This is unbelievable. She has 50 numbers in here, not one of them is mine.
You shouldn't be looking at that.
Why not? "Biggie Mack, cell. Biggie Mack, pager. Biggie Mack, home." Who the (using the other bad word getting censored) is Biggie Mack?
I'm gonna find out who Biggie Mack is. I don't like that name. What the (using the other bad word getting censored) name is that?
E Eldon
[phone rings]
What is that?
Eldon's Wife: Marcus's cell phone.
E Eldon
Cell phone?
Eldon's Wife: Mm-hmm.
E Eldon
When did he get a cell phone?
Eldon's Wife: Last week.
What are you doing? John!
Shh! I'm checking out Biggie Mack.
E Eldon
Well, who is this?
E Eldon
Who wants to know?
I'm asking the questions here, punk!
E Eldon
None of your (using the other bad word getting censored) business.
What if I make it my business to find out how old you are?
E Eldon
Are you threatening me?
I don't make threats! I'm promising you that if you ever--
E Eldon
Is this John Dolittle?
Hi, I'm sorry. That's a wrong number.
That's a grown man on the other end of that phone.
I wish I could say the same thing about you.
[doorbell ringing]
The door.
Go get that door right now!
Who am I, Mr. French? I got to get doors? Just a minute.
Eric Hey, Dr. D. What's up? It's me.
Me? Who's "me"? Back up, "me."
Eric I'm saying, you gonna let me in? Dr. D. What's going on? Excuse me? Remember me? Eric, Domino's Pizza. Extra cheese, anchovies, guacamole?
You're the pizza guy, yeah.
Eric I delivered that.
Thanks a lot, man. I forget to give you a tip? I'm sorry.
Eric No, no, that's cool. You gave me something a little better than a tip.
I'm gonna take care of you. It's nice to have a little--
Eric What's up, baby? What's going on? You ready?
Hold on. Wait. This is your date?
Eric [chuckling]
My man. What's up?
Uh, Eric? Hmm, no. We have to stay here with the family and eat dinner.
Eric Huh? It's cool with me.
Hey, Charisse, now, don't be like that. You gonna ruin dinner for everybody. Come on now.
Eric You know what, pops? Don't sweat that. I know how to take care of her.
Charisse has always had a mind of her own. When she was about a year and a half, she decided not to wear diapers anymore. Remember that?
She started having accidents around the house 'cause she didn't have it down yet. We'd have little piles--
Dad, you just had to go there, didn't you?
This is family. We're talking the old days.
Eric It's cool. I'm actually learning something here.
Really? You know what's interesting? You never learned to take off your hat at the dinner table. Isn't your head getting hot? Mine's hot just looking at you in that hat.
Sixteen! Just think. In two years you'll be out of this house and on your way to college.
One year, ten months, sixteen days.
You know what? Berkeley's a really close college. You could live at home, save money.
That's a good idea. But I've already reserved a U-Haul for the day I graduated high school.
Oh. You reserved a U-Haul already?
Uh, Dad? Someone to see you.
Thank you, sweetie. Excuse me, darling.
I love you too. Excuse me, Eric.
Hey, hey, yo. Yo, down here. Okay.
First, let me say the beaver sends birthday greetings to your lovely daughter.
Really? That's very nice. Tell the beaver he's starting to get on my nerves.
Why are you getting bent out of shape? He only wants a moment of your time.
I don't think you want to go down that road, my favorite best friend.
[knocks on window]
Go and tell the beaver, 8:00, my office, tomorrow.
Oh, the beaver don't travel for nobody. He knows you're a busy man, and he will remember this, but this is truly a life-or-death situation.
All right, shut up, listen. My car, 7:00 a.m. All right?
Hey, this is good news. The beaver likes good news.
[sighs, inhales, sighs continues]
Perfect night.
[crickets chirping]
Sitting' here, breathing fresh country air, listening to the crickets chirp.
You know what the crickets are saying?
Dad, I don't speak to the animals. You're the one who understands 'em, not me. Little monkeys don't come up to me asking me for a 40-ounce. I don't say, "Can I help you, little animal? Need a shot?" I don't do that. I'm in my room listening to music. You see me talking to the animals?
Hey, Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey, hey! Slow it down a second. I was just gonna tell you that crickets are natures thermometers, that's all. You can tell how cold it is by how fast they chirp.
It seems a little cold out here, doesn't it?
Maybe I need to go get my vest. Yeah.
[distant rhythmic thumping] ♪♪ [hip-hop]
[vehicle approaching] ♪♪[car stereo: hip-hop continues]
Eric [chattering laughing]
Yo, Dr. Dre is still the best. Hey, and get a tuneup, man. Get a tuneup. Yo, what's up, baby?
H-H-Hey! Hey! You left your homey!
Eric What's up, Dr. D?
I don't know, Eric. Maybe you should tell me.
Eric Yo, man, I came to visit. Since y'all love me so much, I was gonna stay a couple days.
No, no. Hell, no. Charisse, I don't understand.
What's not to understand, Dad?
Eric with bags. I don't understand that.
He's staying here for a couple nights. Mama said so.
Oh, okay. Eric, you gonna be on the floor in the living room in a sleeping bag, if you don't have a problem with that. By the way, Eric, I'm watching you. And not just me. I got eyes all around the woods. You know I talk to the birds. Right?
Eric [laughs]
I feel you.
You feel me? Okay. All right. I'm watching... I'm watching you, Eric! I'm watching your back!
TN TV Narrator
Bears are opportunistic eaters, finding food wherever they can.
Can we please see what else is on?
You need to watch this so you can learn... how to feed yourself and survive during the winter.
What is he doing? Digging?
You never even wondered what your sharp claws was for?
N Narrator
Bears are excellent swimmers.
[shudders]
Not this bear.
I know you're not gonna tell me you don't know how to swim.
Wait, you haven't heard? There's a new invention. it's called... the boat!
That's the last straw. Get up at dawn. I'm teaching you how to fish.
[narrating]
And so began the bear-athon, a training mission so "grizzly," so un-bear-able, so hairy-that's enough.
Archie, let's do it. This river's full of fish. Let's go.
Don't look at me, look at the water. That's where the fish are.
They're moving. Oh, man, one just touched me. One just touched me!
Look, you big, furry baby, put your face down right now and grab a fish!
Archie! I want to do just like you saw on TV. Put your face under the water and catch a fish can do it. Come on, man. I'm here with you. Go under the water.
All right, one, two, three...
F1 Fish #1
[Archie inhales deeply]
That's Archie!
WF Wassup Fish
What's up?
[gurgling]
Hey, fellas, what's up?
[gurgling]
Can't breathe!
Hey! Archie. Archie! [grunting, panting]
[Archie burps, groans]
Okay, Archie. You tell me how smart do you have to be to lift your head out of the water when you can't breathe?
I saw a light. It was a bright light. It was beautiful.
Okay, That;s it. We're gonna take you on a little trip right now that's gonna toughen you up. Come on.
We're gonna find something even you can catch. Come on.
They're-I don't eat, uh- I'm good. Thanks. [sniffs] Okay, am I close?
It's going great, honey. I'm not even gonna need three weeks. Honey, look, he's already foraging grapes. Right?
Eric Why's he walking away from 'em?
He's not walking away. He's circling the grapes.
Eric Why? Are they dangerous grapes?
No, no, the grapes aren't dangerous, Eric.
Seriously, where are the grapes?
Don't worry, he's doing great. We're right on schedule.
I'm getting dizzy! Ohh! Oh! Oww! [crashing down stairs] I'm okay! Concrete broke my fall! Definite bruise.
[narrating]
Meanwhile, while the cat's away, the mice will play, and by mice I mean teenagers.
Eric All right, they still closed?
Okay, boys, this is it. Remember what the Doc said. If this punk tries anything fresh, we let him have it. Capisce?
Eric I got wings, legs, tacos, whatever.
Taco? Did somebody say taco?
No, no, blend in, blend in. You're gonna blow our cover.
Eric Charisse, there's something I been meaning to do since we got out here.
Eric This.
Eric Eeeew!
He French-kissed me! Blecch! Blah! Blah!
Now, that worked out nicely. The other drinks are on me, Jenny.
