Bruce Almighty quotes
Page 1 of 4Yes, let's thank God, for his blessings are raining down upon me. WAIT! THAT'S NOT RAIN!
Yahweh! You've got prayers.
Jack You don't want to be like Evan. Evan's an asshole.
Ally They want you close to the falls.
Really? I'm gonna get soaked.
Ally That's the point.
It's okay.
If that was God, then I'm Clint Eastwood. (sound of glass shatters) HOLY HELL! (pull over)
Be careful what you wish for, punk. (gets out of car) No way, uh-uh, I am a reasonable, sane human being... (changes back into Clint Eastwood) with a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the wo... (yells and changes back into Bruce) I'm not Clint Eastwood. (shuts eyes) I'm Bruce Nolan, Bruce Nolan. I'm not Clint Eastwood. I'm Bruce No- (attempts to throw gun away and pulls out his Eyewitness News microphone)-lan!
You can't kneel down in the middle of a highway and live to talk about it, son.
But why? Why now?
Bruce, you have a divine spark. You have the gift of bringing joy and laughter to the world. I know, I created you.
Quit braggin'.
You see! That's what I'm talking about. That's the spark.
I want you to pray, son. Go ahead. Use them.
Lord, feed the hungry and bring peace to all of mankind. [to God] How's that?
Great!... If you wanna be Miss America. Now c'mon - what do you really care about?
Grace.... You want her back?
No... I want her to be happy. No matter what that means. I want her to find someone, who will treat her with all of the love she deserved from me... I want her to meet someone... who will see her always, as I do now... through your eyes...
Now that's a prayer.
Yeah?
Yeah. It's good.
It's good! [laughs]
I'm gonna get right on it...
And the cookie is... ten feet, four inches! We have a new record! Cue the cheesy inspirational music! [theme from Chariots of Fire plays]
And that's the way the cookie crumbles!
Bedroom?
Five minutes.
I'd better manifest some coffee. ¡Hola, Juan Valdez! (hello, juan valdez!)
Buenos días.' (good morning!)
¡Buenos días! (good morning!)
Disfrute un buen caf?. (enjoy a good coffee.)
Gracias, señor. (thank you, sir.)
¡Adiós! (goodbye!)
¡Adiós! (goodbye!)
Ah! Now, that's fresh mountain-grown coffee from the hills of Colombia.
Look, would it help if I just said that I was a complete ass?
Hey, you said 'ass.'
Yeah, but it's okay if I'm talking about a donkey.
Oh, look. It's the owner of the Maid of the Mist. Let's have a talk with him, shall we? Come on in here, Bill. No, no, no, no. No, no. Come on. Let's have a talk.
Come on! What are you DOING?!
Bill, you've been running the Maid of the Mist for 23 years now. Tell me. Why do you think I didn't get the anchor
Hey, man. I don't want any problems. I don't want...
Is it my hair, Bill? Are my teeth not white enough? Or like the great falls, is the bedrock of my life eroding beneath me? ERODING, EEEERODING, EEEEEERODDDING.
Jack Cut the feed. Go to black.
I'm on it.
I'm Bruce Nolan for Eyewitness News. Back to you, ****ers!
Jack Oh boy.
Oh, my God.
So tell me, Mama. Why make Buffalo's biggest cookie?
Well, man from health department say he find rat pellet in our pastry, but I say, 'No, is big chocolate sprinkle.' But he shut store down. So we clean up, make big cookie for to bring customers back.
Well, I admire your candor. Let's try that again, shall we?
...
So tell me, Mama. Why make Buffalo's biggest cookie?
So the children of the neighborhood will be happy?
That's right. It must be wonderful seeing the smiles on their little faces.
Vol Kowolski I work in back. I see no smiles.