...and then I ate some rotten berries. Man, I had some strong gases eatin' outta my butt that day!
Donkey
Eddie Murphy · 66 quotes
Shrek
Mike Myers · 62 quotes
Princess Fiona
18 quotes
Lord Farquaad
John Lithgow · 12 quotes
Fiona
Cameron Diaz · 5 quotes
DVD Menu
2 quotes
Most scenes together: Shrek & Donkey (35), Donkey & Princess Fiona (13), Shrek & Princess Fiona (11)
Shrek quotes
Page 1 of 8
Big Bad Wolf
What?
So where is this fire-breathin' pain in the neck, anyway?
In the tower, waiting for us to rescue her.
I was talkin' about the dragon, Shrek.
Whoa! Look at that! Who'd wanna live in a place like that?
That would be my home.
Oh, and it is LOVELY! Just BEAUTIFUL! You know, you're really quite a decorator. It's amazing what you've done with such a modest budget! [looks at boulder] I like that boulder. That is a NICE boulder.
[eyeing the KEEP OUT signs surrounding Shrek's home]
I guess you don't, uh... entertain much, do you?
I like my privacy.
Y'know, I do too! That's another thing we have in common. Like I hate it when you've got someone in your face, you try to give 'em a hint, they won't leave, and then there's that big awkward silence, you know...
What?
Can I stay with you... please?
Really?
No.
PLEASE, I don't wanna go back there, you don't know what it's like to be considered a freak! [slight pause] Well, maybe you do. But that's why we gotta stick together! You gotta let me stay!
[eyes the DANGER KEEP OUT signs surrounding Shrek's home]
I guess you don't, uh, entertain much, do you?
I like my privacy.
You know, I do too! That's another thing we have in common. Like, I hate it when you've got someone in your face, you try to give 'em a hint, they won't leave, and then there's that big awkward silence, you know... [silence ensues] ...Can I stay with you?
Uh, what?
Can I stay with you... please?
Of course!
Really? Should I go inside?
No.
Please! I don't wanna go back there! You don't know what it's like to be considered a think! [slight pauses out; Shrek gives Donkey a look] Well, maybe you do. But that's why we gotta stick together! You gotta let me stay outside! Please, please!
Okay! Okay. Then stay outside. But one night only.
Ah, thank you! [Shrek opens his door, Donkey charges into the hovel]
Whoa! What are you...?? No, no, no!
This is gonna be fun. We can stay up late, swappin' manly stories, and in the mornin', [pauses for a few seconds] I'm makin' waffles!
Ohh!!
Where do, uh, I sleep?
OUTSIDE!!
Oh... well, I guess that's cool. I mean, I don't know, and you don't know that, so I guess I need to stay outside to do my best, you know. [sniffs] Here I go. Gd'night. [sighs; Shrek shuts the door closed] I mean, I do like the outdoors. I'm a donkey. I was born outside. I'll just be sitting by myself outside, I guess, you know. Sit by myself, outside. [singing] I'm all alone; there's no one here beside me.
Hi, princess!
It TALKS!
Yeah, but it's getting him to SHUT UP that's the trick!
So, you gotta go to this abandoned castle, get past a dragon and rescue a princess so Farquaad gives you back your swamp, which you only don't have because he filled it full of freaks in the first place, is that right?
You know, maybe there's a good reason donkeys shouldn't talk.
This is gonna be fun. We can stay up late, swappin' manly stories and in the morning, I'm making WAFFLES. [pause] Umm, where do I sleep?
OUTSIDE!
You love this woman, don't ya?
Yes.
You wanna HOLD her?
Yes!
PLEASE her?!
YES!
Shrek?! Oh my word! YOU ATE THE PRINCESS!
But how will you kiss me?
What? That wasn't in the job description!
Maybe it's a perk!
You didn't slay the dragon?!
It's on my to-do list. Now come on!
But this isn't right! You're meant to charge in, sword drawn, banner flying... That's what all the other knights did!
Guard #1
All right. This one's full. Take it away!
Dwarfs
He ho hi he, dwarf prisoners are we... He ho hi he, dwarf prisoners are we.
Guard #2
Move it along. Come on.
Captain of the Guard
[his first words]
Next! [Guard grabs her broom]
Guard #2
Give me that! Your flying days are over.
Captain of the Guard
That's 20 pieces of silver for the Witch. Next!
Guard
Come on!
Villager
20 pieces. [As the villager passes out]
Guard #1
[to Guard #2]
Sit down there!
Guard #2
[to Guard #1]
Keep quiet!
Guard #1
[to Guard #2]
You keep quiet!
Baby Bear
[sadly]
This cage is too small.
[Donkey turns around to The Old Lady holds his rope]
Please don't turn me in. I'll never be stubborn again. I can change. Please! Give me another chance!
Old Lady
Oh, shut up.
Oh!
Captain of the Guard
Next! [Geppetto steps forward and places Pinocchio down on the table] What have you got?
Geppetto
This little wooden puppet.
Pinocchio
I'm not a puppet, I'm a real boy!
Captain of the Guard
[The puppet's nose lengthens]
5 shillings for the possessed toy. Take him away.
Pinocchio
Father, please! Don't let them do this! Help me!
Captain of the Guard
Next! What've you got? [The Old Lady drags the stubborn Donkey up to the table]
Old Lady
Well, I've got a talking donkey.
Captain of the Guard
[looks up from his ledger]
Right. Well, that's good for ten shillings, if you can prove it.
Old Lady
[Donkey swallows hard and looks at The Old Lady. The Old Lady unties the rope on his Donkey.]
Oh, go ahead, little fella. [Donkey looks at the Old Lady, then to the Captain. The Captain looks back at Donkey and lifts an eyebrow]
Captain of the Guard
[annoyed]
Well? [Donkey looks back at the Captain and says nothing. The Old Lady starts to sweat.]
Old Lady
Oh, oh, he's just... He's just a little nervous. He's really quite a chatterbox. Talk, you boneheaded dolt...
Captain of the Guard
That's it. I've heard enough. Guards!
Old Lady
[moves Donkey's lips]
No, no, he talks! He does. I can talk. I love to talk! I'm the talkin'est dang thing you ever saw.
Captain of the Guard
[annoyed]
Get her outta my sight. [The guards advance on The Old Lady and takes her off screaming]
Old Lady
No, no! I swear! Oh! He can talk!
[As she struggles, the Old Lady accidentally kicks the caged pixie from the boy's hand. The cage goes flying through the air. It lands on Donkey's head, exploding pixie dust all over him. Making Donkey shocked.]
Hey, I can fly!
Peter Pan
He can fly!
3 Pigs
He can fly!
Captain of the Guard
HE CAN TALK!
Ha, ha! That's right, Idiot! Now I'm a flying, talking donkey. You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a super fly, but I bet you ain't never seen a donkey fly. Ha, ha! [The pixie dust begins to wear off] Uh-oh. [Donkey falls down on the ground]
Captain of the Guard
Seize him! After him! He's getting away!
Run, run, run, as you fast as you can; you can't catch me, I'm the Gingerbread Man!
Gingy
You're a monster.
I'm not the monster here, you are. You and the rest of that fairy tale trash, poisoning my perfect world. Now tell me! Where are the others?
Gingy
Eat me! [spits]
[grunts]
I've tried to be fair with you creatures, but now my patience has reached its end! TELL ME, OR I'LL ---
Gingy
No, not the buttons! Not my gumdrop buttons!
All right, then, who's hiding them?!
Gingy
Okay, I'll tell you. Do you know the muffin man?
The muffin man?
Gingy
The muffin man.
Yes, I know the muffin man. W-Who lives down Drury Lane?
Gingy
Well, she's married to the muffin man...
The muffin man?
Gingy
The muffin man!
She's married to the muffin man...