ALL A B C D E F G H I J K L M
N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z #

[Ron and Jack Lime's news teams prepare to fight] BBC Anchor: Wait! Here's a headline for you: "Moronic Yank Wank-orman Gets a Bloody Good Hiding From Newsreader From a Superior Country." For we are the BBC News Service! [BBC news team shouts]
Ron Burgundy: Oh, not now!
Jack Lime: [To his news team] Fall back, fall back.
[MTV news team rappels down]
Wesley Jackson: If y'all gonna get down, then Wesley Jackson and the MTV news crew want in!
Brian Fantana: What's "MTV"?
Ron Burgundy: I think it's a venereal disease.
Wesley Jackson: The most requested video of the day: A new band called "Burgundy sucking chest wound"! [MTV news team shouts]
[Entertainment News team arrives on a dune buggy]
Jill Jansen: It wouldn't be a battle without Jill Jansen...
Wendy Van Peel: And Wendy Van Peel, from Entertainment News.
BBC Anchor: Entertainment News is an abomination!
Wendy Van Peel: Who are you wearing today? Oh, look, it's your own blood!
Jill Jansen: Today's celebrity birthdays: None. Today's celebrity deaths: All you dick-licks!
Brian Fantana: I like how they're put together.
Champ Kind: I like fighting girls.
Jill Jansen: I like to ****-punt cowboys.
Wendy Van Peel: You eat pussy?
Jill Jansen: You're gonna.
Scott Riles: HEEEEYYY! There's not gonna be any fight without Scott Riles and the incredibly polite Canadian News Team. [Canada News Team shouts]
Quebec News Anchor: What about the French-speaking Quebec News? The real voice of Canada!
Scott Riles: Give it a rest, eh?
Champ Kind: Give me a break! They can't have news. Nothing happens in Canada!
Scott Riles: We're gonna mop the floor with ya! We're gonna put the boots to ya! Sorry.
Quebec News Anchor: Sorry. We're gonna gouge yer eyes out, and kick yer head in!
Scott Riles and Quebec News Anchor: Sorry!
Brick Tamland:...I like your ginger ale!
[ SportsCenter theme plays]
Jeff Bullington: Jeff Bullington, ESPN, all sports. Tonight's Play of the Day is me, extracting your spine from your dead body!
Brian Fantana: Holy shit, there's a lot of news!
Ron Burgundy: It's true, the market has become saturated.
History Network Host: Hey! The History Network wants in on this. We're news too! Only news told much, much later! [History Network team shouts]
Ron Burgundy: Wait a minute, is that the ghost of Stonewall Jackson with you?
History Network Host: Yes, it is. And the mighty minotaur!
Jack Lime: Eh, I don't know about this, man. The minotaur isn't even history. It's mythology!
Ron Burgundy: Hey, let's not downplay the fact that that's the ghost of Stonewall Jackson!
Ghost of Stonewall Jackson: May the Lord anoint this hallowed field of battle.
Mack Tannen: You guys got room in this battle for an old war horse?
Ron Burgundy: Mack Tannen? What are you doing here, you're too old for this!
Mack Tannen: Well, you see, there's the thing: When there's an early moon, I almost feel like a stallion again!
Champ Kind: He's on our side, right Ron?
[Tannen transforms into a werewolf]
Ron Burgundy: He's a were-hyena!
Wesley Jackson: I'm gonna call Michael Jackson, I got a video idea!
Ron Burgundy: Alright, everyone, listen up! By virtue of being on this battlefield, there is no return! People will die!
Jill Jansen: [Quietly] I'm so horny right now.
Ron Burgundy: Some will be disfigured! In some cases, lasting friendships will be made! And as usual: No touching of the hair and face!
Scott Riles: C'mon! What do we look like, rookies?
Scott Riles and Quebec News anchor: Sorry.
Ron Burgundy: When El Trousias, Maiden of the Clouds, blows the battle horn, let the battle begin!
El Trousias: I am El Trousias! Hear my sirens song! [Blows her horn]
Jeff Bullington: El Trousias...the juiciest, hmm!
El Trousias: [Finishes blowing her horn]...That means you can start.
Ron Burgundy: Brick, what the hell is that?
Brick Tamland: It's a gun...from the future.
Wesley Jackson: No fair, he has a gun from the future!
Ron Burgundy: Where did you get it from?
[Brick giggles]


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