Donkey (singing to Shrek and Fiona)
: Good morning...good morning...to you and you and yooooou.
2nd most-quoted character in Shrek the Third (2007): in 19 of its 55 quotes
Most scenes with: Shrek (10), Puss in Boots (9), Fiona (4)
: AAAAH!! You know, you really need to get yourselves a pair of jammies.
More lines from Donkey
4 quotes Donkey Donkey (after seeing the villains, with Captain Hook on a piano)
: Look out! They got a piano!
Donkey (at the end of Shrek's dream sequence, with an ogre baby head)
: Dada.
Donkey How in the Hans Christen Andersen am I supposed to parade around in these goofy boots?!
Scenes with Donkey
14 scenes
Puss in Boots (Donkey)
Oh, man. I haven't been on a trip like that since college.
Donkey?
Puss in Boots (Donkey)
What? I got something in my teeth? Huh!? What the... Oh n-no! I've been abracadabra-ed into a fancy-feasting, second-rate sidekick!
Donkey (Puss in Boots)
Oh, at least you don't look like some kind of a bloated roadside piñata! You should really go on a diet!
Donkey I think that went pretty well. [Shrek: Donkey!] Come on now, Shrek!
Harold
I'm dying. [coughing] Don't forget to pay the gardener, Lillian.
Lillian
Of course, darling.
Harold
Fiona.
Yes, Daddy?
Harold
His name is Arthur. [Shrek: Arthur?] [coughing] I know, you'll do what's [exhaling] right-- [sick immediately]
[lilypond snaps]
[First lines; the movie begins with a familiar beam of light shining down. This beam of light descends onto a stage. Lightning flashes, revealing Prince Charming riding his valiant steed, Chauncey, across the open plains. The Wind whips Prince Charming's just-washed and clean with shampoo and conditioner, majestic, glorious, flowing, marvellous, gorgeous, beautiful, wavy, smooth, soft and ricocheting neck-length blond hair around his face.]
Onward, Chauncey! To the highest room of the tallest tower, where my princess awaits rescue from her handsome Prince Charming! [Lightning cracks. Thunder booms. Charming straddles a wooden hobby horse and gallops in place. A stagehand uses a bellow to blow air into Prince Charming's face and hair. Another stagehand turns a crank that creates the background music. In the orchestra, a man uses coconuts to create the sound effects of a galloping horse. Two more stagehands backstage create the cheap sound effects of thunder and lightning. A crudely constructed castle tower sits in front of a cheaply painted backdrop. The Fairytale Creatures are sitting at a table in the audience.]
This is worse than "Love Letters". I hate dinner theater!
Me, too. [his nose grows]
[rides to the base of the tower]
Whoa there, Chauncey! [dismounts and sets his hobby horse on the ground, and strikes a dramatic pose]
Actress [as the princess, leaning from the tower window]
Hark! The brave Prince Charming approacheth.
[puffing his chest out]
Fear not, fair maiden. I shall slay the monster that guards you, then take my place as rightful king. [An old couple at a table look confused]
Old Lady [to the old man]
What did she say? [Prince Charming glares as the bored audience largely ignores him. A man dressed in a prince costume comes onstage. The whole crowd erupts into applause.]
Yeah! It's Shrek!
Whoo, Shrek, yeah!
[ignoring the cheers, pulls out his sword, and confronts the prince]
Prepare, foul beast, to enter into a world of pain with which you are not familiar!
Waiter [singing while carrying a birthday cake]
Happy birthday to thee / Happy birthday to thee
Do you mind?! [hops out of the way when a chair lands on stage. It slides past him and bumps into the tower facade]
Do you mind?! Boring! [The audience laughs]
[glares at them, then rises to recover, and points his sword at the monster again. The tower facade starts to topple]
Prepare, foul beast... [looks over his shoulder and sees the facade falling. He cringes. The scenery slams against the stage, but Prince Charming is unharmed, perfectly framed in the princess's window. The crowd laughs at the embarrassed Prince Charming. He shakes his mangled sword at the audience] Someday, you'll be sorry.
Heckler [off-screen]
We already are! [They laugh again. Prince Charming throws down his sword, picks up his hobby horse, and exits]
Ogre Mascot Grr! [The song and the laughter follow Prince Charming backstage. Prince Charming walks through a tunnel backstage that leads to a door. The door has a star with his name written on it. He opens it. Prince Charming sits at his broken vanity and sobs. His makeshift dressing room is in an alleyway across the theater. Horses whinny as a carriage passes by. The castle of Far Far Away is seen on the hill in the background. Prince Charming breaks down and cries. He looks up and sees a picture of the Fairy Godmother taped to the vanity. "Don't Stop Believing! Mommy's Little Angel" is written on the picture]
[heavy sobs]
Mommy... [weeps again and then looks back at the picture. A determined change grows across his face] You're right. I can't let this happen. I can't!! [looks at the castle on the hill. He stands up, faces the castle, and holds his chin up high] I am the rightful King of Far Far Away. And I promise you this, Mother: I will restore dignity to my throne! [A big gust of wind blows a newspaper page across his face. He peels it off and looks at the headline. His eyes tense and narrow. In the newspaper is a picture of Shrek and Fiona waving to the crowd] And this time, no one will stand in my way. [Crumples up the newspaper in his fists. The camera booms down from the Far Far Away sign. The sun rises, and the birds sing. The sun shines through the bedroom window as the camera pans over to Shrek and Fiona waking up]
Good morning.
Good morning. [dreaming] Morning breath.
Donkey [The bedroom doors fly open, and Donkey and the Dronkeys rush in. The Dronkeys head right for Shrek and Fiona. Shrek cowers beneath the bedclothes.] [singing]
Good morning, good morning! [Shrek sinks further into the blankets as the Dronkeys exuberantly lick him. Fiona is amused] The sun is shining through / Good morning, good morning [coming closer and closer to Shrek] To you! [to Fiona] And you! [to the Dronkeys] And you! [the Dronkeys fly out of the room, knocking down everything in their path as Puss comes in] They grow up so fast.
[leaps onto the bed]
Okay. You have a very full day filling in for the King and Queen. Several functions require your attendance, sir.
[very sarcastically]
Great! Let's get started. [immediately pulls the covers up over his head and starts to snore]
Donkey Come on, lazybones. Time to get moving! [yanks off the sheets, surprised to see Shrek's bare legs] AAH!!! You know, you really need to get yourself a pair of jammies!
[Then the title "Shrek the Third" appears on the stained glass window, as the movie begins. The camera pans down from a stained glass window. The song "Royal Pain" by the Eels plays in the background as the beginning titles are superimposed. A large crowd has gathered to watch the knighting. Shrek walks down the aisle of the church, then walks up to the knight, who seems a bit nervous.] [holding the sword, then looks at Puss, who indicates how to knight a person with his rapier.]
I knight thee. [accidentally stabs the knight in the head.] Heh, heh. Ooh.
[The crowd, Fiona, Puss and Donkey look on, shocked. Shrek and Fiona officiate at a boat christening for the Royal Navy. Shrek is holding a bottle of champagne. He leans on the boat, accidentally pushing it down the ramp. Shrek throws the bottle at the boat, and it punches an enormous hole in the side of the hull. The boat quickly sinks. Shrek turns to find the patrons of Far Far Away shaking their heads as they leave. Raul, the make-up specialist, tightens some aprons around Shrek and Fiona. Donkey, Puss and Raul stand in front of them.]
Donkey Well, since you're filling in for one, you might as well look like a real king. Can somebody come in here and work on Shrek, please?!
Raul [stares at Shrek, who raises his eyebrow]
Ahem. I will see what I can do.
[He unrolls a satchel full of different gardening tools. Suddenly, Shrek's arms and legs are strapped into a chair. A man stands with his back to the camera and pulls on a rip cord as if he's holding a chainsaw. He turns around to reveal a circular sander and starts to grind away. We see a close-up of Shrek's eye. A mascara brush comes into frame and pulls at Shrek's eyelash. Fiona gets her nose hairs plucked.]
Ow!
[Lipstick is applied to some lips. The camera pulls back to reveal that the lips are Shrek's. A hand tries to tighten a zipper on Shrek's back. It keeps snagging on the skin until they finally rip it past and tighten up the zipper all the way. A small sock is placed onto Shrek's foot. With a shoehorn, Shrek's foot is shoved into a small shoe. A collar is placed around Fiona's neck, and her corset is tightened. A drill comes into frame and tightens the rivet on Shrek's belt. A mole is placed on his cheek. Reveal: Shrek and Fiona standing awkwardly in outrageous Renaissance outfits. Donkey gasps]
Donkey Oh!
Raul [to Shrek]
Ho, ho. Quite necessary, Fiona.
I'm Shrek, you twit.
Raul Whatever.
Okay, peoples. This isn't a rehearsal. Let's see some hustle!
Donkey Smiles, everyone! Smiles!
[Off-screen, the Master of Ceremonies announces the couples arriving at the party. Fiona turns to Shrek and sees he is not in a good mood]
I don't know how much longer I can keep this up, Fiona.
I'm sorry, Shrek, but can you please just try to grin and bear it? It's just until Dad gets better. [Shrek lets out another frustrated sigh] Shrek?
Yeah.
You look handsome.
Ah. Come here, you. [she gives him a supportive smile. He relaxes and smiles back. Fiona puckers up her lips, and he leans in for a kiss, but their bulky outfits prevent it. They let out a huge breath of air.] Oh, my butt is itching up a storm, and I can't reach it in this monkey suit. [tries to scratch his butt but to no avail] Oh. [whistles] Hey, you! Come here. [a man holding a ruby scepter walks over to him] What's your name?
Fiddlesworth Uh, Fiddlesworth, sir.
Hoo-hoo-hoo. Perfect.
Announcer [The announcer introduces Shrek and Fiona]
Ladies and gentlemen, Prince Shrek and Princess Fiona
[The audience claps. The curtain starts to open. Fiddlesworth is scratching away at Shrek's behind.]
Ahh! You've done it. A little to the left, yeah. That's great.
Uh, Shrek?
[Fiddlesworth struggles to reach Shrek's itch. The crowd looks on in horror. Fiona tries to get his attention]
Ahh! All right, you got it...Oh yeah, you're on it. Oh, that's it! Oh, that's good.
Shrek...
Oh, yeah! Scratch that thing! You're on it. That's great!
Shrek! [Shrek and Fiddlesworth finally see the crowd. They both freeze. Shrek laughs nervously. Suddenly, Shrek's belt buckle snaps off and hits Donkey in the eye]
Donkey [stumbling through the crowd, screamed]
Ow! My eye! My eye! [grabs hold of a lady in the crowd]
Woman What are you doing?! [pushes Donkey away. He falls, knocking over a guard holding an axe on his way down. The guard drops the axe. It flies past Puss, who is in the arms of a lady. The axe knocks over a vase. The vase flies up on stage and Fiona manoeuvres to catch it. In flight, water spills out of the vase, which causes Fiona to fall over. Shrek's tuxedo bib slaps him in the face. The clasp holding Shrek's pants up breaks off. Shrek stands on stage with his pants around his ankles. He shuffles towards Fiona]
Fiona! [trips over his pants and hits a loose wooden plank on the stage. The plank flings up and sends Fiddlesworth flying through the air, where his jacket slips over a banner pole, trapping him]
Fiddlesworth Uhhh... [whimpers]
Yeah. I'm fine. [her eyes widen]
Fiddlesworth [his jacket rips and he falls onto a waiter carrying flaming skewers]
Ahhhh!!! [The skewers fly through the air. Donkey stands up in frame with one eye half shut. The flaming skewers shoot by him and land in the curtains, setting them on fire]
Donkey Oh! Shrimp! My favorite! [blows one of the skewers out and takes a bite. The fire causes a Far Far Away shield to detach from a wooden ceiling beam and fall onto the stage, breaking it in half. The whole stage collapses in the middle. The buffet tables slide toward Shrek and Fiona at the other end and collide.]
Harold
[The camera pushes through a corridor that leads to King Harold's bedroom. King Harold is lying down on his lily pad, coughing]
I'm dying. [Inhales and launches into a violent coughing fit. Shrek looks a bit guilty about his last admission. Queen Lillian comes to the King's aid, and he settles down.]
Lillian
Harold.
Harold
Don't forget to pay the gardener, Lillian. [Queen Lillian is used to these kind of non-sequiturs.]
Lillian
Of course darling. [The King suppresses a few coughs. He turns to his daughter.]
Harold
Fiona…
Yes, Daddy?
Harold
I know I've made many mistakes with you.
It's okay.
Harold
But your love for Shrek has taught me so much. [Fiona smiles. The King addresses Shrek.] My dear boy, I am proud to call you my son.
Harold
Now, there is a matter of business to attend to.[wheezes and coughing, passes out]
The frog king...is dead. [Fiona starts weeping. The King suddenly wakes up, coughing.]
Donkey [to Puss]
Put your hat back on, fool.
Harold
Shrek, please come hither. [Fiona gives Shrek a look. Shrek walks over to the King.]
Yeah, Dad?
Harold
This Kingdom needs a new king. You and Fiona are next in line for the throne.
Oh! [laughing] Next in line. Now you see, Dad, that's why people love you. Even on your deathbed, you're still making jokes. [laughs with a point] [The King stares at Shrek, stone-faced. Shrek leans in closer.] Oh, come on, Dad… an ogre as king? I don't think that's such a good idea. I mean, there's got to be somebody else. Anybody!
Harold
Aside from you, there is only one remaining heir.
Really? Who is he, Dad?
Harold
His name is... is...
What's his name? What's his name?!
Harold
...is- [wheezing]
Daddy! [A fly comes out of his mouth and flies away. Puss starts to take his hat off. The fly buzzes into frame. Harold's tongue catches it. Puss puts his hat back on.]
Harold
[after swallowing a fly and one last time]
His name is Arthur.
Arthur?
Harold
[coughing; last words before his death]
I know... you'll do what's right. [He's sick for real]
Lillian
[emotionally]
Harold?
Dad? Dad! [King Harold doesn't respond; his ears droop] Dad?
Donkey [to Puss; emotionally]
Do your thing, man. [Puss takes his hat off]
[Fiona starts to break down, weeping as she places her fist on Shrek's shoulder. The weight of the King's request hits Shrek. He is in a state of shock. We hold a moment on Queen Lillian, Shrek, Fiona, Puss, and Donkey to let the King's passing sink in. At the funeral, the kingdom mourns the loss of Harold. Prince Charming, watching from the hills, rides off to the Poison Apple.]
Yeah?!
Wait!
What is it?!
No! No, I said I'm- [gets cut off by the foghorn again]
I said I'm pregnant!
You're going to be a father!
Really?! I'm glad you think so! I love you!?
Donkey [Fiona smiles as the Queen places a hand on her shoulder. Overjoyed at the news, Donkey pops up onto the railing.] [pops up onto the railing]
I'm going to be an uncle! I'm going to be an uncle! I'M GOING TO BE AN UNCLE!!
And you, my friend, are royally- [the different foghorn blasts again as the boat disappears into the fog]
Donkey Worcester-shiree? Now, that sounds fancy!
It's "Worcestershire".
Donkey Like the sauce? Mmm. It's spicy!
[Shrek and Puss search the hallways, looking for Artie.]
Arthur! Oh, Arthur! Come out, come out, wherever you are!
Donkey [Off-screen, we hear mumbling from inside a locker. Shrek and Puss look as a furious Donkey bursts out of the locker. He has been stuffed inside. Off-screen, we hear some students laughing.] [angrily]
Yeah, you better run, you little punk no-goodniks! 'Cause the days of little Donkey Dumpy Drawers are OVER!
Hall Monitor [An "I Suck-eth" sign has been taped to Donkey's butt. Shrek spots students entering the Gymnasium. They approach a hall monitor who stops them.]
Uh, hold it.
Student 1
[Two mascot costumed students walk up to the hall monitor.]
We're here for the mascot contest.
Student 2
Grr!
[The hall monitor waves them in. Shrek gets an idea.] [pleased with himself]
We're here for the mascot contest, too.
Hall Monitor [suspicious]
This is a costume? [reaches out and starts painfully pinching and pulling Shrek's skin]
[trying to hide the pain]
Ay! Worked on it all night long. [struggling not to scream in agony]
Hall Monitor [lets Shrek's face snap back into the place, and still suspicious]
Looks pretty real to me.
If he were real, could I do this? [uses his claws to scratch deep into Shrek's butt]
Donkey Or this? [kicks Shrek hard in the groin with his hind legs]
[winces, sweats, and is unbelievably strained]
If it were real, that would have been agonizingly painful.
Donkey Now watch this!
[The ship cuts through the open sea. Artie smiles as he watches Worcestershire shrinking away on the horizon.]
I can't believe it. Me, a king? I… I mean I knew I came from royalty and all, but I just figured everyone forgot about me.
Oh, no, in fact, the King asked for you personally.
Really? Wow. Look, I know it's not all gonna be fun and games.
It really is all fun and games, actually. Sure, you have to knight a few heroes, launch a ship or two. By the way, make sure you hit the boat just right with the bottle.
Boat with the bottle? Any idiot can hit a boat with a bottle.
Whoa. This is gonna be huge. Parties, princesses, castles… princesses.
Donkey It's gonna be great, Artie. You'll be living in the lap of luxury. They've got the finest chefs around waiting for you to place your order.
They taste the food before the King eats, to make sure it's not poisoned.
Poisoned?
Donkey [to Artie]
Don't worry about it. You'll be safe and sound with the help of your bodyguards.
Bodyguards?
All of them, willing at a moment's notice to lay down their own lives out of devotion to you.
Really?
Si, and the whole kingdom will look to you for wisdom and guidance.
Donkey [Behind Artie, Shrek mouths "Shut up!" to Puss and Donkey.]
Just make sure they don't die of famine.
Or plague.
Donkey Oh, plague is bad.
The coughing, the groaning, the festering sores.
[interrupts with a mock laugh]
Oh. Festering sores. [sternly to Puss] Hey, you are one funny kitty cat.
What did I say?
We don't want Artie here getting the wrong idea. [motions to Artie, but he is gone. They all look around.] Uh, Artie?
Captain [The boat suddenly pitches to the left. Shrek braces himself. Puss and Donkey tumble away. Artie swings the wheel around, sending the boat back in the direction of his school. Shrek works his way into the cabin and gains control of the wheel. The drunken captain slides by.]
Oh, there goes my hip.
Artie! What are you doing? [turns the wheel the other way]
[The boat veers again, heading back toward Far Far Away. Artie falls to the ground and slides to the back of the boat. A shuffleboard stick slides next to Artie. He grabs it angrily.]
What does it look like?!
[He jams it in the boat’s wheel. The boat lurches again. Artie swings the boat back in the other direction. Shrek rises and grabs the wheel and turns it.]
This really isn't up to you.
[falls underneath the wheel and stands up shoving the wheel back the other way]
But I don't know anything about being king!
You'll learn on the job!
[Donkey and Puss roll across the deck. Shrek and Artie continue fighting over the wheel.]
Sorry to disappoint you, but I'm going back.
Back to what? Being a loser?! [As soon as the word leaves his lips, Shrek knows he's gone too far. Stung, Artie lets go of the wheel, leaving Shrek to yank hard on it. He pulls the steering column from the decking.] Now look what you did!
Look what I did? Who's holding the wheel, chief?
Donkey [climbs up onto the railing and is seasick and about to puke when he sees jagged rocks ahead]
SHREK!!
Captain [Shrek desperately sets the wheel back down and tries to steer the ship clear of the rocks. But it was too late. The ship crashes into the rocks, sending everyone and everything off.]
LAND HO!
Oh, so now it's "Your Highness"? What happened to "loser", huh?
Hey! If you think this is getting you out of anything, well, it isn't! We're heading back to Far Far Away one way or another. And you're gonna be a father!
Donkey [clears his throat, to Shrek]
You just said "father".
[imitates Shrek]
"You're gonna be king!" [reverts back to his normal voice] Yeah, right. [walks away]
Where do you think you're going?!
Far Far Away... from you!
You get back here, young man, and I mean it!
[But Artie didn't turn around and continues walking away.]
Donkey [After Merlin sends Shrek, Donkey, Artie and Puss back to Far, Far Away] [in Puss' body, groans]
Man, I have not been on a trip like that since college.
Donkey [in Puss' body, confused]
What? Is there something in my teeth? [gasps in horror, and looks around himself, then realizes that he is in Puss' body] What the-? Oh, no! I have been abracadabra-ed into a Fancy Feasting, second-rate sidekick!
[in Donkey's body, falls on the ground; groans]
At least you don't look like some kind of bloated roadside piñata! You should think about going on a diet!
Donkey [in Puss' body]
Yeah, you should think about getting yourself a pair of pants! [covers himself as if being naked] I feel all exposed and nasty! [Shrek and Artie laugh] Oh, so you two think this is funny?!
Don't you know who he thinks he is? How dare you!
Donkey, we're dealing with amateurs.
He's a star, people! Hello?! I'm Sorry about this, Mr. Shrek.
I'm gonna lose it! [continues trying to keep his cool]
I assume you have everything ready for tonight? You did get the list for the dressing room?
Donkey (Puss) Yeah, the breakfast croissants stuffed with seared sashimi tuna. [aggravated] Oh, and please tell me you at least got the saffron corn with jalapeño honey butter. Because our client cannot get into his properly emotional state without his jalapeño HONEY BUTTER!!!!
I just lost it.
Guard [Puss turns eyes at Shrek even more aggravated]
Maybe we should talk to Nancy in Human Resources.
Puss (Donkey) Oh, we will have much to say to Nancy, I promise!
Donkey (Puss) We went to high school, the boat crashed, and we've got Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Booped by the magic man!
You poor sweet things.
The cat turned into a little horse that smells like feet. What's to get?
Donkey (Puss) Alright, people, let's do this thing. Go Team Dynamite!
But I thought we agreed we'd go by the name Team Super-cool.
Gingerbread Man
As I recall, it was Team Awesome.
Wolf I voted for Team Alpha Wolf Squadron.
Donkey (Puss) All right, all right, all right! From henceforth, we're all to be known as Team Alpha Super Awesome Cool Dynamite Wolf Squadron.
Donkey [normal voice]
I'm me again!
And I'm not you!
Donkey [hugs Puss]
All right!
Merlin Oops. [realizes that Puss's cape and Donkey's tail were swapped, then walks away] Ah, never mind.
Other characters in Shrek the Third
Shrek
Mike Myers
Puss in Boots
Antonio Banderas
Prince Charming
Rupert Everett
Fiona
Cameron Diaz
Artie
Justin Timberlake
Captain Hook
Ian McShane
Pinocchio
Cody Cameron
Cinderella
Amy Sedaris
Rapunzel
Maya Rudolph
Snow White
Amy Poehler
Doris
Larry King
Gingy
King Harold and Queen Lillian and others
Sleeping Beauty
Cheri Oteri
Arthur
