R Reporter
And in what must be one of the most unusual stories of the year, Dr. John Dolittle is trying to rewrite the laws of nature by attempting to reintroduce a performing bear into the wild. In doing so, he hopes to save an entire forest from destruction. It's Darwin versus Dolittle.
Joe Potter Governor, I've got two lumber mills waiting for that wood.
G Governor
I understand, Joe, but it's complicated. Especially if that endangered bear survives.
Joe Potter I don't meet my quota, Governor, you're the one who's gonna be endangered.
Now, now, J.P., not to worry.
G Governor
That ridiculous bear is bound to screw up at least once.
And when he does, you'll have yourself a new trophy.
Joe Potter And I've got just the place to put him.
Joe Potter Should we, uh, put all our cards on the table?
Joe Potter This bear you brought up here has as much likelihood of making... little bear babies as Riley here. Ain't-a-gonna happen. But, on the other hand, thanks to you, I'm not exactly drowning in favorable publicity. So, here's my offer. I will set aside ten acres, turn it into a sanctuary. You can bring all your little animal buddies there. Plus, you'll be saving face. You won't have to admit you failed. You don't look like a fool.
Look, ten acres is ridiculous.
Joe Potter That's the other offer.
The deadline is Wednesday at 12:00 noon. Let me be clear. At 12:01, we'll be sending in every logger, every piece of logging equipment we've got. For Friday, there won't be a tree standing.
[sighs]
I need to run this by my favorite wife.
Excellent idea. There's a pay phone in the back.
Calling the wife. Always a sign of weakness.
Joe Potter Yeah.
P Pigeon
Hey, Archie. All the animals are working together. You'll be out of here in no time.
Joe Potter It's ridiculous. Animals can't organize.
You may want to take a look at this for yourself then.
MO Man on TV
All over the world, animals have organized. They're striking in Paris, Texas, in Paris, France, in Brooklyn, in Mexico and in Canada.
I'm sure I'm going to regret this in the morning, but maybe you should talk with Dolittle.
Joe Potter And what? Give in to a bunch of beasts and lower life-forms? I took on the Democrats. I can take on a bunch of animals.
M Mouse
[mouse squeaking]
Charge!
Joe Potter Oh, no!
Joe Potter [mouse squeaking] [Jack Riley gasps]
Go on!
Joe Potter Beat it. Ha!
Joe Potter Go on!
Joe Potter Organized.
MP Male Pigeon #1
We have two bogeys, bearing Alpha Tango Niner.
MP Male Pigeon #2
[bird cawing]
We are locked on targets.
Joe Potter Do you hear something?
MP Male Pigeon #1
Commence bombing!
MP Male Pigeon #2
[bird cawing]
Roger that, sir.
MP Male Pigeon #1
Well done, men! I got your wing, man! The party ain't over yet!
Joe Potter Don't make any sudden moves.
MP Male Pigeon #1
[wolf growling, barking] [Joe Potter yelling]
Attack! Back 'em up! Poop's away! Firing number two! Let's return to base and reload.
Sir, you, uh, you-you've locked the, uh-
Joe Potter What?
You've locked the door, sir!
Joe Potter What?
Joe Potter I think you should run. Run!
I'm an attorney. I'm not with him.
B Bee
There he is again! Get the little guy! Banzai!
Joe Potter [Joe Potter chuckling, gasps] [Sonny roars]
No, please! No, no. I'm sure we can work something out. I'm just reaching for my phone. I'm gonna call Dr. Dolittle.
Whoa, whoa. No sudden movements, or I'm gonna bite you in the cannolis
Joe Potter Uh, hello. The number for Dr. John Dolittle, please. Not Stuart Little. Dolittle.
[phone rings]
Dolittle. Oh, Mr. Potter. How are you, sir?
Joe Potter Oh, I could be better. I'm here with a couple of your friends.
I know you can't possibly believe that animals are organizing.
Joe Potter Uh, well, you know, I don't know what to think anymore.
Tell you what. Let's put our cards on the table. I will be more than happy to set up a meeting between you and these animals... so you can work out your problem.
Joe Potter What?
Hey, look. it's the only way you're gonna be able to save face. You won't have to admit you were wrong, and you can get out without looking like an idiot.
Joe Potter Okay, okay. Look, anything. Just-Just call them off.
Okay. All right, listen, put the raccoon on the phone.
Joe Potter He wants to speak to you. Make it short.
[clears throat]
Hello. Yeah. No, no. I got it under control. Hey, we'll call youse back.
All right. First off, let me say that I'm here only as a mediator. And these negotiations will be between Mr. Potter... and the representatives of the United Animals of the Forest, local 534.
Yeah. Let's come to order.
Joe Potter This is my new proposal.
What's the stipulations, Doc? What kind of territory are we looking at?
It's only, uh, 12 acres here. It's 12 acres.
I got your 12 acres right here, pal.
Joe Potter Hey, they like it.
I'll give you something you like. Like this. [urinating]
I think that's a "no." Or "hell no," maybe.
[narrating]
Meanwhile, the strike kept growing. Even the pros were getting in on the act.
MO Man on P.A.
The last few runners left to load now for one of the biggest spectacles of the year: It's Derby time. Last horse is in. Gate's closed. And away they go!
H Horses
Hell, no! We won't go! Hell, no! We won't go! Hell, no! We won't go!
HJ Horse Jockey
Run your own stupid race!
H Horse
You try running a mile. Don't even think about reaching for that whip, shorty.
ST Shamu Trainer
Ladies and gentlemen, Shamu!
ST Shamu Trainer
[audience cheering, applause]
This is Shamu!
S Shamu
[audience muttering]
Nah. I don't feel like jumping through any hoops today. Any of you guys?
KW Killer Whale #1
Uh-uh.
KW Killer Whale #2
No, no. Not today. I just ate. Uh-uh.
Mr. Potter, I hope we have a deal now.
Yeah! Good job. Taught him everything he knows.
Vive le bear! Vive le Archie! Vive le docteur! [hiccups]
Come on, give me a bear hug. Come on!
Oh, no. Absolutely not, Archie.
You're not leaving here until you get a bear hug.
All right, give me a hug then. just a little one.
Okay. All right. That's good. Archie-- [gagging] Archie! Archie, you're crushing my spine. [gasping] Archie!
