Donkey It's gonna be champagne wishes and caviar dreams from now on!
Voiced by Eddie Murphy 
Shrek 2 (2004) · 103 quotes
Shrek 2 (2004) · 103 quotes
2nd most-quoted character in Shrek 2 (2004): in 39 of its 103 quotes
Most scenes with: Shrek (26), Puss in Boots (12), Fiona (6)
I got to go to the bathroom. (Dinner is served) Never mind, I can hold it!
More lines from Donkey
8 quotes Donkey Donkey Oh, you got a puppy? All I got in my room was shampoo!
Donkey Y'know, in some cultures, donkeys are considered the wisest of all creatures. Especially us talking ones!
Donkey Come on, Shrek, it only seems bad because it's dark and rainy and Fiona's father hired a sleazy hitman to whack you.
Donkey Trot, trot, trottin' in place... YEAH! [pause] What?
Donkey You know, I had the hardest time finding this place.
Donkey Mexican food, my favorite!
Donkey Follow the pretty pony.
Scenes with Donkey
30 scenes Donkey Don't you worry, I will always be here to make sure no one bothers you.
Donkey.
Donkey Yes, roomie?
You're bothering me.
Donkey Royal ball? Can I come?
We're not going.
Fiona and Donkey
What?
I mean, don't you think they might be a bit shocked to see you like this?
Well, they might be a bit surprised. But they're my parents, Shrek. They love me. And don't worry. They'll love you, too.
Yeah, right. Somehow I don't think I'll be welcome at the country club.
Stop it. They're not like that.
How do you explain Sergeant Pompous and the Fancy Pants Club Band?
Donkey Are we there yet?
No.
Not yet.
Donkey Okay. Are we there yet?
No.
Donkey Are we there yet?
No!
Donkey Are we there... yet?
Yes.
Donkey Really?
NO!
Donkey Are we there yet?!
No!
Donkey Are we there yet?!
No, we are not!
Donkey ARE WE THERE YET?!?!
Shrek and Fiona
NO!!!!!!
Donkey [Pause]
Are we there yet?
Donkey Hey, that's not funny.
Hey, that's not funny.
Donkey Oh, that's really immature!
Oh, that's really immature!
Donkey See, this is why nobody likes ogres!
See, this is why nobody likes ogres!
Donkey All right, your loss!
All right, your loss.
Donkey I'm just gonna stop talking!
Finally!
Donkey But this is takin' forever, Shrek, and ain't no in-flight movie or nothin'!
The kingdom of Far Far Away, Donkey. That's where we're going. Far... far... away.
Donkey All right, all right. I get it! I'm just so darn BORED!
Well, find a way to entertain yourself!
Donkey [Silence] [pops his lips, then again, and Shrek grows more impatient, then Donkey pops his lips a third time]
[restraining temper]
Oh! For 5 minutes... could you not be yourself? [exploding] FOR 5 MINUTES!!!
[After another silence, Donkey pops his lips one last time]
AAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRGH!!! ARE WE THERE YET?!?!
Yes!
Donkey Oh, finally!
Queen
Harold!
Shrek!
Fiona!
Fiona!
Mom!
Queen
Harold...
Donkey Donkey!
Well, well, Donkey. I know it was kind of a tender moment back there, but the purring?
Donkey What are you talking about? I ain't purring.
Oh, sure. What's next? A hug?
Donkey [after attempting to kick Puss, who is attacking Shrek, but getting Shrek between the legs instead]
Did I miss?
Nope. You got 'em.
[has just discovered that King Harold hired Puss in Boots to kill him]
Well... so much for "Dad's Royal Blessing."
Donkey It ain't that bad, Shrek. I mean, almost everyone who meets you wants to kill you.
Thanks (!)
Donkey, think of the saddest thing that's ever happened to you!
Donkey Oh, man, where do I begin? Well, first there was the time that old farmer tried to sell me for some magic beans, I ain't never got over that. Then this fool went off and had a party, and he had all the guests try to pin the tail on me! Then they all got drunk, and started beating me with a stick going, "Piñata, piñata!" What is a piñata anyway?!
Are you up for a little quest, Donkey?
Donkey Ah, yeah, that's more like it! Shrek and Donkey on another whirlwind adventure! [singing as he and Shrek start walking away] Ain't no stoppin' us now, whoo! / We're on the move...
Stop, ogre! I have misjudged you.
Join the club, we have jackets.
On my honor! I am obliged to accompany you until I have saved your life, as you have spared me mine.
Donkey Oh, I'm sorry, but the position of annoying talking animal has already been taken.
[to receptionist]
Oh, by the way, it would be really great if the Fairy Godmother didn't know we were here. Y'know what I'm sayin', bub, huh?
Donkey Huh?
Huh?
Donkey Huh? Huh? Huh?! HUH?!
Stop it.
Receptionist
Of course. Go right in.
Donkey Hey man, you wanna get your fine Corinthian footwear and your cat cheeks out of my face? Man, it stinks!
Well, you don't exactly smell like a basket of roses!
Ah yes, boss. I was concocting this very plan. Already our minds... are becoming one...
Donkey Woah woah woah, if we need an expert on licking ourselves, we'll give you a call.
Just in case there is something wrong with the potion, allow me to take the first sip. It would be an honour to lay my life on the line for you.
Donkey No, no, no. If there's gonna be any animal testing, I'm gonna do it. That's the best friend's job. Now gimme that potion!
[He grabs the "Happily Ever After" potion in his mouth and chugs down some of it]
How do you feel?
Donkey ... I don't feel any different. Do I look any different?
You still look like an ass to me.
Donkey I'm melting! I'm melting!
It's just the rain, Donkey.
Donkey [singing wearily]
Theeee sun will come out...tomorrow... Betcha bottom...
Bet my bottom?
Donkey, you're a...
Donkey A stallion baby! I can whinny! [whinnies] I can count! [taps hoof] [starts trotting] Look at me Shrek, I'm trotting!
Donkey It's kind of a long story, but, you see, Shrek and I took some magic potion, and now... we're sexy!
For you baby... I could be.
Donkey Yeah, you wish.
Donkey Is he really that good looking?
Doris
Are you kiddin'? He's gorgeous! He has a face that looks like that it was carved by angels.
Mmmm, he sounds dreamy.
You know, shockingly, this isn't making me feel any better.
Anouncer
Tonight on "Knights"...
Gingerbread Man
Now here's a good show!
We got a white bronco heading east in the forest. Requesting backup.
Anouncer
It's time for the men in steel to teach these madcap mammals that their "devil may mare" attitudes ain't gonna fly.
Donkey [Being tackled]
Why you grabbing me? Ow! Police Brutality! Police Brutality!
Come on, I have to talk to Princess Fiona!
Ow! Ow!
Anouncer
Will they get away with it, or did somebody let the cat out of the bag?
You capitalist pig dogs!
[Puss attacks a knight, then he is pinned up against a wall] Knight [Sniffs a small bag] Catnip!
Um, that's not mine?
Hold on! Find Princess Fiona!
Donkey I'm a donkey!
Tell her-- Shrek! I'm her husband, Shrek! [Gets another face full of pepper] Ow! Ow!
Anouncer
That's tonight on "Knights".
Donkey LEMME OUTTA HERE! YOU CAN'T LOCK US UP LIKE THIS! LEMME GO! HEY, WHAT ABOUT MY MIRANDA RIGHTS?! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO SAY I HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT! NOBODY SAID I HAD THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT!!!
Donkey! You have the right to remain silent! What you lack is the capacity.
I must hold on before I, too, go totally mad.
Shrek? Donkey?
Donkey Pray for mercy from Puss...
...and Donkey!
It's so good to be home! Just you and me and...
Donkey Two can be as bad as one...
Donkey?
Donkey Shrek! Fiona! Aren't you two a sight for sore eyes! Give us a hug, Shrek, you old love machine. And look at you, Mrs. Shrek. How 'bout a side of sugar for the steed?
Donkey, what are you doing here?
Donkey Oh, I was just taking care of your love nest for you!
Oh, you mean like sorting the mail and watering the plants?
Donkey Yeah, and feeding the fish!
I don't have any fish.
Donkey You do now. I call that one Shrek and the other Fiona. That Shrek is a rascally devil. Get your... [mumbling to the "fish"]
Oh, will you look at the time? I guess you'd better be going.
Donkey Don't you wanna tell me all about your trip? Or how about a game of Parcheesi?
Actually, Donkey, shouldn't you be getting home to Dragon?
Donkey Oh, yeah, that. I don't know. She's been all moody and stuff lately. So I thought I'd move back in with you guys!
Well, you know, we're always happy to see you, Donkey.
But Fiona and I are married now. We need a little time, you know, to be together. Just with each other. Alone.
Donkey Say no more, say no more. You don't have to worry about a thing. I will always be here to make sure nobody bothers you.
Donkey!
Donkey Yes, roomie?
You're bothering me.
Donkey Oh, okay, all right. Cool. Me and Pinocchio were just gonna try to catch a tournament anyway, so maybe I'll see y'all on Sunday for a barbecue or something. [heads outside]
He'll be fine. Now where were we? [realizes] Oh, I think I remember. [leans in to kiss Fiona, but suddenly sees Donkey in front of him] Donkey!
Donkey I know, I know! Alone! I'm going! I'm going! Hey, what do you want me to tell those other guys?
Messenger
[swats Reggie with the scroll]
Enough, Reggie. [unfolds the scroll] "Dearest, Princess Fiona. You are hereby summoned to the Kingdom of Far, Far Away for a royal ball in celebration of your marriage, at which time the King will bestow his royal blessing upon you [looks up to see Shrek] and your... uh... Prince Charming. Love, the King and Queen of Far, Far Away. [closes the scroll] aka, Mom and Dad."
Mom and Dad?
Prince Charming?
Donkey [heads outside]
Royal ball?! Can I come?
We're not going.
Fiona and Donkey
[shocked]
What?
I mean, don't you think they might be a bit... shocked to see you like this?
Well, they might be a bit surprised. But they're my parents, Shrek. They love me. And don't worry, they're gonna love you, too.
Yeah, right. Somehow, I don't think I'll be welcome at the country club.
Will you stop it? They're not like that.
Then how do you explain Sergeant Pompous and the Fancy Pants Club Band?
Oh, come on! You could at least give them a chance!
Oh, to do what, sharpen their pitchforks?
No, they just want to give you their blessing.
Oh, great. Now I need their blessing?
Well, if you wanna be a part of this family, yes!
And who says I wanna be a part of this family?
Um, you did, when you married me!
Well, there's some fine print for you!
Trust me, it's a bad idea. We are not going, and that's final!
[It is an orange cat wearing black hat and cape]
Ha-ha. Fear me, if you dare. [hisses]
Oh, look, a little cat.
Donkey [sees the sword in Puss' paws]
Look out, Shrek! He got a piece!
It's a cat, Donkey. Come here, little kitty, kitty, kitty. Come on. Kitty. [Puss screeches and attacks Shrek and he screams]
Donkey [gasps in shock]
Hold on, Shrek!
GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF! OH, GOD!
Donkey Shrek, hold still! [kicks the Shrek's bottom and moans] Did I miss?
[after he attacks Shrek]
Now ye ogre! Pray for mercy from... [slashes "P" on the tree] Puss... in Boots!
Donkey No!
Ah-ha-ha-ha! [drops the sword, then starts heaving for a second, confusing Shrek and Donkey; spits out the hairball and coughs] Phew. [chuckles] Hairball.
Donkey [disgusted]
Oh, that is nasty!
Donkey I say we take the sword and neuter him right here; Give him the Bob Barker treatment!
[frightened]
Oh, no! Por favor! Please! I implore you! It was nothing personal, Señor! I was doing it only for my family. My mother, she is sick. And my father lives off the garbage! The king offered me much in gold, and I have a litter of brothers--
[covers Puss' mouth with his finger]
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Fiona's father paid you to do this?
The rich king? Sí. [Shrek drops him to the ground, who screeches]
Donkey Oh, come on, Shrek, don't feel bad. Almost everybody that meets you wants to kill you.
[sits on the rock]
Gee, thanks. [looks down at the river reflection and sighs] Maybe Fiona would have been better off if I were some sort of Prince Charming.
Sí, that's what the king said. [Donkey glares angrily] Oh, uh...sorry. I thought that question was directed at me.
Donkey [walks over to Shrek]
Shrek, Fiona knows you'd do anything for her.
Well, it's not like I wouldn't change if I could. I just...I just wish I could make her happy. [pauses out; to Donkey] Hold the phone... [pulls out Fairy Godmother's business card] "Happiness." [flips it over] "A teardrop away." Donkey, think of the saddest thing that's ever happened to you!
Donkey Oh, man, where do I begin? Well, first there was the time that old farmer tried to sell me for some magic beans. I ain't never got over that. Then this fool went off and had a party, and he had the guests trying to pin the tail on me. Then they got all drunk and started beatin' me with a stick, going, "Piñata! Piñata!" What is a piñata, anyway?!
No, Donkey, I need you to cry!
Donkey Yeah, well don't go projecting on me! I know you're feelin' bad, but you gotta let your own- [Puss impatiently stomps on his hoof; in pain] OW!!! [tearfully] You little hairy litter-licking sack of... [Donkey's tears shed and Shrek lets it drop onto the card, conjuring a bubble with Fairy Godmother in it]
["Voice Message" Bubble forms after landing]
What? Is it on? Is it on? [clears her throat] This is Fairy Godmother. I'm either away from my desk or with a client, but if you come by the office, we'll be glad to give you a personal appointment. Have a Happy Ever After! [the bubble pops]
Donkey Ohhh.
Are you up for a little quest, Donkey?
Donkey That's more like it! Shrek and Donkey, on another whirlwind adventure! [singing] Ain't no stoppin' us now! Whoo! We're on the move!
Stop, ogre! [bows to Shrek] I have misjudged you.
Join the club. We've got jackets.
On my honor, I am obliged to accompany you until I have saved your life, as you have spared me mine.
Donkey I'm sorry, the position of annoying talking animal has already been taken. Let's go, Shrek! [sees Shrek walking to Puss] Shrek? [slightly pauses; Shrek looks down at Puss, who gives him a cute, helpless look; Shrek smiles] Shrek!
Aw, come on, Donkey. Look at him, in his wee little boots. You know, how many cats can wear boots? Honestly. Aw, let's keep him!
Donkey Say what?! [Puss purrs and Shrek marvels at his cuteness; groans in frustration]
Aw, listen. He's purring!
Donkey Oh, so now it's cute!
Aw, come on, Donkey. Lighten up.
Donkey Lighten up?! Oh, I should lighten up?! Look who's telling who to lighten up!
Donkey [close encountering a humongous factory with colored smoke]
Oh, no; that's the old Keebler's place! Let's just back away slowly.
[Shrek, Donkey, and Puss arrive at the Fairy Godmother's potion factory]
Hi. I'm here to see...
Jerome
The Fairy Godmother. I'm sorry, she is not in.
Jerome
[sighs]
Yes, Fairy Godmother. Right away. [to Shrek] Look, she's not seeing any clients today, okay?
That's okay, buddy. We're from the union.
Jerome
The union?
We represent the workers in all magical industries, both evil and benign.
Jerome
Oh, oh, right.
Are you feeling at all degraded or oppressed?
Jerome
Uh... [turns the gramophone intercom away from him] A little. W-We don't even have dental.
[whispers to Donkey]
They don't even have dental. [to Jerome] Okay, we're just gonna have a look around. Oh, by the way, I think it would be better if the Fairy Godmother didn't know we were here. Know what I'm saying? Huh?
Donkey Hmm?
Huh?
Donkey Huh? Huh?! HUH?!?!
Stop it!
Jerome
Of course. Go right in.
[After escaping Fairy Godmother's potion factory] [reading the potion bottle]
"Happily Ever After Potion. Maximum strength. "For you and your true love. If one of you drinks this, you both will be fine. Happiness, comfort and beauty divine."
Donkey [confused]
You both will be fine?
I guess it means it'll affect Fiona too. [opens the potion bottle]
Donkey Hey, man, this don't feel right. My donkey senses are tingling all over. So why don't you just drop that jug o' voodoo, and let's get out of here.
It says, "beauty divine". How bad can it be? [sniffs the potion and sneezes]
Donkey A-ha! See, You're allergic to that stuff. You'll have a reaction. And if you think that I'll be smearing Vapor Rub all over your chest, think again!
Boss, just in case there is something wrong with the potion... allow me to take the first sip. It would be an honor to lay my life on the line for you.
Donkey Oh, no, no. I don't think so. If there'll be any animal testing, I'll do it. That’s the best friend's job. Now give me that bottle. [snatches the potion bottle from Shrek's hands with his mouth and starts drinking it, but Shrek snatches it back from Donkey]
How do you feel?
Donkey I don't feel any different. Do I look any different?
You still look like an ass to me.
Maybe it doesn't work on donkeys. Well, here's to us, Fiona.
Donkey Shrek? You drink that, there's no going back.
I know.
Donkey No more wallowing in the mud?
I know.
Donkey No more itchy butt crack?
I know!
Donkey But you love being an ogre!
I know! [sighs] But I love Fiona more. [starts chugging the potion]
Donkey Shrek, no! Wait! [Shrek swallows the potion, then feels his stomach gurglin'. Donkey and Puss hide behind the rock, then... Shrek lets out a fart] Got to be... Shrek, I think you grabbed the "Farty Ever After" potion.
Maybe it's a dud.
Or maybe Fiona and I were never meant to be.
Donkey [Dark storm clouds appear above Shrek, Donkey and Puss.]
Uh-oh. What did I tell you? I feel something coming on. I don't want to die. I don't want to die. I don't want to die! [rain starts pouring, soaking the trio and getting them wet] Oh, sweet sister, mother of mercy! I'm melting! I'M MELTING!
It's just the rain, Donkey.
[Donkey chuckles as they head to a barn for some shelter. The blue ooze from Shrek's sneeze reaction on the mushroom transforms into a rose.]
Donkey [After Shrek, Donkey, and Puss arrived at the barn for shelter for the night]
Shrek, don't worry. Things seem bad because it's dark and rainy, and Fiona's father hired a sleazy hitman to whack you. [Puss hisses at him] It'll be better in the morning. You'll see. [sings, then gets dizzy] The sun'll come out... Tomorrow... Bet your bottom...
Bet my bottom?
Donkey I'm comin', Elizabeth! [faints]
Donkey? A-Are you all right?
Hey, boss. Let's shave him.
Fairy Godmother. Charming.
Ugh, you'd better have a good reason for dragging us down here, Harold.
Well, I'm afraid Fiona isn't really... warming up to Prince Charming.
Um, FYI, not my fault.
No, no, of course it's not, dear.
I mean, how charming can I be when I have to pretend that I'm that dreadful ogre?
No, no, it's nobody's fault. Perhaps it's best if we just call the whole thing off, okay?
Fairy Godmother and Prince Charming
[in unison; shocked]
What?!
I mean, you can't force someone to fall in love!
Oh, I beg to differ. I do it all the time. [pulls out the Love Potion 9 vial and hands it to Harold, and he takes it] Have Fiona drink this, and she'll fall in love with the first man she kisses, which will be Charming.
Umm, no.
What did you say?
Oh, yes, you will. If you remember, I helped you with your happily ever after. And I can take it away just as easily. [sticks her wand in his face] Is that what you want? Is it?
No.
[puts down her wand]
Good boy. Now, we have to go. I need to do Charming's hair before the ball. He's hopeless. Y'know, he's all high in the front; he can never get to the back. You always need someone to do the back of your hair.
Oh. Thank you, mother.
Donkey [from outside the window; shocked]
MOTHER?! [Fairy Godmother, Charming, and Harold turn their heads fast to see Shrek, Donkey, and Puss outside the window, hearing everything.]
Um, Mary! A talking horse!
[enraged]
The ogre! [Shrek, Donkey, and Puss ride away from the Poison Apple; flies after them, telling the knights to get them; furious] STOP THEM! THIEVES! BANDITS! STOP THEM!
[On K.N.I.G.H.T.S, the chase ends as two knights seize Shrek and three more point their crossbows at him.]
Alright! Alright! Let me go!
Donkey [Three knights restrain Donkey.]
Let me go! Why are you grabbing me?! OW! Police brutality! POLICE BRUTALITY!
[Shrek tries to explain to the knights, struggling to free himself, but his super-strength won't give in due to his human form. A knight handcuffs Shrek.]
I have to talk to Princess Fiona!
Donkey [last lines; post credits] [singing]
All by myself, Don't wanna be all by myself... anymore
Donkey Thanks, compadre. I'm... I'm not in the mood.
We will cheer you up! Find you a nice burro! [a roar is heard]
Donkey [delighted]
Hey, baby! [the Dragon from the first film flies in the scene.] Hey, that's my girl! Yeah! All right! Baby, where you been? [Dragon cries] I’m sorry, too. I should've stayed. But Shrek had this thing he had to do. What? Say it one more time. What are you talking about? Are you serious?! [a baby dronkey flies in]
Dronkey
Papa!
Donkey AAAH! [One breathes fire which Donkey avoids, the baby dronkeys fly in to hug him. Donkey laughs.] Look at our little mutant babies! [the Dragon blows a pink heart-shaped smoke, the scene cuts to black.] I gotta get a job.
