Jeffrey Jones movie quotes

View Quote Les jeux sont faits. Translation: the game is up. Your ass is mine. [said to a girl who looks like Ferris from behind at the pizza place]

View Quote I did not achieve this position in life by having some snot-nosed punk leave my cheese out in the wind.

View Quote Something's going on, god damn it!

View Quote Criswell: Greeting my friends, we are all interested in the future because that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives. [narrating for Plan 9 from Outer Space]

View Quote Criswell: And remember, my friends, future events such as these will affect you in the future! [narrating for Plan 9 from Outer Space]

View Quote Criswell: And who may you be?
Ed Wood: Edward D. Wood, Junior.
Criswell: Ah — the director of "Glen or Glenda".
Ed: How'd you know?
Criswell: I am Criswell. I know all.

View Quote Reporter: And in what must be one of the most unusual stories of the year, Dr. John Dolittle is trying to rewrite the laws of nature by attempting to reintroduce a performing bear into the wild. In doing so, he hopes to save an entire forest from destruction. It's Darwin versus Dolittle.
Jack Riley: Oh, get over yourself.
Joe Potter: Governor, I've got two lumber mills waiting for that wood.
Governor: I understand, Joe, but it's complicated. Especially if that endangered bear survives.
Joe Potter: I don't meet my quota, Governor, you're the one who's gonna be endangered.
Jack Riley: Now, now, J.P., not to worry.
Governor: That ridiculous bear is bound to screw up at least once.
Jack Riley: And when he does, you'll have yourself a new trophy.
Joe Potter: And I've got just the place to put him.

View Quote Joe Potter: Should we, uh, put all our cards on the table?
Jack Riley: Of course.
Joe Potter: This bear you brought up here has as much likelihood of making... little bear babies as Riley here. Ain't-a-gonna happen. But, on the other hand, thanks to you, I'm not exactly drowning in favorable publicity. So, here's my offer. I will set aside ten acres, turn it into a sanctuary. You can bring all your little animal buddies there. Plus, you'll be saving face. You won't have to admit you failed. You don't look like a fool.
John: Look, ten acres is ridiculous.
Joe Potter: That's the other offer.
Jack Riley: The deadline is Wednesday at 12:00 noon. Let me be clear. At 12:01, we'll be sending in every logger, every piece of logging equipment we've got. For Friday, there won't be a tree standing.
John: [sighs] I need to run this by my favorite wife.
Jack Riley: Excellent idea. There's a pay phone in the back.
John: Excuse me.
Jack Riley: Calling the wife. Always a sign of weakness.
Joe Potter: Yeah.

View Quote ♪♪ [Blues]
Pigeon: Hey, Archie. All the animals are working together. You'll be out of here in no time.
Joe Potter: It's ridiculous. Animals can't organize.
Jack Riley: You may want to take a look at this for yourself then.
Man on TV: All over the world, animals have organized. They're striking in Paris, Texas, in Paris, France, in Brooklyn, in Mexico and in Canada.
Jack Riley: I'm sure I'm going to regret this in the morning, but maybe you should talk with Dolittle.
Joe Potter: And what? Give in to a bunch of beasts and lower life-forms? I took on the Democrats. I can take on a bunch of animals.
[mouse squeaking]
Mouse: Charge!
Joe Potter: Oh, no!
[mouse squeaking]
[Jack Riley gasps]
Joe Potter: Go on!
Mouse: Look out!
Mouse: Watch it!
Joe Potter: Beat it. Ha!
Mouse: Retreat!
Joe Potter: Go on!
Mouse: Medic!
Joe Potter: Organized.
Male Pigeon #1: We have two bogeys, bearing Alpha Tango Niner.
[bird cawing]
Male Pigeon #2: We are locked on targets.
Joe Potter: Do you hear something?
Male Pigeon #1: Commence bombing!
[bird cawing]
Male Pigeon #2: Roger that, sir.
Male Pigeon #1: Well done, men! I got your wing, man! The party ain't over yet!
[wolf growling]
Jack Riley: Sir?
Joe Potter: Don't make any sudden moves.
Jack Riley: Gotcha.
[wolf growling, barking]
[Joe Potter yelling]
Male Pigeon #1: Attack! Back 'em up! Poop's away! Firing number two! Let's return to base and reload.
Jack Riley: Sir, you, uh, you-you've locked the, uh-
Joe Potter: What?
Jack Riley: You've locked the door, sir!
Joe Potter: What?
Jack Riley: You might want to-- Sir!
Joe Potter: I think you should run. Run!
Jack Riley: I'm an attorney. I'm not with him.
Bee: There he is again! Get the little guy! Banzai!
Jack Riley: Not the face!
[Joe Potter chuckling, gasps]
[Sonny roars]
Joe Potter: No, please! No, no. I'm sure we can work something out. I'm just reaching for my phone. I'm gonna call Dr. Dolittle.
Joey: Whoa, whoa. No sudden movements, or I'm gonna bite you in the cannolis
Joe Potter: Uh, hello. The number for Dr. John Dolittle, please. Not Stuart Little. Dolittle.
[phone rings]
John: Dolittle. Oh, Mr. Potter. How are you, sir?
Joe Potter: Oh, I could be better. I'm here with a couple of your friends.
John: I know you can't possibly believe that animals are organizing.
Joe Potter: Uh, well, you know, I don't know what to think anymore.
John: Tell you what. Let's put our cards on the table. I will be more than happy to set up a meeting between you and these animals... so you can work out your problem.
Joe Potter: What?
John: Hey, look. it's the only way you're gonna be able to save face. You won't have to admit you were wrong, and you can get out without looking like an idiot.
Joe Potter: Okay, okay. Look, anything. Just-Just call them off.
John: Okay. All right, listen, put the raccoon on the phone.
Joe Potter: He wants to speak to you. Make it short.
Joey: [clears throat] Hello. Yeah. No, no. I got it under control. Hey, we'll call youse back.

View Quote [on the Star Trek-like show] Greetings, Captain Roy. Our remotes are synchronized. So wherever you go, I go. Enjoy the attack.

View Quote [about TV hell] Screw up in here, and you're dead meat.

View Quote Executioner: [announcing the execution] By order of the court...
Crowley: Looks like Spike's gonna make his quota after all. I'm sorry, Mrs. Knable.
Executioner: I deliver the soul of the Marquis de Knable to it's rightful owner!
Spike: [back at HQ] Finally, he's mine!

View Quote Eleanor: [chuckles] Oh, hello!
Aunt Tina: Hello, we're here.
Eleanor: Oh, Crenshaw!
Aunt Beatrice: Hi, auntie.
Frederick: Crenshaw!
Uncle Crenshaw: Frederick!
Frederick: Little high, Little low!
Littles: Little hey, Little ho!
Aunt Beatrice: We come bearing gifts for young Stuart.
Cousin Edgar: Yes, where is my new nephew?
Uncle Crenshaw: The Little family's getting bigger and bigger.
Stuart: Boy.
Littles: [chattering]
Stuart: That's a lot of Littles.
George: Uncle Crenshaw!
Uncle Crenshaw: Ah! Oh! Ah! [chuckles] There's my favorite little nephew.
Uncle Stretch: Oh, you can't say that anymore, Crenshaw.
Aunt Tina: That's right. Now we have two favorite little nephews.
Cousin Edgar: That's right. Where is the lad?
Uncle Stretch: He has a lot of gifts to open.
George: Are any of those for me?
Littles: [groaning]
Frederick: Attention, everybody. We'd like to introduce you to someone.
Eleanor: This is Stuart.
Stuart: Hello, everyone.
Uncle Stretch: He's a, a...
Aunt Beatrice: ...dorable!
Aunt Tina: Adorable!
Uncle Stretch: Yeah, that's right. I couldn't think of the word.
Eleanor: Oh, Stuart, look!
Frederick: Look at that! This is a real Schmelling.
Stuart: Those are the best kind.
Uncle Crenshaw: You know what they say: "If it ain't Schmelling"...
Littles: "It ain't bowling".
Uncle Stretch: Look here, Stuart. Climb on up here, son. Plant your caboose right up here.
Aunt Beatrice: He may have to grow into it.
Aunt Tina: I think he's grown a little since we've been here.
Grandma Estelle: That's what happened to me. One summer, I just shot right up.
Stuart: May I say something? In the orphanage, we used to tell fairy tales of finding our families and having a party like this. A party with cakes and presents and all varieties of meat loaf. A party with a big family who came from far away just to wish us well. I don't know much about families, but this must be the nicest family in the world. So I just wanted to thank each of you. Because now I know, fairy tales are real.
Snowbell: Fairy tales are real? Oy, I think I'm gonna cough up a furball.
Uncle Crenshaw: And now, it's time for the best present of all. It's something for you and George.
Frederick: George. Stand next to Stuart.
Uncle Crenshaw: This is something that gave your father and me hours of enjoyment when we were young brothers just like you and Stuart. This ball belonged to your great-great-grandfather, Jedediah Little. [He gives an old brown baseball to George.] Remember, Frederick, those long summer days playing catch?
Frederick: Yeah.
Cousin Edgar: George, why don't you take your brother outside and toss around the old horsehide?
Uncle Crenshaw: Yeah, what do you say, George? You ready?
George: [thinking that everyone lost his mind] Are you all nuts? Bicycles and bowling balls? How's he gonna toss a baseball? How's he gonna do any of those things? He's not my brother, he's a mouse.
Uncle Stretch: Time to go.
Aunt Beatrice: Excellent idea.

View Quote George and Stuart: Little high, Little low!
Littles: Little hey, Little ho!
Eleanor: Frederick, look at them.
Uncle Crenshaw: You know what? This calls for a picture.
Frederick: What's wrong?
Uncle Stretch: Well, It's just... you four look great together.
Stuart: This is the happiest moment of my life. I feel 10 inches tall.
Frederick: I'll get that.
Reginald: Mr. Little.
Frederick: Yes?
Reginald: Down here. Very sorry to disturb you at your lovely abode.
Camille: I hope we're not intruding.
Reginald: My name's Reginald Stout. This is my wife, Camille.
Camille: An extreme pleasure.
Reginald: We're looking for Stuart.
Frederick: Are you friends of his?
Reginald: Well, not exactly.
Eleanor: Fellow yachtsmen?
Reginald: Guess again.
Camille: Reggie, just tell them.
Reginald: We're his parents.
Camille: Reggie, stop it! It's so good to see you again, Stuart. There's so much we have to catch up on.
Stuart: Why didn't you want me?
Reginald: Stuart, it shames me to say this, but you weren't born into a prosperous home.
Camille: That's right. We couldn't feed you, dear.
George: Couldn't feed him? How much could he eat?
Frederick: George, please.
Camille: Letting you go was the toughest choice we ever made.
Stuart: It was?
Camille: Yes. But now we can be a family again.
Reginald: Absolutely. Are these salted?
Eleanor: Dear. The children.
Frederick: Uh, yeah. George, Stuart, I think we need to talk to the Stouts alone.
George: Don't worry. Mom and Dad will take care of it.
Eleanor: Mr. and Mrs. Stout, I'm afraid there's been a mistake.
Frederick: Right.
Eleanor: Stuart can't leave with you. He's...
Frederick: One of the family.
Eleanor: Exactly.
Reginald: You may feel like he's family, but he'll never really be family.
Camille: You may not realize it, but I'm sure he does.
Reginald: There's something you'll never be able to give him, because you're human. No offence!
Camille: It's a place that you'll never be able to fill.
Eleanor: An empty space.
Stuart: Mom... Dad, you want me to leave?
Frederick: No.
Eleanor: Oh, dear, we just want what's best for you.
George: But Stuart lives here.
Frederick: George, come on. This is hard for all of us.
George: This stinks!
Stuart: I don't understand. I thought I was in a fairy tale.
Reginald: Fairy tales are made-up stories, Stuart. This is real. This is about where you belong.
Camille: Please come home, Stuart. Your real home.
Reginald: You're gonna love it, son. We live on a golf course! We look right over the ninth fairway!
Camille: It's beautiful.
Reginald: Beautiful.

View Quote Eleanor: George...
Frederick: Well, I think we have to...
Eleanor: Tell him.
Frederick: Yeah.
Grandpa Spencer: I put 'em back right here.
Aunt Tina: 627 Fifth Avenue. I need three cabs.
George: Who has the glue?
Uncle Crenshaw: I'm the glue man.
Aunt Beatrice: Here's 5000 more.
Frederick: What's going on?
Aunt Beatrice: We're making posters.
Uncle Stretch: We're gonna put 'em up all over the city.
Cousin Edgar: That's right. They describe Stuart and offer a reward when we find him.
Uncle Crenshaw: Isn't it wonderful? It was all George's idea.
Frederick: George.
George: Never stop trying. Right, Dad?
Frederick: Listen, I'm afraid this isn't gonna work.
George: Why not?
Eleanor: Frederick.
Frederick: Because there's no picture. We need a picture of Stuart.
Eleanor: The family photo.