Maya quotes from Dr. Dolittle 2 (2001)

John

Guess who's back from France!

Lisa

John?

John

Hey!

Lisa

Hey! How you doing?

John

Hi, sweetie. [grunting] I got you a present from Paris.

Lisa

That's for me?

John

Yes, that's for you. That's for us.

Lisa

Oh! [laughs]

John

I can enjoy this present as well.

Lisa

You know what would be a really nice present, though?

John

What's that?

Lisa

If you could keep that flock of your faithful away from the building.

John

I'm sorry. I'll talk to 'em later.

Maya

Daddy!

John

Hey, baby! How you doing? I got you a little present from Mexico.

Maya

Gracias. I wonder what it is.

Pepito

Aah! Earthquake! 9-1-1! Nueve-uno-uno!

John

Oh, no, no. I wouldn't shake it.

Pepito

Ow! My spleen! Ooh, that hurt.

Maya

Oh, he's so cute. Thanks, Dad.

Pepito

Hey, this isn't Puerto Vallarta.

John

It's a chameleon. It can change color against different backgrounds.

Pepito

The blendmaster is in the house! I gonna disappear! Now you see me- Poof! Now you don't, eh?

John

No, we can still see you.

Pepito

I'm not gone? I'm not invisible?

Lisa

You did remember Charisse's birthday?

John

I sure did. You remember to get the cake from Stinson's?

Pepito

How about now?

Lisa

Uh, actually, Charisse doesn't want to have a family birthday party.

John

What's that about? I thought we always celebrate together.

Pepito

You have anything green?

John

Take this thing to your room.

Pepito

Guacamole? A big pickle?

Lisa

She's got a date.

Pepito

I suck.

John

A date? With who?

Lisa

I didn't ask. She's a big girl now.

John

We'll see about this date thing. Where's the birthday girl at?

John

Uh, she's unreachable. What? Where is she?

Lisa

She's in her room with the door locked and headphones on. You could try paging her.

John

She's in the house and unreachable? I'm supposed to page her in my house. I'm gonna page somebody in my own house? Okay, we'll see if I'm gonna page some-- I ain't paging nothing!

John

Charisse has always had a mind of her own. When she was about a year and a half, she decided not to wear diapers anymore. Remember that?

Lisa

John.

John

She started having accidents around the house 'cause she didn't have it down yet. We'd have little piles--

Charisse

Dad, you just had to go there, didn't you?

John

This is family. We're talking the old days.

Eric

It's cool. I'm actually learning something here.

John

Really? You know what's interesting? You never learned to take off your hat at the dinner table. Isn't your head getting hot? Mine's hot just looking at you in that hat.

Lisa

Sixteen! Just think. In two years you'll be out of this house and on your way to college.

Charisse

One year, ten months, sixteen days.

John

You know what? Berkeley's a really close college. You could live at home, save money.

Charisse

That's a good idea. But I've already reserved a U-Haul for the day I graduated high school.

John

Oh. You reserved a U-Haul already?

Maya

Uh, Dad? Someone to see you.

Joey

Yo, step outside.

John

Thank you, sweetie. Excuse me, darling.

Charisse

Bye, Dad Love you.

John

I love you too. Excuse me, Eric.

Joey

Hey, hey, yo. Yo, down here. Okay.

John

What do you want?

Joey

First, let me say the beaver sends birthday greetings to your lovely daughter.

John

Really? That's very nice. Tell the beaver he's starting to get on my nerves.

Joey

Why are you getting bent out of shape? He only wants a moment of your time.

John

What if I say no?

Joey

I don't think you want to go down that road, my favorite best friend.

John

Go and tell the beaver, 8:00, my office, tomorrow.

Joey

Oh, the beaver don't travel for nobody. He knows you're a busy man, and he will remember this, but this is truly a life-or-death situation.

John

All right, shut up, listen. My car, 7:00 a.m. All right?

Joey

Hey, this is good news. The beaver likes good news.

John

Thank you.

Joey

Jimmy, get the car.

Maya

Say, "Maya."

Lucky

Maya.

Maya

Maya.

Lucky

Maya.

Charisse

What do you think you're doing?

Maya

I think he's about to say something.

Lucky

Bring me a bone.

Pepito

And a large order of flies. Super-sized.

Lucky

You will bring me ham, luncheon meats, cold cuts.

Charisse

Lucky, out.

John

Hey. Maya, can I talk to Charisse alone for a second?

Maya

Okay. Come on, boy.

John

Charisse, look, I'm sorry about tonight. I'm thinking about cutting back a bit and spending more time with you guys.

Charisse

Great, now more animals will be here.

John

What if we don't stay here? We can go on a big vacation to Europe, the whole family.

Charisse

Are you serious?

John

I'm dead serious. We can go to Paris, Rome, the Greek islands. We always talked about that. What do you think?

Charisse

Is this a bribe?

John

Yes, this is a bribe.

Charisse

It's working.

Joey

Yo, Doc, one thing...

John

Tomorrow!

Charisse

What?

John

Tomorrow.

Charisse

Tomorr...

John

Yeah. European vacation. Tomorrow-Tomorrow! We're going to Europe tomorrow.

John

I know you're disappointed.

Charisse

Disappointed? About not going to Europe? Now, Dad, why would I be disappointed?

John

I made you a promise. I'm gonna stick to it. If you don't want me to do this, I'll understand. Okay?

Charisse

Like I can actually say no and not feel guilty for the rest of my life.

Maya

When do we leave?

John

As soon as we get a court order stopping the clear-cutting.

Lisa

Who's gonna argue the case?

John

Wh-Why you looking around?

Lisa

Me?

John

What, me? Not me. You.

Lisa

No, n-n-n-no.

John

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

Lisa

No, no, John.

John

Yes, yes, yes.

Lisa

No. Don't make me do this.

John

Come on. For the animals. [mock whimpering] Do it for the animals.

Lisa

I don't do animal law.

John

That's species-ism. You're a species-ist. You' re a species-ist!

Lisa

No, Your Honor, we're simply asking for an injunction so that we might have the chance to save a species.

Jack Riley

Your Honor, this is a delaying tactic-slash-publicity stunt. I have affidavits signed by a range of experts who all concur that to take a bear raised in captivity and reintroduce it into the wild is, well, dangerous and irresponsible. Simply put, a bear raised by "circus folk" wouldn't know how to feed itself or interact with real bears, let alone make it through its first winter. No. it would certainly succumb to Darwin's law of nature: survival of the fittest.

Lisa

Actually--

Maya

Yeah, but Darwin never met my dad.

Young lady, that's inappropriate behavior. And just who is your father?

John

Sir-- Your Honor, that's me. I'm her father. Name's Dolittle.

Maya

Dr. Dolittle.

Dr. Dolittle. Do you feel you could rehabilitate a tame bear and mate it in the wild with a female?

John

Yes, I do, Your Honor.

In that case, I'll grant a one-month delay on the harvesting of Campbell's Grove. For one month, Dr. Dolittle. That's it.

John

Thank you, sir.

And, Doctor, if that bear should so much as set one paw in a campsite or this town, I'll rescind this order immediately.
John; I understand completely. Thank you, Your Honor. Thank you.

Lisa

Thank you, Your Honor.

Doctor! Dr. Dolittle! Over here!

Dr. Dolittle! Dr. Dolittle, you speak to both domestic and wild animals. Can a circus bear relate to a forest bear?

John

Well, I don't know much about him except that he's been living in captivity, so I'm sure he'll be really happy to return to the wild.
[Lisa mouths words]

Maya

Can you hear me?

Pepito

Stop staring at me. You're giving me a complex. I'm trying to blend.

Maya

Well, if you can hear me, can you change to the color of this table...

Charisse

What do you think you're doing?

Maya

I think he understands me.

Charisse

Well, if he understood me, I'd tell him how sick I am of all of these stupid animals.

Pepito

Oh, that really hurt. If you could understand me, I'd tell you to do something about your dandruff flakes. It's looking like Christmas in July.

Charisse

I hate this place.

Pepito

So young. So angry. (using the other bad word getting censored) that rap music.

Maya

Daddy?

John

Hey.

Maya

Daddy's back.

Lisa

What is it? What happened?

John

It's Archie.