Ed Rooney I did not achieve this position in life by having some snot-nosed punk leave my cheese out in the wind.
3rd most-quoted character in Ferris Bueller's Day Off (1986): in 14 of its 88 quotes
Most scenes with: Ferris Bueller (3), Grace (3), Sloane Peterson (2)
Les jeux sont faits. Translation: the game is up. Your ass is mine. [said to a girl who looks like Ferris from behind at the pizza place]
More lines from Ed Rooney
6 quotes Ed Rooney Ed Rooney [watching Sloane French kiss Ferris, who is posing as Sloane's father]
So that's how it is in their family.
Ed Rooney Poochie, poochie, poochie! *whistles* Look what Uncle Ed's got for you, you little ****er!
Ed Rooney [to Ferris]
How would you feel about another year of high school? Under my close personal supervision.
Ed Rooney Grace. Grace!
Ed Rooney Something's going on, god damn it!
Scenes with Ed Rooney
7 scenes Ed Rooney I don't trust this kid any further than I can throw him.
Well, with your bad knee Ed, you shouldn't throw anybody... Its true.
Ed Rooney What is so dangerous about a character like Ferris Bueller is he gives good kids bad ideas. Last thing I need at this point in my career is fifteen hundred Ferris Bueller disciples running around these halls. He jeopardizes my ability to effectively govern this student body.
He makes you look like an ass, is what he does, Ed.
Ed Rooney Thank you Grace, but I think you're wrong.
Oh, he's very popular, Ed. The sportos, the motorheads, geeks, sluts, bloods, wasteoids, dweebies, dickheads — they all adore him. They all think he's a righteous dude.
Ed Rooney That is why I need to show these kids that the example he sets is a first-class-ticket-to-nowhere!
Oh, Ed. You sounded like Dirty Harry just then.
Ed Rooney Really? Thanks, Grace.
Ed Rooney Are you also aware, Mrs. Bueller, that Ferris does not have what we consider to be an exemplary attendance record?
Katie Bueller
I don't understand.
Ed Rooney He has missed an unacceptable number of school days. In the opinion of this educator, Ferris is not taking his academic growth seriously. Now I've spent my morning examining his records. If Ferris thinks that he can just coast through this month and still graduate, he is sorely mistaken. I have no reservations whatsoever about holding him back another year.
Katie Bueller
This is all news to me.
Ed Rooney It usually is. So far this semester he has been absent nine times.
Katie Bueller
Nine times?
Ed Rooney Nine times.
Katie Bueller
I don't remember him being sick nine times.
Ed Rooney That's probably because he wasn't sick. He was skipping school. Wake up and smell the coffee, Mrs. Bueller. It's a fool's paradise. He is just leading you down the primrose path.
Katie Bueller
I can't believe it.
Ed Rooney I've got it right here in front of me. He has missed nine days...
[His computer screen begins counting down from nine to two. Ferris is at home looking at the same screen]
I asked for a car, I got a computer. How's that for being born under a bad sign?
Ed Rooney [talking to Cameron on the phone (who is posing as Sloane's father), thinking it is Ferris]
Tell you what dipshit, if you don't like my policies, you can come down here and smooch my big ol' white butt.
Ed!
Ed Rooney Pucker up, buttercup. [to Grace] What?
Ferris Bueller's on line two.
Ed Rooney Between grief and nothing... I'll take grief.
Great.
Do you have a kiss for Daddy?
Are you kidding? [kisses him]
Ed Rooney [watching them, believing Ferris to be Sloane's father]
Hmm. So, that's how it is in their family.
Ed Rooney [a baseball game is on TV]
What's the score?
Pizza Joint Owner
Nothin' nothin'.
Ed Rooney Who's winning?
Pizza Joint Owner
The Bears.
Rooney [After hearing Sloane's grandmother has passed away]
Dead grandmother?
Yes, that's what Mr. Peterson said. I had Florence Sparrow notify Sloane, poor little lamb.
Rooney [Growing skeptical]
Who's this girl going out with?
Oh it's so hard to tell these days. I do see her with Ferris Bueller quite a little bit.
Rooney Would you get me Mr. Peterson's daytime number, please?
Sure. [picks up ringing phone] Ed Rooney's office.
Oh! Uh, please hold. [to Rooney] What do ya know? It's Mr. Peterson. You still want his daytime number? [realizing, as Rooney shoots her a dirty look] Oh.
Rooney [on the phone]
Ed Rooney.
Ed. This is George Peterson.
Rooney How are you today, sir?
Well, we've had a bit of bad luck this morning as you may have heard.
Rooney [feigning concern]
Yeah, I heard, and, ooh, I'm all broken up. Boy, what a blow.
Yeah. Yeah. Well, uh, it's been a tough morning, and, uh, we got a lot of family business to take care of, so if you wouldn't mind excusing Sloane, I'd appreciate it.
Rooney Uh, sure. Y'know, I'd be happy to. Yeah. You, uh, you-you just produce a corpse, and, uh, I'll release Sloane. I wanna see this dead grandmother first hand.
Rooney [covering the phone; thinking he's talking to Ferris Bueller]
It's alright, Grace, it's Ferris Bueller, the little twerp. I'm gonna set a trap, and let him fall right into it.
Ooh!
Uh, uh, Ed, I-I'm sorry, did-- Did you say you wanted to see a body?
Rooney Yeah, that's right, just, uh, roll her old bones on over here, and I'll dig up your daughter. You know, that's school policy.
Oh.
Rooney Uh, was this your mother?
Uh, n-no, my wife's mother.
Hi, this is Ferris Bueller. Can I speak to Mr. Rooney, please? Thank you.
Rooney Tell ya what, dipshit. You don't like my policies, you can come on down here and smooch my big ol' white butt.
Rooney Pucker up, Buttercup. [to Grace; quietly] What?
Ferris Bueller's on Line 2.
[Mr. Rooney freezes, turning to the phone in horror] [Over the phone]
Hiya, Mr. Rooney, how ya doin? Listen, I'm sorry to disturb you at work but I'm not feeling very well today and I was wondering if it might be possible for my sister to bring home any assignments from my classes that I might need. Have a nice day. [Hangs up]
