I don't trust this kid any further than I can throw him.
Grace Well, with your bad knee Ed, you shouldn't throw anybody... Its true.
What is so dangerous about a character like Ferris Bueller is he gives good kids bad ideas. Last thing I need at this point in my career is fifteen hundred Ferris Bueller disciples running around these halls. He jeopardizes my ability to effectively govern this student body.
Grace He makes you look like an ass, is what he does, Ed.
Thank you Grace, but I think you're wrong.
Grace Oh, he's very popular, Ed. The sportos, the motorheads, geeks, sluts, bloods, wasteoids, dweebies, dickheads — they all adore him. They all think he's a righteous dude.
That is why I need to show these kids that the example he sets is a first-class-ticket-to-nowhere!
Grace Oh, Ed. You sounded like Dirty Harry just then.
[After hearing Sloane's grandmother has passed away]
Dead grandmother?
Grace Yes, that's what Mr. Peterson said. I had Florence Sparrow notify Sloane, poor little lamb.
[Growing skeptical]
Who's this girl going out with?
Grace Oh it's so hard to tell these days. I do see her with Ferris Bueller quite a little bit.
Would you get me Mr. Peterson's daytime number, please?
Grace Sure. [picks up ringing phone] Ed Rooney's office.
[disguising his voice]
This is George Peterson.
Grace Oh! Uh, please hold. [to Rooney] What do ya know? It's Mr. Peterson. You still want his daytime number? [realizing, as Rooney shoots her a dirty look] Oh.
[on the phone]
Ed Rooney.
Ed. This is George Peterson.
Well, we've had a bit of bad luck this morning as you may have heard.
[feigning concern]
Yeah, I heard, and, ooh, I'm all broken up. Boy, what a blow.
Yeah. Yeah. Well, uh, it's been a tough morning, and, uh, we got a lot of family business to take care of, so if you wouldn't mind excusing Sloane, I'd appreciate it.
Uh, sure. Y'know, I'd be happy to. Yeah. You, uh, you-you just produce a corpse, and, uh, I'll release Sloane. I wanna see this dead grandmother first hand.
Grace [suspiciously]
Ed?
[covering the phone; thinking he's talking to Ferris Bueller]
It's alright, Grace, it's Ferris Bueller, the little twerp. I'm gonna set a trap, and let him fall right into it.
Grace Ooh!
Uh, uh, Ed, I-I'm sorry, did-- Did you say you wanted to see a body?
Yeah, that's right, just, uh, roll her old bones on over here, and I'll dig up your daughter. You know, that's school policy.
Uh, was this your mother?
Uh, n-no, my wife's mother.
Grace [picks up other extension on her phone]
Ed Rooney's office.
Hi, this is Ferris Bueller. Can I speak to Mr. Rooney, please? Thank you.
Grace [caught off-guard]
Uh... hold. [runs over and starts waving frantically to Rooney]
Tell ya what, dipshit. You don't like my policies, you can come on down here and smooch my big ol' white butt.
Grace [loud whisper]
Ed!
Pucker up, Buttercup. [to Grace; quietly] What?
Grace Ferris Bueller's on Line 2.
[Mr. Rooney freezes, turning to the phone in horror] [Over the phone]
Hiya, Mr. Rooney, how ya doin? Listen, I'm sorry to disturb you at work but I'm not feeling very well today and I was wondering if it might be possible for my sister to bring home any assignments from my classes that I might need. Have a nice day. [Hangs up]
