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Being John Malkovich

Being John Malkovich quotes

26 total quotes

Charlie Sheen
Craig Schwartz
John Malkovich
Lotte Schwartz
Maxine Lund
Multiple Characters


View Quote Dr. Lester: Forever doomed to watch the world through someone else's eyes.
View Quote Craig: There's a tiny door in that empty office. It's a portal, Maxine. It takes you inside John Malkovich. You see the world through John Malkovich's eyes, then, after about fifteen minutes, you're spit out into a ditch on the side of The New Jersey Turnpike.
Maxine: Sounds delightful. Who the **** is John Malkovich?
Craig: He's an actor. One of the great American actors of the 20th century.
Maxine: What's he been in?
Craig: Lots of things. He's very well respected. That jewel thief movie, for example. The point is that this is a very odd thing, supernatural, for lack of a better word. It raises all sorts of philosophical questions about the nature of self, about the existence of the soul. Am I me? Is Malkovich Malkovich? Was the Buddha right, is duality an illusion? Do you see what a can of worms this portal is? I don't think I can go on living my life as I have lived it. There's only one thing to do. Let's get married right away.
View Quote Dr. Lester: Ah, tell me Lotte, can you understand a word I'm saying?!
Lottie: Oh yes, Dr. Lester, absolutely. You were just explaining the, um, nutritional value of ingesting minerals through a colloidal form, which I personally couldn't agree more with.
Dr. Lester: Oh, be still my heart!
View Quote Dr. Lester: Any questions?
Craig: Well, just one. Why are these ceilings so low?
Dr. Lester: Low overhead my boy! We pass the savings onto you! Hahaha!
View Quote Dr. Lester: Floris! Get Guinness on the phone!
Floris: Ah, yes sir, Genghis Kahn Capone. Fine.
Dr. Lester: Damn fine woman, Floris. I don't know how she puts up with this speech impediment of mine.
View Quote John M.: I have been to the dark side and back! I have seen a world that no man should see!
Craig: Really? For most people, it's a rather pleasant experience.
View Quote John M.: The...this...the weird thing is this Maxine likes to call me Lottie.
Charlie Sheen: Ouch! That is hot! Maybe she's using you to channel some dead lesbian lover...Sounds like my kind of gal! Let me know when you're done with her, yeah?
John M.: What are you talking about, done with her? Tonight really freaked me out!
View Quote Lotte: For the first time, everything just felt right.
Craig: It's just a phase. It's the thrill of seeing through somebody else's eyes.
View Quote Lotte: You are so full of shit Maxine!
Maxine: I know.
View Quote Maxine: So I've been thinking...Is this Malkovich fellow appealing?
Craig: Maxine! Yes, of course, Maxine. He's a celebrity.
Maxine: Good. We'll sell tickets!
Craig: Tickets to Malkovich?
Maxine: Exactly! $200 a pop!
View Quote Behind the stubble and the too-prominent brow and the male-pattern baldness... I sensed your feminine longing. And it just slew me.
View Quote Do you have any idea what it's like to have two people look at you, with total lust and devotion, through the same pair of eyes?
View Quote Do you see what a metaphysical can of worms this portal is?
View Quote Don't stand in the way of my actualization as a man.
View Quote Help! He's locking me in a cage!