"Listen Artie, eh, if you think this whole mad scene ain't dope, I feel you dude. I mean, I'm not trying to get all up in your grill, raise your roof or whatever."
Shrek
Mike Myers · 29 quotes
Donkey
Eddie Murphy · 19 quotes
Puss in Boots
Antonio Banderas · 11 quotes
Prince Charming
Rupert Everett · 9 quotes
Fiona
Cameron Diaz · 8 quotes
Artie
Justin Timberlake · 7 quotes
Captain Hook
Ian McShane · 5 quotes
Pinocchio
Cody Cameron · 5 quotes
Cinderella
Amy Sedaris · 4 quotes
Rapunzel
Maya Rudolph · 4 quotes
Snow White
Amy Poehler · 4 quotes
Doris
Larry King · 3 quotes
Gingy
3 quotes
Sleeping Beauty
Cheri Oteri · 3 quotes
Arthur
2 quotes
Most scenes together: Shrek & Donkey (10), Donkey & Puss in Boots (9), Shrek & Puss in Boots (8)
Shrek the Third quotes
Page 1 of 4(after Shrek tries to talk to him with cliched teenager lingo)
HELP! I'VE BEEN KIDNAPPED BY A MONSTER WHO'S TRYING TO RELATE TO ME!
Avast, ye cookie. Start talking.
Everybody keep calm...WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!! (before getting slapped by Doris)
Students and Teacher
(chanting)
Eat him eat him...
I'm not here to eat him!
Students and Teacher
Aww...
It's time for toothbrush and jammies. You're the new king of far far away.
What?
[jumping and leaping onto the stage]
Who really thinks we need to settle things this way? [all the villains raise their hands] You're telling me you just want to be villains your whole lives?
But we are villains. It's the only thing we know.
Didn't you ever wish you could be something else?
Evil Tree Steve
Well, it's easy for you to say. You're not some evil enchanted tree.
You morons! Don't listen to him! Attack them!
Evil Tree Ed
[covering Charming's mouth]
What Steve's trying to say here is that it's hard to come by honest work when the whole world's against you.
Evil Tree Steve
Right. Thanks, Ed.
Okay, fair enough. You're right. I'm not a talking tree. But you know, a good friend of mine once told me... that just because people treat you like a villain, or an ogre, or just some loser, it doesn't mean you are one. [Shrek smiles] The thing that matters most is what you think of yourself. If there's something you really want or someone you really want to be, then the only person standing in your way... is you.
Rumpelstiltskin
Me?
Guard
Get him, lads!
No, no, no, no! W-what I mean is, each of you is standing in your own way.
Villains
[realizing]
Ah/Oh.
Headless Horseman
[sniffled]
I've always wanted to play the flute.
Evil Queen
I'd like to open up a spa… in France!
I grow daffodils, and they're beautiful. [smiles, looks thoughtfully at his sword, and throws it down]
[The pirates throw theirs down, followed by the witches and Evil Knights. The evil knight, who's holding Pinocchio, is thinking about it when Pinocchio reaches over and takes the axe from him. The weapons pile up in the middle of the stage. Everyone else cheers and starts to mingle, introducing themselves and shaking hands. Gingy high-fives with an Evil Knight. Fiona is untied. Mabel walks up to Doris and lightly punches her on the jaw. Doris returns the sign of affection by punching Mabel in the jaw, but a bit too hard, sending her falling to the ground. Suddenly, Charming frees himself from the Evil Tree and charges at them. He grabs a sword from the discard pile and raises it, aiming for Artie. Despite his fear, Artie stands his ground bravely. Just as Charming charges, Shrek steps in front of Artie and gets impaled by the sword, collapsing to the floor and groaning in pain.]
[beliving he killed Shrek; laughs evilly, and turn to the audience]
A new era finally begins! [the audience cowers, but Shrek looks up smiling and nods at Fiona and Artie] Now, all of you, bow before your king!
[rises up behind Charming, and clears his throat, which started Charming in shock]
You need to work on your aim. [takes the sword out of his armpit, and holds up Charming in the air]
Well, I guess you need to keep looking... [looks at Fiona lovingly, then back at Charming] 'cause I'm not giving up mine. [throws Charming on the stage and whistles the signal]
[Dragon pushes the tower with her tail] [looking up; also last words before his death]
Mommy?
[The tower crushes Charming, killing him.]
Don't you know who he thinks he is? How dare you!
Donkey, we're dealing with amateurs.
He's a star, people! Hello?! I'm Sorry about this, Mr. Shrek.
I'm gonna lose it! [continues trying to keep his cool]
I assume you have everything ready for tonight? You did get the list for the dressing room?
Yeah, the breakfast croissants stuffed with seared sashimi tuna. [aggravated] Oh, and please tell me you at least got the saffron corn with jalapeño honey butter. Because our client cannot get into his properly emotional state without his jalapeño HONEY BUTTER!!!!
I just lost it.
Guard
[Puss turns eyes at Shrek even more aggravated]
Maybe we should talk to Nancy in Human Resources.
Oh, we will have much to say to Nancy, I promise!
This is lame.
Merlin
[whacks him]
You're lame.
(looming over a young boy threateningly with his hook)
Well, well, well. If it isn't Peter Pan!
Boy's Mother
His name's not Peter!
Shut it, Wendy.
Alright, people, let's do this thing. Go Team Dynamite!
But I thought we agreed we'd go by the name Team Super-cool.
Gingerbread Man
As I recall, it was Team Awesome.
Wolf
I voted for Team Alpha Wolf Squadron.
All right, all right, all right! From henceforth, we're all to be known as Team Alpha Super Awesome Cool Dynamite Wolf Squadron.
We went to high school, the boat crashed, and we've got Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Booped by the magic man!
You poor sweet things.
The cat turned into a little horse that smells like feet. What's to get?
I think that went pretty well. [Shrek: Donkey!] Come on now, Shrek!
Harold
I'm dying. [coughing] Don't forget to pay the gardener, Lillian.
Lillian
Of course, darling.
Harold
Fiona.
Yes, Daddy?
Harold
His name is Arthur. [Shrek: Arthur?] [coughing] I know, you'll do what's [exhaling] right-- [sick immediately]
[lilypond snaps]
Worcester-shiree? Now, that sounds fancy!
It's "Worcestershire".
Like the sauce? Mmm. It's spicy!
I know he's a jerk and everything but I gotta admit that Charming makes me hotter than July.
Sleeping Beauty and Rapunzel
Ewwwww!