Well that's not very nice. [looks at Donkey] It's just a donkey.
Donkey
Eddie Murphy · 66 quotes
Shrek
Mike Myers · 62 quotes
Princess Fiona
18 quotes
Lord Farquaad
John Lithgow · 12 quotes
Fiona
Cameron Diaz · 5 quotes
DVD Menu
2 quotes
Most scenes together: Shrek & Donkey (35), Donkey & Princess Fiona (13), Shrek & Princess Fiona (11)
Shrek quotes
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Monsieur Hood
Please, monster! Can't you see I'm a little busy?
Old Lady
No no no! He talks!...He does! (Moves Donkey's lips) I can talk! I love to talk! I'm the talkingest dang thing you ever saw!
Captain
Get her out of my sight!
Peter Pan
He can fly!
Pinocchio
There's no special features here.
Don’t you see, Donkey? That’s just how it has to be. It’s the only way to break the spell.
You at least gotta tell Shrek the truth.
No! You can’t breathe a word. No one must ever know.
What’s the point of being able to talk if you gotta keep secrets?
Promise you won’t tell. Promise!
All right, all right. I won’t tell him. But you should. [goes outside] I just know before this is over, I’m gonna need a whole lot of serious therapy. Look at my eye twitchin’.
[Fiona comes out the door and watches him walk away. She looks down and spots the sunflower. She picks it up before going back inside the windmill.]
I have to be rescued by my true love. Not by some ogre, and... and his pet!
Well, so much for "noble steed"!
Puppets at the Information Center
[Singing]
Welcome to DuLoc, such a perfect town
Here we have some rules, let us lay them down
Don't make waves, stay in line
And we'll get along fine
DuLoc is a perfect place
Please keep off of the grass
Shine your shoes, wipe your... face!
DuLoc is, DuLoc is, DuLoc is a perfect... place! [camera flash]
Let's do that again!!
Go over there and see if you can find any stairs.
Stairs? I thought we was lookin' for the Princess.
The Princess will be up the stairs in the highest room in the tallest tower.
How do you know that?
I read it in a book once.
Oh, I'll tell you why. (singing) Cos I'm all alone; there's no one here beside me! My problems have all come; there's no one to deride meeeeee! Butcha gotta have FRIENDS--
STOP! SINGING! Well it's no wonder you don't have any friends!
Wow! Only a true friend would be that truly honest.
[first lines; narrates his storybook]
Once upon a time, there was a lovely princess. But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort, which could only be broken by love's first kiss. She was locked away in a castle guarded by a terrible fire-breathing dragon. Many brave knights had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison, but none prevailed. She waited in the dragon's keep, in the highest room of the tallest tower, for her true love and true love's first kiss. [laughs] Like that's ever gonna happen! What a load of...
[We see an outhouse and hear the sound of a toilet flushing. Steve Harwell music playing a song All Star. Out steps Shrek, an ogre, who tugs at his underwear and shakes his foot off the page, still stuck to his shoe. He looks lovingly at the swamp he calls home and goes about his daily routine, which is taking a mud shower, brushing his teeth with bugs, bathing in a muddy pond, gathering giant slugs for dinner, and painting a warning sign.]
Shrek.
[to congregation as he reaches the front of the Church]
Hi, everyone. Havin’ a good time, are ya? I love DuLoc, first of all. Very clean.
What are you doing here?
Really, it’s rude enough being alive when no one wants you, but showing up uninvited to a wedding!
Fiona! I need to talk to you.
Oh, now you wanna talk? Well, it’s a little late for that, so if you’ll excuse me--
But you can’t marry him.
And why not?
Because-- Because he’s just marrying you so he can be king.
Outrageous! Fiona, don’t mind me.
He’s not your true love.
And what do you know about true love?
Well, I...Uh...I mean...
Oh, this is precious. The ogre has fallen in love with the princess! Oh, good Lord. [laughs]
[The prompter card men holds up a card that says ‘Laugh’. The whole congregation laughs.]
An ogre and a princess!
Shrek, is this true?
Who cares?! It’s preposterous! Fiona, my love, we’re about a kiss away from your "happily ever after." Now kiss me! [puckers his lips and leans toward her, but she pulls back.]
[looking at the setting sun]
"By night one way, by day another." [to Shrek] I wanted to show you before.
[She backs up, and as the sun sets, she changes into her ogre self. She gives Shrek a sheepish smile.]
Well, uh, that explains a lot.
[Fiona smiles.] [Suddenly, Farquaad takes his revenge on Shrek and Fiona.]
Ugh! It’s DISGUSTING!!!! GUARDS!!!! GUARDS!!!! I ORDER YOU TO GET THAT OUT OF MY SIGHT!!!! NOW!!!! GET THEM!!!! GET THEM BOTH!!!!
[The guards run in and steal Fiona and Shrek from everyone. Shrek stops them.]
NO, NO! SHREK!
THIS HOCUS-POCUS ALTERS NOTHING!!!! THIS MARRIAGE IS BINDING, AND THAT MAKE ME KING!!!! SEE?!!? SEE?!!?
No, let go of me! Shrek!
No!
DON’T JUST STAND THERE, YOU MORONS!!!!
Get out of my way! Fiona! Arrgh!
I’LL MAKE YOU REGRET THE DAY WE MET!!!! I’LL SEE YOU DRAWN AND QUARTERED!!! YOU’LL BEG FOR DEATH TO SAVE YOU!!!!
No, Shrek!
Fiona!
I’LL HAVE YOU LOCKED BACK IN THAT TOWER FOR THE REST OF YOUR DAYS!!!! I AM KING!!!!
[Shrek manages to get a hand free and he whistles.]
I WILL HAVE ORDER!!!! I WILL HAVE PERFECTION!!!! I WILL HAVE--
All right. Nobody move. I got a dragon here, and I’m not afraid to use it. [The dragon roars.] I’M A DONKEY ON THE EDGE!!!
[The dragon belches and Farquaad’s crown flies out of her mouth and falls to the ground.]
Celebrity marriages. They never last, do they? [as the congregation cheers.] Go ahead, Shrek.
Uh, Fiona?
Yes, Shrek?
I...I love you.
Really?
Really, really.
Congregation
[Shrek and Fiona kiss. Thelonius takes one of the cards and writes ‘Awwww’ on the back and then shows it to the congregation.]
Aawww!
Whispers
[At last, the magic of the spell pulls Fiona away. She’s lifted into the air, and she hovers there while the magic works around her.]
"Until you find true love’s first kiss and then take love’s true form. Take love’s true form. Take love’s true form."
[Suddenly Fiona’s eyes open wide. She’s consumed by the spell and then is slowly lowered to the ground.] [going over to her]
Fiona? Fiona. Are you all right?
[standing up, she’s still]
Well, yes. But I don’t understand. I’m supposed to be beautiful.
But you are beautiful.
[They smile at each other.]
I was hoping this would be a happy ending.
[Shrek and Fiona kiss…and the kiss fades into their wedding kiss.]
For your information, there's a lot more to ogres than people think.
Example?
Example? Okay, er... ogres... are... like onions.
Yes...NO!
Or they make you cry.
No!
Oh, you leave them out in the sun and they turn brown and start sproutin' little white hairs.
NO! LAYERS! Onions have layers. OGRES have layers. Onions have layers... you get it. We both have layers.
Oh, you both have layers. [pause] You know, not everybody likes onions. [pause] CAKES! Everybody loves cakes! Cakes have layers!
You know what else everybody likes? Parfaits. Have you ever met a person, you say, "Let's get some parfait," they say, "Heck no, I don't like no parfait"? Parfaits are delicious.
NOOO!!! YOU DENSE, IRRITATING, MINIATURE BEAST OF BURDEN! Ogres are like onions! End of story! Bye bye! [whispers] See you later!
You know... I think I preferred you humming...
Hi everybody, and welcome to the Shrek in the Swamp Karaoke Dance Party. [turns on the radio] I'm gonna take things down a little bit with one of my personal favorites. (sings "The Way You Are")
Ow! Not good!
Okay. Okay. I can nearly see the head. [Shrek grunts as she pulls] It’s just about...
Ow! Ohh! [he jerks and manages to fall over with Fiona on top of him]
Ahem.
Look, if you wanted to be alone, all you had to do was ask. Okay?
Oh, come on! That’s the last thing on my mind. The princess here was just-- [Fiona pulls the arrow out] Ugh! [he turns to look at Fiona, who holds up the arrow with a smile] Ow!
Hey, what’s that? [nervous chuckle] That’s-- Is that blood? [faints]
[Shrek walks over and picks him up as they continue on their way.] [Eels: "My Beloved Monster"] [There is a montage of scenes as the group heads back to DuLoc. Shrek crawling up to the top of a tree to make it fall over a small brook so that Fiona won’t get wet. Shrek then gets up as Donkey is just about to cross the tree, and the tree swings back into its upright position and Donkey flies off. Shrek is swatting at a bunch of flies and mosquitoes. Fiona grabs a nearby spiderweb that’s on a tree branch and runs through the field, swinging it around to catch the bugs. She then hands it to Shrek, who begins eating like cotton candy. Shrek catches a toad and blowing it up like a balloon and presents it to Fiona. Fiona catching a snake, blowing it up, fashioning it into a balloon animal and presenting it to Shrek. The group arriving at a windmill that is near DuLoc.]
EELS
[singing]
My beloved monster and me We go everywhere together Wearin' a raincoat that has four sleeves Get us through all kinds of weather
Aah!
EELS
[singing]
She will always be the only thing That comes between me and the awful sting That comes from living in a world that’s so damn mean [croaks] Oh, oh-oh-oh-oh
Hey!
EELS
[singing]
La-la, la-la, la-la-la-la [both laughing] La-la, la-la, la-la