[bell rings] [narrating]
Welcome to San Francisco, the city by the bay, home to 30,000 fire hydrants, four million tennis balls... and very liberal pooper scooper laws. My name is Lucky. I'm a dog, in case you hadn't guessed, and I belong to this man. You remember Dr. Dolittle, right? The guy who can talk to animals? If you don't, let me jog your memory. He's a doctor, and he talks to animals. Well, anyways, he's busier than ever.
Woman Doctor, you've got Mr. Carson at 10:00 for a full workup. Mr. Wennington's E.K.G. is at 12:00. Mrs. Bloom called. She's got a bad rash. I told her 11:15.
John I gotcha.
Buster's got a deworming at 12:30. Misty's kennel cough is back. I put her at 1:00. Afternoon-wall-to-wall neuters.
John You've got the Rotary Club dinner tonight.
The Kennel Club breakfast tomorrow.
John Push Mr. Carson to 11:00. I will deworm Buster at 12:00, do the E.K.G. at 12:30. Move Misty to 1:15. And stop mixing up my charts. Last week you almost had me neutering Mr. Panitch.
From what I hear, you'd be doing Mrs. Panitch a favor.
John Any time, ladies. Thank you.
[narrating]
No matter how busy he got, Doc always found time to help animals.
Bandit Hi. My name is Bandit.
D Dogs
Hi, Bandit. How you doing, Bandit?
Bandit [sniffles]
And I'm a stray.
D Dogs
That's okay. We're all strays.
John I know how hard it is the first time to get up there. Take your time.
SD Sheep Dog
Just one paw at a time, Bandit. That's true.
John Right. Never give up hope. Never, ever give up hope. Not just Bandit. All of you dogs, listen to me. Every dog in here can find a family and be somebody's best friend. Let me hear you say that. Say, "I am somebody's best friend."
D Dogs
I'm somebody's best friend!
John One more time. Again. I am somebody's best friend!
D Dogs
I am somebody's best friend!
John That's right. That's right. There's a family out in North Beach that's trying to find a good watchdog, somebody that's housebroken and great with kids. Any of you guys got a background in security?
HD Hound Dog
Oh, that'd be Rusty. Rusty's a watchdog.
John Who's Rusty?
D Dog
Rusty, tell-- Oh, no. Rusty!
R Rusty
This better be important.
John No, uh, never mind, Rusty. It says, "Must not lick ass all the time."
[narrating]
Every zoo in the country had a job for the Doc. He was especially good at matters of the heart.
John How long's it been since you guys made little baby turtles?
Male Tortoise Oh, not that long. Maybe 20 years.
Female Tortoise It'll be 48 years next Monday.
John Okay, I see the problem here. I know what to do. Listen. I'm gonna give you these pills. Crush 'em up and put 'em in your food.
Male Tortoise Oh, yeah? What do they do?
John Oh!
Male Tortoise Oh, yeah! You're looking fine! Coming at you, baby!
[narrating]
In fact, he became an international celebrity, traveling from Alaska to Australia.
S Steve
I am here with Dr. Dolittle, who can actually talk with animals. We're here about to capture this alligator right behind us. The trick to capturing this guy is to put your arms around his neck...
Alligator Hey, Dolittle, see what I'm doing, I'm allowing Steve to think I don't know he's back there. Wait 'till he tries to grab me, turn on him and Bob's your uncle bite his arm off! [laughs]
S Steve
[Steve is still talking to camera]
I'm gonna have to get my arm around his neck and handle his -
John [having heard the alligator]
Steve, I think he knows we're over here.
S Steve
[shushes Dolittle]
Quiet, I don't wanna spoil the element of surprise...NOW! [Alligator roar noise]
John Oh! Oh! Oh!
S Steve
Crikey! Me arm! [Belching sound]
[narrating]
Yeah, it seemed everybody wanted a piece of the good doctor. And his family understood. Well, most of them did. But we'll get to that part in a minute.
John Thank you.
[narrating]
Right now I gotta answer the door.
[muttering]
Yeah? Who's there?
John It's me. I forgot my key. Open up.
Then I guess you'll have to beg. Come on, boy! Beg! Get it? Role reversal. 'Cause usually it's the human t-that says to the dog, uh-
John I know you'd better open up the door before I... Just open the door, Lucky.
Seeing as you're the one who feeds me, I'm gonna let you in.
John Okay, thank you. Thank you.
John Guess who's back from France!
John Hey!
John Hi, sweetie. [grunting] I got you a present from Paris.
John Yes, that's for you. That's for us.
John I can enjoy this present as well.
You know what would be a really nice present, though?
John What's that?
If you could keep that flock of your faithful away from the building.
John I'm sorry. I'll talk to 'em later.
John Hey, baby! How you doing? I got you a little present from Mexico.
Gracias. I wonder what it is.
Aah! Earthquake! 9-1-1! Nueve-uno-uno!
John Oh, no, no. I wouldn't shake it.
Ow! My spleen! Ooh, that hurt.
Oh, he's so cute. Thanks, Dad.
Hey, this isn't Puerto Vallarta.
John It's a chameleon. It can change color against different backgrounds.
The blendmaster is in the house! I gonna disappear! Now you see me- Poof! Now you don't, eh?
John No, we can still see you.
I'm not gone? I'm not invisible?
You did remember Charisse's birthday?
John I sure did. You remember to get the cake from Stinson's?
Uh, actually, Charisse doesn't want to have a family birthday party.
John What's that about? I thought we always celebrate together.
John Take this thing to your room.
John A date? With who?
I didn't ask. She's a big girl now.
John We'll see about this date thing. Where's the birthday girl at?
John Uh, she's unreachable. What? Where is she?
She's in her room with the door locked and headphones on. You could try paging her.
John She's in the house and unreachable? I'm supposed to page her in my house. I'm gonna page somebody in my own house? Okay, we'll see if I'm gonna page some-- I ain't paging nothing!
Careful, Doc, she's 16. That's a tough age.
John Hey! Charisse, open this door! Can you believe this? Hey!
John I'm not calling on the cell phone while she's in her bedroom.
John [rattling doorknob]
Hey! Charisse. Open the door! Okay. All right! Okay! Okay! [growling] Charisse! Charisse!
[slurping, hiccuping] [chuckles]
Those teenagers, Doc. They can drive a man to drink.
John Hey, what are you drinking?
John Oh, really? Give it to me. [takes water pouch and smells drink]
John Gatorade make wine now, huh?
John You better slow down.
Which one of you is Dolittle?
John What now?
I have a message from the boss.
John From the who?
The boss, the guard beaver. Save the questions and come with me.
John You guys know the rules. You just don't come up here on my balcony. Make an appointment. You make an appointment Now, go. You tell the beaver make an appointment just like everybody else.
I can't tell him that. I'll end up sleeping with the fishes.
John How's it gonna look in the paper when Dolittle throws a possum off the roof? That's not gonna look right. Now, leave, 'cause I will.
John [muffled]
Charisse!
John This is Daddy. How are you?
John I got a couple of questions for you. I wanna know how come I gotta climb up the side of a building and get on a cell phone to talk to you!
Calm down. Where are you?
John [muffled]
I'm outside of the building, right here!
Dad! Dad, what are you doing?
John What am I doing? It's the only way I can reach you! What are you doing in here? What's all of that about? You don't do that in public, do you?
John That's not dancing. That's advertising. What's this about you don't want to spend your birthday with your family?
Having dinner with your family is something you do when you're young, not when you're turning 16. Besides, I have a date.
John You can bring your date 'cause you're coming to dinner.
Cool! Eric, these are my parents and my little sister. They're joining us on our date.
John No, he's gonna be joining us at a family event. We have it every year. I don't even know why-- [finds Charisse's report card] What's this?
John I can see why it's private. it's embarrassing. You got two C's and a D.
Embarrassing? [chuckles] Dad, you are the last person who should talk about anything being embarrassing.
John What are you talking about? What's that supposed to mean?
John [Drunk Monkey screeches, hiccups]
I'm supposed to stop helping the animals because you find it embarrassing?
John That's right. It's not gonna happen. So forget about it. You're coming to dinner. Look at this. No cell phone for a week.
What am I supposed to do without my cell phone?
John Here's some stamps. Learn how to write a letter. You think I care? Do I look like I care? Look at me. No, Charisse.
John Look at me. Do I look like I care? Look. I don't care.
John This is unbelievable. She has 50 numbers in here, not one of them is mine.
You shouldn't be looking at that.
John Why not? "Biggie Mack, cell. Biggie Mack, pager. Biggie Mack, home." Who the (using the other bad word getting censored) is Biggie Mack?
John I'm gonna find out who Biggie Mack is. I don't like that name. What the (using the other bad word getting censored) name is that?
Eldon [phone rings]
What is that?
Eldon's Wife: Marcus's cell phone.
Eldon Cell phone?
Eldon's Wife: Mm-hmm.
Eldon When did he get a cell phone?
Eldon's Wife: Last week.
What are you doing? John!
John Shh! I'm checking out Biggie Mack.
Eldon Hello.
John Hey, who is this?
Eldon Well, who is this?
John Is this Biggie Mack?
Eldon Who wants to know?
John I'm asking the questions here, punk!
Eldon What?
John How old are you?
Eldon None of your (using the other bad word getting censored) business.
John What if I make it my business to find out how old you are?
Eldon Are you threatening me?
John I don't make threats! I'm promising you that if you ever--
Eldon Is this John Dolittle?
Hi, I'm sorry. That's a wrong number.
John That's a grown man on the other end of that phone.
I wish I could say the same thing about you.
[doorbell ringing]
The door.
John I hear the door.
Go get that door right now!
John Who am I, Mr. French? I got to get doors? Just a minute.
Hey, Dr. D. What's up? It's me.
John Me? Who's "me"? Back up, "me."
I'm saying, you gonna let me in? Dr. D. What's going on? Excuse me? Remember me? Eric, Domino's Pizza. Extra cheese, anchovies, guacamole?
John You're the pizza guy, yeah.
John Thanks a lot, man. I forget to give you a tip? I'm sorry.
No, no, that's cool. You gave me something a little better than a tip.
John I'm gonna take care of you. It's nice to have a little--
What's up, baby? What's going on? You ready?
John Hold on. Wait. This is your date?
[chuckling]
My man. What's up?
Uh, Eric? Hmm, no. We have to stay here with the family and eat dinner.
John Hey, Charisse, now, don't be like that. You gonna ruin dinner for everybody. Come on now.
You know what, pops? Don't sweat that. I know how to take care of her.
John Pops?
John Charisse has always had a mind of her own. When she was about a year and a half, she decided not to wear diapers anymore. Remember that?
John She started having accidents around the house 'cause she didn't have it down yet. We'd have little piles--
Dad, you just had to go there, didn't you?
John This is family. We're talking the old days.
It's cool. I'm actually learning something here.
John Really? You know what's interesting? You never learned to take off your hat at the dinner table. Isn't your head getting hot? Mine's hot just looking at you in that hat.
Sixteen! Just think. In two years you'll be out of this house and on your way to college.
One year, ten months, sixteen days.
John You know what? Berkeley's a really close college. You could live at home, save money.
That's a good idea. But I've already reserved a U-Haul for the day I graduated high school.
John Oh. You reserved a U-Haul already?
Uh, Dad? Someone to see you.
John Thank you, sweetie. Excuse me, darling.
John I love you too. Excuse me, Eric.
Hey, hey, yo. Yo, down here. Okay.
John What do you want?
First, let me say the beaver sends birthday greetings to your lovely daughter.
John Really? That's very nice. Tell the beaver he's starting to get on my nerves.
Why are you getting bent out of shape? He only wants a moment of your time.
John What if I say no?
I don't think you want to go down that road, my favorite best friend.
John [knocks on window]
Go and tell the beaver, 8:00, my office, tomorrow.
Oh, the beaver don't travel for nobody. He knows you're a busy man, and he will remember this, but this is truly a life-or-death situation.
John All right, shut up, listen. My car, 7:00 a.m. All right?
Hey, this is good news. The beaver likes good news.
John Thank you.
John Come on, blow your candles out and make a wish.
R1 Rat #1
[Two girls she screams]
Sweet...
Rat #2 Surprise!
R1 Rat #1
Happy birthday!
Rat #2 It's your birthday! It's your birthday!
R1 Rat #1
There's a mouse in the house!
Rat #2 Hey, give me that!
R1 Rat #1
I am licking the candles!
Rat #2 Oh, yeah, you can lick my fat, funky little--
R1 Rat #1
Hey, don't be a piggy!
John Charisse, I'm so sorry.
Rat #2 [John he grabs two rats who popped out of birthday cake.]
Ooh, ouch! Hey, watch the fur! Watch the fur, buddy! We're trying to do something nice for your daughter.
R1 Rat #1
A couple of cute little kitties pop out, you'd say, "Oh, how cute! How cute!"
John [Hanging them over the edge of a window]
But you're not. You're not- You're not-
John Listen, you are not a couple of cute little kitties.
Rat #2 Yes, we are.
John You are two disgusting rats...
Rat #2 No, we're not.
John ...that just ruined the birthday cake.
Rat #2 Oh, so you wanna get personal now, dude? Well, do you know what "rats" spelled backwards is, mister? It's "star!"
R1 Rat #1
That's right! I'm the star, buddy!
John Oh, really, is that right? Well, do you know what "ha" spelled backwards is?
Rat #2 Uh, no, I don't have any--
R Rats
[John he drops them.]
Aaaaah!
John Exactly!
R1 Rat #1
[The two rats land safely in a garbage dump.]
Could it be?
Rat #2 Yes, it is! Baby Diapers!
R1 Rat #1
My favorite! Chocolate!
What do you think you're doing?
I think he's about to say something.
And a large order of flies. Super-sized.
You will bring me ham, luncheon meats, cold cuts.
John Hey. Maya, can I talk to Charisse alone for a second?
John [sighs]
Charisse, look, I'm sorry about tonight. I'm thinking about cutting back a bit and spending more time with you guys.
Great, now more animals will be here.
John What if we don't stay here? We can go on a big vacation to Europe, the whole family.
John I'm dead serious. We can go to Paris, Rome, the Greek islands. We always talked about that. What do you think?
John Yes, this is a bribe.
John Tomorrow!
John Tomorrow.
John Yeah. European vacation. Tomorrow-Tomorrow! We're going to Europe tomorrow.
[narrating]
So, Doc, the raccoon and the possum took a road trip to meet this mysterious beaver.
Hey, Doc, nice wheels. What do you call this thing?
John Oh, this is a Mustang.
[Baby car seat]
Yo, Doc, is there a car named after me?
John No, I don't think they make a Possum.
John Not a lot of cars named after rodents.
I wanna go over a couple ground rules for when you're in the beaver's presence. Number one: No sudden movements. Number two: Do not stare at his teeth. Between you and me, he's got a little bit of an overbite. I personally think he needs braces, but I'm not a dentist. Numbers three through ten: You will treat him with the respect he deserves. Capisce?
John We're talking about a beaver, right?
Hey, Tootie, how you doing?
A Animal
Hey, Doctor, how are you?
Back away from him, Jimmy. Show some respect, you animals.
O Owl
Look, the raccoon got the doctor.
B Bird
He says he's a miracle worker.
John Hello?
Paulie, get the boss ready.
P Paulie
I'm doing everything like you say, Joey. I'm just, I'm gonna go get some acorns.
Eh, Dr. Dolittle, I presume. Welcome to my den. Would you like a fish?
John Oh, no, thank you. I've eaten already.
Hey, the beaver offers you a fish, you take the fish.
I've heard good things about you from some of the Bay Area families.
John From the Bay Area families. Really? [chuckles] What are you guys, some kind of mafia?
Mafia? No. We don't know nothing about no mafia, do we, boys?
John No, that's a myth.
I'm just a simple fisherman who's blessed with many friends. Perhaps you will be one of them.
John What do you guys want from me?
Well, I'm losing my territory.
John What, the other animals moving in on you or something?
Yeah, the human kind. They're cutting down our homes, busting up families. Word is they're cutting down the whole forest.
John Guys, you're talking to the wrong person. You need to contact one of those nature groups like the Sierra Club or, um--
It has to be you, Doc. You're the only one who knows how to speak human.
Yeah, we can't fight humans on our own. They got guns, knives, pullout couches. Sure, I got rabies. I could bite somebody. But I can only do so much!
John You guys have no idea what I'm talking about, do you?
Sure, I do. It's man against nature. But with you on our side, I like the odds.
John Me on your side? I didn't say I was gonna help you. I didn't say.
Doctor, before you say no, I would like you to see what we're talking about.
[sniffling]
It's gone. Everything, gone.
John How do you save a forest, anyway?
It's not gonna feel easy, John. But I would assume the lumber companies have a lot of clout. I do know if there were a threatened or endangered species living in the forest, there are laws that protect it.
John How am I gonna find out if there are any endangered animals in the forest?
Well, you could ask Eugene.
Eugene [He holding the baby orangutan]
We found an endangered species of bear. A female whose mother had been killed by poachers. She's the only Pacific Western bear up there.
John Good. One bear has to be protected.
Eugene Well, no. The lawyers for Potter's Logging Company argued that since she's the only one there, there's no chance for survival of the species anyway. There'd have to be a male too.
Giraffe Pardon me.
John Why don't we get a male up there and let nature take its course?
Eugene Unfortunately, The only male Pacific Western bear we could find was raised in captivity.
Giraffe Excuse me.
Eugene There's never been a bear raised in captivity that's been successfully reintroduced to the wild.
John They've never had the world-famous love doctor making the introductions.
Giraffe Psst! Doctor.
John Excuse me a second.
Giraffe Your man left the barn door open.
Eugene Is something wrong?
John Uh, d- Eh--
Eugene Oh, jeez. Hope that Bam Bam didn't see that.
John Oh, I'm sure... The giraffe is the one that was disgusted.
Eugene I am so sorry.
John I know you're disappointed.
Disappointed? About not going to Europe? Now, Dad, why would I be disappointed?
John I made you a promise. I'm gonna stick to it. If you don't want me to do this, I'll understand. Okay?
Like I can actually say no and not feel guilty for the rest of my life.
John As soon as we get a court order stopping the clear-cutting.
Who's gonna argue the case?
John Wh-Why you looking around?
John What, me? Not me. You.
John Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
John Yes, yes, yes.
No. Don't make me do this.
John Come on. For the animals. [mock whimpering] Do it for the animals.
John That's species-ism. You're a species-ist. You' re a species-ist!
No, Your Honor, we're simply asking for an injunction so that we might have the chance to save a species.
[chuckles]
Your Honor, this is a delaying tactic-slash-publicity stunt. I have affidavits signed by a range of experts who all concur that to take a bear raised in captivity and reintroduce it into the wild is, well, dangerous and irresponsible. Simply put, a bear raised by "circus folk" wouldn't know how to feed itself or interact with real bears, let alone make it through its first winter. No. it would certainly succumb to Darwin's law of nature: survival of the fittest.
Yeah, but Darwin never met my dad.
Judge B. Duff Young lady, that's inappropriate behavior. And just who is your father?
John Sir-- Your Honor, that's me. I'm her father. Name's Dolittle.
Judge B. Duff [spectators murmuring]
Dr. Dolittle. Do you feel you could rehabilitate a tame bear and mate it in the wild with a female?
John Yes, I do, Your Honor.
Judge B. Duff In that case, I'll grant a one-month delay on the harvesting of Campbell's Grove. For one month, Dr. Dolittle. That's it.
John Thank you, sir.
Judge B. Duff And, Doctor, if that bear should so much as set one paw in a campsite or this town, I'll rescind this order immediately.
John; I understand completely. Thank you, Your Honor. Thank you.
R1 Reporter #1
[gavel bangs]
Doctor! Dr. Dolittle! Over here!
R2 Reporter #2
Dr. Dolittle! Dr. Dolittle, you speak to both domestic and wild animals. Can a circus bear relate to a forest bear?
John Well, I don't know much about him except that he's been living in captivity, so I'm sure he'll be really happy to return to the wild.
[Lisa mouths words]
[narrating]
So much for a family vacation. But Doc figured, how hard could this be? That was before he met Archie.
♪♪ [Rock]
E Emce
Ladies and gentlemen, he's the bear with flair, the walking rug with an adorable mug-Archie the bear!
[motorcycle engine revs]
♪ Get your motor running ♪ ♪ Head out on the highway ♪ They love me. Go.
[revving continues]
♪ Born to be wi-i-i-ild ♪
[crash]
Ow! Gee! ♪ And that's the show ♪♪ Whew! Big-boned gal, huh?
John Oh. [chuckles] Yeah, I guess so.
Got any action shots? You know what I'm talking about.
John No, I don't, but listen, you'd be lucky to wind up with somebody like her.
Look, I have had so many girlfriends, you know-- [chuckles] Okay, look, I've never had a girlfriend. just bring her by on Monday. That's when I'm dark. Okay?
John I can't bring her here. You have to go to her.
Whoa, whoa. Go to her? Where?
John Um, she's in the forest.
Ooh, uh, I don't play forests. I'm strictly a state fair, small arena-type bear.
John Archie, Do you know what kind of bear you are?
Um, let's see. Yes. I'm a singer. Dancer-- three years tap, two years jazz.
John No, Archie, you're an endangered species.
Is that a threat, buddy? Because my lawyer will be down here--
John No, I'm not threatening you. You're a very rare bear. You're a Pacific Western bear. You know what that is?
Yes, I know what-- I can play any kind of bear. I've got range. Grizzly, panda. Here, check out my polar. I am freezing! It is cold!
John I haven't made it clear. Let me break it down to you. Your ancestors come from the mountains of California.
John When you were six months old, they took you from your mother and taught you to wiggle your hips to a recording of "Hound Dog."
No, no, I taught myself that. I admit I pander, 'cause I'm a pander bear! Get it? Ha ha ha! Pander!
John Yeah, that's funny stuff, Archie. But listen, what I'm proposing to you is, I'd like to take you back to where your ancestors roamed, get you out in the woods and teach you to be a real bear.
Look, I like the bear I am. Okay? I'm famous! Have you been to the gift shop? I have my own beanie baby.
John You do this, you'll be the most famous bear in all the world.
John Are you kidding me? You pull this off, they'll be saying, "Winnie the who?"
You've got yourself a bear.
[narrating]
So we all moved to the forest and waited for Archie to arrive. While the family settled, it was time I started looking out for number one.
[chuckles]
Huh? ♪ Doo-do-do-do-doo ♪ This looks like as good a place as any. Ah, the simple pleasures of life. Holy lord! That wolf is a fox! I hope I don't have dog breath, you know, from licking my own-- Never mind. Oh, you like that, huh? Yeah, that was me. [chuckles] Plenty more where that came from.
"Grr" to you too. What is that, some kind of secret wild lady dog code for "You like me"? Yeah, I do some dancing. Here's a little move I call the back-scratcher. Pretty cool, huh? H-Hey, hot lady, wait. Where you going? Call me!
[narrating]
And so, the big day finally came, and I had a feeling the fur was gonna fly.
John Okay, everybody, you all know why we're here. We're about to try to do something that's never been done before. Everyone thinks we can't pull this off, and they got their blades sharpened and their trucks ready to roll. But we're gonna prove 'em wrong, right? That's right. Now I want everybody to put their claws together. How about a big round of applause for the bear that's gonna lead the way? Let's hear it for Archie!
John [animal murmuring]
Yeah! Come on!
Are you ready to save the forest? ♪ Put your paws up Put your paws up, come on, now ♪
Is this some kind of joke?
Hey, I wanna go serious on ya for a second. I know I've got my work cut out for me, but with your help I know one thing... [whispers] Now. Go.
♪♪ [piano intro]
♪♪ [up-tempo disco]
[off-key]
♪ I will survive ♪ ♪ Yes, I will survive ♪ ♪ As long as I know how to love I know I'll stay alive ♪ ♪ Yes, I will survive ♪ ♪ As long as I know how to love I know I'll stay alive ♪♪ Everybody!
♪♪ [Archie humming]
Deer We're dead.
FA Forest Animal
This show's over.
R Rabbit
Let's go fool around.
You got your work cut out for you, Doc.
♪♪ [fades]
John You're not a real bear. You're Wayne Newton in a bear suit.
So dirty. Look at my paws.
John It's the woods, Archie. Its chief component is dirt.
Wait. Hey, Doc, is that her? She's a babe.
John Yeah, that's her.
Oh. Look at the way she moves. Man, would I love to see her wet.
John I tell you what. I'm gonna go over and introduce you. You just wait over there. Okay?
Yeah, good. Hey, tell her I really dig her fat pouch, but don't be crude.
John I'll try to work that in.
Okay, good. Wait, hey... Gah!
Are you coming over here? I'm a little busy foraging.
John [Dr. Dolittle meets a Pacific Western bear named Ava and makes a proposition]
Hi.
John Hello. My name is John.
John Hi, Ava. That's a pretty name. Nice to meet you.
John Hey, uh, quick question, Ava. How would you like to meet the man of your dreams?
You're real cute, but I don't go interspecies.
John I'm not talking about me. I shoulding have said man. I should've said bear. The bear of your dreams. What do you think of that big, magnificent hunk of bear there?
Um, I don't think I see him. Oh, is he standing behind that dork?
John Oh, no, he is... Look, let me explain to you what's going on, all right? There's a logging company that's gonna tear down this whole forest, everything. The only thing that can stop 'em... is if I can get two Pacific Western bears together. You're a Pacific Western bear, and so is he. If I can get you together and you made little Pacific Western bears, then-- You see where I'm going with this?
Uh-huh, yeah. [walks away] Look, no offense, but I don't talk to bear pimps.
John Hey, wait a minute. At least let me call him over so you can meet him. Archie, come over here.
Hey, Johnny, there you are. Come on. I thought we were gonna go work out. Jeez.
John Okay, Archie, you're on.
John Get to know her a little. Tell her about yourself.
Hi! I'm Archie. [nervous chuckle] I like moonlit walks on the beach, uh, sharing slop buckets with that special someone, and the soulful sounds of the Backstreet Boys.
John Hey, Archie, uh, why don't you let me take it from here? That was good.
John What do you think of Archie? Cute?
Oh, don't make me eat you.
John Stop that. He's a little uncomfortable around the female species at first--
That's not even really the point. I need a real bear, someone who can hunt and protect and provide for me.
John Oh. Okay. I can understand that.
Oh, and I'm already involved with someone.
John Really? You have a boyfriend already-a "bearfriend." Are you in love this bear?
"Love"? My cousin married for love, and the next thing she knows... he's two-timing her with this hot little grizzly in a cave up north.
John Okay, so you're not in love?
John All right, let's make a deal. Don't make any decisions for a month. I'm gonna go work with Archie, and in a month's time I'm gonna turn that bear... into a bear that you'll be proud to have little bear cubs with.
Check it out! I've flipped for you... [crunch] Pinecone. Gah!
John Hey.
John [sighs, inhales, sighs continues]
Perfect night.
John [crickets chirping]
Sitting' here, breathing fresh country air, listening to the crickets chirp.
John You know what the crickets are saying?
Dad, I don't speak to the animals. You're the one who understands 'em, not me. Little monkeys don't come up to me asking me for a 40-ounce. I don't say, "Can I help you, little animal? Need a shot?" I don't do that. I'm in my room listening to music. You see me talking to the animals?
John Hey, Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey, hey! Slow it down a second. I was just gonna tell you that crickets are natures thermometers, that's all. You can tell how cold it is by how fast they chirp.
It seems a little cold out here, doesn't it?
John Yeah, a little nippy.
Maybe I need to go get my vest. Yeah.
[distant rhythmic thumping] ♪♪ [hip-hop]
[vehicle approaching] ♪♪[car stereo: hip-hop continues]
[chattering laughing]
Yo, Dr. Dre is still the best. Hey, and get a tuneup, man. Get a tuneup. Yo, what's up, baby?
John H-H-Hey! Hey! You left your homey!
John I don't know, Eric. Maybe you should tell me.
Yo, man, I came to visit. Since y'all love me so much, I was gonna stay a couple days.
John No, no. Hell, no. Charisse, I don't understand.
What's not to understand, Dad?
John Eric with bags. I don't understand that.
He's staying here for a couple nights. Mama said so.
John Oh, your mother said so.
John Oh, okay. Eric, you gonna be on the floor in the living room in a sleeping bag, if you don't have a problem with that. By the way, Eric, I'm watching you. And not just me. I got eyes all around the woods. You know I talk to the birds. Right?
John Yes, so watch your back.
John You feel me? Okay. All right. I'm watching... I'm watching you, Eric! I'm watching your back!
TN TV Narrator
Bears are opportunistic eaters, finding food wherever they can.
Can we please see what else is on?
John You need to watch this so you can learn... how to feed yourself and survive during the winter.
What is he doing? Digging?
John You never even wondered what your sharp claws was for?
Narrator Bears are excellent swimmers.
[shudders]
Not this bear.
John I know you're not gonna tell me you don't know how to swim.
Wait, you haven't heard? There's a new invention. it's called... the boat!
John That's the last straw. Get up at dawn. I'm teaching you how to fish.
John Unbelievable.
[narrating]
And so began the bear-athon, a training mission so "grizzly," so un-bear-able, so hairy-that's enough.
John Archie, let's do it. This river's full of fish. Let's go.
John Don't look at me, look at the water. That's where the fish are.
They're moving. Oh, man, one just touched me. One just touched me!
John Look, you big, furry baby, put your face down right now and grab a fish!
John Archie! I want to do just like you saw on TV. Put your face under the water and catch a fish can do it. Come on, man. I'm here with you. Go under the water.
John All right, one, two, three...
Fish #1 [Archie inhales deeply]
That's Archie!
Fish #2 What's up?
Wassup Fish What's up?
[gurgling]
Hey, fellas, what's up?
John Okay, okay, get one.
[gurgling]
Can't breathe!
John Archie!
John Hey! Archie. Archie! [grunting, panting]
John [Archie burps, groans]
Okay, Archie. You tell me how smart do you have to be to lift your head out of the water when you can't breathe?
I saw a light. It was a bright light. It was beautiful.
John Okay, That;s it. We're gonna take you on a little trip right now that's gonna toughen you up. Come on.
John We're gonna find something even you can catch. Come on.
John Go on, eat.
John Come on, eat!
They're-I don't eat, uh- I'm good. Thanks. [sniffs] Okay, am I close?
John It's going great, honey. I'm not even gonna need three weeks. Honey, look, he's already foraging grapes. Right?
Why's he walking away from 'em?
John He's not walking away. He's circling the grapes.
Why? Are they dangerous grapes?
John No, no, the grapes aren't dangerous, Eric.
Seriously, where are the grapes?
John Don't worry, he's doing great. We're right on schedule.
I'm getting dizzy! Ohh! Oh! Oww! [crashing down stairs] I'm okay! Concrete broke my fall! Definite bruise.
Now, explain this again. I'm supposed to climb into a small, dark space and sleep for six months?
John That's what bears do. It's called hibernation.
Sounds more like depression. Wait, how do I eat?
John Well, you don't eat. What you do is, you eat a lot during the summer. That lasts you throughout the whole winter.
Where do I go to the bathroom?
John No going to the bathroom.
[laughing]
What? You're kidding.
John I'm serious. What you do is, a week before you hibernate you start eating things like dirt and moss and hair and grass, and it forms a big plug in your, um-- it p-plugs up your, uh- Uh, you know.
It starts to block my own butt?
John: Yeah, it starts to block all of it up with this big, nasty, hairy plug of hair and grass. It's a big, nasty plug.
Whoa, wait. You want me to sleep for six months with a big cork in my own butt?
John Yeah, that's the other idea of it.
Okay, good-bye! See you later!
John Hey, Archie, come back here!
John Archie!
John Archie, nobody's gonna pick up a hitchhiking bear.
Look, I'll split the gas and sit in the back with the kids.
John Come on, Archie, stop it.
I'm sorry, Doc. This isn't working out for it. I almost drowned. Ava doesn't like me.
John Look, I'm tired of your complaining. Archie. Okay? Look up in this tree. What do you see, huh?
John Right. A bird in his home. On the branch below him there's a squirrel in his home. And there's a little rabbit in his home. All these animals are depending on you. Hey. you can do this. Just listen to your inner bear. Okay? Just trust him. He'll tell you what to do. Just trust him, Archie. Come on.
Okay, but I gotta tell ya, my inner bear has a problem with the butt plug.
John All right, that's it, I'm gonna show you what happens to animals that don't have a home. Come on.
BP Black Pig
[imitating Hannibal Lecter]
Hello, Clarice.
Uh, Doc, this isn't necessary.
John It's time for a little tough love. Come on.
YZ Young Zoo Bear
Look, Iggy! What's the matter, boy? Couldn't make it on the outside?
YZ Young Zoo Bear
Come on in, powder puff.
John Go on in there.
John There's a couple bears inside that want to meet you. Go. Come on.
I'll just sit over on that side of the cell.
John I'm tired of this madness.
[phone rings]
Don't be scared.
YZ Young Zoo Bear
I'll bite ya!
John Yes, Dolittle. Oh, hi, honey!
OZ Old Zoo Bear
Don't like to hunt? Don't like to fish? You know what I would give to be in the forest instead of in this dump?
YZ Young Zoo Bear
Do I hear someone talking?
YZ Young Zoo Bear
See, that's the problem with kids today-no respect. Kid think he knows my life.
OZ Old Zoo Bear
He needs us to teach him a lesson.
OZ Old Zoo Bear
I'm gonna give him a bear hug. Get over here let me give you a bear hug. Get over here, Tiny.
John No, it's actually going quite well. I finally got this under control.
B Bears
[snapping]
♪ Her name was Lola ♪
B Bears
♪ She was a show bear ♪
John Lisa, let me call you back.
B Bears
♪ With yellow feathers in her hair ♪ ♪ And her dress cut down to there ♪
Doc, apparently everyone in this place loves musicals.
B Bears
[♪♪ continues, fades]
I'm kidding. I'll try harder.
[narrating]
Meanwhile, the doctor gave Archie and me some lessons of our own.
Can you leave a bit for me? Technically, it is my--
[wolf growls]
Just a thought.
John Hey! What's going on here?
I've just been blessed, I feel I need to give back to the hot lady dog.
John You don't have to put up with that. Get outta here!
wolf growls]
John What's the matter with you two? Don't you know that every female is looking for the strongest male?
But what about personality?
John Shut up and listen. The strongest male is called the alpha male. The alpha male wants everybody to know he's the boss male. You have to be him-- the boss of all the males. You have to learn how to walk like the alpha male. Walk the other walk.
John And talk the alpha male talk!
Lucky; I'm on the other walk.
John It's about power and respect. It's about pure, uncompromised, testosterone-driven male power!
John, didn't I ask you to line the garbage pails?
John You try to line them your (using the other word getting censored) self, woman!
John I-I'm sorry, honey. I was talking to the animals. I got a little riled up. I was teaching them something.
Stop trying to mess with those animals here and go and get us something to eat.
John I'm on my way. Going right now, honey.
Way to go, alpha male. Talk the talk.
John Shut up!
Who are you telling to shut up?
John I wasn't talking to you. I was talking to the animals. I'm just going to get the other food.
John You sure you don't want another one of these things?
John Okay. I got a question for you, Archie. Let's say you spend your whole life in show business. Right? What's gonna be your big finish? Every act has to have a big finish.
Big finish? Check it out. San Francisco Bee. Quote. "The best thing about Archie's act is when it's finished." End quote.
John No, I mean in life. Who you gonna share your success with, your hopes, dreams, fears and failures? I tell you what. Everything I do wouldn't mean anything if didn't have my wife and kids to go home to.
Sometimes I do get very lonely. I've never been in love.
John Okay, this is your big chance. I think Ava really likes you.
Did she say something? What'd she say?
John You gotta learn to read between the lines sometimes.
John Hey, let's not get carried away. All right, Archie?
I feel like I'm about to burst. So, this is what love feels like, wright? Oh. Or maybe it's the marshmallows. [burps]
John I think it's the marshmallows. You ate a whole bag of 'em.
Doc, tomorrow you're gonna see a brand-new bear.
John You know, Archie, I think I'm gonna call it a night.
Don't go. It's a little scary out here for me. Can you stay here till I fall asleep?
John Okay, I'll wait till you fall asleep. Then I'm leaving.
John Yes, sir?
Can you leave the light on?
John Okay, light stays on.
I'll keep these there, okay?
John 'Night, Archie.
'Night, Doc. If you want a marshmallow, just gotta ask me, okay?
Look out, Ava! There's a new Archie in town! Oh, yeah! That feels good! Feel it coming! Feel the burn! Feel the wind! Feel the muscle cramp! Oww! Aah! Oww!
John Come on, Archie, don't quit. Dig deep. Let's go!
I think I pulled my butt muscle. Ouch. It stings. My butt stings. Could you rub my butt? Could you rub it, please? Rub my own butt. Come back here, rub my own butt. Please rub my own butt.
[narrating]
Doc finally realized he was never gonna make Archie fast enough or strong enough to impress Ava, but maybe, maybe he could make him sweet enough.
Wow, how beautiful can anybody feel?
John Why don't you need to tell her that?
Oh, I don't know. I... Oh, my... What is that?
John Oh, that's Sonny. That's her little "bearfriend." She told me about him.
John Hey, don't get discouraged, man. Listen, you can win her over. The key to winning a woman over is, figure out what she likes. Take my wife.
John Don't do that. This is serious.
John My wife, she likes to be surprised.
Like jumping out of the bushes, screaming?
John No, nothing like that. They like romance. Do something romantic. Something that says, "I'm thinking about you all the time." You know?
Wow, that's really nice. You do something like that for now?
John I used to. But lately I've been, you know, all caught up in this, so I guess I'm a little out of practice.
John Okay, candles, fruit, cheese, wine. Perfect.
John Oh, hey, honey. I'll tell you what I'm doing. It's all about you tonight, baby. I've sent the children to the other movies, and the bear is camping in the woods. We're alone.
John [clears throat]
One second.
No, you cannot see me. I am at one with the couch. I am blended perfectly, interwoven into every fiber. Oops! I can give you some pointers!
John So much for the intrusions.
Hey, come on. It ain't no fun if the homeys can't see none.
John Now, where were we?
You were thinking candles and wine would make up for ignoring me the last few days.
John I'm trying to sense a little resistance. I took that into consideration. Here's something you need to resist.
♪♪ [Stereo: R&B Ballad]
LR Lionel Richie
♪ And I feel with you ♪
John [Lisa chuckles]
Is this our wedding song?
♪ In my arms ♪
John Is this the first thing you ever danced to as Mrs. Dolittle?
[Lisa laughing] ♪ This love will last ♪
The other show is about to start.
♪ Forever ♪
John It is! It truly is!
♪ 'Cause I'm ♪ ♪ Truly ♪
John ♪ I'm truly in love ♪
♪ With Mrs. Dolittle ♪
♪ Truly in love ♪
John [singing along]
♪ Truly in love with you, girl ♪
♪♪ [continues]
Let me tell you, he scratched my belly the other day, my leg went crazy.
♪ Head over heels with your love ♪♪
Apparently, he's truly, truly in love with her.
Hey, Doc, give her some garbage. Chicks like garbage.
John How about planting a little sugar on Dr. D's lips?
John Oh, really?
Deer He broke her! [gasps]
John Get outta here, all of you!
John This ain't no peep show!
But this is really helpful. I'm learning a lot. Truly.
John Just get out of here. We'll discuss it tomorrow.
You're gonna discuss what tomorrow?
John Oh. Well, I w-I was- Well, baby, why don't we just pick it up where we left off.
John Hmm?
Why don't you sleep on the couch?
W-Wait, what'd she say, Doc?
John She said she loves me much, I get to sleep on the couch.
John Yes, I'm the man. I'm the man on the couch. [clears throat]
John Hey, come on out of there, Archie.
John I'm sure it wasn't that bad.
It was the rudest thing I've ever done before or once or since, and everyone knows I once rode a unicycle in a tutu! A tutu!
John Okay, I understand, but we can fix this. We just have to work harder.
Nope, I'm just gonna stay here and hibernate.
Tell him to stay in there. We're making our own bear suit.
John No, Archie's fine.
Good, bcause we were wondering, would it be alright if every animal in the whole forest stays with you next week?
John Alright, Archie. I'm not playing anymore. You come out here right now, you big coward!
Uh, excuse me, who are you calling a coward?
John You. I'm calling you a coward. You're a big coward for quitting like this!
John You wanna know what "hard" is, Archie? My wife is mad at me, my daughter's mad at me, and I'm spending my vacation with a pizza boy, who greets me by saying "Hey yo, Dr. D, what's up?" Now, I'm standing here listening to a big, furry baby crying, telling me he wants to quit, because it's too hard!
[whines]
Well, Ava laughed at me!
John [mocking Archie]
"Oh, boo-hoo! Ava laughed at me! I love her, and I need her, and she laughed at me!" You know something, you don't even deserve Ava! Why should Ava have to spend her life with a [pokes him] coward like you?
Hey. Don't poke the bear, buddy.
John Oh, I didn't poke a bear, because if I poked a bear, a bear would be mauling me. So, I dunno what I poked, but it sure ain't no bear! [pokes him again]
John [pokes him again]
Yeah, and I'm poking you!
John [pokes him three times]
Alright, poke, poke, poke!
Alright, that's it!! [pushes John over the edge]
John Aaah!
John [he tries to fall off and lands his back in the mud.]
Archie, that hurt.
Whoa, that felt good. Bear-like.
John Hey, Archie, you know what? You're beyond my help! You just take your back to the circus!
A bear? Whoo-hoo! I'm a bear! I'm the alpha bear! Rawr! RAAWWRRR! Uh, bears say "grr," right?
Should we, uh, put all our cards on the table?
This bear you brought up here has as much likelihood of making... little bear babies as Riley here. Ain't-a-gonna happen. But, on the other hand, thanks to you, I'm not exactly drowning in favorable publicity. So, here's my offer. I will set aside ten acres, turn it into a sanctuary. You can bring all your little animal buddies there. Plus, you'll be saving face. You won't have to admit you failed. You don't look like a fool.
John Look, ten acres is ridiculous.
The deadline is Wednesday at 12:00 noon. Let me be clear. At 12:01, we'll be sending in every logger, every piece of logging equipment we've got. For Friday, there won't be a tree standing.
John [sighs]
I need to run this by my favorite wife.
Excellent idea. There's a pay phone in the back.
John Excuse me.
Calling the wife. Always a sign of weakness.
Whoo-hoo, woo, woo. Hey, Johnny.
John What are you doing?
Doc, I know what to do. I've got my big finish.
John Look. Come in here. Quick.
All right. Hey, I don't think I'm allowed in here.
John Okay, listen. I got to tell you. This thing is over.
I'm just sorry I dragged you into all of this.
John I'm going to have to get you an audition in Vegas or something. These guys offered me a deal, and it's the best I can do.
No, no, no. The best you can do is not give up on me, Doc. Come on. You told me, "Listen to your inner bear." Remember?
John I don't know, Archie.
Look, I know how I can win Ava.
John Okay. I know I'm nuts or something. I'm just gonna give it another shot. I'll just give you one chance.
John Okay, let me get over...
John What do you mean "uh-oh?"
John What ice cream?
After Sonny took Ava, I got depressed, and went on a bender. And on the second gallon, I realize, that I'm in love with Ava, and this ice cream called "Cherry Garcia". [belches]
John Hey, don't you dare throw up on me!
[groans]
That's not where it's gonna come out! [groans]
John Wait, wait, wait, hold on! If you have to do that, then sit on the toilet!
John Wait! You gotta lift the lid up first.
This is not going to be big enough! Oh, boy!
John You'll be fine. Just sit there. I'm gonna keep guard outside.
John Take care of what you got to take care. Hey. I'll be with you in one second. I'm gonna take care of business.
Who you talking to in there?
John I'm talking to myself. I was- Sometimes you got to coax it down.
John Give my sphincter a little pep talk. Excuse me. Come on down, you.
John I gotta stay in here with you. Let me get the window open. Don't do nothing till I get the window open.
John The window only opens a little bit. That's not going to be enough.
John [Archie breaking wind]
Oh, hey, hey! You're doing it, aren't you? Wow!
Whoo-hoo-hoo! [Breaking Wind]
John It's worse than I imagined.
[breaking wind]
Whoo! [breaking wind]
John Ohh! Ohh! Oh, Archie! You just had ice cream? That's not just ice cream. Oh, Archie!
[breaks wind]
Oh, it ain't that bad. Come on. Whoo!
John [toilet flushing]
Gentlemen, uh, no deal. Thanks for your time.
Seeing-Eye Dog [sniffs] [snores]
Hmm! Is that me?
John Hey.
John Well, I told Potter no deal.
I thought it wasn't working with Archie.
John Archie thinks he can win Ava over. I'm gonna see this through.
So that means we're stuck here? Oh!
John Hey, Charisse. Hey. Charisse. Hey, it's a long walk back to the city. Hey, we're not getting along too good, are we?
John I wanna go home too. We're going home. But there's something else that's bothering you, isn't it? I'm not saying it's all your fault. Maybe it's my fault. Maybe it's a phase you're going through. But something's bothering you. Your mother thinks you got a problem, and you're not telling us about it.
John You sure? There's nothing bothering you?
John Charisse.
John Charisse.
John Okay, now. I'm not saying you have a problem, but if you do we always work things out. Right?
John You're cool?
John All right. 'Cause your mother was a little worried. And I was starting-
John Okay. Okay. Yeah.
John Yes? Yes? I know something was bothering you. What is it? Come on, talk to me. You know, daddy to daughter. Break it down. You can cry, whatever. We can cry together, if that's- What is it?
John Stop.
It must be the mountains messing me up, 'cause I'm fine.
John You sure you're all right?
John She's all right! You have your little space. I'll be in the house.
John Okay.
Talking time's done. It's time to be bold for Ava.
H Hawk
He's going after the hive! He's going after the hive!
Boy, this cliff's higher than I remember.
John So this is your big plan? Archie, you get back here right now! Come back in!
No way, Doc. I'm gonna do this or die trying.
That bear is one bad mother.
John Archie, what are you doing? Archie, you get back in here right now. Stop playing!
I don't think I'm gonna win Ava by eating a bunch of worms. I'm never gonna feel happier than Sonny. I need to show her how much she means to me.
John Yeah, and if you fall, it's gonna prove that you're stupid and dead, Archie.
Sonny What's going on around here? Oh, circus boy's got a new trick.
Okay, I got it. I got it.
That log ain't gonna hold him. And I know logs.
[log creaking]
Okay! Ohh!
John Don't move, Archie! Don't move!
John Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa!
John [bees buzzing]
What's happening? Hold still! I'll talk to them. Work something out. Don't you move.
They're stinging me! No, no!
John Uh, guys, uh-
[Bees buzzing]
I can't see! Ooh! They're stinging! Get away from me!
John No, no, no! No attack! Hey! Stop!
B1 Bee #1
Defend the hive!
John Ow! Hey, Archie!
B1 Bee #1
Get the little guy!
B1 Bee #1
[Bee #2 yelling] [Jack Riley gasps]
Protect the hive! Attack!
John Archie! Archie! Hey, Archie! Hey! [grunting]
John Archie, get back in here!
Sonny Jump, circus boy!
Good job, Archie! Way to go, Archie! All right!
P Porcupine
Woo! Woo! Woo!
That kid's got moxie. I love him.
John Okay. Okay, what's the matter with you, huh? What'd you do something like that for, huh? Are you crazy?
Sonny I could have got that hive if I wanted it. Come on, Ava, before I get mad.
Sonny, we're not working out. So, take a hike.
Eugene Okay, folks, let's move it back now. We got a wild animal, coming through. Wild animal, coming through. I know you've all seen the show When Animals Attack. Have you seen When Animals Wake Up and Attack? Now, there's nothing more dangerous... than a half-sedated, half-unsedated bear. They have big, sharp teeth and claws-
John Excuse me. I'm Dr. Dolittle. What happened in here?
Eugene Well, he broke down the back door, and we found him ransacking the kitchen.
John No.
Eugene I'm sorry, Dr. Dolittle. I was rooting for you. All right, let's move it out! Show's over! Let's go!
John Hey, Archie, it's me. What happened?
[groggy]
Hey. I was so close, Doc. They came out of nowhere. And I... Are you ready to save the forest? [mumbles]
The good news is, we're setting aside ten acres of forest. We're calling it the Dr. Dolittle Wildlife Sanctuary. We're very pleased about that. Ah, speak of the devil.
M Man
Can we ask you a few questions?
John You think you won this thing, but you haven't.
Fine. We'll just level your forest and call it a tie. Thanks very much, folks. That's it for today. Thank you.
[Reporters shouting questions]
John If only I had an eyewitness. Did anybody see what happened?
Yeah. We got one problem. He's a frigging weasel.
John Oh, really. What'd he do?
I mean he's an actual frigging weasel. Hey, weasel, the doctor's here.
Lennie Okay, you know what, that's Mr. Weasel.
John Mr. Weasel, did you see what happened to the bear?
Lennie Ooh, the big scary bear. Did I see what happened-
John Did you see anything or not?
Lennie Okay, here's the deal. Give me that shiny wristwatch of yours, and I'll tell you what you need to know.
John You're such a weasel.
Lennie Oh, thank you.
John Potter's people set Archie up. I got a witness.
An animal? You can't offer that into evidence.
John Well, you got any better ideas?
Well, I-I'll stall for time. Maybe we'll get a private investigator.
John Those trucks are ready to roll. They're taking Archie to a zoo in Mexico.
John, if you go on the witness stand, Riley is gonna tear you to shreds.
John Well, what do I have to lose?
John Look, I don't care. I'm not giving up on those animals this easy. Not without a fight. Excuse me.
[Lisa sighs]
Your Honor, we admit it was a setback. But we would like one more week to rehabilitate the bear.
Might I suggest perhaps counsel would like to, uh, admit the animal into the Betty Ford clinic.
[Spectators laughing]
Or the Yogi Bear clinic.
What if I could prove the entire thing was a setup?
Judge B. Duff That would be a very serious allegation. Do you intend to present evidence?
John Your Honor, can I address the court, just for a minute?
Judge B. Duff Go ahead.
John Sir, we have an eyewitness who'll testify that they heard a gunshot, then they saw a truck backing up to the area where the shot was fired.
Judge B. Duff Is that witness in the courtroom?
John No. Not in the courtroom with us, because, um, he's, uh- He's a weasel.
Judge B. Duff [spectators laughing, gavel pounding, spectators laughing continues]
Order!
John Your Honor, I know this-this seems very unreasonable. But I can talk to animals. One of them did come forward with this information.
Your Honor, if it pleases the court, I have no problem allowing Dr. Dolittle or counsel the opportunity to question the eyewitness. I would just ask for a brief recess so that I have opportunity to get a camera. I'd like a snapshot of the animal being sworn in.
Judge B. Duff [spectators laughing]
That's enough!
Does the weasel need immunity? We could provide animal protection program.
Judge B. Duff [spectators laughing continues] [gavel pounding]
That's enough. I will not allow you to make a mockery of my courtroom. The deadline has passed. Motion to extend denied.
That's a shame. You hate to see it.
R1 Reporter #1
[Joe Potter laughing]
Uh, Dr. Dolittle, will you appeal?
R2 Reporter #2
Is this the end of the line?
R1 Reporter #1
Dr. Dolittle, can you tell us what the weasel said?
Hey. Hey, Doc. Okay. Come to get me out?
John Sort of.
Sort of? What do you mean, sort of?
John I couldn't really prove your story, Archie. So they, um...
What? They wh-what? They what?
John They think you're too dangerous to be set free, so- [Inhales]
John [exhales]
They sold you to a Mexican circus.
John Archie, I am- I'm so sorry.
John For everything. Dragging you out here and putting you through all this stuff. Giving you hope. I feel like I ruined your life.
Ruined my life? Doc, you gave me a life. You're the one who taught me about love. And no one can ever take that away from me.
John Hey, Charisse. What are you doing down here?
Mom wanted me to tell you that her motion for an appeal has been denied.
John Well, we knew it was a long shot anyway. So, Archie, at least you'll be back in show business.
Ehh, that's not what I want anymore. I just want Ava.
John I know you want Ava.
[During Archie's detention, as John and Charisse visit him.]
Looks like I wasn't meant to be loved.
Everyone's meant to be loved.
John That's right. Everyone's meant to- [caught by surprise at Charisse's newfound ability] Charisse. Oh, my God! Charisse, since when?
A couple of weeks now. At first, it was kind of fuzzy. But, uh, now it's really clear.
John And this is what you've been keeping from us, right?
I didn't want to say anything because I didn't want to become a freak.
John You're not going to become a freak. Not at all. Hey, look. When it started happening to me, I got scared too. You're just looking at it the wrong way. This is a good thing.
John Look at all the good that's come out of it already.
John Well, look at us, like this, huh? How about this, huh? Mm.
Hey, guys. Now I know what I've been missing. A family. I guess that's something I'll never have.
Dad, you got to help him. Isn't there something that we can do? And it's not just him. It's all the animals. There's so many of 'em.
John Yeah, there are so many of 'em.
John [forest animals chattering]
You guys have given up, haven't you?
Hey, what am I gonna do? I'm six years old. I'm not a young beaver no more. Besides, we've been living in this forest how long?
About a hundred years we've been shaking down this forest, boss.
John Look, I tried to do this by myself, but I can't. So if you guys want to save your homes, you're gonna have to help me. And whether or not you believe it, you guys have enormous untapped power.
John [Drunk Monkey blows raspberry]
When people talk about the best of the best, it's always an animal expression. You got a heart like a lion. Or he's as strong as an ox. He's got eyes like an eagle. Or he can move swift like a gazelle. Or you stink like a skunk.
John Sorry about that, man. I'm trying to make my point. What I'm trying to say is, we can do this! We can do it! Just don't give up without a fight!
Let the word go out from Sicily to SeaWorld. The trucks don't move! Capisce?
John Yeah! All right!
FA Forest Animals
The beaver's right! Got it! [cheering]
John Yeah! Yeah!
P Pigeon
Hey, Archie. All the animals are working together. You'll be out of here in no time.
It's ridiculous. Animals can't organize.
You may want to take a look at this for yourself then.
MO Man on TV
All over the world, animals have organized. They're striking in Paris, Texas, in Paris, France, in Brooklyn, in Mexico and in Canada.
I'm sure I'm going to regret this in the morning, but maybe you should talk with Dolittle.
And what? Give in to a bunch of beasts and lower life-forms? I took on the Democrats. I can take on a bunch of animals.
Mouse [mouse squeaking]
Charge!
[mouse squeaking] [Jack Riley gasps]
Go on!
Mouse Look out!
Mouse Watch it!
Mouse Retreat!
Mouse Medic!
MP Male Pigeon #1
We have two bogeys, bearing Alpha Tango Niner.
MP Male Pigeon #2
[bird cawing]
We are locked on targets.
MP Male Pigeon #1
Commence bombing!
MP Male Pigeon #2
[bird cawing]
Roger that, sir.
MP Male Pigeon #1
Well done, men! I got your wing, man! The party ain't over yet!
Don't make any sudden moves.
MP Male Pigeon #1
[wolf growling, barking] [Joe Potter yelling]
Attack! Back 'em up! Poop's away! Firing number two! Let's return to base and reload.
Sir, you, uh, you-you've locked the, uh-
You've locked the door, sir!
I think you should run. Run!
I'm an attorney. I'm not with him.
B Bee
There he is again! Get the little guy! Banzai!
[Joe Potter chuckling, gasps] [Sonny roars]
No, please! No, no. I'm sure we can work something out. I'm just reaching for my phone. I'm gonna call Dr. Dolittle.
Whoa, whoa. No sudden movements, or I'm gonna bite you in the cannolis
Uh, hello. The number for Dr. John Dolittle, please. Not Stuart Little. Dolittle.
John [phone rings]
Dolittle. Oh, Mr. Potter. How are you, sir?
Oh, I could be better. I'm here with a couple of your friends.
John I know you can't possibly believe that animals are organizing.
Uh, well, you know, I don't know what to think anymore.
John Tell you what. Let's put our cards on the table. I will be more than happy to set up a meeting between you and these animals... so you can work out your problem.
John Hey, look. it's the only way you're gonna be able to save face. You won't have to admit you were wrong, and you can get out without looking like an idiot.
Okay, okay. Look, anything. Just-Just call them off.
John Okay. All right, listen, put the raccoon on the phone.
He wants to speak to you. Make it short.
[clears throat]
Hello. Yeah. No, no. I got it under control. Hey, we'll call youse back.
John All right. First off, let me say that I'm here only as a mediator. And these negotiations will be between Mr. Potter... and the representatives of the United Animals of the Forest, local 534.
Yeah. Let's come to order.
John All right.
What's the stipulations, Doc? What kind of territory are we looking at?
John It's only, uh, 12 acres here. It's 12 acres.
I got your 12 acres right here, pal.
I'll give you something you like. Like this. [urinating]
John I think that's a "no." Or "hell no," maybe.
[narrating]
Meanwhile, the strike kept growing. Even the pros were getting in on the act.
MO Man on P.A.
The last few runners left to load now for one of the biggest spectacles of the year: It's Derby time. Last horse is in. Gate's closed. And away they go!
H Horses
Hell, no! We won't go! Hell, no! We won't go! Hell, no! We won't go!
Horse Jockey Run your own stupid race!
Horse You try running a mile. Don't even think about reaching for that whip, shorty.
ST Shamu Trainer
Ladies and gentlemen, Shamu!
ST Shamu Trainer
[audience cheering, applause]
This is Shamu!
S Shamu
[audience muttering]
Nah. I don't feel like jumping through any hoops today. Any of you guys?
KW Killer Whale #1
Uh-uh.
KW Killer Whale #2
No, no. Not today. I just ate. Uh-uh.
John Mr. Potter, I hope we have a deal now.
Yeah! Good job. Taught him everything he knows.
Vive le bear! Vive le Archie! Vive le docteur! [hiccups]
Come on, give me a bear hug. Come on!
John Oh, no. Absolutely not, Archie.
You're not leaving here until you get a bear hug.
John All right, give me a hug then. just a little one.
John Okay. All right. That's good. Archie-- [gagging] Archie! Archie, you're crushing my spine. [gasping] Archie!
Bye-bye. Drive safe now. Buckle up.
John Hey, Archie, you in there?
John Man, I just stopped by to say so long.
Oh. Thanks. For everything.
John You are quite welcome.
She's in heat. Excuse me, Doc. I got to go save the species. [chuckles]
John Oh. Go do your thing, Archie. Yeah, Archie. Archie! [chuckles] Oh, Archie.
[narrating]
Yeah, it was quite a summer.
John Hey, Lucky. What are you doing?
What am I doing? Hmm. Let me phrase it this way. [clears throat, howling]
John [wolf howling continues]
You too, huh?
[narrating]
And Charisse and the Doc were closer than ever.
Oh, come on. Cheer up, Pepito. You'll get it eventually.
No, I won't. I will never blend in. I have a broken blender.
You will blend in. Trust me. You will blend in.
How? How will Pepito ever blend in? Pepito sucks. [gasps] Look at me! I'm blending in! I'm invisible!
John That's right. You're invisible. Great job, honey.
Did you ever doubt me? The blendmaster is back.
John How about that?
I am king of the third world. Hey, can we do the whole house like this? Is very feng shui.
[narrating]
But the best news of all came the following spring.
Boy Bear Cub No, you don't know what you're talking about.
Kids, come on- Hey! Ooh! Over here! Kids! Whoo-hoo! Over here! Okay. Now, it's step, step, turn, kick, step.
Papa, I thought it was step, kick, turn, step, step.
Come on, kids. We open in six weeks.
Oh. [chuckles] I did, honey. We're just playing. Okay, now from the chorus. Five, six, seven, eight...
A All
♪ I will survive I will survive ♪ ♪ For as long as I know how to love ♪ ♪ I know I'll stay alive ♪
♪ I've got all my life to live ♪ ♪ I've got all my love to give ♪ ♪ And I'll survive I will survive ♪ ♪ Hey, yeah ♪♪
[fades]
