A character in Dr. Dolittle 2 (2001)

Drunk Monkey quotes from Dr. Dolittle 2 (2001)

Phil Proctor

In 4 of the 62 quotes from Dr. Dolittle 2 (2001)
Most scenes with: Lucky (3), Possum (3), Dr. John Dolittle (2)

Scenes with Drunk Monkey

4 scenes

Careful, Doc, she's 16. That's a tough age.

Hey! Charisse, open this door! Can you believe this? Hey!

Try her cell.

I'm not calling on the cell phone while she's in her bedroom.

[rattling doorknob]

Hey! Charisse. Open the door! Okay. All right! Okay! Okay! [growling] Charisse! Charisse!

Drunk Monkey
[slurping, hiccuping] [chuckles]

Those teenagers, Doc. They can drive a man to drink.

Hey, what are you drinking?

Drunk Monkey

Gatorade.

Oh, really? Give it to me. [takes water pouch and smells drink]

Drunk Monkey

Hmph!

Gatorade make wine now, huh?

Drunk Monkey

Naaaah!

You better slow down.

Which one of you is Dolittle?

What now?

I have a message from the boss.

From the who?

The boss, the guard beaver. Save the questions and come with me.

You guys know the rules. You just don't come up here on my balcony. Make an appointment. You make an appointment Now, go. You tell the beaver make an appointment just like everybody else.

I can't tell him that. I'll end up sleeping with the fishes.

How's it gonna look in the paper when Dolittle throws a possum off the roof? That's not gonna look right. Now, leave, 'cause I will.

Watch your tone, buddy.

[muffled]

Charisse!

Talk.

This is Daddy. How are you?

Hey!

I got a couple of questions for you. I wanna know how come I gotta climb up the side of a building and get on a cell phone to talk to you!

Calm down. Where are you?

[muffled]

I'm outside of the building, right here!

Dad! Dad, what are you doing?

What am I doing? It's the only way I can reach you! What are you doing in here? What's all of that about? You don't do that in public, do you?

Dance? Of course.

That's not dancing. That's advertising. What's this about you don't want to spend your birthday with your family?

Having dinner with your family is something you do when you're young, not when you're turning 16. Besides, I have a date.

You can bring your date 'cause you're coming to dinner.

Cool! Eric, these are my parents and my little sister. They're joining us on our date.

No, he's gonna be joining us at a family event. We have it every year. I don't even know why-- [finds Charisse's report card] What's this?

Dad, that's private.

I can see why it's private. it's embarrassing. You got two C's and a D.

Embarrassing? [chuckles] Dad, you are the last person who should talk about anything being embarrassing.

What are you talking about? What's that supposed to mean?

[Drunk Monkey screeches, hiccups]

I'm supposed to stop helping the animals because you find it embarrassing?

That's not gonna happen.

That's right. It's not gonna happen. So forget about it. You're coming to dinner. Look at this. No cell phone for a week.

What am I supposed to do without my cell phone?

Here's some stamps. Learn how to write a letter. You think I care? Do I look like I care? Look at me. No, Charisse.

No.

Look at me. Do I look like I care? Look. I don't care.

[narrating]

Meanwhile, while the cat's away, the mice will play, and by mice I mean teenagers.

All right, they still closed?

Yes.

Here they come.

You did all of this?

Okay, boys, this is it. Remember what the Doc said. If this punk tries anything fresh, we let him have it. Capisce?

I got wings, legs, tacos, whatever.

Taco? Did somebody say taco?

No, no, blend in, blend in. You're gonna blow our cover.

Charisse, there's something I been meaning to do since we got out here.

Oh, really. What's that?

This.

Now!

Eeeew!

Drunk Monkey

He French-kissed me! Blecch! Blah! Blah!

Now, that worked out nicely. The other drinks are on me, Jenny.

All right. First off, let me say that I'm here only as a mediator. And these negotiations will be between Mr. Potter... and the representatives of the United Animals of the Forest, local 534.

Yeah. Let's come to order.

This is my new proposal.

All right.

What's the stipulations, Doc? What kind of territory are we looking at?

It's only, uh, 12 acres here. It's 12 acres.

I got your 12 acres right here, pal.

Hey, they like it.

I'll give you something you like. Like this. [urinating]

I think that's a "no." Or "hell no," maybe.

[narrating]

Meanwhile, the strike kept growing. Even the pros were getting in on the act.

Man on P.A.

The last few runners left to load now for one of the biggest spectacles of the year: It's Derby time. Last horse is in. Gate's closed. And away they go!

Horses

Hell, no! We won't go! Hell, no! We won't go! Hell, no! We won't go!

Horse Jockey

Run your own stupid race!

Horse

You try running a mile. Don't even think about reaching for that whip, shorty.

Shamu Trainer

Ladies and gentlemen, Shamu!

Shamu Trainer
[audience cheering, applause]

This is Shamu!

Shamu
[audience muttering]

Nah. I don't feel like jumping through any hoops today. Any of you guys?

Killer Whale #1

Uh-uh.

Killer Whale #2

No, no. Not today. I just ate. Uh-uh.

Mr. Potter, I hope we have a deal now.

All right!

Yeah! Good job. Taught him everything he knows.

Drunk Monkey

Vive le bear! Vive le Archie! Vive le docteur! [hiccups]

Come on, give me a bear hug. Come on!

Oh, no. Absolutely not, Archie.

You're not leaving here until you get a bear hug.

All right, give me a hug then. just a little one.

Come on.

Okay. All right. That's good. Archie-- [gagging] Archie! Archie, you're crushing my spine. [gasping] Archie!

[last lines]

Hey, come on. This is the most boring party I've ever been to. You guys are so stiff, so plastic. Come on, let's move! Let's conga. Hey, baby, are those real? Come on, let's get this party started. Let's go! Ooy! Ooy! Party over here, party over there! Raise the roof. The roof is on fire.

[blender whirring]

Can you see me now? I bet you can't. I'm invisible. Can you see me?

Drunk Monkey

Of course. I see both of you. [laughs, hiccups] ♪ There's a place in France ♪ ♪ Where the naked monkeys dance ♪ [hiccups]

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