Cameron Diaz movie quotes

View Quote Dear diary, Sleeping Beauty is having a slumber party tomorrow, but Dad says I can't go. He never lets me out after sunset. Dad says I'm going away for a while, must be like some finishing school or something. Mom says that when I'm old enough, my handsome Prince Charming will rescue me from my tower and bring me back to my family, and we'll all live happily ever after.

View Quote [from DVD menu, after pressing "Far Far Away Idol", burping] Excuse me!

View Quote Donkey: It's kind of a long story, but, you see, Shrek and I took some magic potion, and now... we're sexy!
Fiona: [sees Puss] Shrek?
Puss: For you baby... I could be.
Donkey: Yeah, you wish.

View Quote It is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart. I carry your heart. I carry it in my heart.

View Quote Maggie: SHUT UP YOU FAT PIG!!
Rose: Did you honestly just say "Fat pig"? You're my sister...and the best you can do is "fat pig"? :[slams Maggie against the wall] GET OUT OF MY LIFE!!
Maggie: Oh! [starts sobbing]

View Quote Rose Feller: I don't know what's wrong with your girls. My Marcia never uses the word vagina!
Maggie Feller: My Marcia doesn't even have a vagina!
Rose Feller: Oh, My Marcia has a vagina alright, but My Marcia's vagina is made of solid 24 karat gold!
Maggie Feller: My Marcia's vagina is so perfect, it's in a museum!

View Quote [As Rumpelstiltskin angrily scrunches up a page from a library book about Shrek]
Pinocchio: Uh– sir, you're gonna have to pay for that.
Rumpelstiltskin: Uh– M-m-maybe we can make a deal for it, little boy?
Pinocchio: Oh, I'm not a real boy.
Rumpelstiltskin: [Looking devious] Do you wanna be?
[Cut to Pinocchio kicking him out]
Pinocchio: Nobody needs your deals anymore, Grumple Stinkypants!
Rumpelstiltskin: [Coughs as he gets up, then picks up the ripped-out page] I wish that ogre was never born!
Rumpelstiltskin: You gave me a day from your past. A day you wouldn't even remember. A day when you were an innocent, mindless, little baby. [Starts humming Happy Birthday to You]
Shrek: You took the day I was born.
Rumpelstiltskin: No, Shrek, you gave it to me.
Puss: Come on, Donkey, ¡Vamonos!
Donkey: Man, you are a cat-tastrophe!
Puss: And you, are ri-donkey-lous!
[Beat. Then both laugh]
Donkey: Why don't you just tell her what you told me? You know, about how you're her true love and you came from an alternate universe.
Shrek: Oh, and while I'm at it, why don't I tell her that you're married to a fire breathing dragon, and you have little mutant donkey-dragon babies?
Donkey: I do?
Shrek: You saw what happened, she's gonna think I'm crazy.
Donkey [Not listening] I'm a daddy?
Shrek: You know what? If I got Fiona to kiss me once– [He blows into a frog's mouth, inflating it like a balloon] –then I can do it again.
Shrek [Enters Fiona's tent] Hello? Fiona?
[Green eyes are shown in the shadows of a cat condo]
Puss: You should not be here.....señor.
Shrek: Puss? [Puss struggles to get out of his resting place, revealing himself as now overweight with a pink bow on wrapped around the back of his neck.] You've gotta be kiddin' me.
[He lowers down on the scratching post, the lands on his back on a pillow. He then struggles to get up, followed by facing Shrek.]
Puss: Feed me, if you dare.
Shrek: Puss, what happened to you?! You got so fa– [Puss gives him a look] Fa-ancy!
Puss: Do I know you?
Shrek: Well, where's your hat? Where's your belt? [He gasps softly] Your wee little boots?
Puss: Boots, for a cat? Ha! [He laughs]
Shrek: But you're Puss in Boots.
Puss: Maybe once, [He opens a bottle of milk] but that is a name I have outgrown.
Shrek: [under his breath] That's not the only thing you've outgrown.
Puss: Hey! I may have let myself go a little since retirement, but hanging up my sword was the best decision of my life! I have all the cream I can drink and all the mice I can chase. [A mouse runs up to his bowl and starts drinking out of it] Eh, I'll get him later. [He starts drinking out of the bowl himself]
Shrek: Oh, Puss, what have I done to you? You've gone soft.
Puss: Well, I do get brushed twice a day.
Shrek: You witches are making a big mistake! I know my rights!
Pumpkin Witch: You have the right to shut your mouth! [She drops a pumpkin which explodes with smoke in Shrek's face]
Rumpelstiltskin: So... you're not gonna eat me?
Shrek: No, thanks. I already had a big bowl of curly-toed weirdo for breakfast.
Shrek: Stop! Where are you going?
Fiona: To save my friends.
Shrek: How, by getting yourself killed?
Fiona: If that's what it takes.
Shrek: Puss, say something.
Fiona: [suspicious] Puss?
Puss: L-Let me explain.
Fiona: So that's how you knew so much about me!
Shrek: Fiona, wait! [jumping in front of her] Kiss me!
Fiona: What?
Shrek: It's the only way to save your friends!
Fiona: Get out of my way! [walks past him]
Shrek: You used to believe that a single kiss could solve everything!
[Fiona turns around and reluctantly kisses him. However, when they're done kissing, nothing happens, to Shrek's confusion. Fiona, indifferent, wipes at her mouth]
Shrek: I don't understand. [frustrated] This doesn't make any sense! True love's kiss was supposed to fix everything!
Fiona: [sarcastically] Yeah, well, you know what? That's what they told me too. True love didn't get me out of that tower. I did! I saved myself! Don't you get it? It's all just a big fairy tale!
Shrek: [pleading] Fiona, don't say that! It does exist!
Fiona: And how would you know? Did you grow up locked away in a dragon's keep? [voice cracking] Did you live all alone in a miserable tower?! Did you cry yourself to sleep every night waiting for a true love that never came?!
Shrek: But... but I'm your true love.
Fiona: Then where were you when I needed you?
[Shrek, stunned and full of guilt, can't bring himself to answer. Fiona turns around and leaves]
Donkey: Maybe you kissed her... wrong?
Shrek: No. The kiss didn't work... because Fiona doesn't love me.
Puss: It seems that we are safe.
Donkey: Yeah, it looks a lot less pitchforky and torchy out there. Let's go.
Shrek: Oh, what's the point? The kiss didn't work. It's over.
Donkey: Look, Shrek, I know things might seem a little bleak right now, but things always work themselves out in the end. You'll see. Well, I'll bet by this time tomorrow–
Shrek: Hey, don't you understand? There is no tomorrow, there's no day after that, and there's no day after that day after that! My life was perfect and I'm never gonna get it back!
Donkey: Well, if your life was so perfect, then why did you sign it all the way to Rumpelstiltskin in the first place?
Shrek: Because I didn't know what I had until it was gone! Alright? [He sighs, deeply remorseful now] I didn't know what I had.
Fiona: That was a really brave thing you did, Shrek. Thank you.
Shrek: [sullenly] No. You were right. I wasn't there for you. And not just at the dragon's keep, but...everyday since.
Fiona: [smiles softly] Well, you're here now.
Shrek/Fiona: [about ogres using their noses as a horn] I didn't know we could do that.
Butterpants: Do the roar!
Shrek: Uh, roar.
Butterpants: I don't like it.
[During the main event–]
Donkey: ♪ Winter, Spring, Summer or Fall.All you've got to do is call. [Rumpelstiltskin and the witches hear and spot him on top of the new hanging chandelier ball] ♪ And I'll be there. Yeah, yeah, yeah– ♪
Shrek: Donkey?
Donkey: And Puss– [Puss descends down the chandelier ball's rope, now wearing his boots, belt, hat and cape.]
Puss: –In Boots!
[Last lines]
Shrek: You know, I always thought I rescued you from the Dragon's Keep.
Fiona: [smiles slightly, confused] You did.
Shrek: No. It was you that rescued me.
[Fiona beams, before the two share a kiss]

View Quote [Donkey started sniffing the ground in the forest like a bloodhound, and to his surprise and happiness, he saw an unguarded plate of stacked waffles coated in syrup sitting on a stump.]
Donkey: Yeah! Waffles! And I thought the Waffle Fairy was just a bedtime story. [rushes up to plate] Sticky stacks of golden, syrupy deliciousness!
Shrek: Donkey! [Points Donkey] Don't eat that! [Donkey stopped and frowned.] There’s a stack of freshly made waffles in the middle of the forest. Don’t you find that a wee bit suspicious? [Donkey trying to take a little nibble of the waffles, but Shrek kept protesting against it.] I’m just... What are you...? Bad Donkey! Mustn't--I said, don’t! Don't! No! Get away from it! [Donkey extended his tongue out and licked the dripping syrup of the waffles.] You did.
[Then, without warning, the plate flung the waffles onto a tree. Donkey quickly realized it was a trap.]
Donkey: Uh-oh.
[The stump flipped open like a lid and looked at the hole, rather confused because it didn't seem like an effective trap to him. However, that was not the full trap. Shrek glanced around, seeing hidden pulleys and counterweights turning, and then a log came swinging out in the direction of the two.]
Shrek: [ducks] Look out!
[But Donkey didn't duck in time, as he got hit in the end by the log, sending him into the hole. The ogre ran up to the hole, lifted the lid, seeing Donkey lying there.]
Shrek: Donkey! Are you OK?
Donkey: I'm fine. [But then his hooves got snagged by a rope trap and he was yanked away, screaming.]
Shrek: Donkey. [leaped into the hole and saw it led to a tunnel, and because it was small to walk through, he had to army crawl through it.]
Donkey: Help! Help me! Help, Shrek! Help!
[Then he came out through the other end, pushing the roots, and when getting up, he was awestruck at where he was. He was in some hidden camp with ogres like him roaming about, carrying stuff and doing chores. He wandered around in amazement, looking at the sights, making him grin a bit. A blacksmith ogre was sharpening a tool, and a female ogre was carrying an anvil of some sort. As Shrek kept wandering, two ogres carrying a log were coming from behind him.]
Ogre #1: Watch your head.
[He then ducked, letting the two ogres lift the log over him. Then three ogres, including a female one named Gretched, came around him.]
Ogre #2: Hey, it's a new guy!
Ogre #3: Look at him, all dressed up in his Sunday vest.
Gretched: He's really tiny, isn’t he?
Ogre #2: Yeah.
[Then, a slender ogre taller than Shrek, Brogan, came behind our main ogre, putting his arm around him.]
Brogan: Fate has delivered us a comrade-in-arms and for that, we are thankful. Suit him up!
[The other ogres then took Shrek to get suited up.]
Ogre #3: Let's go, greenie.
Shrek: Now, wait a minute! [He was placed in an armored vest, along with some wrist bands, and a helmet. One ogre smacked him in the rear to get him going.] Hey!
Brogan: Here you go.
[An axe was tossed into Shrek's arms, which Shrek luckily caught. Three ogres each threw an axe at three different dummies wearing witches' clothes. One ogre even tackled a witch dummy and brawled with it. Shrek]
Brogan: Welcome to the resistance.
Shrek: [confused] Resistance?
Brogan: [puts arm around Shrek] We fight for freedom and ogres everywhere! [He then held his nose and started blowing a horn-like sound through his ears, and then all the other ogres held their noses and blew through their ears. When the blowing was done, the resistance ogres hooted and laughed while Shrek was even more stunned than already.]
Shrek: [about soldiers using their horn] I didn't know we could do that.
Donkey: Help! You can't eat me! I got the mange! I'm poisonous! I'm all poi...
Shrek: I'll take him! This order's to go.
Cookie: Hey! I haven't removed his giblets yet.
Shrek: Trust me, you don't wanna eat this one.
Donkey: I go down smooth, but come out fighting!
Shrek: Let go!
Cookie: Don't make Papa mad.
Shrek: Your dinner is my friend!
Brogan: Come on, guys!
Cookie: I got to get the giblets out!
Ogres: She's back. [Shrek turned and saw a figure arriving on the hill, who was clad in a helmet and armor, and holding an axe in her hand. She removed her helmet and revealed herself to be none other than Fiona (in ogre form). She stood there, with the wind blowing her hair, giving it a dramatic flair. When Shrek saw her, he grinned with such relief.]
Shrek: [happily] Fiona! [hands axe to one of the ogres, begins running up to her, Fiona spots him] I'm so happy I found you!
[Fiona kicks him in the jaw and sends him flying, yelling in slow motion, before crashing to the ground. The ogres winced, while some couldn't help but chuckle a bit. The groaning Shrek got up.]
Princess Fiona: [walked up to him, handing her axe to Gretched.] Maybe you missed orientation, [her helmet to Brogan.] but for future reference, personal space is very important to me.
[Shrek looked very worried at her]
Shrek: [confused] You don't know who I am, do you?
Princess Fiona: No. [to Brogan] Brogan, I have news from Far Far Away. Gather the others and meet me in the war room. [Brogan agreed]
Shrek: [pleaded] Fiona.
Princess Fiona: [to Gretched] Gretched, make sure everyone is prepared to move out tonight.
Shrek: I need to talk to you.
Princess Fiona: [turns on Shrek, annoyed] What is it?!
Shrek: [calmly] OK, I know you don’t remember me, but... we’re married. [Needless to say, Fiona gave a confused look as he recapped the incident at the birthday party.] Hear me out. And at the birthday party with some pigs and a puppet, the villagers wanted me to sign their pitchforks, [As he explained and tried making it sound as believable as he could, Brogan and Gretched were equally as confused as Fiona.] and this boy kept saying, [as Butterpants] "Do the roar. Do the roar." Then I punched the cakes that the pigs ate, and the next thing I knew, my donkey fell in your waffle hole. [Needless to say as well, pretty much all ogres were completely dumbstruck, and so was Donkey.] Right? Who’s with me?
Princess Fiona: Wow, [chuckles a bit] I guess I must have kicked him harder than I thought.
[The ogres in the resistance laughed a bit.]
Shrek: [pleading] Fiona, I need to...
[But Fiona held his hand up, as a lookout ogre was perched on a lookout, making "caw" sounds.]
Princess Fiona: Witches! All right, everyone, you know the drill! [She and the other ogres [except Shrek] went to their battle stations.]
Shrek: Fiona!
Donkey: Witches! Oh, no! Witches! Witches!
Shrek: [grabbed Donkey and the sticks he was still attached to.] Come on, now.
[Some ogres quickly cut ropes to seal the large hiding holes and dropped sandbags to extinguish the fires. They secured weapons in a net and a few concealed themselves in a hole underground. Others, wearing rocks and plants on their heads, submerged in the swamp water, while Fiona, Brogan, and the remaining ogres, disguised with bushes, crouched around Shrek’s hiding spot. Shrek covered the whimpering Donkey’s mouth as three witches flew overhead on broomsticks. The lead witch glanced down but saw no ogres or camp, then sneered and flew off to Rumpelstiltskin's castle. Once they left, the ogres emerged from hiding and murmured as they returned to their posts.]
Brogan: Fiona, that's the third patrol today. We can’t hide forever.
Princess Fiona: Trust me, Brogan. After tonight, we won’t have to.
[Shrek and Donkey just sat where they were.]
Donkey: [to Shrek] That's your wife?
Shrek: That’s my wife.
Donkey: Well, I see who wears the chainmail in your family! [Shrek gave a weird look at him.]

View Quote Donkey: [off-screen] Shrek, do my babies have hooves or talons?
Shrek: Donkey, shh. [enters Fiona's tent] Hello? Fiona?
Puss in Boots: [green eyes are shown in the shadows of a cat condo] You should not be here, señor.
Shrek: Puss? [Puss struggles to get out of his resting place, revealing himself as now overweight, with a pink bow wrapped around the back of his neck] You've gotta be kiddin' me.
[Puss lowers down on the scratching post, slowly, then lands on his back on a pillow. He then struggles to get up, followed by facing Shrek]
Puss in Boots: Feed me, if you dare.
Shrek: Puss, what happened to you?! You got so fa- [as he goes to say "fat", Puss gives him a look] Fancy!
Puss in Boots: Do I know you?
Shrek: Well, where is your hat and your belt? [gasps softly] And your wee little boots?
Puss: Boots, for a cat? [laughs]
Shrek: But you're Puss in Boots.
Puss in Boots: Maybe once. [opens a bottle of milk] But that is a name I have outgrown.
Shrek: [under his breath] That's not the only thing you have outgrown.
Puss in Boots: Hey! I may have let myself go a little since retirement, but hanging up my sword was the best decision of my life! I have all the cream I can drink and all the mice I can chase. [A mouse runs up to his bowl and starts drinking out of it] ...Eh, I'll get him later. [starts drinking out of the bowl himself]
Shrek: Oh, Puss, what have I done to you? You've gone soft.
Puss in Boots: Well, I do get brushed twice a day.
Shrek: Look, it's not too late to fix it. All you have to do is help me get a kiss from Fiona...
Princess Fiona: [enters her tent] What are you doing?!
Shrek: What... [notices Fiona behind him turns around] Hey!
Princess Fiona: Can I help you with something?
Shrek: Well, I know how stressful mounting a rebellion can be, rallying the troops, planning attacks and all that, so I brought you a little something to ease the tension.
Princess Fiona: A gift basket?
Shrek: You’re welcome. So let’s see what you got. [He then got out each different gift from the basket.] Heart-shaped box of slugs. A skunk-scented candle. [sniff] Mmm.
Princess Fiona: Look, this really isn’t the…
Shrek: What’s this? [holds out a homemade coupon book] Coupons! Let’s see, "Good for one free foot massage." "A mud facial!" Oh, and here’s one. [came to one that had a childish drawing of his face on it.] "Good for one free kiss." Let’s cash it now. [but Fiona stops him]
Princess Fiona: Look, I don’t know what this is all about, but I’m trying to run a revolution. So unless you have Rumpelstiltskin’s head in there, I suggest you take your gift basket, get out of my tent and go make yourself useful.
Shrek: Wow. You’re right. I am sorry. I was just trying to be friendly. [holds out hand] No hard feelings? [Fiona decided to shake his hand.] An apologetic hug? [The two hugged.] And a quick kiss goodbye. [Fiona quickly stopped him by stomping his foot then grabbed his arm and placed it behind his back in pain, forcing him to leave.] Wait! Is that mistletoe I see? [Fiona pushed him thrown out of the tent on his back before Donkey came to him with a grin.]
Donkey: Hey, Shrek! Are my babies cute, or do they make people feel uncomfortable?
[Back inside the tent]
Princess Fiona: [about Shrek] Where’d we find that guy?
Puss in Boots: Could it be true? Have the years of prim and pampery made me soft?
Princess Fiona: Don’t be silly. [then got out a comb and crush.] Now who’s a pretty kitty?
Puss in Boots: [gives cute pose] I am.

View Quote Oncology? But that's cancer.

View Quote The radiation, which ultimately put Kate into remission, worked its magic by wearing her down. Taylor Ambrose, a drug of an entirely different sort, worked his magic by building her up.

View Quote It's hard to imagine now, that there was a time before all this happened, when the kids were just kids and everyone was happy

View Quote Fiona: For what it's worth, you would've made a great king.
Shrek: (rubs Fiona's tummy) I had something else in mind.

View Quote (Rapunzel has betrayed the princesses in order to be with Prince Charming.)
Charming: Say hello to the new queen of Far Far Away!
Cinderella: Yay! (claps)
(awkward pause)
Fiona: Why?
Rapunzel: Jealous much?

View Quote Shrek: [looking at Artie talking with princesses] See, what did I tell you? The kid's gonna make a great king.
Princess Fiona: For what it's worth, you would have, too.
Shrek: [rubs Fiona's stomach] I have something much more important in mind.
[They kiss lovingly.]

View Quote You slept with him, didn't you? One night and you went right back to being a Stepford.

View Quote If we find anymore mistresses I'm going to have to send her to rehab.

View Quote Carly Whitten: I can't talk to you until you stop crying.
Kate King: [muffled crying] I want to. Let me just... I'm sorry. I just am sad.
Carly Whitten: Then cry on the inside like a winner.

View Quote What happened to "what's mine is yours baby.." we're married now...remember?

View Quote I'm not usually this much fun!

View Quote I can totally do this! (Gasps after seeing the bathroom) I can't do this.

View Quote Is that... is that hair gel?

View Quote Mary: Ted? Did you mean what you said back there?
Ted: [Tearfully] Uh huh. I just want you to be happy, Mary.
Mary: But I'd be happiest with you.
[Pause]
Ted: [Dejected] You're ****in' with me, right?

View Quote Pat: [after telling Mary that he's an architect] Really, it's only a side thing for my true passion.
Mary: And what's that?
Pat: I work with ****.
Mary: Isn't that a little politically incorrect?
Pat: Yeah, maybe, but hell, no one's gonna tell me who I can and can't work with, right?

View Quote Killer, huh? I just got so excited. When it's big like that I just love to ride it hard and rough.

View Quote Natalie: Bosley. Plan B.
Bosley: It's raining white women!

View Quote Madison: Enjoy heaven
Natalie: Go to hell.

View Quote June: Why am I in a bikini?
Roy: We're in the tropics...
June: How did I get into the bikini, Roy?
Roy: June...I have been trained to disable a bomb in a padded jail cell with nothing but a Junior Mint and a tooth pick. I think I can get you in and out of some clothes without...looking. ...I'm not saying that's what I did...."

View Quote Roy: I did warn you not to get on the plane.
June: When? How?
Roy: When I said, 'Sometimes things happen for a reason'.
June: That's not a warning, Roy! That's like a saying on a bumper sticker. Next time, try, 'June, if you get on that plane, you will freaking die!'

View Quote June: Please...stop shooting people!
Roy: Okay. I understand. You stay here while I go talk to the guys back in the tunnel. *stands up with his gun in hand* Actually, I'm going to go shoot them, but I'll be back!

View Quote Donkey: Hi, princess!
Fiona: It TALKS!
Shrek: Yeah, but it's getting him to SHUT UP that's the trick!

View Quote Fiona: You didn't slay the dragon?!
Shrek: It's on my to-do list. Now come on!
Fiona: But this isn't right! You're meant to charge in, sword drawn, banner flying... That's what all the other knights did!
Shrek: [glances at a scorched skeleton] Yeah, right before they burst into flame!

View Quote Fiona: But how will you kiss me?
Shrek: What? That wasn't in the job description!
Donkey: Maybe it's a perk!

View Quote I need some peace and quiet...or whatever it is people go away for.

View Quote You know Graham, I just broke up with someone and considering you just showed up and you're insanely good-looking and probably won't remember me anyway...I'm thinking we should have sex...If you want.

View Quote [after seeing the premiere of her new movie trailer, to Iris' dog Charlie] And that is why they pay me the big bucks.

View Quote Don't go looking for Mr. Right. Look for Mr. Right Now. And eventually, if he's worthy, then one day that "now" part is just going to drop away.. naturally. You know.

View Quote Christina: If I'm bah-jiggity about this guy Peter, it's only because you're telling me I am.
Courtney: Oh, my God.
Christina: What?
Courtney: You've named the puppy.

View Quote Christina: I did come to your wedding because I wanted to see you again. Because the feeling is mutual, and you'd better be a really good kisser. [Christina and Peter kiss.] Wow. That was weak.
Peter: Weak?
Christina: It's okay. You can try again.

View Quote Don't you know that when you sleep with someone, your body makes a promise whether you do or not!

View Quote What's happiness to you, David?

View Quote We had sex four times. Four times! I swallowed your ****, it means something!

View Quote Don't stand in the way of my actualization as a man.

View Quote Help! He's locking me in a cage!

View Quote Lotte: For the first time, everything just felt right.
Craig: It's just a phase. It's the thrill of seeing through somebody else's eyes.

View Quote Jenny: [about Bill] When I was twelve years old, my mother was dead, and I was livin' in a doorway. He took me in. Took care of me, in his way. After they cut out the baby... well, he doesn't fancy girls that's scarred up. But you might as well know in your own mind that he never laid a hand on me until I asked him to.

View Quote Amsterdam: Is there anyone in the five points you haven't ****?
Jenny: Yes! You!

View Quote Bill: [after foiling Amsterdam's attempt to kill him] I want you all to meet the son of Priest Vallon. I took him under my wing and see how I'm repaid. He saved my life one day so he could kill me the next like a sneak thief, instead of fighting like a man. A base defiler, unworthy of a noble name. [pulls the knife out of Amsterdam's chest]
Amsterdam: Oh, God! Jesus!
[Bill hits him in the face. Amsterdam falls to the floor and McGloin begins to search him for hidden weapons]
Bill: That'll do, McGloin. Spread him out.
[Amsterdam is spread out on a table. Bill climbs on it with cleaver in his hand]
Bill: This is fresh meat! You know what I mean? [drives a cleaver into the table] We need to tenderize this meat a bit. Alright, lets kiss goodnight to that pretty face of yours!
[Bill leans down and actually tries to kiss Amsterdam, who spits in his face. In response, Bill screams furiously and headbutts Amsterdam several times]
Jenny: No!
Bill: [stands up and grabs the cleaver] What'll it be then? Rib or chop? Loin or shank? [throws the cleaver up in the air; the cleaver is shown going up, and then falling, in slow motion, and eventually hits the table right next to Amsterdam's head]
Crowd: The liver! The spleen! The kidney! The lung! The liver! The tongue! The heart! The heart!
Bill: The heart? This boy has no heart.
Crowd: Then kill him!
Bill: He ain't earned a death! He ain't earned a death at my hands! He'll walk amongst you marked with shame. A freak! Worthy of Barnum's museum of wonders. God's only man, spared by the Butcher. [grabs a red-hot knife and burns a mark on Amsterdam's cheek]

View Quote Julianne: Well, he's sort of wondering why you haven't told your parents that the wedding's off.
Kimmy: Well, I'm still hoping for a miracle, I suppose. I mean, how could he think that my father and I would do such a thing?
Julianne: Only a minor insight, you understand. Maybe Michael couldn't commit to this marriage so he created a delusion, produced an unconscious, psychosomatic manifestation of... I'm better with food. Okay, you're Michael, you're in a fancy french restaurant, you order... creme brulee for dessert, it's beautiful, it's sweet, it's irritatingly perfect. Suddenly, Michael realizes he doesn't want creme brulee, he wants something else.
Kimmy: What does he want?
Julianne: Jello.
Kimmy: Jello?! Why does he want jello?
Julianne: Because he's comfortable with jello, jello makes him... comfortable. I realize, compared to creme brulee it's... jello, but maybe that's what he needs.
Kimmy: I could be jello.
Julianne: No! Creme brulee can never be jello, you could never be jello.
Kimmy: I have to be jello.
Julianne: You're never gonna be jello. Now you have to come clean with your parents, because if you're waiting for that "Do you take this man" part, it's considered poor form.

View Quote Kimmy: Right off, I have this monstrous favor to ask you.
Julianne: Excuse me?
Kimmy: My best friend Angelique shattered her pelvis line-dancing in Abeline over Spring Break. Be my maid of honor.
Julianne: What? Um, shouldn't you, uh, vote a bridesmaid, or, uh, someone you've known at least 45 minutes?
Kimmy: My bridemaids are my only two female relatives under the age of 40, debutante sisters from Nashville, who are basically vengeful sluts. Oh, my exit! [swerves car across road] So this means I have four days to make you my new best friend. It's time for you to force yourself to get personal!

View Quote Kimmy: I can tell you this now, but I was very worried about you.
Julianne: About me?
Kimmy: Yeah, I mean, all those stories that Michael told me were hilarious. But, I mean, all those broken relationships, all those men, it must have hurt going through so many guys and never finding the right one.
George: Hurt? She couldn't sit down for seven years, until she met teensy-weensy little me.
Kimmy: And all the while, the man of your dreams was right in front of you. [Julianne stares at Michael]
George: She's talking about me.