You're not a real bear. You're Wayne Newton in a bear suit.
So dirty. Look at my paws.
It's the woods, Archie. Its chief component is dirt.
Wait. Hey, Doc, is that her? She's a babe.
Oh. Look at the way she moves. Man, would I love to see her wet.
I tell you what. I'm gonna go over and introduce you. You just wait over there. Okay?
Yeah, good. Hey, tell her I really dig her fat pouch, but don't be crude.
I'll try to work that in.
Okay, good. Wait, hey... Gah!
Are you coming over here? I'm a little busy foraging.
[Dr. Dolittle meets a Pacific Western bear named Ava and makes a proposition]
Hi.
Hi, Ava. That's a pretty name. Nice to meet you.
Hey, uh, quick question, Ava. How would you like to meet the man of your dreams?
You're real cute, but I don't go interspecies.
I'm not talking about me. I shoulding have said man. I should've said bear. The bear of your dreams. What do you think of that big, magnificent hunk of bear there?
Um, I don't think I see him. Oh, is he standing behind that dork?
Oh, no, he is... Look, let me explain to you what's going on, all right? There's a logging company that's gonna tear down this whole forest, everything. The only thing that can stop 'em... is if I can get two Pacific Western bears together. You're a Pacific Western bear, and so is he. If I can get you together and you made little Pacific Western bears, then-- You see where I'm going with this?
Uh-huh, yeah. [walks away] Look, no offense, but I don't talk to bear pimps.
Hey, wait a minute. At least let me call him over so you can meet him. Archie, come over here.
Hey, Johnny, there you are. Come on. I thought we were gonna go work out. Jeez.
Well, I told Potter no deal.
I thought it wasn't working with Archie.
Archie thinks he can win Ava over. I'm gonna see this through.
So that means we're stuck here? Oh!
Hey, Charisse. Hey. Charisse. Hey, it's a long walk back to the city. Hey, we're not getting along too good, are we?
I wanna go home too. We're going home. But there's something else that's bothering you, isn't it? I'm not saying it's all your fault. Maybe it's my fault. Maybe it's a phase you're going through. But something's bothering you. Your mother thinks you got a problem, and you're not telling us about it.
You sure? There's nothing bothering you?
Okay, now. I'm not saying you have a problem, but if you do we always work things out. Right?
All right. 'Cause your mother was a little worried. And I was starting-
Yes? Yes? I know something was bothering you. What is it? Come on, talk to me. You know, daddy to daughter. Break it down. You can cry, whatever. We can cry together, if that's- What is it?
It must be the mountains messing me up, 'cause I'm fine.
You sure you're all right?
She's all right! You have your little space. I'll be in the house.
No, Your Honor, we're simply asking for an injunction so that we might have the chance to save a species.
[chuckles]
Your Honor, this is a delaying tactic-slash-publicity stunt. I have affidavits signed by a range of experts who all concur that to take a bear raised in captivity and reintroduce it into the wild is, well, dangerous and irresponsible. Simply put, a bear raised by "circus folk" wouldn't know how to feed itself or interact with real bears, let alone make it through its first winter. No. it would certainly succumb to Darwin's law of nature: survival of the fittest.
Yeah, but Darwin never met my dad.
Judge B. Duff Young lady, that's inappropriate behavior. And just who is your father?
Sir-- Your Honor, that's me. I'm her father. Name's Dolittle.
Judge B. Duff [spectators murmuring]
Dr. Dolittle. Do you feel you could rehabilitate a tame bear and mate it in the wild with a female?
Judge B. Duff In that case, I'll grant a one-month delay on the harvesting of Campbell's Grove. For one month, Dr. Dolittle. That's it.
Judge B. Duff And, Doctor, if that bear should so much as set one paw in a campsite or this town, I'll rescind this order immediately.
John; I understand completely. Thank you, Your Honor. Thank you.
R1 Reporter #1
[gavel bangs]
Doctor! Dr. Dolittle! Over here!
R2 Reporter #2
Dr. Dolittle! Dr. Dolittle, you speak to both domestic and wild animals. Can a circus bear relate to a forest bear?
Well, I don't know much about him except that he's been living in captivity, so I'm sure he'll be really happy to return to the wild.
[Lisa mouths words]
Your Honor, we admit it was a setback. But we would like one more week to rehabilitate the bear.
Might I suggest perhaps counsel would like to, uh, admit the animal into the Betty Ford clinic.
[Spectators laughing]
Or the Yogi Bear clinic.
What if I could prove the entire thing was a setup?
Judge B. Duff That would be a very serious allegation. Do you intend to present evidence?
Your Honor, can I address the court, just for a minute?
Judge B. Duff Go ahead.
Sir, we have an eyewitness who'll testify that they heard a gunshot, then they saw a truck backing up to the area where the shot was fired.
Judge B. Duff Is that witness in the courtroom?
No. Not in the courtroom with us, because, um, he's, uh- He's a weasel.
Judge B. Duff [spectators laughing, gavel pounding, spectators laughing continues]
Order!
Your Honor, I know this-this seems very unreasonable. But I can talk to animals. One of them did come forward with this information.
Your Honor, if it pleases the court, I have no problem allowing Dr. Dolittle or counsel the opportunity to question the eyewitness. I would just ask for a brief recess so that I have opportunity to get a camera. I'd like a snapshot of the animal being sworn in.
Judge B. Duff [spectators laughing]
That's enough!
Does the weasel need immunity? We could provide animal protection program.
Judge B. Duff [spectators laughing continues] [gavel pounding]
That's enough. I will not allow you to make a mockery of my courtroom. The deadline has passed. Motion to extend denied.
That's a shame. You hate to see it.
R1 Reporter #1
[Joe Potter laughing]
Uh, Dr. Dolittle, will you appeal?
R2 Reporter #2
Is this the end of the line?
R1 Reporter #1
Dr. Dolittle, can you tell us what the weasel said?
[narrating]
And Charisse and the Doc were closer than ever.
Oh, come on. Cheer up, Pepito. You'll get it eventually.
No, I won't. I will never blend in. I have a broken blender.
You will blend in. Trust me. You will blend in.
How? How will Pepito ever blend in? Pepito sucks. [gasps] Look at me! I'm blending in! I'm invisible!
That's right. You're invisible. Great job, honey.
Did you ever doubt me? The blendmaster is back.
I am king of the third world. Hey, can we do the whole house like this? Is very feng shui.
[narrating]
But the best news of all came the following spring.
Boy Bear Cub No, you don't know what you're talking about.
Kids, come on- Hey! Ooh! Over here! Kids! Whoo-hoo! Over here! Okay. Now, it's step, step, turn, kick, step.
Papa, I thought it was step, kick, turn, step, step.
Come on, kids. We open in six weeks.
Oh. [chuckles] I did, honey. We're just playing. Okay, now from the chorus. Five, six, seven, eight...
A All
♪ I will survive I will survive ♪ ♪ For as long as I know how to love ♪ ♪ I know I'll stay alive ♪
♪ I've got all my life to live ♪ ♪ I've got all my love to give ♪ ♪ And I'll survive I will survive ♪ ♪ Hey, yeah ♪♪
[fades]
[narrating]
Meanwhile, the doctor gave Archie and me some lessons of our own.
Can you leave a bit for me? Technically, it is my--
[wolf growls]
Just a thought.
Hey! What's going on here?
I've just been blessed, I feel I need to give back to the hot lady dog.
You don't have to put up with that. Get outta here!
wolf growls]
What's the matter with you two? Don't you know that every female is looking for the strongest male?
But what about personality?
Shut up and listen. The strongest male is called the alpha male. The alpha male wants everybody to know he's the boss male. You have to be him-- the boss of all the males. You have to learn how to walk like the alpha male. Walk the other walk.
And talk the alpha male talk!
Lucky; I'm on the other walk.
It's about power and respect. It's about pure, uncompromised, testosterone-driven male power!
John, didn't I ask you to line the garbage pails?
You try to line them your (using the other word getting censored) self, woman!
I-I'm sorry, honey. I was talking to the animals. I got a little riled up. I was teaching them something.
Stop trying to mess with those animals here and go and get us something to eat.
I'm on my way. Going right now, honey.
Way to go, alpha male. Talk the talk.
Who are you telling to shut up?
I wasn't talking to you. I was talking to the animals. I'm just going to get the other food.
[narrating]
Meanwhile, while the cat's away, the mice will play, and by mice I mean teenagers.
All right, they still closed?
Okay, boys, this is it. Remember what the Doc said. If this punk tries anything fresh, we let him have it. Capisce?
I got wings, legs, tacos, whatever.
Taco? Did somebody say taco?
No, no, blend in, blend in. You're gonna blow our cover.
Charisse, there's something I been meaning to do since we got out here.
He French-kissed me! Blecch! Blah! Blah!
Now, that worked out nicely. The other drinks are on me, Jenny.
[narrating]
So much for a family vacation. But Doc figured, how hard could this be? That was before he met Archie.
♪♪ [Rock]
E Emce
Ladies and gentlemen, he's the bear with flair, the walking rug with an adorable mug-Archie the bear!
[motorcycle engine revs]
♪ Get your motor running ♪ ♪ Head out on the highway ♪ They love me. Go.
[revving continues]
♪ Born to be wi-i-i-ild ♪
[crash]
Ow! Gee! ♪ And that's the show ♪♪ Whew! Big-boned gal, huh?
Oh. [chuckles] Yeah, I guess so.
Got any action shots? You know what I'm talking about.
No, I don't, but listen, you'd be lucky to wind up with somebody like her.
Look, I have had so many girlfriends, you know-- [chuckles] Okay, look, I've never had a girlfriend. just bring her by on Monday. That's when I'm dark. Okay?
I can't bring her here. You have to go to her.
Whoa, whoa. Go to her? Where?
Ooh, uh, I don't play forests. I'm strictly a state fair, small arena-type bear.
Archie, Do you know what kind of bear you are?
Um, let's see. Yes. I'm a singer. Dancer-- three years tap, two years jazz.
No, Archie, you're an endangered species.
Is that a threat, buddy? Because my lawyer will be down here--
No, I'm not threatening you. You're a very rare bear. You're a Pacific Western bear. You know what that is?
Yes, I know what-- I can play any kind of bear. I've got range. Grizzly, panda. Here, check out my polar. I am freezing! It is cold!
I haven't made it clear. Let me break it down to you. Your ancestors come from the mountains of California.
When you were six months old, they took you from your mother and taught you to wiggle your hips to a recording of "Hound Dog."
No, no, I taught myself that. I admit I pander, 'cause I'm a pander bear! Get it? Ha ha ha! Pander!
Yeah, that's funny stuff, Archie. But listen, what I'm proposing to you is, I'd like to take you back to where your ancestors roamed, get you out in the woods and teach you to be a real bear.
Look, I like the bear I am. Okay? I'm famous! Have you been to the gift shop? I have my own beanie baby.
You do this, you'll be the most famous bear in all the world.
Are you kidding me? You pull this off, they'll be saying, "Winnie the who?"
You've got yourself a bear.
[narrating]
So we all moved to the forest and waited for Archie to arrive. While the family settled, it was time I started looking out for number one.
[chuckles]
Huh? ♪ Doo-do-do-do-doo ♪ This looks like as good a place as any. Ah, the simple pleasures of life. Holy lord! That wolf is a fox! I hope I don't have dog breath, you know, from licking my own-- Never mind. Oh, you like that, huh? Yeah, that was me. [chuckles] Plenty more where that came from.
"Grr" to you too. What is that, some kind of secret wild lady dog code for "You like me"? Yeah, I do some dancing. Here's a little move I call the back-scratcher. Pretty cool, huh? H-Hey, hot lady, wait. Where you going? Call me!
[narrating]
And so, the big day finally came, and I had a feeling the fur was gonna fly.
Okay, everybody, you all know why we're here. We're about to try to do something that's never been done before. Everyone thinks we can't pull this off, and they got their blades sharpened and their trucks ready to roll. But we're gonna prove 'em wrong, right? That's right. Now I want everybody to put their claws together. How about a big round of applause for the bear that's gonna lead the way? Let's hear it for Archie!
[animal murmuring]
Yeah! Come on!
Are you ready to save the forest? ♪ Put your paws up Put your paws up, come on, now ♪
Is this some kind of joke?
Hey, I wanna go serious on ya for a second. I know I've got my work cut out for me, but with your help I know one thing... [whispers] Now. Go.
♪♪ [piano intro]
♪♪ [up-tempo disco]
[off-key]
♪ I will survive ♪ ♪ Yes, I will survive ♪ ♪ As long as I know how to love I know I'll stay alive ♪ ♪ Yes, I will survive ♪ ♪ As long as I know how to love I know I'll stay alive ♪♪ Everybody!
♪♪ [Archie humming]
Deer We're dead.
FA Forest Animal
This show's over.
R Rabbit
Let's go fool around.
You got your work cut out for you, Doc.
♪♪ [fades]
[narrating]
So, Doc, the raccoon and the possum took a road trip to meet this mysterious beaver.
Hey, Doc, nice wheels. What do you call this thing?
[Baby car seat]
Yo, Doc, is there a car named after me?
No, I don't think they make a Possum.
Not a lot of cars named after rodents.
I wanna go over a couple ground rules for when you're in the beaver's presence. Number one: No sudden movements. Number two: Do not stare at his teeth. Between you and me, he's got a little bit of an overbite. I personally think he needs braces, but I'm not a dentist. Numbers three through ten: You will treat him with the respect he deserves. Capisce?
We're talking about a beaver, right?
Hey, Tootie, how you doing?
A Animal
Hey, Doctor, how are you?
Back away from him, Jimmy. Show some respect, you animals.
O Owl
Look, the raccoon got the doctor.
B Bird
He says he's a miracle worker.
Paulie, get the boss ready.
P Paulie
I'm doing everything like you say, Joey. I'm just, I'm gonna go get some acorns.
[narrating]
Yeah, it seemed everybody wanted a piece of the good doctor. And his family understood. Well, most of them did. But we'll get to that part in a minute.
[narrating]
Right now I gotta answer the door.
[muttering]
Yeah? Who's there?
It's me. I forgot my key. Open up.
Then I guess you'll have to beg. Come on, boy! Beg! Get it? Role reversal. 'Cause usually it's the human t-that says to the dog, uh-
I know you'd better open up the door before I... Just open the door, Lucky.
Seeing as you're the one who feeds me, I'm gonna let you in.
Okay, thank you. Thank you.
[narrating]
Yep, there was love in the air.
Be the man. Be the man. Be... the... man. Hey. Now, you listen to me. Yeah, that's right. You're in my house now.
Yeah, my house. Also my house. All of these are my houses right there. Hey, you're a lucky girl, you know that? Yeah. You're the lucky one, not me. You. [chuckles] Hey. You want to go out with me tonight? Would that be good?
White Wolf Hey, wait a minute. What do you think you're doing?
Who-Who-Who, me? No. I'm not doing anything. I'm just, you know, assuming the position.
White Wolf Hey. You marked my tree.
Oh, no. I would never do that. I would never mark-- mark your tree. I don't even know what those words mean. I drank the water. I'll tell you something about water. It goes right through me.
White Wolf Come on. It smells like lemonade.
Oh. Yeah. Oh, I see your point. Yeah, yours is... very, very strong. It's like-like ammonia. I'm actually feeling dizzy, to tell you the truth.
White Wolf Come on. Let's beat it. We're leaving.
Two of you are going, huh? Have fun. Two of oyu are going, huh? Have fun. Have fun. You make a very handsome couple. [chuckles] God, I hate myself.
Careful, Doc, she's 16. That's a tough age.
Hey! Charisse, open this door! Can you believe this? Hey!
I'm not calling on the cell phone while she's in her bedroom.
[rattling doorknob]
Hey! Charisse. Open the door! Okay. All right! Okay! Okay! [growling] Charisse! Charisse!
[slurping, hiccuping] [chuckles]
Those teenagers, Doc. They can drive a man to drink.
Hey, what are you drinking?
Oh, really? Give it to me. [takes water pouch and smells drink]
Gatorade make wine now, huh?
Which one of you is Dolittle?
I have a message from the boss.
The boss, the guard beaver. Save the questions and come with me.
You guys know the rules. You just don't come up here on my balcony. Make an appointment. You make an appointment Now, go. You tell the beaver make an appointment just like everybody else.
I can't tell him that. I'll end up sleeping with the fishes.
How's it gonna look in the paper when Dolittle throws a possum off the roof? That's not gonna look right. Now, leave, 'cause I will.
This is Daddy. How are you?
I got a couple of questions for you. I wanna know how come I gotta climb up the side of a building and get on a cell phone to talk to you!
Calm down. Where are you?
[muffled]
I'm outside of the building, right here!
Dad! Dad, what are you doing?
What am I doing? It's the only way I can reach you! What are you doing in here? What's all of that about? You don't do that in public, do you?
That's not dancing. That's advertising. What's this about you don't want to spend your birthday with your family?
Having dinner with your family is something you do when you're young, not when you're turning 16. Besides, I have a date.
You can bring your date 'cause you're coming to dinner.
Cool! Eric, these are my parents and my little sister. They're joining us on our date.
No, he's gonna be joining us at a family event. We have it every year. I don't even know why-- [finds Charisse's report card] What's this?
I can see why it's private. it's embarrassing. You got two C's and a D.
Embarrassing? [chuckles] Dad, you are the last person who should talk about anything being embarrassing.
What are you talking about? What's that supposed to mean?
[Drunk Monkey screeches, hiccups]
I'm supposed to stop helping the animals because you find it embarrassing?
That's right. It's not gonna happen. So forget about it. You're coming to dinner. Look at this. No cell phone for a week.
What am I supposed to do without my cell phone?
Here's some stamps. Learn how to write a letter. You think I care? Do I look like I care? Look at me. No, Charisse.
Look at me. Do I look like I care? Look. I don't care.
Eugene Okay, folks, let's move it back now. We got a wild animal, coming through. Wild animal, coming through. I know you've all seen the show When Animals Attack. Have you seen When Animals Wake Up and Attack? Now, there's nothing more dangerous... than a half-sedated, half-unsedated bear. They have big, sharp teeth and claws-
Excuse me. I'm Dr. Dolittle. What happened in here?
Eugene Well, he broke down the back door, and we found him ransacking the kitchen.
Eugene I'm sorry, Dr. Dolittle. I was rooting for you. All right, let's move it out! Show's over! Let's go!
Hey, Archie, it's me. What happened?
[groggy]
Hey. I was so close, Doc. They came out of nowhere. And I... Are you ready to save the forest? [mumbles]
The good news is, we're setting aside ten acres of forest. We're calling it the Dr. Dolittle Wildlife Sanctuary. We're very pleased about that. Ah, speak of the devil.
M Man
Can we ask you a few questions?
You think you won this thing, but you haven't.
Fine. We'll just level your forest and call it a tie. Thanks very much, folks. That's it for today. Thank you.
[Reporters shouting questions]
