Anthony quotes from Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day (2014)

Anthony

Mom, do you mind?... Please.

What? Because of this morning? It's not the first time I've seen your penis, Anthony!

Mom saw your penis?

Yep! I've seen yours too, Alexander. I've seen every penis in this car!

Ben

Every penis.

Anthony

YES! [jumps and hits a banner, which causes two trophy cases to fall and smash]

Let's go, Wreck-It Ralph! Principal's office, NOW!

Tell me something, Anthony. Are you a senior citizen?

Anthony

No, ma'am.

Good. Then why're you driving 15 miles an hour in a 25-mile zone? C'mon, speed it up. [Anthony speeds up the minivan] That's right. That is right. Boy. Change lanes. [Anthony does so] Now, I want you to take a right up here. [Anthony turns right. Just then, his cell phone vibrates] Celia's calling.

Anthony

It's my girlfriend. Probably wants to talk prom plans. Tonight's the prom. Well, I'll just ignore that.

Seems like she's very anxious to talk to you.

Anthony

No, no, no, I'm driving. I would never answer the phone when I'm driving. No, no matter what circumstance.

But, y'know, proms don't happen every day.

Anthony

That's true. You sure? It'll just be like super quick. It's not...

What's important to you is important to me.

Anthony

Hey, Celia. I can't really talk right now, but...

Put! The phone! Down!

Anthony

What?

Put that mobile device down, NOW! HEY, EYES ON THE ROAD!

Anthony

AAAH!! NO, NO!!! [hits several parking meters while screaming]

YOU'RE GONNA KILL US!! AAAAH!! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?! [Anthony pulls back into the DMV and stops] WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! WHAT ARE YOU-- WHAT ARE YOU DOING, YOU FOOL?!

Anthony

You tricked me!

Get outta this car. [stamps "FAIL" on the clipboard] You get out of this car!

Anthony

You're EVIL!

You prom creep!

Ben

I don't think he passed.

Get out! GET OUT!
[Anthony swings open the door, only to get a literal door prize from a passing Impala. The door slides right to the Coopers]