George
Who called? The man of the moment?
Julianne Potter
No, the opposite, my Michael. Michael O'Neal. Sounds desperate to talk to me.
George
Oh, the wandering sports writer. Remind me about that one.
Julianne
Sophomore year at Brown, we had this one hot month. But, of course, you know me, I got restless. So, I get up the nerve to break his heart and he gives me this look, and then he says, "the thing that makes me wanna cry is, I'm losing the best friend I ever had." And at that moment, I knew, I felt the same way. So, I cried, for maybe the third time in my life, kissed him and we've been best friends ever since. We've seen each other through everything, losing jobs, losing parents, losing lovers. We've travelled all over. The best times of my life, drinking and talking, even if it's just over the phone.
George
God. This is so moving. Kindred spirits, eh?
Julianne
He's nothing like me, he's like you actually, only straight... I remember this one night in Tucson, like, six years ago, where he takes a razor out of this tiny little dop kit, cut's his finger, takes my hand, does the same to me.
George
I'm gonna be sick.
Julianne
He says "swear, if we're 28, if we've never married, we'll marry each other". We never talked about it again. I don't know what made me think of that.
George
You're about to be 28 in three weeks, right? How old's he?
Julianne
You think?
George
Desperate, to talk.
George
Listen, Jules, why don't we just stop and have a drink, and you take a later flight.
Julianne
No, no, no. I'm a busy girl. I've got exactly four days to break up a wedding, steal the bride's fella, and I haven't one clue how to do it.
Julianne
He adored me for nine goddamn years. Me!
George
I can see why.
Julianne
She has known him for what, like, five seconds? Okay? Plus, she's got billions of dollars, plus, she's apparently perfect. Okay? So, don't go feeling all-all sorry for Miss Pre-teen Illinois... I can't lose him George. I'm gonna bring him back.
Julianne
In the beginning it was mostly this prior claim, he belonged to me. But now, when I'm with him, he's just so wonderful. How come I never knew that when I could have had him?
George
It's amazing, the clarity that comes with psychotic jealousy.
Kimmy
I can tell you this now, but I was very worried about you.
Julianne
About me?
Kimmy
Yeah, I mean, all those stories that Michael told me were hilarious. But, I mean, all those broken relationships, all those men, it must have hurt going through so many guys and never finding the right one.
George
Hurt? She couldn't sit down for seven years, until she met teensy-weensy little me.
Kimmy
And all the while, the man of your dreams was right in front of you. [Julianne stares at Michael]
George
She's talking about me.
George
Look, tell him you love him, bite the bullet.
Julianne
George. What will he do?
George
He'll choose Kim, you'll stand beside her at the wedding, kiss him goodbye, and go home. That's what you came here to do, so do it.
Julianne
[on phone]
It is not going well! This is what comes of telling the truth! Or even part of it. You know, getting what you deserve isn't fair!
George
[on phone]
Where are you?
Julianne
[on phone]
I have stolen a bread van and I am chasing Michael down Michigan Avenue. George, this is all your fault! I-I-I told him the truth, I said that I loved him and I kissed him and this is what's happened.
George
[on phone]
Jules, a question. When you kissed Michael, did he kiss you back?
Julianne
[on phone]
What do you mean? We were lip-to-lip!
George
[on phone]
I mean, was there anything on the other side of that kiss that leads you to believe that this chase will end happily?
Julianne
[on phone]
That's beside the point, we were interrupted.
George
[on phone]
Who interrupted you?
Julianne
[on phone]
Kimmy! She ruined everything, and Michael started chasing her before he could answer me!
George
[on phone]
Michael's chasing Kimmy?
Julianne
[on phone]
Yes!
George
[on phone]
You're chasing Michael?
Julianne
[on phone]
Yes!
George
[on phone]
Who's chasing you? Nobody. Get it! There's your answer. Kimmy.
Julianne
[on phone]
No!
George
[on phone]
Yes. Jules, you are not the one! Now, for God's sake, the wedding is at 6pm, you have a small, but distinct, window of opportunity to do the right thing. [hangs up]
George
[on phone]
Hey gorgeous, having a good time?
Julianne
[on phone]
Not particularly. But, I did what I came to do.
George
[on phone]
What, you split them up?
Julianne
[on phone]
No, I said goodbye.
George
[on phone]
Good girl. I'm proud of you. I'd be prouder still if you were dancing.
Julianne
[on phone]
I have big plans for dancing, just give me 30, 35 years.
George
[on phone]
Oh, the misery, the exquisite tragedy, the Susan Haywood of it all. I can just picture you there, sitting alone at your table in your lavender gown.
Julianne
[on phone]
Did I tell you my gown was lavender?
George
[on phone]
Hair swept up, haven't touched your cake, probably drumming your fingernails on the white linen tablecloth. The way you do when you're really feeling down. [she stop drumming her fingers and looks at her hand] Perhaps even looking at those fingernails and thinking, 'God, I should have stopped in all my evil plotting to have that manicure', it's too late now.
Julianne
[on phone]
George... I didn't tell you my dress was lavender.
...
George
[on phone]
Has God heard your little prayer? Will Cinderella dance again? And then... suddenly, the crowds part. And there he is, sleek, stylish, radiant with charisma. Bizarrely, he's on the telephone. But then, so are you. And he comes towards you... the moves of a jungle cat. And although you, quite correctly, sense that he is... gay, like most devastating handsome single men of his age are, you think, what the hell, life goes on. Maybe there won't be marriage, maybe there won't be sex, but, by God, there'll be dancing.
