Guess who's back from France!
Lisa John?
Lisa Hey! How you doing?
Hi, sweetie. [grunting] I got you a present from Paris.
Lisa That's for me?
Yes, that's for you. That's for us.
Lisa Oh! [laughs]
I can enjoy this present as well.
Lisa You know what would be a really nice present, though?
Lisa If you could keep that flock of your faithful away from the building.
I'm sorry. I'll talk to 'em later.
Hey, baby! How you doing? I got you a little present from Mexico.
Gracias. I wonder what it is.
Aah! Earthquake! 9-1-1! Nueve-uno-uno!
Oh, no, no. I wouldn't shake it.
Ow! My spleen! Ooh, that hurt.
Oh, he's so cute. Thanks, Dad.
Hey, this isn't Puerto Vallarta.
It's a chameleon. It can change color against different backgrounds.
The blendmaster is in the house! I gonna disappear! Now you see me- Poof! Now you don't, eh?
No, we can still see you.
I'm not gone? I'm not invisible?
Lisa You did remember Charisse's birthday?
I sure did. You remember to get the cake from Stinson's?
Lisa Uh, actually, Charisse doesn't want to have a family birthday party.
What's that about? I thought we always celebrate together.
Take this thing to your room.
Lisa She's got a date.
Lisa I didn't ask. She's a big girl now.
We'll see about this date thing. Where's the birthday girl at?
Uh, she's unreachable. What? Where is she?
Lisa She's in her room with the door locked and headphones on. You could try paging her.
She's in the house and unreachable? I'm supposed to page her in my house. I'm gonna page somebody in my own house? Okay, we'll see if I'm gonna page some-- I ain't paging nothing!
This is unbelievable. She has 50 numbers in here, not one of them is mine.
Lisa You shouldn't be looking at that.
Why not? "Biggie Mack, cell. Biggie Mack, pager. Biggie Mack, home." Who the (using the other bad word getting censored) is Biggie Mack?
Lisa I don't know, John.
I'm gonna find out who Biggie Mack is. I don't like that name. What the (using the other bad word getting censored) name is that?
E Eldon
[phone rings]
What is that?
Eldon's Wife: Marcus's cell phone.
E Eldon
Cell phone?
Eldon's Wife: Mm-hmm.
E Eldon
When did he get a cell phone?
Eldon's Wife: Last week.
Lisa What are you doing? John!
Shh! I'm checking out Biggie Mack.
E Eldon
Well, who is this?
E Eldon
Who wants to know?
I'm asking the questions here, punk!
E Eldon
None of your (using the other bad word getting censored) business.
What if I make it my business to find out how old you are?
E Eldon
Are you threatening me?
I don't make threats! I'm promising you that if you ever--
Lisa John!
E Eldon
Is this John Dolittle?
Lisa Hi, I'm sorry. That's a wrong number.
That's a grown man on the other end of that phone.
Lisa I wish I could say the same thing about you.
Lisa [doorbell ringing]
The door.
Lisa Go get that door right now!
Who am I, Mr. French? I got to get doors? Just a minute.
Hey, Dr. D. What's up? It's me.
Me? Who's "me"? Back up, "me."
I'm saying, you gonna let me in? Dr. D. What's going on? Excuse me? Remember me? Eric, Domino's Pizza. Extra cheese, anchovies, guacamole?
You're the pizza guy, yeah.
Thanks a lot, man. I forget to give you a tip? I'm sorry.
No, no, that's cool. You gave me something a little better than a tip.
I'm gonna take care of you. It's nice to have a little--
What's up, baby? What's going on? You ready?
Hold on. Wait. This is your date?
[chuckling]
My man. What's up?
Uh, Eric? Hmm, no. We have to stay here with the family and eat dinner.
Hey, Charisse, now, don't be like that. You gonna ruin dinner for everybody. Come on now.
You know what, pops? Don't sweat that. I know how to take care of her.
Charisse has always had a mind of her own. When she was about a year and a half, she decided not to wear diapers anymore. Remember that?
Lisa John.
She started having accidents around the house 'cause she didn't have it down yet. We'd have little piles--
Dad, you just had to go there, didn't you?
This is family. We're talking the old days.
It's cool. I'm actually learning something here.
Really? You know what's interesting? You never learned to take off your hat at the dinner table. Isn't your head getting hot? Mine's hot just looking at you in that hat.
Lisa Sixteen! Just think. In two years you'll be out of this house and on your way to college.
One year, ten months, sixteen days.
You know what? Berkeley's a really close college. You could live at home, save money.
That's a good idea. But I've already reserved a U-Haul for the day I graduated high school.
Oh. You reserved a U-Haul already?
Uh, Dad? Someone to see you.
Thank you, sweetie. Excuse me, darling.
I love you too. Excuse me, Eric.
Hey, hey, yo. Yo, down here. Okay.
First, let me say the beaver sends birthday greetings to your lovely daughter.
Really? That's very nice. Tell the beaver he's starting to get on my nerves.
Why are you getting bent out of shape? He only wants a moment of your time.
I don't think you want to go down that road, my favorite best friend.
[knocks on window]
Go and tell the beaver, 8:00, my office, tomorrow.
Oh, the beaver don't travel for nobody. He knows you're a busy man, and he will remember this, but this is truly a life-or-death situation.
All right, shut up, listen. My car, 7:00 a.m. All right?
Hey, this is good news. The beaver likes good news.
How do you save a forest, anyway?
Lisa It's not gonna feel easy, John. But I would assume the lumber companies have a lot of clout. I do know if there were a threatened or endangered species living in the forest, there are laws that protect it.
How am I gonna find out if there are any endangered animals in the forest?
Lisa Well, you could ask Eugene.
E Eugene
[He holding the baby orangutan]
We found an endangered species of bear. A female whose mother had been killed by poachers. She's the only Pacific Western bear up there.
Good. One bear has to be protected.
E Eugene
Well, no. The lawyers for Potter's Logging Company argued that since she's the only one there, there's no chance for survival of the species anyway. There'd have to be a male too.
Why don't we get a male up there and let nature take its course?
E Eugene
Unfortunately, The only male Pacific Western bear we could find was raised in captivity.
E Eugene
There's never been a bear raised in captivity that's been successfully reintroduced to the wild.
They've never had the world-famous love doctor making the introductions.
G Giraffe
Your man left the barn door open.
E Eugene
Is something wrong?
E Eugene
Oh, jeez. Hope that Bam Bam didn't see that.
Oh, I'm sure... The giraffe is the one that was disgusted.
I know you're disappointed.
Disappointed? About not going to Europe? Now, Dad, why would I be disappointed?
I made you a promise. I'm gonna stick to it. If you don't want me to do this, I'll understand. Okay?
Like I can actually say no and not feel guilty for the rest of my life.
As soon as we get a court order stopping the clear-cutting.
Lisa Who's gonna argue the case?
Wh-Why you looking around?
Lisa Me?
Lisa No, n-n-n-no.
Lisa No, no, John.
Lisa No. Don't make me do this.
Come on. For the animals. [mock whimpering] Do it for the animals.
Lisa I don't do animal law.
That's species-ism. You're a species-ist. You' re a species-ist!
Lisa No, Your Honor, we're simply asking for an injunction so that we might have the chance to save a species.
[chuckles]
Your Honor, this is a delaying tactic-slash-publicity stunt. I have affidavits signed by a range of experts who all concur that to take a bear raised in captivity and reintroduce it into the wild is, well, dangerous and irresponsible. Simply put, a bear raised by "circus folk" wouldn't know how to feed itself or interact with real bears, let alone make it through its first winter. No. it would certainly succumb to Darwin's law of nature: survival of the fittest.
Lisa Actually--
Yeah, but Darwin never met my dad.
JB Judge B. Duff
Young lady, that's inappropriate behavior. And just who is your father?
Sir-- Your Honor, that's me. I'm her father. Name's Dolittle.
JB Judge B. Duff
[spectators murmuring]
Dr. Dolittle. Do you feel you could rehabilitate a tame bear and mate it in the wild with a female?
JB Judge B. Duff
In that case, I'll grant a one-month delay on the harvesting of Campbell's Grove. For one month, Dr. Dolittle. That's it.
JB Judge B. Duff
And, Doctor, if that bear should so much as set one paw in a campsite or this town, I'll rescind this order immediately.
John; I understand completely. Thank you, Your Honor. Thank you.
Lisa Thank you, Your Honor.
R1 Reporter #1
[gavel bangs]
Doctor! Dr. Dolittle! Over here!
R2 Reporter #2
Dr. Dolittle! Dr. Dolittle, you speak to both domestic and wild animals. Can a circus bear relate to a forest bear?
Well, I don't know much about him except that he's been living in captivity, so I'm sure he'll be really happy to return to the wild.
[Lisa mouths words]
TN TV Narrator
Bears are opportunistic eaters, finding food wherever they can.
Can we please see what else is on?
You need to watch this so you can learn... how to feed yourself and survive during the winter.
What is he doing? Digging?
You never even wondered what your sharp claws was for?
N Narrator
Bears are excellent swimmers.
[shudders]
Not this bear.
I know you're not gonna tell me you don't know how to swim.
Wait, you haven't heard? There's a new invention. it's called... the boat!
That's the last straw. Get up at dawn. I'm teaching you how to fish.
[narrating]
And so began the bear-athon, a training mission so "grizzly," so un-bear-able, so hairy-that's enough.
Archie, let's do it. This river's full of fish. Let's go.
Don't look at me, look at the water. That's where the fish are.
They're moving. Oh, man, one just touched me. One just touched me!
Look, you big, furry baby, put your face down right now and grab a fish!
Archie! I want to do just like you saw on TV. Put your face under the water and catch a fish can do it. Come on, man. I'm here with you. Go under the water.
All right, one, two, three...
F1 Fish #1
[Archie inhales deeply]
That's Archie!
WF Wassup Fish
What's up?
[gurgling]
Hey, fellas, what's up?
[gurgling]
Can't breathe!
Hey! Archie. Archie! [grunting, panting]
[Archie burps, groans]
Okay, Archie. You tell me how smart do you have to be to lift your head out of the water when you can't breathe?
I saw a light. It was a bright light. It was beautiful.
Okay, That;s it. We're gonna take you on a little trip right now that's gonna toughen you up. Come on.
We're gonna find something even you can catch. Come on.
They're-I don't eat, uh- I'm good. Thanks. [sniffs] Okay, am I close?
Lisa So, how's it going?
It's going great, honey. I'm not even gonna need three weeks. Honey, look, he's already foraging grapes. Right?
Why's he walking away from 'em?
He's not walking away. He's circling the grapes.
Why? Are they dangerous grapes?
No, no, the grapes aren't dangerous, Eric.
Seriously, where are the grapes?
Don't worry, he's doing great. We're right on schedule.
I'm getting dizzy! Ohh! Oh! Oww! [crashing down stairs] I'm okay! Concrete broke my fall! Definite bruise.
[narrating]
Meanwhile, the doctor gave Archie and me some lessons of our own.
Can you leave a bit for me? Technically, it is my--
[wolf growls]
Just a thought.
Hey! What's going on here?
I've just been blessed, I feel I need to give back to the hot lady dog.
You don't have to put up with that. Get outta here!
wolf growls]
What's the matter with you two? Don't you know that every female is looking for the strongest male?
But what about personality?
Shut up and listen. The strongest male is called the alpha male. The alpha male wants everybody to know he's the boss male. You have to be him-- the boss of all the males. You have to learn how to walk like the alpha male. Walk the other walk.
And talk the alpha male talk!
Lucky; I'm on the other walk.
It's about power and respect. It's about pure, uncompromised, testosterone-driven male power!
Lisa John, didn't I ask you to line the garbage pails?
You try to line them your (using the other word getting censored) self, woman!
Lisa What?
I-I'm sorry, honey. I was talking to the animals. I got a little riled up. I was teaching them something.
Lisa Stop trying to mess with those animals here and go and get us something to eat.
I'm on my way. Going right now, honey.
Lisa Go.
Way to go, alpha male. Talk the talk.
Lisa Who are you telling to shut up?
I wasn't talking to you. I was talking to the animals. I'm just going to get the other food.
Okay, candles, fruit, cheese, wine. Perfect.
Lisa What are you doing?
Oh, hey, honey. I'll tell you what I'm doing. It's all about you tonight, baby. I've sent the children to the other movies, and the bear is camping in the woods. We're alone.
[clears throat]
One second.
No, you cannot see me. I am at one with the couch. I am blended perfectly, interwoven into every fiber. Oops! I can give you some pointers!
So much for the intrusions.
Hey, come on. It ain't no fun if the homeys can't see none.
Lisa You were thinking candles and wine would make up for ignoring me the last few days.
I'm trying to sense a little resistance. I took that into consideration. Here's something you need to resist.
♪♪ [Stereo: R&B Ballad]
LR Lionel Richie
♪ And I feel with you ♪
[Lisa chuckles]
Is this our wedding song?
♪ In my arms ♪
Lisa That's not fair.
Is this the first thing you ever danced to as Mrs. Dolittle?
[Lisa laughing] ♪ This love will last ♪
The other show is about to start.
♪ Forever ♪
It is! It truly is!
♪ 'Cause I'm ♪ ♪ Truly ♪
♪ With Mrs. Dolittle ♪
♪ Truly in love ♪
[singing along]
♪ Truly in love with you, girl ♪
♪♪ [continues]
Let me tell you, he scratched my belly the other day, my leg went crazy.
♪ Head over heels with your love ♪♪
Apparently, he's truly, truly in love with her.
Hey, Doc, give her some garbage. Chicks like garbage.
How about planting a little sugar on Dr. D's lips?
Lisa I think I can do that.
Lisa Mm-hmm.
Lisa Ohh!
D Deer
He broke her! [gasps]
Get outta here, all of you!
But this is really helpful. I'm learning a lot. Truly.
Just get out of here. We'll discuss it tomorrow.
Lisa You're gonna discuss what tomorrow?
Oh. Well, I w-I was- Well, baby, why don't we just pick it up where we left off.
Lisa Baby?
Lisa Why don't you sleep on the couch?
W-Wait, what'd she say, Doc?
She said she loves me much, I get to sleep on the couch.
Yes, I'm the man. I'm the man on the couch. [clears throat]
Lisa Hey.
Lisa So how'd it go?
Well, I told Potter no deal.
Lisa I thought it wasn't working with Archie.
Archie thinks he can win Ava over. I'm gonna see this through.
So that means we're stuck here? Oh!
Lisa Charisse.
Hey, Charisse. Hey. Charisse. Hey, it's a long walk back to the city. Hey, we're not getting along too good, are we?
I wanna go home too. We're going home. But there's something else that's bothering you, isn't it? I'm not saying it's all your fault. Maybe it's my fault. Maybe it's a phase you're going through. But something's bothering you. Your mother thinks you got a problem, and you're not telling us about it.
You sure? There's nothing bothering you?
Okay, now. I'm not saying you have a problem, but if you do we always work things out. Right?
All right. 'Cause your mother was a little worried. And I was starting-
Yes? Yes? I know something was bothering you. What is it? Come on, talk to me. You know, daddy to daughter. Break it down. You can cry, whatever. We can cry together, if that's- What is it?
It must be the mountains messing me up, 'cause I'm fine.
You sure you're all right?
She's all right! You have your little space. I'll be in the house.
Potter's people set Archie up. I got a witness.
Lisa An animal? You can't offer that into evidence.
Well, you got any better ideas?
Lisa Well, I-I'll stall for time. Maybe we'll get a private investigator.
Those trucks are ready to roll. They're taking Archie to a zoo in Mexico.
Lisa John, if you go on the witness stand, Riley is gonna tear you to shreds.
Well, what do I have to lose?
Lisa Your reputation.
Look, I don't care. I'm not giving up on those animals this easy. Not without a fight. Excuse me.
[Lisa sighs]
Lisa Your Honor, we admit it was a setback. But we would like one more week to rehabilitate the bear.
Might I suggest perhaps counsel would like to, uh, admit the animal into the Betty Ford clinic.
[Spectators laughing]
Or the Yogi Bear clinic.
Lisa What if I could prove the entire thing was a setup?
JB Judge B. Duff
That would be a very serious allegation. Do you intend to present evidence?
Lisa We have an eyewitness.
Your Honor, can I address the court, just for a minute?
JB Judge B. Duff
Go ahead.
Sir, we have an eyewitness who'll testify that they heard a gunshot, then they saw a truck backing up to the area where the shot was fired.
JB Judge B. Duff
Is that witness in the courtroom?
No. Not in the courtroom with us, because, um, he's, uh- He's a weasel.
JB Judge B. Duff
[spectators laughing, gavel pounding, spectators laughing continues]
Order!
Your Honor, I know this-this seems very unreasonable. But I can talk to animals. One of them did come forward with this information.
Your Honor, if it pleases the court, I have no problem allowing Dr. Dolittle or counsel the opportunity to question the eyewitness. I would just ask for a brief recess so that I have opportunity to get a camera. I'd like a snapshot of the animal being sworn in.
JB Judge B. Duff
[spectators laughing]
That's enough!
Does the weasel need immunity? We could provide animal protection program.
JB Judge B. Duff
[spectators laughing continues] [gavel pounding]
That's enough. I will not allow you to make a mockery of my courtroom. The deadline has passed. Motion to extend denied.
That's a shame. You hate to see it.
R1 Reporter #1
[Joe Potter laughing]
Uh, Dr. Dolittle, will you appeal?
R2 Reporter #2
Is this the end of the line?
R1 Reporter #1
Dr. Dolittle, can you tell us what the weasel said?
