert
Brad Pitt · 8 quotes
Michael Burry
Christian Bale · 5 quotes
Vinnie Daniel
4 quotes
Danny Moses
Rafe Spall · 3 quotes
Porter Collins
Hamish Linklater · 3 quotes
Most scenes together: Mark Baum & Jared Vennett (3), Mark Baum & Vinnie Daniel (3), Mark Baum & Danny Moses (3)
The Big Short quotes
Page 1 of 4You're completely sure of the math?
Look at him, that's my quant.
Your what?
My quantitative. My math specialist. Look at him, you notice anything different about him? Look at his face.
That's pretty racist.
Look at his eyes, I'll give you a hint, his name is Yang. He won a national math competition in China, he doesn't even speak English! Yeah I'm sure of the math.
Jiang [To the camera]
Actually, my name's "Jiang", and I do speak English. Jared likes to say I don't, because he thinks it makes me seem more "authentic." And... I placed 2nd in that national math competition.
Charlie Geller Will you listen to me?! This, like, the end of capitalism! This is like the Dark Ages all over again!
Cynthia Baum
The therapist called. You did it again!
Cynthia Baum
You're not a saint. Saints don't live on Park Avenue.
Jamie Shipley This level of criminality is unprecedented, even for **** Wall Street!
Margot Robbie
[In a bubble bath with a glass of champagne]
Basically, Lewis Ranieri's mortgage bonds were amazingly profitable for the big banks. They made billions and billions on their 2% fee they got for selling each of these bonds. But then, they started running out of mortgages to put in them. After all, there are only so many homes and so many people with good enough jobs to buy them, right? So, the banks started filling these bonds with riskier and riskier mortgages. [Butler pours more champagne into her glass] (Thank you, Benjamin) That way, they can keep that profit machine churning, alright? By the way, these risky mortgages are called "subprime." So, whenever you hear the word "subprime," think "shit." Our friend, Michael Burry, found out that these mortgage bonds that were supposedly 65% AAA, were actually just, mostly, full of shit, so now, he's going to "short" the bonds, which means "to bet against." Got it? Good...[Takes a sip of champagne] Now, **** off.
Pub patron
[To Ben]
Are you a drug dealer or a banker? Because if you're a banker, you can **** right off!
Lawrence Fields Get me my **** money back, you mother****er.
Rabbi
Paul is a fine boy, and Mark is an excellent student of the Torah and the Talmud.
Mrs. Baum
Then what's the problem, Rabbi?
Rabbi
It's the reason Mark is studying so hard: he's looking for inconsistencies in the word of God!
Mrs. Baum
...So has he found any?
[Mark is talking to CDO manager Wing Chau in a Vegas restaurant; Vennett & Mark's team watch from a nearby table]
Uh oh, your boss is about to explode.
No, he's too curious to explode.
Hold on, hold on, say that again. CDO A has parts of CDO B and CDO B has parts CDO A, but then both get put inside CDO C?
Wing Chau Yep, and that one's called a CDO Squared - a CDO of a CDO. And then there are CDOs made up of the opposite side of the bet you made with swaps. We call them synthetic CDOs.
What did you just say? "Synthetic CDOs?" That is **** crazy.
Wing Chau It's not, it's awesome!
Look at his face; he looks like the bad guy from Dune.
Alright, let's say you have...50 million in subprime loans. How much money could be out there betting on it through these synthetic CDOs and swaps? Right now, tonight?:
Wing Chau 50 million? A billion dollars.
What??
How much bigger is the market for insuring mortgage bonds than actual mortgages?
Wing Chau About twenty times.
[voiceover]
If the mortgage bonds were the match, and the CDOs were the kerosene-soaked rags, then the synthetic CDO was the atomic bomb with a drunk president holding his finger over the button. It was at that moment, in that dumb restaurant with that stupid look on his face, that Mark Baum realized the whole world economy might collapse.
Bruce Miller As some of you may know, Bear Stearns has just received a loan from JP Morgan. Of course, we're gonna have to wait and see how the markets react, but that should lay to rest any concerns about the bank's health.
Debate host
Now, I take it you have no plans to sell your $200 million in Bear stock?
Bruce Miller No, as a matter of fact, when we're done here, I'll probably go out and buy some more. [Crowd lightly chuckles]
Debate host
For the opposing view, Mr. Baum.
I got to stand for this. [Takes the microphone and stands] Okay, hi. My firm's thesis is pretty simple. Wall Street took a good idea, Lewis Ranieri's mortgage bond, and turned it into an atomic bomb of fraud and stupidity that's on its way to decimating the world economy.
Bruce Miller How do you really feel? [Crowd laughs]
I'm glad you still have a sense of humor; I wouldn't if I were you. Now, anyone who knows me knows that I have no problem telling someone they're wrong...
[In the crowd, looking at Bear Stearns' stock price live on his Blackberry, showing Vinny and Porter; they speak in hushed whispers] (Bear Stearns is denying rumors of liquidity problems...Holy ****, it's 39 now!)
...is not so enjoyable. We live in an era of fraud in America. Not just in banking, but in government, education, religion, food, even baseball. What bothers me isn't that fraud is not nice or that fraud is mean. It's that, for 15,000 years, fraud and short-sighted thinking have never, ever worked. Not once.
(Jesus, Bear at 37. Bear's at 37.)
Eventually, people get caught, things go south.
Vinny Daniel
(Plummeting.)
(It's **** plummeting, man.)
When the hell did we forget all that? I thought we were better than this, I really did. And the fact that we're not doesn't make me feel alright and superior. It makes me feel...sad.
(Every time I **** hit "refresh", it's dropping, man. Every time.)
And as much fun as it is to watch pompous, dumb Wall Streeters be wildly wrong, [To Miller] and you are wrong, sir, I just know, that at the end of the day, average people are going to be the ones that are going to have to pay for all this. Because they always, always do.
(It's 32. 32.)
(It's **** tanked, man.)
That's my two cents, thank you. [Sits down]
Debate host
Does our bull have a response?
Bruce Miller Only that, in the entire history of Wall Street, no investment bank has ever failed unless caught in criminal activities. So, yes, I stand by my Bear Stearns optimism.
Man in crowd
Mr. Miller, I'm sorry, quick question. From the time you guys started talking, Bear Stearns stock has fallen more than 38%. [People in the crowd start murmuring in surprise] Would you still buy more?
Bruce Miller [Trying to be optimistic]
Y-yeah, sure...of course I'd buy more. Why not?
BOOM.
Charlie Geller [As he and Jamie look around in the abandoned trading floor of Lehman Brothers after its collapse]
This isn't how I pictured it.
Jamie Shipley What'd you think we'd find?
Charlie Geller I don't know...Grownups.
[pulling blocks from a Jenga tower]
As, zero. Bs, zero. Double Bs, zero. Triple Bs, zero... [the tower topples] And then that happens.
What is that?
That's America's housing market.
Chris
****in' A, Jared.
Shut your ****in' mouth.
I don't get it. Why are they confessing?
They're not confessing.
They're bragging.