No, Your Honor, we're simply asking for an injunction so that we might have the chance to save a species.
Jack Riley [chuckles]
Your Honor, this is a delaying tactic-slash-publicity stunt. I have affidavits signed by a range of experts who all concur that to take a bear raised in captivity and reintroduce it into the wild is, well, dangerous and irresponsible. Simply put, a bear raised by "circus folk" wouldn't know how to feed itself or interact with real bears, let alone make it through its first winter. No. it would certainly succumb to Darwin's law of nature: survival of the fittest.
Yeah, but Darwin never met my dad.
JB Judge B. Duff
Young lady, that's inappropriate behavior. And just who is your father?
Sir-- Your Honor, that's me. I'm her father. Name's Dolittle.
JB Judge B. Duff
[spectators murmuring]
Dr. Dolittle. Do you feel you could rehabilitate a tame bear and mate it in the wild with a female?
JB Judge B. Duff
In that case, I'll grant a one-month delay on the harvesting of Campbell's Grove. For one month, Dr. Dolittle. That's it.
JB Judge B. Duff
And, Doctor, if that bear should so much as set one paw in a campsite or this town, I'll rescind this order immediately.
John; I understand completely. Thank you, Your Honor. Thank you.
R1 Reporter #1
[gavel bangs]
Doctor! Dr. Dolittle! Over here!
R2 Reporter #2
Dr. Dolittle! Dr. Dolittle, you speak to both domestic and wild animals. Can a circus bear relate to a forest bear?
Well, I don't know much about him except that he's been living in captivity, so I'm sure he'll be really happy to return to the wild.
[Lisa mouths words]
R Reporter
And in what must be one of the most unusual stories of the year, Dr. John Dolittle is trying to rewrite the laws of nature by attempting to reintroduce a performing bear into the wild. In doing so, he hopes to save an entire forest from destruction. It's Darwin versus Dolittle.
Jack Riley Oh, get over yourself.
Governor, I've got two lumber mills waiting for that wood.
G Governor
I understand, Joe, but it's complicated. Especially if that endangered bear survives.
I don't meet my quota, Governor, you're the one who's gonna be endangered.
Jack Riley Now, now, J.P., not to worry.
G Governor
That ridiculous bear is bound to screw up at least once.
Jack Riley And when he does, you'll have yourself a new trophy.
And I've got just the place to put him.
Should we, uh, put all our cards on the table?
Jack Riley Of course.
This bear you brought up here has as much likelihood of making... little bear babies as Riley here. Ain't-a-gonna happen. But, on the other hand, thanks to you, I'm not exactly drowning in favorable publicity. So, here's my offer. I will set aside ten acres, turn it into a sanctuary. You can bring all your little animal buddies there. Plus, you'll be saving face. You won't have to admit you failed. You don't look like a fool.
Look, ten acres is ridiculous.
Jack Riley The deadline is Wednesday at 12:00 noon. Let me be clear. At 12:01, we'll be sending in every logger, every piece of logging equipment we've got. For Friday, there won't be a tree standing.
[sighs]
I need to run this by my favorite wife.
Jack Riley Excellent idea. There's a pay phone in the back.
Jack Riley Calling the wife. Always a sign of weakness.
Whoo-hoo, woo, woo. Hey, Johnny.
Doc, I know what to do. I've got my big finish.
Look. Come in here. Quick.
All right. Hey, I don't think I'm allowed in here.
Okay, listen. I got to tell you. This thing is over.
I'm just sorry I dragged you into all of this.
I'm going to have to get you an audition in Vegas or something. These guys offered me a deal, and it's the best I can do.
No, no, no. The best you can do is not give up on me, Doc. Come on. You told me, "Listen to your inner bear." Remember?
Look, I know how I can win Ava.
Okay. I know I'm nuts or something. I'm just gonna give it another shot. I'll just give you one chance.
What do you mean "uh-oh?"
After Sonny took Ava, I got depressed, and went on a bender. And on the second gallon, I realize, that I'm in love with Ava, and this ice cream called "Cherry Garcia". [belches]
Hey, don't you dare throw up on me!
[groans]
That's not where it's gonna come out! [groans]
Wait, wait, wait, hold on! If you have to do that, then sit on the toilet!
Wait! You gotta lift the lid up first.
This is not going to be big enough! Oh, boy!
You'll be fine. Just sit there. I'm gonna keep guard outside.
Take care of what you got to take care. Hey. I'll be with you in one second. I'm gonna take care of business.
Jack Riley Who you talking to in there?
I'm talking to myself. I was- Sometimes you got to coax it down.
Jack Riley Right.
Give my sphincter a little pep talk. Excuse me. Come on down, you.
I gotta stay in here with you. Let me get the window open. Don't do nothing till I get the window open.
The window only opens a little bit. That's not going to be enough.
[Archie breaking wind]
Oh, hey, hey! You're doing it, aren't you? Wow!
Whoo-hoo-hoo! [Breaking Wind]
It's worse than I imagined.
[breaking wind]
Whoo! [breaking wind]
Ohh! Ohh! Oh, Archie! You just had ice cream? That's not just ice cream. Oh, Archie!
[breaks wind]
Oh, it ain't that bad. Come on. Whoo!
[toilet flushing]
Gentlemen, uh, no deal. Thanks for your time.
SE Seeing-Eye Dog
[sniffs] [snores]
Hmm! Is that me?
Talking time's done. It's time to be bold for Ava.
H Hawk
He's going after the hive! He's going after the hive!
Boy, this cliff's higher than I remember.
Jack Riley Bye-bye, species.
So this is your big plan? Archie, you get back here right now! Come back in!
No way, Doc. I'm gonna do this or die trying.
That bear is one bad mother.
Archie, what are you doing? Archie, you get back in here right now. Stop playing!
I don't think I'm gonna win Ava by eating a bunch of worms. I'm never gonna feel happier than Sonny. I need to show her how much she means to me.
Yeah, and if you fall, it's gonna prove that you're stupid and dead, Archie.
S Sonny
What's going on around here? Oh, circus boy's got a new trick.
Okay, I got it. I got it.
That log ain't gonna hold him. And I know logs.
[log creaking]
Okay! Ohh!
Don't move, Archie! Don't move!
Jack Riley Break! Break!
[bees buzzing]
What's happening? Hold still! I'll talk to them. Work something out. Don't you move.
They're stinging me! No, no!
[Bees buzzing]
I can't see! Ooh! They're stinging! Get away from me!
No, no, no! No attack! Hey! Stop!
B1 Bee #1
Defend the hive!
B1 Bee #1
Get the little guy!
B1 Bee #1
[Bee #2 yelling] [Jack Riley gasps]
Protect the hive! Attack!
Archie! Archie! Hey, Archie! Hey! [grunting]
Archie, get back in here!
S Sonny
Jump, circus boy!
Good job, Archie! Way to go, Archie! All right!
P Porcupine
Woo! Woo! Woo!
That kid's got moxie. I love him.
Okay. Okay, what's the matter with you, huh? What'd you do something like that for, huh? Are you crazy?
S Sonny
I could have got that hive if I wanted it. Come on, Ava, before I get mad.
Sonny, we're not working out. So, take a hike.
E Eugene
Okay, folks, let's move it back now. We got a wild animal, coming through. Wild animal, coming through. I know you've all seen the show When Animals Attack. Have you seen When Animals Wake Up and Attack? Now, there's nothing more dangerous... than a half-sedated, half-unsedated bear. They have big, sharp teeth and claws-
Excuse me. I'm Dr. Dolittle. What happened in here?
E Eugene
Well, he broke down the back door, and we found him ransacking the kitchen.
E Eugene
I'm sorry, Dr. Dolittle. I was rooting for you. All right, let's move it out! Show's over! Let's go!
Hey, Archie, it's me. What happened?
[groggy]
Hey. I was so close, Doc. They came out of nowhere. And I... Are you ready to save the forest? [mumbles]
Jack Riley The good news is, we're setting aside ten acres of forest. We're calling it the Dr. Dolittle Wildlife Sanctuary. We're very pleased about that. Ah, speak of the devil.
M Man
Can we ask you a few questions?
You think you won this thing, but you haven't.
Jack Riley Fine. We'll just level your forest and call it a tie. Thanks very much, folks. That's it for today. Thank you.
[Reporters shouting questions]
Your Honor, we admit it was a setback. But we would like one more week to rehabilitate the bear.
Jack Riley Might I suggest perhaps counsel would like to, uh, admit the animal into the Betty Ford clinic.
Jack Riley [Spectators laughing]
Or the Yogi Bear clinic.
What if I could prove the entire thing was a setup?
JB Judge B. Duff
That would be a very serious allegation. Do you intend to present evidence?
Your Honor, can I address the court, just for a minute?
JB Judge B. Duff
Go ahead.
Sir, we have an eyewitness who'll testify that they heard a gunshot, then they saw a truck backing up to the area where the shot was fired.
JB Judge B. Duff
Is that witness in the courtroom?
No. Not in the courtroom with us, because, um, he's, uh- He's a weasel.
JB Judge B. Duff
[spectators laughing, gavel pounding, spectators laughing continues]
Order!
Your Honor, I know this-this seems very unreasonable. But I can talk to animals. One of them did come forward with this information.
Jack Riley Your Honor, if it pleases the court, I have no problem allowing Dr. Dolittle or counsel the opportunity to question the eyewitness. I would just ask for a brief recess so that I have opportunity to get a camera. I'd like a snapshot of the animal being sworn in.
JB Judge B. Duff
[spectators laughing]
That's enough!
Jack Riley Does the weasel need immunity? We could provide animal protection program.
JB Judge B. Duff
[spectators laughing continues] [gavel pounding]
That's enough. I will not allow you to make a mockery of my courtroom. The deadline has passed. Motion to extend denied.
Jack Riley That's a shame. You hate to see it.
R1 Reporter #1
[Joe Potter laughing]
Uh, Dr. Dolittle, will you appeal?
R2 Reporter #2
Is this the end of the line?
R1 Reporter #1
Dr. Dolittle, can you tell us what the weasel said?
P Pigeon
Hey, Archie. All the animals are working together. You'll be out of here in no time.
It's ridiculous. Animals can't organize.
Jack Riley You may want to take a look at this for yourself then.
MO Man on TV
All over the world, animals have organized. They're striking in Paris, Texas, in Paris, France, in Brooklyn, in Mexico and in Canada.
Jack Riley I'm sure I'm going to regret this in the morning, but maybe you should talk with Dolittle.
And what? Give in to a bunch of beasts and lower life-forms? I took on the Democrats. I can take on a bunch of animals.
M Mouse
[mouse squeaking]
Charge!
[mouse squeaking] [Jack Riley gasps]
Go on!
MP Male Pigeon #1
We have two bogeys, bearing Alpha Tango Niner.
MP Male Pigeon #2
[bird cawing]
We are locked on targets.
MP Male Pigeon #1
Commence bombing!
MP Male Pigeon #2
[bird cawing]
Roger that, sir.
MP Male Pigeon #1
Well done, men! I got your wing, man! The party ain't over yet!
Jack Riley [wolf growling]
Sir?
Don't make any sudden moves.
Jack Riley Gotcha.
MP Male Pigeon #1
[wolf growling, barking] [Joe Potter yelling]
Attack! Back 'em up! Poop's away! Firing number two! Let's return to base and reload.
Jack Riley Sir, you, uh, you-you've locked the, uh-
Jack Riley You've locked the door, sir!
Jack Riley You might want to-- Sir!
I think you should run. Run!
Jack Riley I'm an attorney. I'm not with him.
B Bee
There he is again! Get the little guy! Banzai!
Jack Riley Not the face!
[Joe Potter chuckling, gasps] [Sonny roars]
No, please! No, no. I'm sure we can work something out. I'm just reaching for my phone. I'm gonna call Dr. Dolittle.
Whoa, whoa. No sudden movements, or I'm gonna bite you in the cannolis
Uh, hello. The number for Dr. John Dolittle, please. Not Stuart Little. Dolittle.
[phone rings]
Dolittle. Oh, Mr. Potter. How are you, sir?
Oh, I could be better. I'm here with a couple of your friends.
I know you can't possibly believe that animals are organizing.
Uh, well, you know, I don't know what to think anymore.
Tell you what. Let's put our cards on the table. I will be more than happy to set up a meeting between you and these animals... so you can work out your problem.
Hey, look. it's the only way you're gonna be able to save face. You won't have to admit you were wrong, and you can get out without looking like an idiot.
Okay, okay. Look, anything. Just-Just call them off.
Okay. All right, listen, put the raccoon on the phone.
He wants to speak to you. Make it short.
[clears throat]
Hello. Yeah. No, no. I got it under control. Hey, we'll call youse back.
