Jacob Vargas movie quotes

View Quote [John snoring, snoring continues]
Pepito: Psst. Hey, Doc. Homey is on the move. His hormones are raging.
[John continues snoring]
Pepito: There he goes!
John: Hold it.
Eric: [groans] I was only going to the bathroom. [groans]
John: You can hold it. I know that trick.

View Quote Maya: Say, "Maya."
Lucky: Maya.
Maya: Maya.
Lucky: Maya.
Charisse: What do you think you're doing?
Maya: I think he's about to say something.
Lucky: Bring me a bone.
Pepito: And a large order of flies. Super-sized.
Lucky: You will bring me ham, luncheon meats, cold cuts.
Charisse: Lucky, out.
John: Hey. Maya, can I talk to Charisse alone for a second?
Maya: Okay. Come on, boy.
John: [sighs] Charisse, look, I'm sorry about tonight. I'm thinking about cutting back a bit and spending more time with you guys.
Charisse: Great, now more animals will be here.
John: What if we don't stay here? We can go on a big vacation to Europe, the whole family.
Charisse: Are you serious?
John: I'm dead serious. We can go to Paris, Rome, the Greek islands. We always talked about that. What do you think?
Charisse: Is this a bribe?
John: Yes, this is a bribe.
Charisse: It's working.
Joey: Yo, Doc, one thing...
John: Tomorrow!
Charisse: What?
John: Tomorrow.
Charisse: Tomorr...
John: Yeah. European vacation. Tomorrow-Tomorrow! We're going to Europe tomorrow.

View Quote John: Guess who's back from France!
Lisa: John?
John: Hey!
Lisa: Hey! How you doing?
John: Hi, sweetie. [grunting] I got you a present from Paris.
Lisa: That's for me?
John: Yes, that's for you. That's for us.
Lisa: Oh! [laughs]
John: I can enjoy this present as well.
Lisa: You know what would be a really nice present, though?
John: What's that?
Lisa: If you could keep that flock of your faithful away from the building.
John: I'm sorry. I'll talk to 'em later.
Maya: Daddy!
John: Hey, baby! How you doing? I got you a little present from Mexico.
Maya: Gracias. I wonder what it is.
Pepito: Aah! Earthquake! 9-1-1! Nueve-uno-uno!
John: Oh, no, no. I wouldn't shake it.
Pepito: Ow! My spleen! Ooh, that hurt.
Maya: Oh, he's so cute. Thanks, Dad.
Pepito: Hey, this isn't Puerto Vallarta.
John: It's a chameleon. It can change color against different backgrounds.
Pepito: The blendmaster is in the house! I gonna disappear! Now you see me- Poof! Now you don't, eh?
John: No, we can still see you.
Pepito: I'm not gone? I'm not invisible?
Lisa: You did remember Charisse's birthday?
John: I sure did. You remember to get the cake from Stinson's?
Pepito: How about now?
Lisa: Uh, actually, Charisse doesn't want to have a family birthday party.
John: What's that about? I thought we always celebrate together.
Pepito: You have anything green?
John: Take this thing to your room.
Pepito: Guacamole? A big pickle?
Lisa: She's got a date.
Pepito: I suck.
John: A date? With who?
Lisa: I didn't ask. She's a big girl now.
John: We'll see about this date thing. Where's the birthday girl at?
John: Uh, she's unreachable. What? Where is she?
Lisa: She's in her room with the door locked and headphones on. You could try paging her.
John: She's in the house and unreachable? I'm supposed to page her in my house. I'm gonna page somebody in my own house? Okay, we'll see if I'm gonna page some-- I ain't paging nothing!

View Quote My mother's story would always begin the same way, with a suicide paving the way for the Devil's arrival. And it would always end with the deaths of all those trapped.

View Quote You're never going to get these people to see themselves as they really are, 'cause it's the lies that we tell ourselves, they introduce us to him.

View Quote When he's near, everything goes wrong. Toast falls jelly-side down, children hit tables, and people get hurt.

View Quote Coach: Tomorrow morning you'll meet your navigator Case. She'll help you navigate the course, reload your weapons, and help with the running of the car.
Jensen Ames: I'd love to talk to her ahead of time before the race.
Gunner: Yeah, I'd like a big-tittied girl to lick peanut butter off my toes, but it ain't gonna happen. This is still a prison, man. She's a chick. They get busted from the women's facility upstate.
Coach: It's all about ratings. Fast cars, pretty women...
Gunner: Machine Gun Joe's the only one that has male navigators, 'cause he's gay.
Lists: A-a-actually it's because he goes through them so fast, and a-a-audience gets squeamish.
Gunner: Yeah he goes through them...through their ass.
Coach: He cuts each kill into his skin as a souvenir, I hear.

View Quote Jensen Ames: So where's the ammo?
Gunner: We get that on race day.
Jensen Ames: Pity.
Coach: Yeah, everyone thinks that, the first time.
Jensen Ames: Thinks what?
Coach: About turning the guns on the guards. About escaping.
Jensen Ames: No, I wasn't thinking that.
Coach: Well I'm glad, because Hennessey's got electric kill switches on all the guns on all the cars. And all the guard towers are fortified, and their guns are bigger than your guns. Oh, did I mention the helicopters and also the fact that we're on an island here a mile from the nearest shoreline? The only way in or out of here is on that one skinny bridge you came in on.

View Quote Lists: Travis Colt. Our local superstar. He used to race for Nascar.
Gunner: Yeah, he was good too.
Lists: 'Until he fell asleep behind the wheel of his Mercedes with the help of a bottle of scotch and a handful of ludes. Wiped out the entire patio of Moscala. Sent a dozen people to the hospital and killed three of them.
Coach: Technically, he's the best driver in here but a mean son of a bitch quitter.