Most scenes together: Dr. John Dolittle & Archie (23), Dr. John Dolittle & Lucky (14), Dr. John Dolittle & Lisa (14)
Dr. Dolittle 2 quotes
Page 1 of 5♪♪ [Blues]
Hey, Archie. All the animals are working together. You'll be out of here in no time.
It's ridiculous. Animals can't organize.
You may want to take a look at this for yourself then.
All over the world, animals have organized. They're striking in Paris, Texas, in Paris, France, in Brooklyn, in Mexico and in Canada.
I'm sure I'm going to regret this in the morning, but maybe you should talk with Dolittle.
And what? Give in to a bunch of beasts and lower life-forms? I took on the Democrats. I can take on a bunch of animals.
Mouse Charge!
Oh, no!
Mouse Look out!
Mouse Watch it!
Beat it. Ha!
Mouse Retreat!
Go on!
Mouse Medic!
Organized.
We have two bogeys, bearing Alpha Tango Niner.
We are locked on targets.
Do you hear something?
Commence bombing!
Roger that, sir.
Well done, men! I got your wing, man! The party ain't over yet!
Don't make any sudden moves.
Gotcha.
Attack! Back 'em up! Poop's away! Firing number two! Let's return to base and reload.
Sir, you, uh, you-you've locked the, uh-
What?
You've locked the door, sir!
What?
You might want to-- Sir!
I think you should run. Run!
I'm an attorney. I'm not with him.
There he is again! Get the little guy! Banzai!
Not the face!
No, please! No, no. I'm sure we can work something out. I'm just reaching for my phone. I'm gonna call Dr. Dolittle.
Whoa, whoa. No sudden movements, or I'm gonna bite you in the cannolis
Uh, hello. The number for Dr. John Dolittle, please. Not Stuart Little. Dolittle.
Oh, I could be better. I'm here with a couple of your friends.
I know you can't possibly believe that animals are organizing.
Uh, well, you know, I don't know what to think anymore.
Tell you what. Let's put our cards on the table. I will be more than happy to set up a meeting between you and these animals... so you can work out your problem.
What?
Hey, look. it's the only way you're gonna be able to save face. You won't have to admit you were wrong, and you can get out without looking like an idiot.
Okay, okay. Look, anything. Just-Just call them off.
Okay. All right, listen, put the raccoon on the phone.
He wants to speak to you. Make it short.
Hi. What's wrong with your voice?
You're looking mighty fine. So why don't you plant some of that sugar over here on my-on Archie. ♪ Truly ♪♪
Is that our song? [creaking] Whoa! [thud] Ow! Hard ground! Back!
You must learn how to climb trees. Truly.
That's a bruise!
Thanks.
So does Sonny bring you fish?
No. Not a fish. Usually about a hundred.
A hundred? Wait. No. He can't carry that many. Okay, but does Sonny tell you that you have... the most beautiful eyes he's ever seen? Does he promise to fill your life with love, poetry, laughs?
No. No. Mostly he just asks me when I think I'll be in heat.
Yeah.
With you or alone?
With me.
Okay. [chuckles]
Hey. Hey, Doc. Okay. Come to get me out?
Sort of.
Sort of? What do you mean, sort of?
I couldn't really prove your story, Archie. So they, um...
What? They wh-what? They what?
They think you're too dangerous to be set free, so- [Inhales]
Yeah? What?
Ai, Chihuahua.
Archie, I am- I'm so sorry.
For what?
For everything. Dragging you out here and putting you through all this stuff. Giving you hope. I feel like I ruined your life.
Ruined my life? Doc, you gave me a life. You're the one who taught me about love. And no one can ever take that away from me.
Hey, Charisse. What are you doing down here?
Mom wanted me to tell you that her motion for an appeal has been denied.
Well, we knew it was a long shot anyway. So, Archie, at least you'll be back in show business.
Ehh, that's not what I want anymore. I just want Ava.
I know you want Ava.
Looks like I wasn't meant to be loved.
Everyone's meant to be loved.
That's right. Everyone's meant to- [caught by surprise at Charisse's newfound ability] Charisse. Oh, my God! Charisse, since when?
A couple of weeks now. At first, it was kind of fuzzy. But, uh, now it's really clear.
And this is what you've been keeping from us, right?
I didn't want to say anything because I didn't want to become a freak.
You're not going to become a freak. Not at all. Hey, look. When it started happening to me, I got scared too. You're just looking at it the wrong way. This is a good thing.
How?
Look at all the good that's come out of it already.
What good?
Well, look at us, like this, huh? How about this, huh? Mm.
Hey, guys. Now I know what I've been missing. A family. I guess that's something I'll never have.
Dad, you got to help him. Isn't there something that we can do? And it's not just him. It's all the animals. There's so many of 'em.
Yeah, there are so many of 'em.
Look out, Ava! There's a new Archie in town! Oh, yeah! That feels good! Feel it coming! Feel the burn! Feel the wind! Feel the muscle cramp! Oww! Aah! Oww!
Come on, Archie, don't quit. Dig deep. Let's go!
I think I pulled my butt muscle. Ouch. It stings. My butt stings. Could you rub my butt? Could you rub it, please? Rub my own butt. Come back here, rub my own butt. Please rub my own butt.
Doc finally realized he was never gonna make Archie fast enough or strong enough to impress Ava, but maybe, maybe he could make him sweet enough.
Wow, how beautiful can anybody feel?
Why don't you need to tell her that?
Oh, I don't know. I... Oh, my... What is that?
Oh, that's Sonny. That's her little "bearfriend." She told me about him.
But he's a Kodiak bear.
Hey, don't get discouraged, man. Listen, you can win her over. The key to winning a woman over is, figure out what she likes. Take my wife.
Please!
Don't do that. This is serious.
I'm sorry.
My wife, she likes to be surprised.
Like jumping out of the bushes, screaming?
No, nothing like that. They like romance. Do something romantic. Something that says, "I'm thinking about you all the time." You know?
Wow, that's really nice. You do something like that for now?
I used to. But lately I've been, you know, all caught up in this, so I guess I'm a little out of practice.
Now, explain this again. I'm supposed to climb into a small, dark space and sleep for six months?
That's what bears do. It's called hibernation.
Sounds more like depression. Wait, how do I eat?
Well, you don't eat. What you do is, you eat a lot during the summer. That lasts you throughout the whole winter.
Where do I go to the bathroom?
No going to the bathroom.
I'm serious. What you do is, a week before you hibernate you start eating things like dirt and moss and hair and grass, and it forms a big plug in your, um-- it p-plugs up your, uh- Uh, you know.
It starts to block my own butt?
John: Yeah, it starts to block all of it up with this big, nasty, hairy plug of hair and grass. It's a big, nasty plug.
Whoa, wait. You want me to sleep for six months with a big cork in my own butt?
Yeah, that's the other idea of it.
Okay, good-bye! See you later!
Hey, Archie, come back here!
Nope, I'm gone! See you!
Archie!
Hey, heading south?
Archie, nobody's gonna pick up a hitchhiking bear.
Look, I'll split the gas and sit in the back with the kids.
Come on, Archie, stop it.
I'm sorry, Doc. This isn't working out for it. I almost drowned. Ava doesn't like me.
Look, I'm tired of your complaining. Archie. Okay? Look up in this tree. What do you see, huh?
Right. A bird in his home. On the branch below him there's a squirrel in his home. And there's a little rabbit in his home. All these animals are depending on you. Hey. you can do this. Just listen to your inner bear. Okay? Just trust him. He'll tell you what to do. Just trust him, Archie. Come on.
Okay, but I gotta tell ya, my inner bear has a problem with the butt plug.
All right, that's it, I'm gonna show you what happens to animals that don't have a home. Come on.
Talking time's done. It's time to be bold for Ava.
He's going after the hive! He's going after the hive!
?
Archie.
Who?
Archie, you idiot. Jeez!
Boy, this cliff's higher than I remember.
Bye-bye, species.
So this is your big plan? Archie, you get back here right now! Come back in!
No way, Doc. I'm gonna do this or die trying.
That bear is one bad mother.
Archie, what are you doing? Archie, you get back in here right now. Stop playing!
I don't think I'm gonna win Ava by eating a bunch of worms. I'm never gonna feel happier than Sonny. I need to show her how much she means to me.
Yeah, and if you fall, it's gonna prove that you're stupid and dead, Archie.
Sonny What's going on around here? Oh, circus boy's got a new trick.
Quiet, Sonny.
Okay, I got it. I got it.
That log ain't gonna hold him. And I know logs.
Don't move, Archie! Don't move!
Careful! Careful!
I'll buy you the honey.
Ooh! Ooh!
Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa!
Break! Break!
This is not a good idea.
Archie, get down!
I'm fine. Oh, bees!
What's happening? Hold still! I'll talk to them. Work something out. Don't you move.
They're stinging me! No, no!
Uh, guys, uh-
Attack!
No, no, no! No attack! Hey! Stop!
Defend the hive!
Ow! Hey, Archie!
Get the little guy!
Protect the hive! Attack!
Attack!
Banzai! Banzai!
Archie! Archie! Hey, Archie! Hey! [grunting]
Archie, get back in here!
Sonny Jump, circus boy!
Go suck a salmon!
Ava, I did it for you!
Good job, Archie! Way to go, Archie! All right!
Yeah! He did it!
Woo! Woo! Woo!
Yeah.
That kid's got moxie. I love him.
Okay. Okay, what's the matter with you, huh? What'd you do something like that for, huh? Are you crazy?
Sonny I could have got that hive if I wanted it. Come on, Ava, before I get mad.
Sonny, we're not working out. So, take a hike.
Whoo-hoo, woo, woo. Hey, Johnny.
What are you doing?
Doc, I know what to do. I've got my big finish.
Look. Come in here. Quick.
All right. Hey, I don't think I'm allowed in here.
Okay, listen. I got to tell you. This thing is over.
I'm just sorry I dragged you into all of this.
I'm going to have to get you an audition in Vegas or something. These guys offered me a deal, and it's the best I can do.
No, no, no. The best you can do is not give up on me, Doc. Come on. You told me, "Listen to your inner bear." Remember?
I don't know, Archie.
Look, I know how I can win Ava.
Okay. I know I'm nuts or something. I'm just gonna give it another shot. I'll just give you one chance.
Yes! Yes!
Okay, let me get over...
Uh-oh. Uh-oh!
What do you mean "uh-oh?"
Ice cream's acting up.
What ice cream?
After Sonny took Ava, I got depressed, and went on a bender. And on the second gallon, I realize, that I'm in love with Ava, and this ice cream called "Cherry Garcia". [belches]
Hey, don't you dare throw up on me!
Wait, wait, wait, hold on! If you have to do that, then sit on the toilet!
I can't hold it!
Wait! You gotta lift the lid up first.
This is not going to be big enough! Oh, boy!
You'll be fine. Just sit there. I'm gonna keep guard outside.
I don't think it's...
Take care of what you got to take care. Hey. I'll be with you in one second. I'm gonna take care of business.
Who you talking to in there?
I'm talking to myself. I was- Sometimes you got to coax it down.
Right.
Give my sphincter a little pep talk. Excuse me. Come on down, you.
Oh, my G...
I gotta stay in here with you. Let me get the window open. Don't do nothing till I get the window open.
Uh-oh!
The window only opens a little bit. That's not going to be enough.
Whoo-hoo-hoo! [Breaking Wind]
It's worse than I imagined.
Ohh! Ohh! Oh, Archie! You just had ice cream? That's not just ice cream. Oh, Archie!
Seeing-Eye Dog Hmm! Is that me?
Honey?
Yeah, babe, what's up?
No. I meant, would you like more honey?
Oh, no. I'm good.
Okay.
So, ready to talk about preserving the species?
Well, we could talk. Or you could count to a hundred and come and get me.
Okay. Counting, great. Um, one, two...
Impressive. He's really counting.
Come on, focus, focus. Uh, one-
Maybe I should stay in the open.
One, two, ten, G, H, P, green, orange, fish.
Pace yourself. Not so fast.
Uh, one, two, three, ten... Uh, five-teen. Okay, 100. Ow! What the-Nap. [thud]
Eh, Dr. Dolittle, I presume. Welcome to my den. Would you like a fish?
Oh, no, thank you. I've eaten already.
Hey, the beaver offers you a fish, you take the fish.
Joey, shut up.
Sorry, boss.
I've heard good things about you from some of the Bay Area families.
From the Bay Area families. Really? [chuckles] What are you guys, some kind of mafia?
Mafia? No. We don't know nothing about no mafia, do we, boys?
Nah, never heard of it.
No, that's a myth.
I'm just a simple fisherman who's blessed with many friends. Perhaps you will be one of them.
What do you guys want from me?
Well, I'm losing my territory.
What, the other animals moving in on you or something?
Yeah, the human kind. They're cutting down our homes, busting up families. Word is they're cutting down the whole forest.
Guys, you're talking to the wrong person. You need to contact one of those nature groups like the Sierra Club or, um--
It has to be you, Doc. You're the only one who knows how to speak human.
Yeah, we can't fight humans on our own. They got guns, knives, pullout couches. Sure, I got rabies. I could bite somebody. But I can only do so much!
You guys have no idea what I'm talking about, do you?
Sure, I do. It's man against nature. But with you on our side, I like the odds.
Me on your side? I didn't say I was gonna help you. I didn't say.
Doctor, before you say no, I would like you to see what we're talking about.
Hello, Clarice.
Uh, Doc, this isn't necessary.
It's time for a little tough love. Come on.
Look, Iggy! What's the matter, boy? Couldn't make it on the outside?
Hey--
Come on in, powder puff.
Go on in there.
But wh-why?
There's a couple bears inside that want to meet you. Go. Come on.
I'll just sit over on that side of the cell.
I'm tired of this madness.
I'll bite ya!
Yes, Dolittle. Oh, hi, honey!
Don't like to hunt? Don't like to fish? You know what I would give to be in the forest instead of in this dump?
Uh, Doc!
Do I hear someone talking?
No, no.
See, that's the problem with kids today-no respect. Kid think he knows my life.
He needs us to teach him a lesson.
N-No, I just--
I'm gonna give him a bear hug. Get over here let me give you a bear hug. Get over here, Tiny.
No, it's actually going quite well. I finally got this under control.
♪ Her name was Lola ♪
Yeah!
♪ She was a show bear ♪
Whoo!
Lisa, let me call you back.
♪ With yellow feathers in her hair ♪ ♪ And her dress cut down to there ♪
Where?
♪ At the Copa ♪
Yes!
♪ Copacabana ♪
Doc, apparently everyone in this place loves musicals.
I'm kidding. I'll try harder.
I ain't never seen nothing like this before.
None of 'em have any milk.
What?
All of 'em are dry.
What's wrong, Annabelle?
Strike! Strike!
Strike! Strike! Strike! Strike!
Here's your eggs! You want 'em scrambled?
Strike! Strike! Strike!
Okay. Let's go get the Frisbee. Come on, go get it!
D'oh!
Strike! Strike! Strike!
Give me-Give me- Give me that leash!
Strike! Strike! Strike! Strike!
Boy Oh, no!
What are you drinking?
It's Gatorade.
Should we, uh, put all our cards on the table?
Of course.
This bear you brought up here has as much likelihood of making... little bear babies as Riley here. Ain't-a-gonna happen. But, on the other hand, thanks to you, I'm not exactly drowning in favorable publicity. So, here's my offer. I will set aside ten acres, turn it into a sanctuary. You can bring all your little animal buddies there. Plus, you'll be saving face. You won't have to admit you failed. You don't look like a fool.
Look, ten acres is ridiculous.
That's the other offer.
The deadline is Wednesday at 12:00 noon. Let me be clear. At 12:01, we'll be sending in every logger, every piece of logging equipment we've got. For Friday, there won't be a tree standing.
Excellent idea. There's a pay phone in the back.
Excuse me.
Calling the wife. Always a sign of weakness.
Yeah.